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[INFJ] How to be in a relationship with an INFJ

Fidelia

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Of course, you're right. I know what needs to be done, but it's still difficult to communicate it a way that's opposite to your type. I can prepare like crazy by reading about personality types and by considering how I want to change my behavior, but when the rubber hits the road I often revert to type and only realize it later.

I hear ya. It all seems easier to figure out in retrospect. She's got to feel good though if you feel that it's worth researching enough to even understand where the problems might lie!
 

OrangeAppled

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Interesting observation! I would think that has to do with the J part....there's some rigidity there that most P's I know are not as prone to. It can be hard to see outside of our little box. I think we not only have a tendency to put other people in boxes but we put ourselves in boxes as well, trying to figure ourselves out and establish an identity (again having to do with security & safety) and that tendency can create "blind spots" like you mentioned.

Despite initial rigidity, I can appreciate that INFJs usually DO come around perspective-wise, but then the other part that gets me is they don't admit that it was at your prompting. I'll tell my INFJ "The situation is likely X" and he'll be like, "No, no, I think it's Y". Then a week later, he'll say, "I've realized the situation is likely X". Then I really have to bite my tongue to not say "I told you so". :dry: :D

Also, while most INFJ door slams are permanent & not enacted without good reason (most NFJs I know are very loyal & in it for the long haul), some can be frivolous & unwarranted, in which case, treat them as such. My INFJ aunt door slams my family every so many years, but she weasels her way back into the family eventually like nothing happened. I see this as a perspective shift also; she's become aware that no one was as insufferable as she thought & that she overreacted, but she'll never admit it outright. Thankfully, my ISFJ mom has stopped extending her the olive branch (when she has done nothing wrong); ignoring my aunt's hissy fits seems to work just as well, it just takes a bit longer. I notice her immediate family handles her this way also (ignore - run & hide if necessary), but unfortunately, no one can call her on it....
 

Tofu562

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How does one get into a relationship with an INFJ... That is the question!
 

OrangeAppled

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How does one get into a relationship with an INFJ... That is the question!

You're an NFP - just be YOU :p .

I know I'm a magnet for NFJ men. I'm not complaining either :) .
 

21%

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Yes! I agree that INFJs are easily spooked and that they see trends in little things, but I struggle with this. As an ISTP, I also analyze things and see trends, but one or two data points do not make a trend.

I feel that my INFJ girlfriend often overreacts. If I am unresponsive during a phone call and say that it's because I'm tired, she rarely takes that at face value. No, she has to read something else into it. There must be a problem in the relationship. I'm no longer interested. Whereas if she is unresponsive and says she is tired, I believe her and think nothing more of it. Only if it was repeated often would I look for other reasons.
This is a good point. And a very good example too! I had the same problem during the first year or so of my relationship, and it took me a long time to learn that when my boyfriend sounds like he doesn't want to talk to me, it's just because he is tired or stressed out and it has nothing to do with me or the relationship. It's most likely that your INFJ feels somewhat responsible for the less-than-happy conversation and thinks she must be doing something wrong, or that you are mad at her, or you're no longer happy about being with her.

It takes time -- perhaps quite a long time -- and a lot of reassurance that your tone of voice is NOT an indication of your level of interest before your INFJ will realize that this is really the case. I know this sounds stupid, but Ni + Fe is programmed to take into account all non-verbal signs as well, which includes tone of voice, choice of words, conversation flow, length of conversation, time of conversation, what you talked about in the last conversation, yes, everything, to make sure they understand all there is to understand. Taking things literally is very unnatural and a very foreign concept for INFJs. Over time, if your behavior is consistent, she will learn to trust you and understand that there is really NO hidden meaning.

I can be on my best behavior for months, but if I do one thing wrong, she will still be spooked.
INFJs are very, very slow to open up, and very, very slow to trust. My boyfriend said this as well: "One little slip and you're that sad?" Well, the INFJ tends to interpret something like this as a sign that deep down you don't want to do what you have been doing so great for months, and the 'slip' is your 'true self' surfacing. And, of course, this leads to all sorts of crazy thoughts like how you might not be compatible or how she is trying to change you too much and will eventually make you unhappy or how it's not going to work.

