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  1. #1
    Senior Member Meek's Avatar
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    Default The embarrassed Infp.

    Today I offered to send a care package, if you will, to a good friend of mine. She is an Isfp and I've spoken with her once over the phone a few years ago. I met her, her sister mother and father on an mmorpg and we clicked well. I think her parents and sister are all introverts.

    That being said is related to how I feel. I feel close to these people, especially her and we have been in one argument, not even an argument. It feels as though it brought us closer as friends. She blocked me because of her life situation. She read a status of mine on facebook, took it the wrong way and blocked me. I then received many e-mails asking if I was online. I ended up becoming highly angry at her and telling her to screw off. She finally got a hold of me to apologize and I told her that I understood.

    She is now married and her husband is not working enough. They hardly have any food and I'm going to send her a package of food and possibly batteries, band aids, among other things I assume she might need. A care package like I mentioned earlier. It's more than that to me, though. I feel really stupid to how much I want to help her out. I believe I do stupid things for people because I care. Like taking a stray kitty in who is covered in mites and who is in heat.

    I didn't care. I didn't want her being hit by a vehicle.

    Anyway.

    I would like to know if any Nfps or Nfjs ever feel extreme embarrassing guilt when helping someone. Or, how does it feel for you to do this?

  2. #2
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Yes, I get embarrassed when I do something nice for someone. I think it's because the action is a reflection of a feeling, and so the feeling is no longer hidden. It can be vulnerable to make a feeling known.

    The strange part is when I feel this way & I know it will be well-received. There is no risk of rejection or coming off too intense, and yet I feel some sense of mortification.

    Also, when I do something nice, I almost NEED it to go unnoticed; a thankful acknowledgment from the recipient is nice, but being made over for a good deed makes my skin crawl. I guess I need to keep some facade of being too cool to care .
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #3
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    I think this has to do with my internal accounting of my relationships with other people. I strive for it to be balanced so that both parties do not owe each other anything. There was a question in another thread on why INFPs don't ask for a red sportscar for their birthday (or something like that) and to me it's a matter of not being obligated or indebted to another. Similar here, when I'm doing something to help someone I don't want the other party to feel like they owe me a favour back. It also feels kind of insincere to help someone for the sake of personal 'gain'.
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  4. #4
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    I always feel really good about the nice things I do for others. Rarely embarassment. There have been a few times that I have gone a bit overboard on christmas gifts and such for people I really care deeply for. I've been in a situation where I've given someone a much nicer gift than they gave me, and I feel embarassed for them. Not that it makes them selfish or uncaring, or that i am upset by it at all, but I sense that THEY feel embarrassed, and then I feel their embarassment. I've learned though, to pay closer attention to gift giving boundaries. In your case, I'd tread carefully though. I have known many people that have needed things, like really really needed just basic things.. but they'd rather go without than have it given to them. It's a pride issue. And I wouldn't cross that line with them.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  5. #5
    Senior Member Meek's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    I always feel really good about the nice things I do for others. Rarely embarassment. There have been a few times that I have gone a bit overboard on christmas gifts and such for people I really care deeply for. I've been in a situation where I've given someone a much nicer gift than they gave me, and I feel embarassed for them. Not that it makes them selfish or uncaring, or that i am upset by it at all, but I sense that THEY feel embarrassed, and then I feel their embarassment. I've learned though, to pay closer attention to gift giving boundaries. In your case, I'd tread carefully though. I have known many people that have needed things, like really really needed just basic things.. but they'd rather go without than have it given to them. It's a pride issue. And I wouldn't cross that line with them.
    These people are not like that. She just told me today that they bought bread and butter, that's all they have to eat right now. Which is sad because just eating bread can really mess with a person's blood sugar and make them sick, especially just white bread. It goes through you pretty fast.

    They need fruit, vegetables, meat if they want and other food. I probably won't send meat, though. I might just send them a money order and my enfj boyfriend is all for it and keeps reminding me, lol. He is a 1 and a typical giver that it becomes annoying at times, haha. They definitely need food, because they spent their money on food instead of the rent or at least, for part of it. -sigh-

  6. #6
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Ah c'mon nfps feel embarassed about everything. When god created nfp's he was so embarassed by himself paying his rent this month so punctual again that some of the emotions got transfered onto his creation

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JehWnotBHpo&feature=related"][/YOUTUBE]
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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