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[ENFP] Cutting Through The Bullshit

Santosha

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I wonder how common this is for ENFP's.

Most of the time I can be a very understanding, nurturing, sensitive person. In the last few years however, I've seen my personality shift a bit. Actually, other people have mentioned it to me and that is what has got me thinking.. how common is this for ENFP's?

What it really boils down to, is that I sometimes get tired of walking on eggshells and comforting people who refuse to understand just how many of there problems are self-created. I'm not an exception to this at all.. but for along time now when I do have probs, after I let the emotions blow over and what-not, it almost always comes back to something I can control, or change. I believe each person is the captain of their destiny, and really hate wasting time jusitfying how I, or anyone else is a hopeless victim of circumstance. This mindset has caused me to become rather impatient with *certain people* .. with little tolerance for emotional wallowing, or what I see as an ignoring of the real problem.

I often feel compelled to be brutally honest with those closest to me. I see this honesty as being sooo much more valueable than making them feel warm and fuzzy. I see it as sincere, and I do it because I care for these people. I care so much, infact, that I'm not going to bullshit them and tell them they are not fat, that the D- on a term paper wasn't fair, that gettind dumped was totally on the other person, so they can continue on making the same mistakes. Yet as much as I see this brutally honest, or direct responce as a sign of caring, it tends to come off as "cruel" or "insensitive" at times, no matter how soft I try to convey it.

Do any of you other ENFP's struggle to find a balance with this?
 

Thalassa

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I've been this way since I was in high school, and especially since my early 20's.

It's funny because as a child I was more meek and non-confrontational. I remember my cousin calling me a sissy, and crying over stuff all the time, and being too timid to fight back when people picked on me. Then I hit puberty.

I think brutal honesty is tough love. Typically when I'm fake to get by socially it's for tactical Te reasons (i.e. self-preservation) because I prefer to be sincere, whether that's sincerely loving or sincerely telling you where to get off.
 

Chiharu

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I had sort of an opposite experience lol. I was like a gentle defender type before puberty... really moved by injustice... suffered from kitten/tiger syndrome... the I hit puberty and became really frank and kind of aggressive. Then I mellowed out a lot in high school. I think both ends of the spectrum are immature and impractical. I try to be gentle but firm with others, and strict with myself because I know I can take it. Sometimes I think I should be tougher than I am with other people, and I what I think isn't ever as nice as what i say, but with others I think it's better to err on the side of too gentle. You'll regret it less later, and when you absolutely HAVE to be firm you'll probably be taken more seriously than if you're brutal all the time...
 

knight

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I wonder how common this is for ENFP's.

Most of the time I can be a very understanding, nurturing, sensitive person. In the last few years however, I've seen my personality shift a bit. Actually, other people have mentioned it to me and that is what has got me thinking.. how common is this for ENFP's?

What it really boils down to, is that I sometimes get tired of walking on eggshells and comforting people who refuse to understand just how many of there problems are self-created. I'm not an exception to this at all.. but for along time now when I do have probs, after I let the emotions blow over and what-not, it almost always comes back to something I can control, or change. I believe each person is the captain of their destiny, and really hate wasting time jusitfying how I, or anyone else is a hopeless victim of circumstance. This mindset has caused me to become rather impatient with *certain people* .. with little tolerance for emotional wallowing, or what I see as an ignoring of the real problem.

I often feel compelled to be brutally honest with those closest to me. I see this honesty as being sooo much more valueable than making them feel warm and fuzzy. I see it as sincere, and I do it because I care for these people. I care so much, infact, that I'm not going to bullshit them and tell them they are not fat, that the D- on a term paper wasn't fair, that gettind dumped was totally on the other person, so they can continue on making the same mistakes. Yet as much as I see this brutally honest, or direct responce as a sign of caring, it tends to come off as "cruel" or "insensitive" at times, no matter how soft I try to convey it.

Do any of you other ENFP's struggle to find a balance with this?


Nf here. I agree with the bold letters. I had felt that way before. few people I know have that cycle or complaining and not doing anything about it. this is exhausting to both my emotions and time. I placed limits on how far I get involved in matters and tend to be direct. if they take to take their own approach and try to restore things, I will stick around and listen, as well as help where I may. if they continue to allow the matter to go on. I just leave. cutting through the bull shit, Is my MO. I prefer being straight forward with everything. being so allows me to move on to other things that need to be taken care of, it even prevents something from escalating and getting worse. deal with it quickly is my approach

I have been labeled unkind due to this though. Im looking for the balance of keeping to the truth of things but tactfully.
 

