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Thread: Mixed signals

  1. #1
    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    Default Mixed signals

    Hello!!!

    I would like to ask how you deal with mixed signals. For example what's your opinion when somebody's words differ from their actions?

    Personally, mixed signals bother me. I value consistency not as much throughout the time as throughout the person.

    My ENFJ friend loves mixed signals. She says that they give her twice more information about the person that sends them.

    What are your thoughts? Feelings?
    Hot-hearted head

  2. #2
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    Hello!!!

    I would like to ask how you deal with mixed signals. For example what's your opinion when somebody's words differ from their actions?

    Personally, mixed signals bother me. I value consistency not as much throughout the time as throughout the person.

    My ENFJ friend loves mixed signals. She says that they give her twice more information about the person that sends them.

    What are your thoughts? Feelings?
    I hate mixed signals, and I won't put up with them for very long. I start questioning everything they say or do. I mean, no one is perfect and we all have our oddities and incongruities.... But some people make mixed signals an art form.

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    Senior Member Virulence's Avatar
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    Mixed signals/messages are a pretty strong red flag for me, and I usually distance myself from people when I spot that behavior. Candor and consistency in people are pretty important qualities for a friend, I think, even (especially, really) when being blunt is unpleasant. It just makes interactions so much simpler and healthier, in my experience.
    I believe in make believe.

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    morose bourgeoisie
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    In my opinion, mixed signals as you have described them, tell you that the person is conflicted. Like when someone says 'yes' while shaking their head. The conflict is that the person knows the truth, but won't state it because of wanting to be agreeable, doesn't wasnt to hurt someone else, or is covering a bigger lie. I can usually tell when someone is lying by their body language and their eyes.

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    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    key question - how do you know it's actually "mixed signals" vs. just your interpretations of the signals they're supposedly sending?
    -end of thread-

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    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    key question - how do you know it's actually "mixed signals" vs. just your interpretations of the signals they're supposedly sending?
    True... the mix-up might not be totally in their dissemination of information, it could be in the transmission, reception, and/or translation that occurs from sender to receiver.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    Nice ones guys! Thanks!!

    @ Saturned, Virulence: that's pretty much my reaction

    @ nebbykoo: what do you do when you suspect the conflict? that's always my bother - to which part of the message react - the visible or implied one

    @ Randomnity, Jennifer - do you always check misunderstanding option? do you do it by asking openly? if after that you still have doubts what do you do?

    I'm very curious
    Hot-hearted head

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    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post

    @ Randomnity, Jennifer - do you always check misunderstanding option? do you do it by asking openly? if after that you still have doubts what do you do?

    I'm very curious
    Well....I'm not exactly sure what signals you're talking about here, but I try not to assume anything that hasn't been told to me. You can guess about people's motives but you can't "read" them correctly all the time, or even most of the time necessarily.

    At the same time body language can be very informative. Still, you have to go with what the other person says, since sometimes body language is telling you what they "feel" but not what they think. Maybe they ARE attracted to your wife but would never act on it in any way in a million years. Or something.

    I'm coming at this more from a "please don't read things into what I do, since they don't mean that" perspective, rather than a reading signals perspective. Very irritating when people see you doing X and assume it means you're doing it because Y - especially if you're specifically told them that Y is false.
    -end of thread-

  9. #9
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    @ nebbykoo: what do you do when you suspect the conflict? that's always my bother - to which part of the message react - the visible or implied one

    I'm very curious
    It depends on the nature of the relationship.
    If you reply to the subconscious stuff, they may just deny it anyway, so you haven't gained anything. But I would only reveal that you think sometihngis amiss when you feel secure in the relationship. There is no single behavior that will tell you is someone is hiding something. It's a constellation. But for most people and situations, you don't need to know the details, only that something is incongruent...

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    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    Ok, so that's the difference between words and non-verbal behavior. That's cool.

    But I meant more the difference between words and actions.

    E.g. at work a person says that they want to help you with your project, but there are certain actions that say that they want to really screw it. I wouldn't ignore the signals there, no matter what the person would say.

    And plus people not always know their own motivations. And for some people feelings are more motivating than thinking.
    Hot-hearted head

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