I've been seeing this guy for 2.5 months or so. I'm the one who made the first move and asked him out online. We had a great first date and ended up kissing passionately for hours and we've seen each other every weekend since, and sometimes one night during the week as well. We communicate almost daily, usually IM-ing throughout the day at work. We had sex on Date 3 and it was and is great. We are both 35.
I think he's awesome. When I'm with him I feel happy no matter what else is going on that day. He treats me really well. We have a lot in common and we haven't had any arguments or misunderstandings. The vibe between us is really sweet, yet it's kind of awkward in a way because for me there are a lot of butterflies and I get nervous, and he seems like that with me too. In fact, he seemed more confident in the very beginning, and a bit more reserved now, a bit shyer. Why would that happen? It seems like going backwards.
He seems like he's been hurt in the past. He's referred to people he's dated in the past and so far mentioned two women he briefly dated (a few weeks or less) who had both pretty early on realized they weren't that into him. Both times he told me he didn't care that much. He's mentioned this a lot. I wonder why? Did he actually care and he's trying to deny it? Is he trying to seem a certain way to me, like non-emo or something? Is he trying to tell me he never really cares? Why?
He had a GF in the past that moved away and that hurt him a lot, and a few other involvements here and there, but it seems like he hasn't had any major serious relationships in years. He's really low-key and not macho, and doesn't have a conventionally attractive look (although to me, he's extremely cute). He's not a pimp or player type, though he's confident and non-needy. He takes a while to get to know, and I think these other women might not have had the patience. He doesn't open up a lot, and we don't spend every waking moment together. We both have jobs and friends and hobbies.
Usually with guys I date we get to know each other really fast and the relationships have escalated quickly (of course, they haven't lasted). I'm hoping the slower pace of my relationship with this INFP guy will mean that we really get to know each other well. However, his reserve (and my own, because I want so badly to impress him, lol) make it really hard to get to know each other. I don't want to try to force him to open up. I want to create emotional attraction. I want to feel more comfortable with him and him with me.
I don't even feel comfortable saying something like "I missed you" or teasing him playfully, or telling him how much I enjoy his company. I feel totally shy! Once I told him he had gorgeous eyes and I could tell that he was flattered but uncomfortable. He seems to have a hard time taking compliments. He'll give them right back to me: "You're hot, INFP guy!" "No, you're hot, StillWaters!" that sort of thing.
How can I bring us closer together and help make him more comfortable? He has a great sarcastic sense of humor, but seems to shy to tease me with it, so how can I joke around and put him at ease and flirt in a humorous way?