Crescent Fresh

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I often feel compelled to be brutally honest with those closest to me. I see this honesty as being sooo much more valueable than making them feel warm and fuzzy. I see it as sincere, and I do it because I care for these people. I care so much, infact, that I'm not going to bullshit them and tell them they are not fat, that the D- on a term paper wasn't fair, that gettind dumped was totally on the other person, so they can continue on making the same mistakes. Yet as much as I see this brutally honest, or direct responce as a sign of caring, it tends to come off as "cruel" or "insensitive" at times, no matter how soft I try to convey it.

Do any of you other ENFP's struggle to find a balance with this?


Although I'm not an ENFP, I would like to offer a different side of P.O.V.

This is actually one of the reasons why I try not to confront any personal issue with ENFPs. First of all, and no offence, I often felt it's rather unfair for putting your own standard to others especially when they are in emotional distress or just want to vent "if" you do consider them as close friends. This actually happened to me before and it didn't turn out to be good, and I felt being treated exactly as what you had mentioned.

The problem of this has to do with most ENFPs often creates this illusion of they can always be supportive when needed because afterall, they are people's people. Furthermore, their easygoingness also mislead many people that they are generally more than happy to get through your problems as this serves as a perfect gateway for them to explore people deeply as they are always curious in people.

Unfortunately, being a problem solver even fir the same people eventually worn them out because at that point, an ENFP already knows you inside out and thus helping you to solve the same issue quickly bores them and eventually leads them to frustration.

In return, this often surprise and overwhelm to those people who had been opening up to them because they expect you will be there for them. All out of a sudden the cold treatment and bluntness came out of no where further hurt those people who had once earned your trust by revealing their private issues to you. Remember, opening up isnt as easy as for other Ixxx because to us, it automatically invites the door of vulnerabiliy.

You guys are lucky enough (as well as INTJs and ISFPs) to deal with your own insecurities and heartaches internally. I would, or I'm sure anyone would rather want to deal with their own personal dilemmas on their own. Sadly, not all can achieve this and I'm one of them. Having a strong Fe can be extremely difficult for us to not let it voiced out whenever I'm facing a emotional meltdown.

In fact, I know how difficult it is to be patience when a person complains to you repeatedly without putting any action on it. But I can certainly be patient enough for those I cared as I do set a limit to who I'm willing to consider them as important and genuine friends. So it will never drain me out as they are the people who I'm willing to accommodate their needs whenever they needed.

So what I'm saying is, here comes a price for trying to make everybody happy without "sharing" your inner-judgment on people. I swear I've seen quite a few ENFPs complaining to me about others not taking the proper actions BUT never reveal directly in front of them in person. I know most ENFPs have good intention of maintaining a harmonious environment but I felt they cab also be too hard on others to make others to follow their expectations without even hinting beforehand. And I also considered dropping a cold bomb out of no where in the middle of serious heart-to-heart talk can be quit shocking and unethical to most people whose mind weren't even at a healthy stage.
 

Crescent Fresh

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Btw I love ENFPs. The reason why I'm posting this is because I hope other ENFPs will be able to realize that it can be difficult for certain people to see and accept the two sides of extremity of personalties from you. :)
 

Qlip

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I do this, I'm not sure it helps anything. It probably seems insensitive, but I guess I don't really know what the difference is between having an opinion and expressing it non verbally (in action, in how I treat someone) and just coming out and saying it. I guess also one of the things I've always wished more from other peoople is straight forward honesty, I spend too much time wondering what other people are thinking. I guess I tend to think of it as a service by just letting loose.

There's a time for comfort, but when it comes to problems, eventually you just have identifying them and tackle them head on.
 

skylights

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Te rising :)

yeah though. it's why we're "inspirers", i think, and not "healers". we have patience to help people heal but we also want to see them to pick their goddamned asses up and go be happy again. it's hard to decide sometimes whether to nurture or to boot.