Wow, this post makes INFJs sound neurotic :laugh:

One thing I think I should mention is a little note on the Fe-language. If you mention right at the beginning of the phone call that you had a rough day and are tired she will tune in to that. (How does this work? This is Fe on your part anticipating that the felicity of the conversation will be affected and asking the other party to adjust. She will "adjust" to it by not taking the 'tired tone of voice' personally and paying more attention to comforting you and making sure you are happy. All this is natural for her, perhaps even unconscious. "Our happiness" is the goal, so if you can make her understand where you are coming from, you have created the "us" and she will do everything to make "us" happy)

Similarly, if you have to say no to something, break your word, cannot spend time with her, or do anything that she will feel negatively about, make sure you tell her about the 'fix' immediately after the bad news. "I know we were supposed to go out tonight, but there's this report at work that needs finishing and my boss wants it now. So how about we do popcorn and dvd later instead? You get to pick the movie!" This shows consideration for the "us" and she'll be all sweet and loving when you get home :wubbie:
 

21%

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Even though I've complained a little here, I do realize the big payoff that awaits should I successfully navigate the minefield.

You both are in the Ti and Fe camp, so with a lot of communication there's a very good chance that it will be a happy and fulfilling relationship :)
 

21%

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I dated, lived with, and was engaged to an INFJ for about 5 years. I have never experienced anything close to what they call the "INFJ doorslam" and wonder if I/E nfp's might just be immune to it. Or I had a ridiculously persistent INFJ on my hands. :shrug:

I also have not experiened this difficulty of getting INFJ's to open up, romantically. Friends are a different story. I think that when you get like partners together, in the case of NF-NF, alot of defense mechanisms just naturally fall down, without one even completely realizing it at the time.

In any of my NF-NF pairings, things came together very quickly. And while the infj and infp might seem to have all these pre-reqs of potential mates, I don't seem them play out as much IRL. It's easy to analyze this from afar, theoretically, but don't forget that both are tremendously romantic, wanting to be understood, and willing to go to hell and back for someone they love. So I guess what I'm saying is that it's possible that initially it looks hard, but once they have their minds set up, INFJ's will move fucking mountains to keep the relation. If that means they have to adjust expectations, be sometimes insanely tolerant, they do this. Mine did.
Yep, there's a weird quality about Fi that turns the INFJ's world upside down and the normal tricks don't work and they can't really say what it is but they get intrigued and can't get enough of it even if it leads to the path of doom :tongue:

Edit: Oh ya, the one ENORMOUS exception.. INFJ's MUST have security. They carefully weigh up the potential and possibilities for the two of you to build the life that they have in their minds. If an INFJ falls in love with someone that is unable to do this, they are at a TERRIBLE cross-roads, and it can drive them quite literally insane. A healther INFJ might let you go, as they should.. and a less healthy INFJ will try endlessly to conform or mold you.

Oh, this is soooo true I don't have words to describe how.

Sorry it didn't work out for you guys :(
 

Fidelia

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This is a good point. And a very good example too! I had the same problem during the first year or so of my relationship, and it took me a long time to learn that when my boyfriend sounds like he doesn't want to talk to me, it's just because he is tired or stressed out and it has nothing to do with me or the relationship. It's most likely that your INFJ feels somewhat responsible for the less-than-happy conversation and thinks she must be doing something wrong, or that you are mad at her, or you're no longer happy about being with her.

It takes time -- perhaps quite a long time -- and a lot of reassurance that your tone of voice is NOT an indication of your level of interest before your INFJ will realize that this is really the case. I know this sounds stupid, but Ni + Fe is programmed to take into account all non-verbal signs as well, which includes tone of voice, choice of words, conversation flow, length of conversation, time of conversation, what you talked about in the last conversation, yes, everything, to make sure they understand all there is to understand. Taking things literally is very unnatural and a very foreign concept for INFJs. Over time, if your behavior is consistent, she will learn to trust you and understand that there is really NO hidden meaning.


INFJs are very, very slow to open up, and very, very slow to trust. My boyfriend said this as well: "One little slip and you're that sad?" Well, the INFJ tends to interpret something like this as a sign that deep down you don't want to do what you have been doing so great for months, and the 'slip' is your 'true self' surfacing. And, of course, this leads to all sorts of crazy thoughts like how you might not be compatible or how she is trying to change you too much and will eventually make you unhappy or how it's not going to work.

