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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    Hmm. Landmines, for me, are tidbits of information that are pertinent to my daily life and have emotional effect. I'm more prone to share them, especially because they aren't in the depth of my core (which ENFJ will protect like no tomorrow), but they are also used as a sort of weeding through process with people. Basically to see who can't handle it and gets blown up, or what people will tolerate of the ENFJ-emotional-mind-self.

    I wouldn't say it's intentional, but it becomes predominant when I don't feel that I can be vulnerable with someone - or unsure of if I can let them into the core. It's a bombardment and I've noticed the ones that get blown up by it end up having skewed views of what my priorities are. They then base their opinions of me on how they were landmined. They don't actually know anything of relevance, but they think they do.
    There is a secondary depth to landmining, which is seeing what they do with the information they were landmined with. Usually it is on the very border of a friendship/relationship, but what they do with it can prove what value and understanding they do or don't have. Best case scenario- they can work themselves straight into the core from being on the outs, but that's rare.

    What it does is protect the ENFJ core. You give a more public, safe glimpse at your emotional realm- which isn't false, but keeps from a lot of damage until you know you can really let someone in.
    The downside could be if a person would respond far better to the actual core than the landmining. However, that leaves room for a lot of vulnerability and core-upset, which definitely isn't desired.

    - Do I think your ENFJ is landmining you? Doesn't seem like it. However, I'm concerned about this addiction involving other people. As far as I know, ENFJs will try to damage-control themselves and we don't tend to have people who are our pillars. Perhaps he was trying to do this and failing, but your calling him out on it snapped him from trying to do it on his own.
    Either way, it can definitely take a long time for us to peacock the depths of ourselves to people. I've personally only felt comfortable doing this somewhat quickly with ENFxs. They have more of a capacity to get it. INFPs are good too, but they take a lot more time to weed through. Sensing types are on another planet to me lol.
    Thank you.

    could you share an example of how you use landmine. so that we can have better idea?

    I'm ISFP, and I may not "get" my boyfriend like other NFs do. But My 3 closest friends are all NFs (INFP, ENFP, ENFJ), perhaps that helps me give him an emotionally safe outlet for him to talk it out.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Meek's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fripping View Post
    when do they stop opening up, more like.
    Ikr? I've seen so many Enfjs who are like Enfps. They don't know when to shut up :P

  3. #23
    Senior Member knight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meek View Post
    Ikr? I've seen so many Enfjs who are like Enfps. They don't know when to shut up :P
    Hahahahaha

  4. #24
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DoggyGirl View Post
    Thank you.

    could you share an example of how you use landmine. so that we can have better idea?

    I'm ISFP, and I may not "get" my boyfriend like other NFs do. But My 3 closest friends are all NFs (INFP, ENFP, ENFJ), perhaps that helps me give him an emotionally safe outlet for him to talk it out.
    Hm. Offhand I can think of two things, and they also remind me about emotional-landmining, which I'll explain.
    I did the landmining thing a lot with my ex because I wanted to share with him, but didn't feel safe enough with him to let him into that core. It wasn't intentional, but it turned into a lot of ranting in detail about situations that I'd felt stuck in and frustrated with, without really getting to the real emotional meat of the subject. In that situation it was mainly about unhealthy friendships that I was feeling severely trapped in, as well as reading the outcome of any action thoroughly with Ni to the point of a "no win" and no solution. There's a lot of depth to the reasoning behind social elements, especially as an ENFJ. I could explain it, but most people won't see the depth. It's just a different world in ENFJ emotions. So he got an onslaught of insignificant details and a lot of frustration-sharing since I couldn't be vulnerable toward him.
    When things got rough, I watched what the ex did with the information he was landmined with. He took anything he was told and twisted it back at me. It breeds a sort of validation by way of "Good thing you weren't really let in"
    It's so precautionary.

    As per emotional landmining- anger and frustration come first for me, but the real hurt and depth of feeling toward something comes even later than last. Am I really angry at the root of it? No, but the wrong people will believe so. If I am angry and frustrated, it is commonly because I am extremely hurt by something. Regarding people, I am usually angry and frustrated because I am deeply hurt that anyone would take all of the time and effort to back my into one of those tight spots where I need to decide so absolutely between preserving myself or trying not to harm them. This may seem like 'pshaw', but that is hell to me as an ENFJ.
    So emotional landmining is that front of another emotion that isn't the root emotion as a self-defense. It, again, protects the reality of the core. It isn't as if it's completely unrelated to it, but it takes more peering and prying into to really see what is going on.

    On another note, I was good friends with an ISTP for a while. I landmined him for a while, which he was okay with. One night I called him while drinking at a friend's, and drunkenly divulged that core meat of my emotions in relation to people. They were all of the thoughts that were regarding how protective and self-sacrificing I feel deep down for the people I love. Everything, and things I do not commonly share. ISTP was immediately sold on who I am deep down, seeing the reality behind my reactions.
    It's just different. The landmining self isn't all there is, but there can be so much more. We are icebergs. We want you to be worthy of the rest of us, but it takes work.
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  5. #25
    Member HiddenAutumn's Avatar
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    I didn't know it was hard for ENFJs to open up. My mom's an ENFJ and she usually tells me more than I want to know about herself and others.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    You are in the inner circle of trust. And I doubt you really do know everything. My most precious thoughts, times, and creations are my own and sealed in sepia as though I don't even remember that I am not telling them

  7. #27
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Asking other people out when you are in a commited relationship is not an addiction. It's a sign to run - this guy is not commited to you.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Desperado44's Avatar
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    Most ENFJ's are pretty open from the beginning. However, if they've been burned a lot.....they can feel emotionally vulnerable.... he may be very cautious....

    But why are you putting up with him asking other women out? Are you exclusive?

    ENFJ's do get 'intrigued' with different people easily...... but they have to learn to control that in a relationship.
    I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. --- Maya Angelou

  9. #29
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Personally, it took a long time for my ENFJ friend to open up to me.

    I dont think its intentional or that your boyfriend likes blocking you out. In my experience ENFJs just have a LOT going on inside and it seems when they gush it all out it the situation turns bad. So they wait till you show that you're trustworthy, loyal, and that you can handle all that emotion.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Personally, it took a long time for my ENFJ friend to open up to me.

    I dont think its intentional or that your boyfriend likes blocking you out. In my experience ENFJs just have a LOT going on inside and it seems when they gush it all out it the situation turns bad. So they wait till you show that you're trustworthy, loyal, and that you can handle all that emotion.
    Partly true I guess. How does the situation turn bad?

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