i appreciate what crescent fresh said, i see how it could certainly be confusing to someone else. i've been told before that i tend to judge people without telling them - that's true. i notice that this is markedly different from my Fe user friends, who are more clear about when they disapprove of someone or someone's behavior. personally i don't feel like it's really fair of me to voice my judgments to others, since it's just my opinion - or at least, i can't figure out when would be an appropriate time or way to do it. i'm not good at social distancing like Fe users are. but it is my right to act based off my own opinion, so if i choose to be blunt, it's not about me putting my standards on them, it's about me needing to follow my own standards. like i might not tell you that i don't approve of the way you're behaving, but i'm certainly not going to accept when you invite me to join you. i guess that bluntness probably seems like it comes out of nowhere, but up until that invitation, my opinion wasn't asked.

what i'm getting at, is that i think there's a major element of self-preservation in being blunt like that. it makes sense, function-wise - our tertiary (Te) plays the "relief" role, supporting us when our two main functions can't address the issue at hand. i see this come in majorly IRL when i tend to overextend myself to help others from time to time, which is fine when they are appreciative of the help, but sometimes i discover that it has gone from me offering to the other person taking too much from me, and then i have to retreat because otherwise i'll be totally burnt out. i guess you could say i shouldn't extend myself to that point, but sometimes that overextension is exactly what is needed in the situation... we inspire because we help people see beyond boundaries, and sometimes that requires pushing our own boundaries.

for example -

(1a) i stay up all night encouraging someone in writing a paper they've been convinced they're going to fail, and they do really well on it. if it hadn't been for me throwing in my all, they probably would have chucked it at 2 am and given up - but they didn't because i was there encouraging them, and now they've grown more confident in their abilities and can proceed forward themselves. that's excellent. this is a real situation that's happened more than once and it's quite rewarding for both me and the other person.

(1b) but then, what if i stay up all night encouraging someone in writing a paper they've been convinced they're going to fail, and they seem really enthusiastic about it, and finally i toddle off to bed at 7 am when they say they're putting the last touches on it, and i wake up 3 hours later and go about the rest of my day happy and tired but that afternoon they tell me that they didn't turn it in on time. (sadly, also a true story). that's when i tend to get pissed. on one hand, your paper, your life, your decisions, and my decision to volunteer my help - on the other hand, i put in all this work for you... and you threw it away. if you won't let me help you, then you should have told me from the beginning, because i entered into the whole project with the assumption that we're aiming for the collaborative goal of you getting that paper in and done well. i feel betrayed and taken advantage of, and that's when i get blunt.

(2) or another example, a friend of mine kept having these 3-hour-long discussions with me on facebook, because she kept acting very promiscuous and leading guys on, and then getting scared and being very upset and confused when they would want her to have sex with them. and i'd try to explain that the way she was acting was leading them on, and she'd be like okay well what should i do differently, and i would explain, and then the next night she'd go out and act the same way she did in the first place. over and over again. eventually i got angry and just told her that if she was going to ignore my advice anyway that i had no interest in talking to her about it anymore... don't maintain the illusion that you're interested in my advice if you're not going to at least try it...

so yeah. self-preservation. i get blunt when i realize that someone is being a drain on me, instead of a worthwhile source to direct my energy towards that will eventually reciprocate that energy.

pictogram

:shrug:
 

Thalassa

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Btw I love ENFPs. The reason why I'm posting this is because I hope other ENFPs will be able to realize that it can be difficult for certain people to see and accept the two sides of extremity of personalties from you. :)

I think what you're complaining about specifically is Te. Te is like "okay, look, here is what you should do." It's funny that as an ENFP I'm actually sometimes comforted by TJs who give me options of things I could actually *do* to solve my problems. On the other hand, I've experienced the same thing as you...most recently with someone Si/Te/Fi/Ne (who insists on calling himself ISFJ though I'm pretty damn sure he has no Fe) because I was in a bad situation and he just started going off one night like basically making me feel bad for not doing something to remove myself from the situation, told me I was being naive...his intentions were good, he did it partly because he cares about me and didn't want to see me fucked over, but on the other hand it stressed me out that he was demanding I *do* something when I simply did not have the means (financially) to extricate myself from the messy situation. We got into an argument because of it, but then got over the next day, and my deflection was like, hey, sure yeah, you give me the money and I'll *do* that right away, sir. That's a total Te/Fi explosion he had on me, because he was outraged over his personal feelings/values and throwing what he saw as an efficient Te solution at it.

So I can understand where you're coming from when you say it can hurt if an ENFP does this, when you're not used to them acting like a TJ 24/7 then all of a sudden they go irate Fi/Te TJ on your ass, becoming outraged and/or demanding you *do* this or that.

I've had to learn to keep my mouth shut in some situations and not dispense advice because I realized the person just needed to vent and wanted me to listen.