Wow, this post makes INFJs sound neurotic :laugh:

One thing I think I should mention is a little note on the Fe-language. If you mention right at the beginning of the phone call that you had a rough day and are tired she will tune in to that. (How does this work? This is Fe on your part anticipating that the felicity of the conversation will be affected and asking the other party to adjust. She will "adjust" to it by not taking the 'tired tone of voice' personally and paying more attention to comforting you and making sure you are happy. All this is natural for her, perhaps even unconscious. "Our happiness" is the goal, so if you can make her understand where you are coming from, you have created the "us" and she will do everything to make "us" happy)

Similarly, if you have to say no to something, break your word, cannot spend time with her, or do anything that she will feel negatively about, make sure you tell her about the 'fix' immediately after the bad news. "I know we were supposed to go out tonight, but there's this report at work that needs finishing and my boss wants it now. So how about we do popcorn and dvd later instead? You get to pick the movie!" This shows consideration for the "us" and she'll be all sweet and loving when you get home :wubbie:

Huge YESes to all of this!!!!!!!!
 

janea

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And, of course, this leads to all sorts of crazy thoughts like how you might not be compatible or how she is trying to change you too much and will eventually make you unhappy or how it's not going to work.

:cry: so true, so funny, and yet so sad...... this spiral of thinking has gotten me into so much trouble!!!! for me it tends to go from "it's not going to work" to "let's just break up right now!" or "screw it, I'm just gonna do whatever the hell I want because this relationship is a joke". Which is INCREDIBLY immature and unhealthy! It's something I'm really working hard on now....but it's interesting how quickly the thought process can spiral out like that and go to the destructive extreme! scary! :unsure:
 

PeaceBaby

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This is an interesting thread. It's what I visualize in my mind about friendships with INFJ's, and what I imagine they are looking for and thinking.

Nice but a little scary to see it all laid out plain like this.
 

lane777

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This is a good point. And a very good example too! I had the same problem during the first year or so of my relationship, and it took me a long time to learn that when my boyfriend sounds like he doesn't want to talk to me, it's just because he is tired or stressed out and it has nothing to do with me or the relationship. It's most likely that your INFJ feels somewhat responsible for the less-than-happy conversation and thinks she must be doing something wrong, or that you are mad at her, or you're no longer happy about being with her.

It takes time -- perhaps quite a long time -- and a lot of reassurance that your tone of voice is NOT an indication of your level of interest before your INFJ will realize that this is really the case. I know this sounds stupid, but Ni + Fe is programmed to take into account all non-verbal signs as well, which includes tone of voice, choice of words, conversation flow, length of conversation, time of conversation, what you talked about in the last conversation, yes, everything, to make sure they understand all there is to understand. Taking things literally is very unnatural and a very foreign concept for INFJs. Over time, if your behavior is consistent, she will learn to trust you and understand that there is really NO hidden meaning.

INFJs are very, very slow to open up, and very, very slow to trust. My boyfriend said this as well: "One little slip and you're that sad?" Well, the INFJ tends to interpret something like this as a sign that deep down you don't want to do what you have been doing so great for months, and the 'slip' is your 'true self' surfacing. And, of course, this leads to all sorts of crazy thoughts like how you might not be compatible or how she is trying to change you too much and will eventually make you unhappy or how it's not going to work.

Wow, this post makes INFJs sound neurotic :laugh:

One thing I think I should mention is a little note on the Fe-language. If you mention right at the beginning of the phone call that you had a rough day and are tired she will tune in to that. (How does this work? This is Fe on your part anticipating that the felicity of the conversation will be affected and asking the other party to adjust. She will "adjust" to it by not taking the 'tired tone of voice' personally and paying more attention to comforting you and making sure you are happy. All this is natural for her, perhaps even unconscious. "Our happiness" is the goal, so if you can make her understand where you are coming from, you have created the "us" and she will do everything to make "us" happy)

Similarly, if you have to say no to something, break your word, cannot spend time with her, or do anything that she will feel negatively about, make sure you tell her about the 'fix' immediately after the bad news. "I know we were supposed to go out tonight, but there's this report at work that needs finishing and my boss wants it now. So how about we do popcorn and dvd later instead? You get to pick the movie!" This shows consideration for the "us" and she'll be all sweet and loving when you get home :wubbie:

Huge YESes to all of this!!!!!!!!

Yeah I'll have to second that.
 

Lightyear

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So true, Ni + Fe has the horrible habit to see signs of impending doom everywhere, which doesn't really help to keep a clear head in a relationship.
 

