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  1. #1
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    Default Any ENFJs in relationship with ISFPs ? Share !

    Seems like it's rare to hear of ENFJs in relationship with ISFPs.

    I keep hearing ENFJs with ENFPs, etc.

    Pls share your ENFJ-ISFP experiences. I have been dating an ENFJ for 5.5 mths.

    My trouble with him is that he tends to be buried in work. I feel unimportant in his priorities of time. He's so busy that he does not even have hobbies. But otherwise he is very sweet and caring. He tends not to talk much and I feel that he's an enigma. I did manage to gain his trust to let me be his emotional support but wow, it's really draining job, i need days to recover back my emotional energy after that!

    Thanks for your input !!! It will go a lot in letting me know what better to do.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Meek's Avatar
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    He is an Enfj and has no hobbies like writing, painting etc? Doesn't sound like any Enfj that I know of but they are all different.
    I'm an Infp living and in a relationship with an Enfj male. We've been together for a year now but whenever I want time with him, want affection, I have to show that I want it, otherwise he can get very into what he's doing.

    I actually love admiring him when he's writing or so into reading his books. It's very attractive to me and it makes me want to kiss him :P

    Also, I think if he's buried in work he is doing so to secure a future with protecting you, to giving to you etc. He could also be an Entj, though or enfj but with a nurtured T if that makes sense.

    The draining part- Well, for me I love to heal him. I love healing. I do think enfjs need a lot of healing. It's like being Jesus, lol. Jesus healed and somewhere along the line, he needed to recharge. Your enfj is drained and needs to recharge, I would say to recharge each other, though.

    These are assumptions from me, I admit but I hope they help since I am in a relationship with an enfj. If you ever need to ask me anything, though, don't hesitate and I will answer any question you have about it.

  3. #3
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DoggyGirl View Post
    My trouble with him is that he tends to be buried in work. I feel unimportant in his priorities of time. He's so busy that he does not even have hobbies. But otherwise he is very sweet and caring. He tends not to talk much and I feel that he's an enigma. I did manage to gain his trust to let me be his emotional support but wow, it's really draining job, i need days to recover back my emotional energy after that!
    I can imagine ENFJs being caught up in work, especially if they're also enneatype 3. My ENFJ sister is a workaholic! From what I know, ISFPs tend not to be assertive when it comes to their needs, so he might not even be aware that you're feeling this way. Have you tried talking to him directly about this? Say you'd like more quality time together -- suggest things to do. I'm sure he'll make time for you

    It might also be worth looking into 'love languages' -- the different ways people express love. For some it's quality time, for some it's physical touch, for some it's gifts, etc. Do the test and discuss it with him -- ENFJs love to please the people the care about so he'll probably welcome it.

    Good luck!
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meek View Post
    He is an Enfj and has no hobbies like writing, painting etc? Doesn't sound like any Enfj that I know of but they are all different.
    I'm an Infp living and in a relationship with an Enfj male. We've been together for a year now but whenever I want time with him, want affection, I have to show that I want it, otherwise he can get very into what he's doing.

    I actually love admiring him when he's writing or so into reading his books. It's very attractive to me and it makes me want to kiss him :P

    Also, I think if he's buried in work he is doing so to secure a future with protecting you, to giving to you etc. He could also be an Entj, though or enfj but with a nurtured T if that makes sense.

    The draining part- Well, for me I love to heal him. I love healing. I do think enfjs need a lot of healing. It's like being Jesus, lol. Jesus healed and somewhere along the line, he needed to recharge. Your enfj is drained and needs to recharge, I would say to recharge each other, though.

    These are assumptions from me, I admit but I hope they help since I am in a relationship with an enfj. If you ever need to ask me anything, though, don't hesitate and I will answer any question you have about it.
    he has his fav music, but he's been too busy for that. But i think he's now doing introspection and realise he needs to spend sometime for himself.

    yes, he's a nurtured T. but there's no denying his F.

    i'm not sure if he's securing a future to protect me. we are not in committed relationship yet, though we hve known each other for 5+ mths.

    but he has sweetly today, taken time off his work to spend time with me. he has asked someone to take over his morning duties so that we can spend a lazy morning together. i was pleasantly surprised ! I'm so touched. Should I tell him my appreciation?

    how do u recharge each other?

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I can imagine ENFJs being caught up in work, especially if they're also enneatype 3. My ENFJ sister is a workaholic! From what I know, ISFPs tend not to be assertive when it comes to their needs, so he might not even be aware that you're feeling this way. Have you tried talking to him directly about this? Say you'd like more quality time together -- suggest things to do. I'm sure he'll make time for you

    It might also be worth looking into 'love languages' -- the different ways people express love. For some it's quality time, for some it's physical touch, for some it's gifts, etc. Do the test and discuss it with him -- ENFJs love to please the people the care about so he'll probably welcome it.

    Good luck!
    I'm not sure what annagram he is. I'm not very sure how enneagram works. i am not sure of my own annegeam, i think i'm a 9 or 4.

    u're right. i'm not assertive abt my needs. i tend to be sacrificing. i tend to wait for him to approach me and i imagine that he does not love me if i'm left waiting for a long time. i have suggested things to do, sometimes he appears inerested but nothing happens, cos he's too busy. let's hope his current introspection will change things.

    my 1st love lang is quality time, 2nd is physical intimacy. don' know what is his.

    he took time off work to be with me today. it touched me.

  6. #6
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DoggyGirl View Post
    but he has sweetly today, taken time off his work to spend time with me. he has asked someone to take over his morning duties so that we can spend a lazy morning together. i was pleasantly surprised ! I'm so touched. Should I tell him my appreciation?

    how do u recharge each other?
    Yes, definitely tell him how happy he made you feel! Fe lives off that. With Fe, showing and receiving affections are very important, and the lack of it could be interpreted as a sign of disinterest.

    I don't know about your ENFJ, but most Fe-doms I know appreciate the 'little gestures' in a relationship. A cute text message at lunch break, a surprise romantic dinner, links to websites he might be interested in, etc. It shows that you care. And, if he does something, like if he often buys you little gifts, or if he calls you during the day for a short talk, he will most likely appreciate the same from you.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  7. #7

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    I've never been in a relationship with an enfj. It's hard for me to get where nfj's are coming from sometimes. I don't disagree or anything, the angle just doesn't resonate.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by DoggyGirl View Post
    I did manage to gain his trust to let me be his emotional support but wow, it's really draining job, i need days to recover back my emotional energy after that!
    I had an good ENFJ friend for awhile, I agree about the emotionally draining aspect. It was flattering how she trusted me so much emotionally, but she did just have such very intense emotions.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I had an good ENFJ friend for awhile, I agree about the emotionally draining aspect. It was flattering how she trusted me so much emotionally, but she did just have such very intense emotions.
    How did she drain you?

    Actually, I cannot put my finger on how it happens. I just know it drains me and i do not really understand why. If i know how it happens, maybe i can do something to protect myself.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    I've never been in a relationship with an enfj. It's hard for me to get where nfj's are coming from sometimes. I don't disagree or anything, the angle just doesn't resonate.
    My best friends are all NFs.

    My dad is ENFJ. My best guy friend is ENFJ too. And so the guy i'm dating is the 3rd male ENFJ in my life !
    And ENFJ males are supposed to be rare.

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