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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post

    On another note, his asking other women out? That is a big red flag.
    Yes. It is and I 'm putting the relationship on hold. I wonder why an ENFJ is doing this. but i'm glad that he sees this behavior of him as a problem.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    lol You're either way on the ins with one, or you're being bombarded by the landmines we put out there before we get to the good stuff.

    I'm not sure if others do the landmine tactic, but it's a way of gauging how others handle things that aren't really in our core, but are still burly.
    I'll get back to this thread when it's not 2am
    What landmines? ????

  3. #13
    Senior Member sciski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DoggyGirl View Post
    yup. he's getting help.

    And thanks. I would wait till he is ready to be monogamous before i commit my heart to him.
    Glad to hear it. I hope the help helps.

  4. #14
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Hmm. Landmines, for me, are tidbits of information that are pertinent to my daily life and have emotional effect. I'm more prone to share them, especially because they aren't in the depth of my core (which ENFJ will protect like no tomorrow), but they are also used as a sort of weeding through process with people. Basically to see who can't handle it and gets blown up, or what people will tolerate of the ENFJ-emotional-mind-self.

    I wouldn't say it's intentional, but it becomes predominant when I don't feel that I can be vulnerable with someone - or unsure of if I can let them into the core. It's a bombardment and I've noticed the ones that get blown up by it end up having skewed views of what my priorities are. They then base their opinions of me on how they were landmined. They don't actually know anything of relevance, but they think they do.
    There is a secondary depth to landmining, which is seeing what they do with the information they were landmined with. Usually it is on the very border of a friendship/relationship, but what they do with it can prove what value and understanding they do or don't have. Best case scenario- they can work themselves straight into the core from being on the outs, but that's rare.

    What it does is protect the ENFJ core. You give a more public, safe glimpse at your emotional realm- which isn't false, but keeps from a lot of damage until you know you can really let someone in.
    The downside could be if a person would respond far better to the actual core than the landmining. However, that leaves room for a lot of vulnerability and core-upset, which definitely isn't desired.

    - Do I think your ENFJ is landmining you? Doesn't seem like it. However, I'm concerned about this addiction involving other people. As far as I know, ENFJs will try to damage-control themselves and we don't tend to have people who are our pillars. Perhaps he was trying to do this and failing, but your calling him out on it snapped him from trying to do it on his own.
    Either way, it can definitely take a long time for us to peacock the depths of ourselves to people. I've personally only felt comfortable doing this somewhat quickly with ENFxs. They have more of a capacity to get it. INFPs are good too, but they take a lot more time to weed through. Sensing types are on another planet to me lol.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


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  5. #15
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    Unkindloving - I want to hire you to be my personal ENFJ translator. I read everything I can about ENFJs on this site just to figure out more about the one I care about, but just now you cleared up so much for me.

  6. #16
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    i've been really close friends with an ENFJ for more than 6 years now and i'm still learning important things about them.

  7. #17
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mystory View Post
    Unkindloving - I want to hire you to be my personal ENFJ translator. I read everything I can about ENFJs on this site just to figure out more about the one I care about, but just now you cleared up so much for me.
    Happy to be of service! lol If you ever need to, can hit me up. I do love attempting to translate my brotherladies.
    INFJ interaction is also interesting. I like INFJs, but I feel them to be the 'parent' type. How I might assess them is through how they advise others. It's as though they have the knowledge you may seek, but you may not want to witness how the knowledge may be swayed by their inherent concern.
    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post


    i've been really close friends with an ENFJ for more than 6 years now and i'm still learning important things about them.
    True that. I feel like the majority of ENFJ processes run soul deep, in a way, so it becomes so much ground to cover with other people.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

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    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  8. #18
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I think the opening up would only be valuable to me and a relationship if he then modified his behavior. That would tell you whether it meant something or not, or was sort of an excuse for his being a player (which he then expects you to be understanding of because of his secret). Or maybe I"m too cynical. :-D
    Something Witty

  9. #19
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    as concrete/unhealthy validation for his attractiveness in society as a male. Simple as that.
    I N V I C T U S

  10. #20
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    Happy to be of service! lol If you ever need to, can hit me up. I do love attempting to translate my brotherladies.
    INFJ interaction is also interesting. I like INFJs, but I feel them to be the 'parent' type. How I might assess them is through how they advise others. It's as though they have the knowledge you may seek, but you may not want to witness how the knowledge may be swayed by their inherent concern.
    Be careful what you volunteer for. My ENFJ experience is a year long convoluted tale of mixed signals and confusion. It's become my obsession to figure him out.
    Oh, and I don't think I'm really the parent kind of INFJ. I do more questioning and empathizing than advice giving

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