Tofu562

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I have awesome CD mixes thanks to an INFJ. Those of you with INFJ friends..! I implore you; get them to make you CDs!
 

the state i am in

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is it a surprise that Fe types can overreact to a situation based on relying on immediate, exterior factors? we don't have nearly as good of a sense of the overall story possibilities as p types. so signs can sometimes get taken out of context, especially under stress.

at the same time, p types can sometimes be a bit manipulative by knowing how to manage the story so that they keep things that would change the infjs perspective quite drastically from the infj, because there's always a lot of ways of telling a story (to define the situation). this undermines our sense of problem-solving and autonomy, because emotional problem-solving and communication is what we are made to do (to harmonize interactions), and this is a big part of our senses of self. i don't know if this makes any sense, but i think j types merge with shared goals and p types merge with shared possibilities (things to explore). infjs like to explore people, but it's for a higher order goal, we want to participate in processes of personal growth (in a kind of efficient way).

also, losing the ability to hear the whole of the situation and figure out where others are coming from happens with p types too tho when they overidentify with particular stories and feel like they need you to completely agree with their narrative or get upset. Fi can be especially difficult to predict and can definitely have plenty of surprising landmines for others based less on what those people do and more about what previous experience the Fi user has had and now rejects, which also needs to recognize that it is not the sole source of relevancy making or possibility navigating. but in the end, these problems are really just part of being human (and so many of the differences people experience in relationships have to do with their own autonomy and sense of self-sufficiency, their own senses of direction, their own past histories, and their own level of personal development). with that said, it does seem infjs will need to fucking communicate emotionally and feel that or they will struggle to manage their own fault lines. and in realizing that, many many pairings aren't going to work very well without a lot of local adjustment and health introduced in other ways (to kind of balance the expectations about romantic existence). but this will all vary according instinctual subtype, enneagram type, and gender (because male and female experiences are carved out so differently and tend to emphasize specific needs in various ways across the divide).
 

skylights

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the state i am in said:
is it a surprise that Fe types can overreact to a situation based on relying on immediate, exterior factors? we don't have nearly as good of a sense of the overall story possibilities as p types. so signs can sometimes get taken out of context, especially under stress. [...]

at the same time, p types can sometimes be a bit manipulative by knowing how to manage the story so that they keep things that would change the infjs perspective quite drastically from the infj, because there's always a lot of ways of telling a story (to define the situation). this undermines our sense of problem-solving and autonomy, because emotional problem-solving and communication is what we are made to do (to harmonize interactions), and this is a big part of our senses of self.

wow. you just summed up and explained a lot of the communication problems i had in a relationship with an ENFJ.

i didn't realize the managing of the story so drastically changed things for an NFJ. that's good to know. i tend to do that with information all the time to get it to meet the specific need i am using it for, and as such it just seems like second nature to me, and not a big deal.
 

Z Buck McFate

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There’s a lot of stuff to comment on in this thread. These are just a couple things that stuck out to me.

Direction
I remember reading somewhere a long time ago about how INFJs want the "perfect relationship" and they will end the relationship if it falls short of their ideals. At that time I thought it was totally not true. Over time, though, I started to realize they might be on to something. Once I think about it, I have to admit that I'm not very good at "enjoying the journey". I do enjoy the journey, but only as long as it leads somewhere. However, I don't have the concrete definitions of what a "perfect relationship" is either, except that ultimately we should be able to achieve that mutual understanding and growth. So, there is definitely room for adjustments. I think a lot of INFJs will end a relationship if we don't see it going anywhere, such as when we perceive that the other party is uncommunicative or unwilling to move towards mutual understanding. The problem is, sometimes we forget to tell people this, and perhaps sometimes we are not even really conscious of this need in ourselves. More concrete examples would be people who don't know what kind of life they want and cannot say if they want the same thing, people who after years are still unsure about the relationship and still talk about hypothetical future partners, people who seem to be trying to keep their options open without including the INFJ in the picture -- this is very threatening to the INFJ's sense of direction and they usually end up leaving because they see no happy ending at the end of the road.

Along these^ lines, something in Lenore Thompson’s book that really struck a chord with me (in the INFJ section, p.249) was this:

Like INTJs, INFJs have a tendency to use their secondary function for protection- for example, to distance themselves from a relationship that demands too much from them emotionally. They are entirely capable of meeting the expected surface demands of a situation, all the while nursing secret criticisms of a partner or a friend.

INFJs need to watch that tendency, because as soon as they feel emotional distance, they begin to turn away and look for something new. Not that they will literally leave a committed relationship. They go through the motions of life, but inside the mind, they’ve mounted the dappled horses of imagination and are surveying inner kingdoms.