On the other hand, I think the Te "foot up ye olde ass" is what people need from time to time. :shrug:
 
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How do you tell whether a situation's ironic or unfortunate?
 

kyuuei

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What it really boils down to, is that I sometimes get tired of walking on eggshells and comforting people who refuse to understand just how many of there problems are self-created.

The worst thing with this is that they mistake this luxury I give them for the way things should be. When I finally have had enough of it, they think I'm being irrationally upset and angry out of no where and it blindsides them because they're used to the current pattern of me tippy-toeing around. I'm very "live and let live" so although I give out advice, I don't really expect people to follow it and I don't get really mad when they don't.. but I can't feel sorry for someone that doesn't listen to good logic, and then expects me to sympathize with them.

I'm not an exception to this at all.. but for along time now when I do have probs, after I let the emotions blow over and what-not, it almost always comes back to something I can control, or change. I believe each person is the captain of their destiny, and really hate wasting time jusitfying how I, or anyone else is a hopeless victim of circumstance. This mindset has caused me to become rather impatient with *certain people* .. with little tolerance for emotional wallowing, or what I see as an ignoring of the real problem.

My sister and I got into an argument today over this very topic. I wasn't being very sensitive to her when I was stating what was up... and she was angry I wasn't being considerate of her feelings.. but I can't feel for her when she stacks the logs into her own hands and finds her legs wobbling. I wallow in my own self-pity for a while, dust my knees off when they buckle, and tell myself to stop being a wuss and handle business.. so I expect others to be the same way. I often forget they don't have my drive.. everyone is different.

So I try to nudge her into seeing what I see.. that she can fix this and she's not as bad off as she thinks. She knows what she has to do, but she's avoiding it like she's giving up and blaming life on it and I refuse to buy that excuse.. It caused a really big outburst. To me, it was out of love for her.. to her.. I was being rude, and mean and lecturing as if I were the better man.

I often feel compelled to be brutally honest with those closest to me. I see this honesty as being sooo much more valueable than making them feel warm and fuzzy. I see it as sincere, and I do it because I care for these people. I care so much, infact, that I'm not going to bullshit them and tell them they are not fat, that the D- on a term paper wasn't fair, that gettind dumped was totally on the other person, so they can continue on making the same mistakes. Yet as much as I see this brutally honest, or direct responce as a sign of caring, it tends to come off as "cruel" or "insensitive" at times, no matter how soft I try to convey it.

For me, I come off as cruel because I usually do stay back, and stay quiet and chill out.. when I do feel the need to say something, it seems out of no where, but to me it's been there the whole time. I am right there with you with brutal honesty.. even if I dont' want to hear it, I appreciate it immensely and process it on my own later. As I told my sister, "Im doing this because I love you. If I didn't care, I wouldn't bother telling you anything, and you saw that with so-and-so.. I was mad at her for the same things, but I never confronted her because I don't care what she does. I care what happens to you." She didn't see it that way, but I hope she will later when she calms down.

Do any of you other ENFP's struggle to find a balance with this?

I think the thing I struggle with the most about it is that.. I feel people the closest to me should know me by now. To me..
"Have I ever come at you with anger before? Have I ever judged you, or told you what to do? So now, when I'm being passionate about something, you assume all my actions previous to this are a lie somehow?" I feel like people never even bothered to look at me twice.. like all my deep efforts to show people that I won't judge them, or invalidate them, and that I care mean nothing to them..
 

Thalassa

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I just think it's shocking sometimes when you're suddenly direct. When I was younger I had no concept of how to balance it because I was raised by ISTJ-retired-military-captain who was frequently silent and left people alone, but when he said something important he fucking meant it and there was no hedging around it or arguing, very authoritarian. His ESTJ wife constantly barked orders and micromanaged the house (and I've frequently pointed out she's not exactly the healthiest specimen of ESTJ alive) so by high school my Te had already begun to develop, and I would say from that point up until about the age of 21 or 22 I would literally just stomp around and bark orders at people when I was frustrated, kind of in a mimic of the STJs who had raised me.

Now that I'm older it kind of surprises people how firm and insistent I can be when shit goes down because I learned to balance it in a more mature way so that I wasn't just being ridiculous and intrusive. It's really great because I've also learned to be very direct with people more tactfully IRL, and someone just complimented me on this the other day, how I handle things in a very direct manner without raising my voice or snapping necessarily.

