[Fi] How do you successfully compliment an Fi-dom?

[Anew Leaf]

Aw, I'm sorry about that too! I've heard more than one Fi user express those sentiments. I guess I've been pondering how Fe and Fi can co-exist in a fulfilling happy way in a close relationship too.

Haha, I think my issue is more to do with unhealthy Fe than regular Fe. I dated an ENTP for awhile and it got very tiring having to reassure him constantly.

Him: Do you love me?
Me: Yep! I love you!
Him: Why do you love me?
Me: *gives a couple reasons*
Him: Oh... well, you're way too good for me... I don't deserve you... You shouldn't love me.
Me: *????*

I also dated an INTJ for a few years... and that was kind of an exercise in frustration. I see where INTPness is coming from in that regard. I think I was told I was loved about one time a year. "yay, it's my birthday, I get to hear one nice thing about myself!!!....sad face." Fi + Fi =/= <3 always.

I think there just has to be a happy medium for both people. It isn't a good relationship if no one ever says, "Yo Ah luvz you babah," but it's also not so much fun if you are forced into saying it constantly because the other person has low self esteem.

I always WANT to express my emotions and feelings to people but I hold back because I am not sure they want to hear what I have to say. So I must wait in anxious agony for the day when I feel safe enough to do so.

In the context of a relationship (since we keep going back to this as an example) - I have a hard time initially showing deep affection/verbalizing emotion, but once I feel like it's "ok" to do so... and we are both on the same page, then I *think* I am pretty affectionate. At least I try to be. Initially it is very nice to have it shown/verbalized to me because then it's like the sun rising in Fi Land. I is happy. And sometimes you just feel so much you gotta let it out. And that is probably very startling for people, haha.

If you take the Fe expressiveness and put a veil in front of it, you have Fi. It's just extremely difficult at times to verbalize what's going on. Because inside I *know* intimately all that I want to say and how I feel... and I want to precisely explain/show/whatever to the other person... but it can get lost in translation, or I can start rambling (like I am doing now) and that feels like disaster.

So I ends this post.

The End.

P.S. Edit: I also think it is unhealthy Fi that can't speak up ever.
Truly. The. End. Now.

 

[RDF]

I don’t think there’s any real problem here. The thread is just a reminder that we all need to climb out of our ruts occasionally and express ourselves in other ways. We need to create some redundant communication channels, use multiple “love languages,” and all that.

There are plenty of models in life for this. A business owner needs to be in touch with his clients/customers to ensure that they are satisfied with his product/service. So he institutes multiple communication channels: customer surveys, call-in numbers, focus groups, etc. The idea is to have redundant channels so that if someone is uncomfortable speaking up via one channel, or if certain types of information don’t flow well along one channel, there will be other communication channels available for collecting that info.

So Fi users needs to be aware: It may not be enough to express your love/friendship in a big deep expression once a year (on the other person’s birthday). Institute a little redundancy: Get in the habit of saying “I love you” at the end of telephone conversations with your SO. Or if you see your friends doing something differently from you, tell them they’re brilliant and ask them to explain it to you. Who knows, they really may have a better way of doing things, or at least a good explanation for for why they do things differently.

And Fe needs to be aware: Compliments and expressions of love aren’t just about reassurance and taking the temperature of relationships. Every once in a while you have to dig deep and tell people why you love/respect/esteem them. If you’re always skimming the surface, you risk devaluing the expression. Every once in a while you have to go deep and refresh the expression at its source, IOW, remind both them and yourself why you care for them in the first place.

Institute a little redundancy in how you express yourself: Explore new modes of expression. If you’re in a rut with someone in a relationship, then take the lead; people generally will welcome new ways of receiving positive feedback.

See? Simple!

 

[Anew Leaf]

I don’t think there’s any real problem here. The thread is just a reminder that we all need to climb out of our ruts occasionally and express ourselves in other ways. We need to create some redundant communication channels, use multiple “love languages,” and all that.

There are plenty of models in life for this. A business owner needs to be in touch with his clients/customers to ensure that they are satisfied with his product/service. So he institutes multiple communication channels: customer surveys, call-in numbers, focus groups, etc. The idea is to have redundant channels so that if someone is uncomfortable speaking up via one channel, or if certain types of information don’t flow well along one channel, there will be other communication channels available for collecting that info.

So Fi users needs to be aware: It may not be enough to express your love/friendship in a big deep expression once a year (on the other person’s birthday). Institute a little redundancy: Get in the habit of saying “I love you” as you hang up with your SO. Or if you see your friends doing something differently from you, tell them they’re brilliant and ask them to explain it to you. Who knows, they really may have a better way of doing things, or at least a good explanation for for why they do things differently.

And Fe needs to be aware: Compliments and expressions of love aren’t just about reassurance and taking the temperature of relationships. Every once in a while you have to dig deep and tell people why you love/respect/esteem them. If you’re always skimming the surface, you risk devaluing the expression. Every once in a while you have to go deep and refresh the expression at its source, i.e. remind both them and yourself why you care for them in the first place.

Institute a little redundancy in how you express yourself: Explore new modes of expression. If you’re in a rut with someone in a relationship, then take the lead; people generally will welcome new ways of receiving positive feedback.

See? Simple!

You are one winning kind of INFP.

 

[entropie]

You are one winning kind of INFP.

I still suspect him to have plans in the back of his head to rally some people and found a religious movement

 

[INTPness]

I still suspect him to have plans in the back of his head to rally some people and found a religious movement

In his fancy wrestling mask and matching bottoms.

 

[RDF]

You are one winning kind of INFP.

I still suspect him to have plans in the back of his head to rally some people and found a religious movement

In his fancy wrestling mask and matching bottoms.

I love you guys too!

 

[tkae.]

I've noticed I do that, actually.

It's not so much that it's bad as that the reaction is delayed.

Usually I'll just be kind of shocked and embarrassed about getting the compliment, but then later, in private, I squee like a fangirl

 

[Anew Leaf]

Leave it to an INTP to successfully explain what I have wanted to explain with Fi (ok, he was talking about Ti but if you wriggle the tiny lefthand bar of the upper case T and move it over to the middle of the big line you have an "F" so close enough.)

This is very well said. Ti is an internal function. It operates best when it is done "inside its own mind". When you have to extrovert it, it comes out incomplete and flawed. If I could take Ti and place its thoughts on the table, everyone would go, "Oh yeah, that totally makes sense!" But, to actually verbalize it sometimes - it comes out differently. And, yes, Te users don't seem to have this problem as they think about things "as they speak it". Whereas, with Ti, we have to think it FIRST, and only then can we TRY to verbalize it. But, the advantage of Ti over Te, IMO, is that it thinks more in-depth. Ni is more in-depth than Ne, Ti more than Te, Fi more than Fe, etc. In my head, my thoughts are crystal clear. Extremely clear and well-defined. Communicating that can sometimes be problematic.

The forum is won!!