This is OMG11!1 true for me. Little criticisms build up, only they don’t seem like little criticisms at the time- it’ll seem like I’m merely taking note of ‘differences in opinion’. INJs tend to see things as relative right off the bat- so before I even register it as a criticism, I simply register it’s a difference I should make note of. If the person I voice them to perceives it in any way petty or selfish- or if I even just anticipate it will be received that way- then I’ll probably accept that as a valid opinion if I respect the person. And the problem with this is it doesn’t go away. Things like that build up. Instead of demanding it not be seen as petty (which is repugnant to a lot of us, demanding our own opinion be considered valid by the other person in spite of their own opinion), we’ll just secretly keep it to ourselves and write it off as a difference of perspective. But these things add up- it’s more important than we realize in the moment to iron the difference out with the other person- it creates an emotional distance that builds up. If we don’t give the person a chance to iron the differences out before too much of a distance has built up, then the differences begin to feel irreconcilable. I’m not saying this is true for all of us, but I’ve definitely seen it in others as well as myself.

It becomes emotionally taxing because our own opinion does not get enough weight in the relationship. We instinctively want to give the other person’s side weight, but get pissy and passive aggressive when this ‘courtesy’ is not returned. And it’s usually truly a matter of not recognizing that our own opinion is not being given much weight- or at least, an acceptance that the person is ‘just like that’. And initially it starts with the good intentions of wanting to give the other person freedom to have their own point of view, but it starts feeling like disrespect. It feels like ‘no big deal’ in the moment and it really seems like we’re letting it go (actually, for me, it feels like disappointment that the other person isn’t on the same page, but I don’t feel like I have a right to expect anything different). It’s just that we haven’t really gotten through to the other person how important it is to us (and often don’t recognize how important it is ourselves). It’s incredibly hard to voice because it’s built very slowly and over many, many smaller issues- yet it really is a big issue once it builds. And it often manifests by getting persnickety about *other* trivial things- which is why, when I read someone’s description of an INFJ getting ‘too upset’ about something they shouldn’t be so upset about, it usually seems to me like they’re seeing the tail end of an INFJ sweeping their own feelings under the rug (and it’s the consequence of that INFJ feeling taken for granted). [edit: I shouldn't say I think this is always the case- sometimes INFJs get 'too upset' because they're just mistaken about what they're upset about/*think* they're being taken for granted.]

This is something that’s happened in both relationships I’ve been in as an adult- in my marriage, and in the eight year relationship I had afterward. I mean, this is something that’s even true with a few friendships. It’s a bad habit of letting emotional distance build for fear of being unreasonable. I’m not even sure I’m comfortable calling it “fear”. It just really seems to be a blind spot for INFJs, for some reason. If I could go back, I’d tell myself to at least say, “Well, it still makes me feel disrespected”- without being so concerned about whether the other person believed I had a right to feel that way or not. The more it builds up, the harder it is to go back and iron things out. I’ve had this emotional distance build up with several people because- in addition to not realizing it was important- I didn’t really know how to express it once it started feeling important (and didn’t know if I was important enough to them to even try). It’s incredibly hard to articulate while it’s happening. I just started slowly emotionally writing them off until I didn’t feel very close to them anymore.



Other Issues
A lot of people have mentioned INFJs' "high standards/expectations" and how INFJs try to "change" or "fix" them. I think I have already included that in my three points, but I feel I should elaborate a little more.

Actually it's not as much "high standards/expectations" as "growth", really -- and mutual growth at that. That's the only thing that matters. INFJs might seem pushy and judgy when something is not moving towards that growth, but I can assure you that with understanding, the judging is much, much less. So make sure you talk a lot and don't let conflicts go unresolved.

Here’s the thing about having high expectations for those I get close to: I only get close to people whom I already see having high standards as well. It’s not like I get close to someone, then start imposing my high expectations. I find the idea of imposing my expectations on anyone- who doesn’t already expect such things from themselves and others- somewhat repulsive. So yes, I hold people I trust to a higher standard than most of the people who cross my path- but not a higher standard than the person upholds in the first place.

