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  1. #11
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    My favourite trick is probably to distract my brain and it's N-ness. If you have a low self-esteem and think you are wrong more than you are right, how can you be sure that your belief that you are wrong more than you are right is true? Perhaps you are wrong about yourself being a terrible person and that others are judging you that way too...

    Warning : Trying to figure out paradoxes can give you wrinkles
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  2. #12
    Senior Member SubtleFighter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I wouldn't say it's a constant thing in my life. It goes along with rough patches when I feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong, or I AM wrong/flawed/unattractive/broken etc...and that's why certain things (some friendships/relationships/job interviews/whatever!) don't work out well in my life. I fret about how I come across, how others see me, and whether I should be doing something to change that.

    Periods of low self-esteem, I guess. But I wish I had the cast iron self-regard that some people have. Well, not that I want to be conceited. But I'd like to be more secure in who I am and not take my self-esteem from how others see me or react to me. Again, not that I'm doing this all the time...but I feel like it happens too often.

    Is this a problem for you? All the time, some of the time? What does it coincide with? How do you deal with it when it comes up?
    I struggle with this too, and it seems like INFJs do this a lot. Ni+Fe is just hardwired to speculate on what consequence our outward behaviors have on others. We are chameleons sometimes--adapting to what that speculation says, and if we know something we said or did could make someone have a reaction that we didn't want, it really irritates us!

    And I can relate to people thinking you're better than you are--like I had this one teacher who proclaimed several times in front of the class that she was using me as a gauge to determine if she was doing something right or wrong. And she was serious! I asked her why, and she said something about me being like the paragon of virtue. I was so weirded out and didn't know what to say to that! (Cause I'm definitely not!)

    One thing that may help is to remember that a lot of those people who seem to have great confidence all the time are putting on a front too--they're trying to mask their insecurity as well.

    And another thing that I try to do a lot, and it sounds cheesy, is affirmations. It does seem to help! Like if someone brushes me off because I'm different from them or something, I'll tell myself that I'm valuable just the way I am. Or I'll make it more specific to whatever personality trait I have that I'm feeling insecure about. I do think it makes a difference!


    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Anyhow.. here are the things I do when I get into that negative, overanalytical thinking patterns... I combat them in my mind with more objective thoughts.

    1) Most people are not as intuitive as I am. They are not going to pu on the subtle expressions, tones, and body movement that I do.

    2) It's not ALL about me. While I live in myself.. other people live in themselves.. their mind is much more pre occupied with what they are going to do, eat, drive, work problems, etc. People are not just sitting around all day trying to see into my fucking core. It is not only selfish to assume people think of me on this level, but simply inaccurate. Why should I beat myself up over something that others thougth on for 2 seconds and have moved on?

    3) The people that do think and analyze me on a deep level are people that I am really close to anyhow. These are the people that truly matter. and these people know and accept me already. I don't need to prove anything to them.

    4) While I want people to like me, I just cant make everyone like me all the time. No one can do this, and to hold myself to this standard is absurd.

    5) Thinking too much about how I come across really affects my ability to live in the moment and have fun. Life is too short to analyze this, curtail who I am.. hoping to cator to others. Nobody is perfect, so why do I expect this from myself?
    If I observed someone else do something stupid or innapropriate would I be as hard on them as I am myself? Nope.

    6) Judgement says little about who is being judged, and much about the judger. If someone is going to think terrible things about you.. that reflects on them as a person, not you. Healthy, happy people do not walk around day after day thinking shitty things about others. (This was an especially helpful tip for me to understand, as my mother was a verbally abusive addict.. and I grew up believing that since she had such terrible thoughts, ALL people must have terrible thoughts. This is NOT true. I repeat ... healthy, happy people DO NOT think excessively negative thoughts about others. It took along time and the befriending of many truly healthy people for me to realize this and heal my perception.)

    7) The truth is, no one really likes people that are always perfect, all the time. It makes them feel uncomfortable and guarded. Imperfection is the human experience. These perceived mistakes, failures, etc. are very important. They give us charactor, humility, compassion. When we can reveal these short comings to others.. we help them feel at ease. We show them that its okay to be imperfect too. We are able to connect or inspire on a deep level.
    A lot of these are so true!

  3. #13
    Junior Member My Sweet Stalin's Avatar
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    I just subject them to intense analysis to find all their flaws, then who are they to judge me? Uh, I mean, I could do that, and see them for the hypocrites they are, and make myself feel superior to them... but that would be wrong. What I really do is one of those wall of text things somebody posted up there.

  4. #14
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    I try to remind myself of the spotlight effect.

    That being said, I struggle with this everyday.

  5. #15
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    stop.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #16
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    I worry about what others think about me a little too much. Probably the best way is to stop worrying. Which is easier said than done.

    It means, don't mind too much with how you come off as with others. Some may actually like you more when you stop thinking too much about how you are being perceived by others.

    Like what people often tell me, relax.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    We'd worry less about what others thought of us if we realised how seldom they did.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    We'd worry less about what others thought of us if we realised how seldom they did.
    I try and remember this every time I become too self-conscious. I've had to tell myself that most people hardly even see one another much less think about one another. If they do think about you, they are forgiving of the "mistakes" you feel you're making, or they are worried about what you think of them. I'm almost always too self-conscious (I feel others can see right into me but that's just because I'm very tuned into nuances in anothers and am people-oriented and outwardly focused this way) Most people, even if they pick up on something, probably just shrug it off in a second or two. It's still an uphill battle, though, for me at times.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Alchemiss's Avatar
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    I re-read the book What You Think of Me Is None Of My Business by Terry Cole-Whittaker.

  10. #20
    Junior Member Strawbee's Avatar
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    This personally does not happen to me very often anymore, though when I was a teen it was part of my daily life. One day my mother told me as I was setting off on my first day of college, nervous as ever, "nobody cares about you anyway, they are not even going to notice you exist." In a nice way of course, those words were very liberating actually. That has kind of been my philosophy from that point on, because it is so very true. On the face of this planet I am insignificant, and in the eyes of history I am pretty much non-existent, as are the people around me, so why in the world should I be concerned in the slightest with what other people think of me or what I do?

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