INFP girl here, dating a guy I'm pretty sure is also INFP. We are over 30. But while I'm only slightly introverted, he's extremely so. He's got a wall up, even though he's really warm, kind, and affectionate. He's shy and self-conscious. He's definitely not an alpha male, and he seems really cautious about relationships. He hasn't said anything about what he wants out of a relationship or with me. He sometimes mentions past relationships, usually like "we dated for a little while, but she broke up with me and I didn't care that much." Except for one girl 10 years ago who he moved across the country for, he hasn't mentioned ever feeling serious about anyone. The other day he mentioned a girl he dated that he wouldn't have wanted a serious relationship with because she had too many psychological problems.
I usually move really quickly into relationships and people have told me that's dysfunctional, so I'm thinking this is my first chance at having a healthy relationship. I really like this guy and don't want to mess it up so I've restrained myself from being too ENFP-like and overeager (no offense, I love ENFPs and often act like one though I always test INFP), which I can definitely do in relationship to another introvert who's more introverted than I am. He's super-reserved and loves his alone time. I've just adapted to his pace and tried to be just as reserved as he is. I'm afraid to tell him I want a serious relationship because I don't want to scare him off if he thinks I'm moving too fast or something.
He's never said anything like "I just want something casual." In my experience, guys are pretty up-front about that. I've been with commitmentphobic, confused people before and he doesn't act like them. When we go out, he's very sweet and considerate and when we stay in, very snuggly. We're sleeping together also, and the sex is amazing (we've both said so). However, there have been times when we sleep together without sex, or go on dates that end at the front door because it's a work night. He doesn't pressure me for sex.
He IMs me every day and we do that throughout our workdays, talking about our day and joking around. I still haven't met his friends or family, and he has not met mine either. But he'll mention the future, like "in a couple months we can do this or that."
We've been dating for a little over 2 months and have seen each other nearly every weekend and also sometimes on a weeknight. It's hard not to compare this to my last two relationships, that both involved moving in together after a month or so (but were both with very clingy guys and ended up being dysfunctional).
My question is twofold: help me understand his reserve and make him feel safe, and help me not blow it by overwhelming him with my liking and insecurity about him being reserved and non-clingy. I really like his independence, I am just not used to it. Thanks!