Vigilance
INFJs are very guarded. There are layers and layers and layers of guardedness. We are also easily spooked and we over-analyze everything. Because we have our eyes on the ultimate connection, anything that threatens that will be spotted and immediately 'fixed'. Ni also partly tries to foresee trends, so for us, "little things" are indicative of hidden "big issues". For example, one time my friends and I were discussing make-up, and I said that ideally no one should feel like they have to put on make-up. A guy friend laughed and said "Oh, but some women really need make-up", and I found that comment very disturbing and I secretly questioned his respect for women in general. We fret over these seemingly little things, and again, most of the time we will not tell you about it unless we know you fairly well and trust you or until we have found more information to support or eradicate our doubt.

Yes! I agree that INFJs are easily spooked and that they see trends in little things, but I struggle with this. As an ISTP, I also analyze things and see trends, but one or two data points do not make a trend.

I feel that my INFJ girlfriend often overreacts. If I am unresponsive during a phone call and say that it's because I'm tired, she rarely takes that at face value. No, she has to read something else into it. There must be a problem in the relationship. I'm no longer interested. Whereas if she is unresponsive and says she is tired, I believe her and think nothing more of it. Only if it was repeated often would I look for other reasons.

I can be on my best behavior for months, but if I do one thing wrong, she will still be spooked.

Spending all of your time looking for hidden "big issues" may become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The thing about “be on my best behavior for months” is that there may be little things in that “best behavior” that the INFJ doesn’t consider “best behavior”, but the INFJ will be reluctant to say anything because- as I mentioned above- it’s relative. One thing that has struck me in this forum is that other INFJs consistently say they don’t like imposing their own ideals on other people. The relativity of ‘ideals’ truly is the very first thing that pops into our heads while evaluating how much something should bother us. And like I also mentioned, there’s a period of time after picking up on a problem where we’re busy in our heads trying to understand why little things make us feel disrespected. So when you do “one thing” wrong after months, I feel pretty confident saying that it isn’t the “one thing” in isolation. And it’s rarely entirely about possible future meanings- it’s likely a vague impression that has built up over time. Again, I can’t speak for all INFJs, but I know that I personally never freak out over possible future problems because of ‘one thing’- though ‘one thing’ may be the straw that broke the camel’s back and might make me express a concern about future things which has been building silently for a while.
 

the state i am in

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Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
we gotta know where you're coming from, trust you, and feel secure relationshipwise with you (depending on the goals we both have, tho ours tend to be more towards consistency/closure etc) in order to deal with this. otherwise we can easily feel like we are being controlled and manipulated. i think this might also be a tendency of p types (especially optimistic, active exxps) to just focus on finding positive outcomes whereas we j types can focus on obstacles that need to be addressed in order to reach a specific outcome (which we commit to more and as a result have less other possibilities on the backburner... tho again, this depends on what the person's ultimate purpose is and how a relationship fits into that). and you, as an sx type, also are focused on your positive outcomes first and foremost which can change quite suddenly and without warning (which is not a situation we are particularly well-equipped to deal with).

enfjs probably, 3w4s especially, probably need less closeness and continual sharing than infjs. probably have a bit higher self-efficacy at managing their place in the social world, and probably have a bit more experience understanding relationship games. probably a bit better at predicting people, but probably worse at getting beyond those predictions and sharing all the unknowns. maybe nfj 4 related types are also worse if they feel rejected or slighted by the story's various editions and that abandonment fear starts creeping in.
 

lane777

nevermore
Joined
Oct 23, 2008
Messages
635
And like I also mentioned, there’s a period of time after picking up on a problem where we’re busy in our heads trying to understand why little things make us feel disrespected. So when you do “one thing” wrong after months, I feel pretty confident saying that it isn’t the “one thing” in isolation. And it’s rarely entirely about possible future meanings- it’s likely a vague impression that has built up over time. Again, I can’t speak for all INFJs, but I know that I personally never freak out over possible future problems because of ‘one thing’- though ‘one thing’ may be the straw that broke the camel’s back and might make me express a concern about future things which has been building silently for a while.

Curses! I hate the bolded, it's so true. When ever I finally decide it's necessary to address an issue between me and who ever, it's likely this problem has been going on for like a friggin year... which means by the time I've confronted them, I won't be able to recall specific examples of their offenses, which they will expect. I don't remember details, only impressions.

Anyway, great paragraph. I completely relate.
 

Z Buck McFate

Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Joined
Aug 25, 2009
Messages
6,047
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I don't remember details, only impressions.

I know! It's infuriating! And I'm sure it's infuriating to deal with, too. It's just so incredibly hard to articulate once it feels important enough to say something.
 
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