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Thread: How to be in a relationship with an INFJ

  1. #11
    null Array Jonny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    This is why I prefer ISFJ men.
    I think most other types would be preferable to an INTP. Although, I have made attempts (as I suggested above) to transcend some of the faults of my type. Unfortunately, I still come across as a trollish-dick via the web.

  2. #12
    violaine
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    Funnily enough, INTPs are the type I seem to fit with best and without too much work.

  3. #13
    Peace on Earth, dammit Array Thalassa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonnyboy View Post
    I think most other types would be preferable to an INTP. Although, I have made attempts (as I suggested above) to transcend some of the faults of my type. Unfortunately, I still come across as a trollish-dick via the web.
    It's funny because you actually seem to show quite a bit of Fe in vent, though, as I recall.
    "Sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul." - Edward Abbey

    "In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled." Daniel 10:2-3


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  4. #14
    From the Undertow Array CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    With me, it's a matter of trust... knowing that the person won't do anything to put me in harm's way. I need to be with someone who I feel at ease with, and can be myself with. But it takes time for each layer of armor to come off. The right people I feel like I can be more vulnerable with, and quite easy-going If someone betrays that trust, I end up ducking behind the walls again.

    Janea, your point about criticism hits home for me. If it's delivered nicely, calmly, and gently, I can deal with it. But if someone rips into me and pokes my own personal faults (which I am already self-critical about anyway!), it hurts, and I can get irritable.

    Relationships INFJs are like handling a rose... we may be wall-flowers clinging onto the trellises, but if you hold us gently, you won't get pricked back, and you'll be rewarded with sweetness.


    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  5. #15
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    ^It all comes down to whether an INFJ feels safe in a relationship or not. One who feels safe is low maintenance and would give you the world if they could. One who does not will be extremely difficult to tether.
    I agree. Or they'll stay, but there will be lots of friction and emotion.

  6. #16
    Junior Member Array janea's Avatar
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    Maybe I'm trying to make light of things because it's a little sad thinking of myself as being this high maintenance in a relationship....but really, I don't think any of these things are all that different than what most people need, want, and expect from their relationships. Perhaps it's taken a bit to the extreme in some cases because INFJs are sensitive and care a lot... and I think when you combine the N with the F, there can been some pretty intense need to feel connected & understood emotionally. But that's what makes relationships with INFJs so fulfilling at the same time!

  7. #17
    Mr. Blue Array entropie's Avatar
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    I am getting the feeling that you have to sign a contract and formalize it before you can date an infj
    Progressive Trance
    Time will explain.
    ~Persuasion - by Jane Austen

  8. #18
    Senior Member Array FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    I can only hope I find someone someday who cares enough about me to write a user's manual.

  9. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by janea View Post

    1) they have very high expectations for themselves and for those within their inner circle (they tend to be "idealists" and "perfectionists", expecting perfection from themselves and those closest to them)

    2) they are critical of others, especially those within their inner circle because they want to help them reach their potential
    I don't think those two apply to me. I don't expect perfection from people, as long as they are just decent human beings and I see good intentions I don't need anyone to be perfect (I am just imagining someone expecting perfection in a relationship from me, I don't think I could take the pressure.)

    Also again as long as you are a decent human being I am pretty easy-going, I am not going to criticise you or desperately try to change you because you are who you are and based on how well I click with that I will let you into my inner cirlce or not.

    However it's true that if someone has broken my trust or thinks they can take me for a ride they are in trouble, at first I will be watching if there is more questionable behaviour coming or if that was just a one-off (which is often forgiveable), if the person turns out to have a bad character they will be cut off very swiftly or treated with the superficial, standoffish friendliness normally only reserved for strangers.

  10. #20
    You have a choice! Array 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    I don't think those two apply to me. I don't expect perfection from people, as long as they are just decent human beings and I see good intentions I don't need anyone to be perfect (I am just imagining someone expecting perfection in a relationship from me, I don't think I could take the pressure.)

    Also again as long as you are a decent human being I am pretty easy-going, I am not going to criticise you or desperately try to change you because you are who you are and based on how well I click with that I will let you into my inner cirlce or not.

    However it's true that if someone has broken my trust or thinks they can take me for a ride they are in trouble, at first I will be watching if there is more questionable behaviour coming or if that was just a one-off (which is often forgiveable), if the person turns out to have a bad character they will be cut off very swiftly or treated with the superficial, standoffish friendliness normally only reserved for strangers.
    Can totally identify with this, especially the last paragraph
    4w5 sp/sx EII

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