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  1. #11
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    You must live.. in the Land of Happy Shiny People!

    REM-roll:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCQ0vDAbF7s

    kidding but I think it has a lot to do with how you look, in terms of demeanor... I tend to smile at strangers pretty often, & I don't cage my eyes when walking around so I make eye contact a lot, & then suddenly someone's talking to me for 2 hours in a row...
    I'm probably friendlier in appearance now than I've ever been. I think that's it - I'm giving off stable vibes now.

    I'd rather attract the broken people though then the "Happy Shiny" people (blech! My Fi blanches at those phonies! ).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #12
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    I generally don't like to think of anyone as "broken" or a lost cause, even if they probably are. Since I'm aware that lots of "regular" people probably see me as a weirdo, I try to not be bothered when someone strikes me as 'a bit off'-- unless I start getting vibes that they're possibly a violent serial killer, which can happen.

    & lastly, there are some people who ARE lost causes who I nonetheless genuinely like being around (when I'm energized to do so)...
    Totally relate to this. However, experience IS a good teacher for us NFP's. I've just developed better understanding of my own limits, and have been working on healthy boundaries for a very long time. (These were not present in my home life growing up) Enough experience has helped me better assess types of broken people.. and all brokens are not equal. What I've found.. is that it is not the degree of broken-ness people have.. it is how they chose to channel it. I do not allow myself to get very close to highly manipulative people-readers. IF they are broken AND very capeable of manipulating me, they are out per the self-preservation factor. I still think these people deserve to be worked with, by highly knowledgeable shrinks. If I accept that my path is to heal, my first priority is to keep myself healthy.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  3. #13
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    i feel like most of the guys i've dated/been interested in have at least been fucked up in some way or had some kind of hardship. like i really can't see myself ever being in love with some totally normal well-adjusted guy. i need some kind of neurotic tendency that i can relate to. but i also always pick guys better off then myself, so i'm even weirder than them.

  4. #14
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Totally relate to this. However, experience IS a good teacher for us NFP's. I've just developed better understanding of my own limits, and have been working on healthy boundaries for a very long time. (These were not present in my home life growing up) Enough experience has helped me better assess types of broken people.. and all brokens are not equal. What I've found.. is that it is not the degree of broken-ness people have.. it is how they chose to channel it.
    Yeah, I try to keep in mind that even despite having an unusually warm & affectionate mother, 3 well-adjusted siblings, & no sort of poverty or deprivation growing up, there are still a lot of things I struggle with, so how must it be for people constitutionally similar to me who had fucked-up childhoods, who were abused, neglected, didn't have friends etc?

    In terms of emotional background I'm pretty highly priveleged.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    It is not so much that I am INFP and I attract the broken. It is that I am broken myself, I am messed up so I don't know how to 'work' with another regular, normal person. So I find certain people very attractive and I am able to open myself up to them without myself getting overly paranoid or whatever. Whenever I am truly ready for a long-term commitment, I will be able to find the right guy. But now it seems I find the ones I know will only be temporary. I want to be loved, yet I don't want it to be long-term. I cannot handle the responsibility and the commitment, the kind of vulnerability that I would have to extend on a daily, permanent basis. Not right now. So I end up with broken people, not whole people because I'm not whole myself.

  6. #16
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    It is not so much that I am INFP and I attract the broken. It is that I am broken myself, I am messed up so I don't know how to 'work' with another regular, normal person. So I find certain people very attractive and I am able to open myself up to them without myself getting overly paranoid or whatever.
    I don't think broken is the same as odd or weird though. I think I used to confuse the two.... I know I am something of an odd duck (sometimes I am pleased about that, other times it's a burden), and I am drawn to other offbeat people, but no longer the broken ones. I mean, there are unusual people who have it together emotionally..... You can be a bit awkward or strange & not be unstable.

    Whenever I am truly ready for a long-term commitment, I will be able to find the right guy. But now it seems I find the ones I know will only be temporary. I want to be loved, yet I don't want it to be long-term. I cannot handle the responsibility and the commitment, the kind of vulnerability that I would have to extend on a daily, permanent basis. Not right now. So I end up with broken people, not whole people because I'm not whole myself.
    I did not date much until my mid 20s for that reason (I'm only 27 now). I don't know if it's that I was broken or I expected myself to be at a level of maturity that most don't require before entering a relationship. I think in a way, INFPs are more self-aware of their emotional maturity & so they tend to do stuff later in life than others, but it can be to their benefit in the long run (or maybe that's just wishful thinking). I didn't make that decision consciously either, I just didn't pursue or become open to romantic relationships because it never "felt" right.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #17
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I don't think I really ATTRACTED more broken people than other people do, although I am being less judging to them, so they might still prefer my company to others, but they don't seek to be friends with me or so. But really, I don't like seperating people in "broken" and "cool". Sure, if they annoy me, why would I hang around with them, I won't... but not because I consider them broken.

  8. #18
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I guess one difference is that I no longer feel responsible for the well being of strangers.
    Yeah. It seems that the broken people don't flock to me anymore, and I don't know if I can explain it. It might be that I am less interested in the brokenness. It isn't one of my main concerns anymore to "fix myself", so it is less likely that I find other broken people interesting either. Most of the time I see everyone as broken, and not something that needs to be fixed. In a way, to fix someone is to try to have power over them.

  9. #19
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Broken people attract broken people. Perfectly healthy and non-broken people wouldn't be attracted to broken people, at least not in a romantic way.

    Being attracted to broken people and then no longer being attracted to them is a sign of repair - moving away from brokenness and towards wholeness.

    Oddballs being attracted to oddballs (e.g., INxx with INxx, LOL - and let's throw ENxP's in there for good measure) - that's why there's so many of "us" on these forums. Similar interests, and we flock to similar places.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  10. #20
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I know this has been discussed before....but so has everything else :P .

    INFPs (and other NFs, why not!), do you find you attract broken/unstable people?

    I've always attracted the (bad) weirdos, the underdogs, the rejects, aaaand the broken people. The thing is, I generally don't appear approachable or friendly (although I am), yet some signal must be going out that I'm empathetic & understanding, and not turned off by awkwardness or strangeness. I also give the benefit of the doubt and can "over-empathize" or exercise what I call "misplaces sympathy". Sometimes this means allowing someone in my life that I should've rejected from the get-go. It's not always pity, but willingness to put up with a lot of crap from someone if I determine something else that's valuable about them (boy does this apply to sooo many INTXs I've known).

    However, I find this less common now in recent years, and maybe it's a sign that I am more stable. Maybe I'm not giving out "I'll endure your creepiness" vibes.

    Anyone else go from attracting these types to simply not?

    It's not even that I weed them out now, but I don't even seem to attract them as much. Obviously, this is good, but it's also struck me as odd.
    I attract a lot of people, definitely not limited to normal people. I'm getting better with avoiding psychiatric cases. (Perhaps I'm less of a psychiatric case myself.)
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

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