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  1. #1
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Default BAJ and Forums and relationships

    I feel alone and alienated. I imagine it is my own fault.

    There are several theories I developed concerning this. Perhaps it is the "spiritual", narcissistic-fix-all rugs I tend to sweep things under, which I use to establish and nurture my internal equilibrium. Thus, according to the nature of my posts and my speech, I tend to be negative and down-trodden, or "holier than thou", or like "anyone can fix that problem if they use a little mysticism". I imagine it may have put people off.

    The second theory is that I don't show appropriate reciprocity in relationships due to lack of skill or self-absorption. I don't give enough or the right amount of feedback or reps or praise. I don't read people's blogs enough, and become active enough.

    The third theory is that I'm just bland. Nothing I say is saucy, cute or controversial enough. Combine this with the idea that I'm a 40 year old virgin with moderate attractiveness, apparently low earning potential, and a small penis, and you have a recipe for insignificance.

    The fourth theory is that I'm simply disturbing. That people are serious creeped-out by me.

    The fifth theory is that people sense that because of my job or life or other issues I'm tied up and unavailable for any relationship or friendship, and they can get so much more from other sources more easily.

    I entreat you to confirm or discuss these theories or present your own. I query what remedies there may be, if any. Also, what MBTI types do you imagine would be best for me to improve my socialization?

    Further, although making pm and rep and wall communications provide some happiness...if I had them...I wonder about face to face relationships as well. Some you have interactions in the forums or on the internet which develop into "real-life" friendships, socialization and relationships. I mean with everything, not just TYPOc. I entreat you to discuss that.

    Further although I like meeting other unicorns or INFPs, it seems that is not the correct path for finding the most interesting interactions overall, and certainly not for relationship...as if a 40 year old virgin could have any relationships. Thus, how, wherein and what would be the best path to encounter personalities for meaningful relationships? Where do you intersect with those?

    I think in our culture it might be easier for INFP women. I mean if you are cute, then suitors will be tenacious enough climb the defenses. But for a conflict avoidant, hyper-sensitive male, it seems that my relationship status is insurmountable considering my other liabilities. Plus, I have little availability since my job takes so much out of me.

    Finally I think I've posted in the correct section, since my thoughts are generally personal and anecdotal. Perhaps I relate anything else here concerning my relationships progresses and failures, or any other journalizations I feel like.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Stigmata's Avatar
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    It seems like you're projecting a lot of your own negative feelings about yourself outwardly, therefore causing your insecurities to blindfold you to the future possibilities directly in front of you.

    Also, I'm not sure if the nature of this thread pertains more for your desire for some form of forum relationship to materialize into something more, but if that's the case you're pretty much searching for an anomaly. While those things do happen, it's most definitely not the norm, so much so that by attempting to create a dynamic like that with another member is going to require you to exert yourself in such a way that may be uncomfortable. Try working on yourself for a little while, and with everything else just let the chips fall where they may.

  3. #3
    Phantonym
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    Don't imagine it, it is your own fault. Now, what are you going to do about it? You're already reaching out for outside input, so that's kind of good. You've done some self-reflection and you've identified the trouble spots that you can work on. Go with that, don't despair about the setbacks along the way and good luck.

    Quote Originally Posted by BAJ View Post
    Plus, I have little availability since my job takes so much out of me.
    Do you live to work or work to live? This kind of stood out to me when I read the post.

    You might want to set your priorities straight and balance some things out more for you to develop yourself as an individual that you're first of all comfortable to be on your own. Once you've managed to get comfortable in your own skin, enough that you wouldn't be phased all that much about what negative you can imagine or what effect the outside influences have on you, then you can start moving on to creating something meaningful with other people. Or something like that.

  4. #4
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phantonym View Post

    Do you live to work or work to live? This kind of stood out to me when I read the post.

    You might want to set your priorities straight and balance some things out more for you to develop yourself as an individual that you're first of all comfortable to be on your own. Once you've managed to get comfortable in your own skin, enough that you wouldn't be phased all that much about what negative you can imagine or what effect the outside influences have on you, then you can start moving on to creating something meaningful with other people. Or something like that.

    Thanks. I do live at work. I don't mean I "work a lot", though I do, I mean I literally live at work.

    It's not so much that I get my feelings hurt very easily, I guess. It's more that my desire to be alone and have peace and tranquility is something that might say the ugliest things to detach. I think I sabotage everything.

    I do have inferiority issues, which mainly applies irl. I'm not sure it trickles into forum relationships where we are anonymous.

    How do you circumvent your desire to be alone? I'm very comfortable alone. I love the internal dialogue and imagination. But I want to have friends here and irl. That is, it really makes my day to be helpful to someone or get reps. I think positive affirmation outside of myself is partially what I live for, so if there is nothing besides the echo of myself, a big piece of life is missing, I believe.

    That said, I will reflect and work on the feedbacks I receive here.

    Also, further, my perfectionism is a major destroyer. It's not so much that I'm completely uncomfortable with myself. Sometimes it's my interpretation of the group. I went to a free-thought group. I'd like to discuss science, but it seemed their group was 90% complaining about Christians and making fun of Christians. Thus, I'm not sure I'll go back. I'm not sure I can stand 90% belly-aching about some group...like the purpose of the group is to complain about a different group.

    This is example. I felt good about the people in some ways, but I felt left out...I felt like I have to hate the Christians to be a full member.

  5. #5
    small potatoes NotOfTwo's Avatar
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    Stretch BAJ stretch. You can reach it.
    "It's never enough." The Cure

  6. #6
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NotOfTwo View Post
    Stretch BAJ stretch. You can reach it.
    Thank you.

    I was going to start a new thread with a post that simply said, "I'm sorry."

    Maybe I will.

    I signed up for movie. Apparently three women are going. I think I need to buy a pink shirt.

  7. #7
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    You're INFP right?

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