Still, I think shock sets in for people when they're being confronted and you won't accept their bullshit, especially when it's just something crazy. I had a friend who was basically dying of being morbidly obese and type 2 diabetes in her twenties and while I was tactful and caring about it, I really didn't want to hear any of her excuses or see her tears when people offered her SO many alternative ways of eating, including the fact that I would purposely buy her "treats" that were sweetened with Splenda as a gift to help make the transition easier for her. Situations like that are very difficult, but it's crap to just say, "oh, okay, it's cool if you sit here and eat cake if you want." I wasn't sargeant major-ish about it at all, just quietly firm, and I think it still upset her because all she wanted to hear was that it would be alright if she kept eating things that were bad for her.

I think sometimes people find it easier to take from TJs because it becomes something you consistently expect from them, and with the ENFP it seems more like two split personalities.

I just wonder if it bothers certain types of people more than others.

Also, this is probably why INFJs are counselors and ENFPs are inspirers, like someone already said. I don't think I have any business being a counselor.
 

skylights

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I think the thing I struggle with the most about it is that.. I feel people the closest to me should know me by now. To me..
"Have I ever come at you with anger before? Have I ever judged you, or told you what to do? So now, when I'm being passionate about something, you assume all my actions previous to this are a lie somehow?" I feel like people never even bothered to look at me twice.. like all my deep efforts to show people that I won't judge them, or invalidate them, and that I care mean nothing to them..

oh, yes. i had this same thing happen with an old, very close friend. we were having an argument and i mentioned the possibility of me being able to not do a favor for her i said i'd do and leave her in a lurch. she got so angry and freaked out. but i said to her later, have i ever promised you i would do something for you and then not followed through? have i ever left you hanging when you told me you really needed me, even if i didn't promise you anything? haven't i helped you time and time again at detriment to my own plans? don't i talk about possibilities all the time, regardless of their feasibility or advisability? is there any reason to think that i would ever actually do that to you?

the only reason i said it was to make it clear to her that i was doing her the favor entirely for her sake. my trip would have been easier (though admittedly, less fulfilling) had i not changed my plans to help her in that way.


it occurs to me that INTJs have expressed Ni/Se feelings like this (and she is Ni/Se) before. that one action or statement suddenly reframes the past. i don't know why, though. to me it is logical that the statement should be placed in the context of the past, rather than the past being placed in the context of the statement. if you trust that i have your good intentions at heart, why would that suddenly change? the internal rules are always the same. it's just how i express them that changes.
 

kyuuei

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I could also see where this person is coming from about us bossing others around.. It is easy to mistake my advice for being told what needs to be done.. but the truth is, thats just how I process information. It isn't that I expect them to listen to my advice. but solving problems is what I do. I understand not everyone does that.. and sometimes we all need help seeing another side of the coin. So I feel like I am contributing when I say these things.

To me.. I am here for my friends if they need to vent. But it is awkward for me to stand there ".. Oh. Okay... Omg. Yeah... So then what? .. .Uh uh... .. Cool.. next."
I feel like, while I am there, I can help work through the process and thoughts of what is going on.. and maybe offer a potential solution, right or wrong. At least.. maybe if I say something, it could lead to inspiration for something else. I can understand this being frustrating for others though..
 

Halla74

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I could also see where this person is coming from about us bossing others around.. It is easy to mistake my advice for being told what needs to be done.. but the truth is, thats just how I process information. It isn't that I expect them to listen to my advice. but solving problems is what I do. I understand not everyone does that.. and sometimes we all need help seeing another side of the coin. So I feel like I am contributing when I say these things.

To me.. I am here for my friends if they need to vent. But it is awkward for me to stand there ".. Oh. Okay... Omg. Yeah... So then what? .. .Uh uh... .. Cool.. next."
I feel like, while I am there, I can help work through the process and thoughts of what is going on.. and maybe offer a potential solution, right or wrong. At least.. maybe if I say something, it could lead to inspiration for something else. I can understand this being frustrating for others though..

The way I see it, there are two things that get confused for one and other, although I have no fucking idea how:

(CONCEPT #1): "I just want someone to listen." = OK, great, I will listen, and if that comforts you, I am glad, but do not expect me listening to your hardships to solve your problems, the two concepts are mutually exclusive.

