My sister and I got into an argument today over this very topic. I wasn't being very sensitive to her when I was stating what was up... and she was angry I wasn't being considerate of her feelings.. but I can't feel for her when she stacks the logs into her own hands and finds her legs wobbling. I wallow in my own self-pity for a while, dust my knees off when they buckle, and tell myself to stop being a wuss and handle business.. so I expect others to be the same way. I often forget they don't have my drive.. everyone is different.I'm not an exception to this at all.. but for along time now when I do have probs, after I let the emotions blow over and what-not, it almost always comes back to something I can control, or change. I believe each person is the captain of their destiny, and really hate wasting time jusitfying how I, or anyone else is a hopeless victim of circumstance. This mindset has caused me to become rather impatient with *certain people* .. with little tolerance for emotional wallowing, or what I see as an ignoring of the real problem.
So I try to nudge her into seeing what I see.. that she can fix this and she's not as bad off as she thinks. She knows what she has to do, but she's avoiding it like she's giving up and blaming life on it and I refuse to buy that excuse.. It caused a really big outburst. To me, it was out of love for her.. to her.. I was being rude, and mean and lecturing as if I were the better man.
For me, I come off as cruel because I usually do stay back, and stay quiet and chill out.. when I do feel the need to say something, it seems out of no where, but to me it's been there the whole time. I am right there with you with brutal honesty.. even if I dont' want to hear it, I appreciate it immensely and process it on my own later. As I told my sister, "Im doing this because I love you. If I didn't care, I wouldn't bother telling you anything, and you saw that with so-and-so.. I was mad at her for the same things, but I never confronted her because I don't care what she does. I care what happens to you." She didn't see it that way, but I hope she will later when she calms down.I often feel compelled to be brutally honest with those closest to me. I see this honesty as being sooo much more valueable than making them feel warm and fuzzy. I see it as sincere, and I do it because I care for these people. I care so much, infact, that I'm not going to bullshit them and tell them they are not fat, that the D- on a term paper wasn't fair, that gettind dumped was totally on the other person, so they can continue on making the same mistakes. Yet as much as I see this brutally honest, or direct responce as a sign of caring, it tends to come off as "cruel" or "insensitive" at times, no matter how soft I try to convey it.
I think the thing I struggle with the most about it is that.. I feel people the closest to me should know me by now. To me..Do any of you other ENFP's struggle to find a balance with this?
"Have I ever come at you with anger before? Have I ever judged you, or told you what to do? So now, when I'm being passionate about something, you assume all my actions previous to this are a lie somehow?" I feel like people never even bothered to look at me twice.. like all my deep efforts to show people that I won't judge them, or invalidate them, and that I care mean nothing to them..