(CONCEPT #2): "I am having a problem with "X" and I wish to seek your advice as to how I shuld handle it, or how you would consider handling it if you were me, but please don't tell me what to do." = OK perfect, no problem, but don't bite my head off when you ask me for my opinion/advice/theoretical means of solving "Problem X" and I give you a truthful, direct, and unbiased answer.

Why are these two concepts so elusive to so many people? It really has been a recurring point of contention of many people's lives, mine included.

If you want me to listen, great, I will do so. :yes:
If you want my advice, wonderful, I'll tell you all I know that I think might be helpful to you condiering whatever it is you tell me is going on in your life. :cool:
BUT - when I give you what you ask of me, please don't turn on me and act like the whole thing is my fault. :doh:

Trying to be a good friend is not always easy I tell you!!! :BangHead:

:solidarity:

-Halla
 

skylights

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^ this is very true halla. and very frustrating when someone makes it seem like they are interested in one of those possibilities but then proceeds to act as if they had asked for the other.

Also, this is probably why INFJs are counselors and ENFPs are inspirers, like someone already said. I don't think I have any business being a counselor.

GODDAMMIT WILL YOU QUIT WHINING AND GET YOUR REALLY QUITE REMARKABLY TALENTED ASS OFF MY COUCH PLZKTHX.

not exactly professional... :shrug:

i had this INFJ counseling prof, he was like The Perfect Counselor. seriously. he was like an archetype. i can't imagine anyone getting any more counsely than him. i'm guessing he's INFJ 9w1 so/sx.
 
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Halla74

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^ this is very true halla. and very frustrating when someone makes it seem like they are interested in one of those possibilities but then proceeds to act as if they had asked for the other.

Thank you for summarizing my thoughts, which I could only describe conceptually. <*fucking-ADHD, LOL!*> :hifive:

GODDAMMIT WILL YOU QUIT WHINING AND GET YOUR REALLY QUITE REMARKABLY TALENTED ASS OFF MY COUCH PLZKTHX.

not exactly professional... :shrug:

i had this INFJ counseling prof, he was like The Perfect Counselor. seriously. he was like an archetype. i can't imagine anyone getting any more counsely than him. i'm guessing he's INFJ 9w1 so/sx.

OMG, I rarely laugh my ass off, and bow in worhtyness at the same time, but this post does it, I love it! :yim_rolling_on_the_ :worthy:
Fucking emotional terrorists, Arrrrrgh! :laugh:

:solidarity:

-Halla
 

kyuuei

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^ :laugh: I'd find that quite comforting.. so I suppose counseling isn't in my career quick-pick list. :rofl1:
 

CrystalViolet

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Look at it this way, some people appreciate the shake up some times (even if they don't act like it at the time). Some times you guys cut to the core of the problem, which isn't always easy to see when you are in the midst of it. It hurts like hell, but it's a rope to safety. It's up to the observee to take it.
 

Santosha

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THe other time I get really blunt is with the whole "Elephant in the room" bit. Like I cant sit in a situation and ignore something really obvious going on. Do you guys find yourself doing that as well? For instance, I went to a gathering recently with a bunch of our long term, good friends.. and one of these friends and her husband are both ridiculous drinkers. I mean, all of us drink and get a bit crazy or goofy.. but these guys take it to the next level and become extremely annoying, uncouth, and almost always some type of drama breaks out with themselves or others. We all know they have some problems, but both are extremely unwilling to fess up to it. Anyhow, everyone starts to walk on eggshells, get nervous, because we all know inevitably something bad is going down the drunker they get. But no one ever wants to say anything in an effort to be "polite" or they don't feel its their place. But I jsut don't give a shit. I don't think I'm rude about it.. I pull them aside and let them know they should look at slowing their roll, remind them of previous times its been a problem.. but they just keep doing what they are doing. Sure enough they end up fighting and arguing.. and we all have to pull them apart and calm them down. WHile talking to my friend, she is saying all this crap like they've both been really stressed, blah blah blah.. and I look at her and say "Ya, you've been really really stressed for about 10 yrs now, right? I think that is a copout. I think you both know you have some drinking problems, and you need to get some fucking help. We've talked about this before, and I don't know why you keep denying it. " So she says to me that I am on a moral highhorse, and that I used to be so nice to her. Why have I changed? I don't like her anymore! So I say "I absolutely love you.. but I'll be honest, I can't stand you and Neil when you guys are drunk. And alot of others feel the same way. You need to get some help, or people are going to quit inviting you over."

What do you think? Am i mean?
 
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