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  1. #1
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Default NFJs- How strong is the urge for you?

    I feel the 2 ESFJs at work will say something to you just for the sake of saying something to you...like ask pointless questions that they know the answer to.

    I posted in another thread behaviors of the SFJs I work with- and wanted to see if it's something that is an ExFJ thing more so than SFJ. I know how much that connection is to them. Maybe it's the same with you. Let me know.

  2. #2
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Whenever I ask a question, there's a purpose behind it. I don't see the point of mentioning a question for nothing. If anything though, I'd end up asking a question to verify if my answer is correct or if there's a mutual agreement between my thoughts and someone else's. (i.e. mentally asking "Are my convictions true?") Or, there's the situation where I'd ask a rhetorical question to get someone to think.
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  3. #3
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousFeeling View Post
    Whenever I ask a question, there's a purpose behind it. I don't see the point of mentioning a question for nothing. If anything though, I'd end up asking a question to verify if my answer is correct or if there's a mutual agreement between my thoughts and someone else's. (i.e. mentally asking "Are my convictions true?") Or, there's the situation where I'd ask a rhetorical question to get someone to think.
    I'm sure the purpose is there- for some kind of connection- if nothing else.

    So are you saying that you ask the question to validate your perception (that something is wrong - for an example)? Because I'm asking in the case where the question asked isn't related to a discussion we're having- we may not have had any discussion. It feels like it's just asked to get me to say something, which makes them feel better.

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    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    I can't say that I do this regularly, as it doesn't sound super familiar, but I will say that I'm not the most comfortable person with Silence. So I may in the face of that ask a random question, or try to come up with something to ask. I won't ask something I already know, though. (I don't think?) But I don't think this is as related to anything to do with FJ, as it might be just social anxiety and my being kinda uncomfortable with lengthy silences in a conversation/interaction. Sometimes I let the Silence just sit there, and then remain uncomfortable myself (although if I know the person well, I'm ok with the silece), other times I feel the need to try to remove the silence by asking a question of the other person. It really depends.
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  5. #5
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I dunno, I might ask a question that I already know the answer to if I haven't gotten that information through the person so that it doesn't seem odd to them that I know when they didn't tell me. That's the main reason I can think of for doing something like that.

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    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    I feel the 2 ESFJs at work will say something to you just for the sake of saying something to you...like ask pointless questions that they know the answer to.
    could you give an example?

    curious cause i have a lot of EFJ friends and i don't really see this in them, but maybe i don't understand what you mean.

  7. #7
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I think I may do this more than I used to...because I live in England and have done so for six years, and the English do love their small talk.
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  8. #8
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I dunno, I might ask a question that I already know the answer to if I haven't gotten that information through the person so that it doesn't seem odd to them that I know when they didn't tell me. That's the main reason I can think of for doing something like that.
    Yeah I can understand that. Or let's say they ask you a question based on a conversation they overheard you have- I was talking to someone within earshot, and they bring that up. It's obvious they overheard it, but they ask the question as if they don't know.

    Maybe it's this one guy. He does it especially more than the other, but they both do it.

  9. #9
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    I'm sure the purpose is there- for some kind of connection- if nothing else.

    So are you saying that you ask the question to validate your perception (that something is wrong - for an example)? Because I'm asking in the case where the question asked isn't related to a discussion we're having- we may not have had any discussion. It feels like it's just asked to get me to say something, which makes them feel better.
    Yeah, to validate my perception.

    Sometimes I may ask a question that is unrelated directly to the conversation, but is an idea that I came up with spur of the moment. Or if I know that there's a moment of silence in the conversation, and it isn't going anywhere with the present topic, then I will shift gears, ask a question to get the conversation going in a direction where I feel like I can offer something deep and relevant to the table. Otherwise, I am more prone to sit and listen! LOL
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  10. #10
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousFeeling View Post
    Yeah, to validate my perception.

    Sometimes I may ask a question that is unrelated directly to the conversation, but is an idea that I came up with spur of the moment. Or if I know that there's a moment of silence in the conversation, and it isn't going anywhere with the present topic, then I will shift gears, ask a question to get the conversation going in a direction where I feel like I can offer something deep and relevant to the table. Otherwise, I am more prone to sit and listen! LOL
    That's where I have the problem. There's nothing deep coming out of it. It's just a way to get me to talk. I don't mind talking if it's going somewhere, but just to get me to say something to make you feel better about the silence is kind of creepy LOL. It sounds like you are trying to engage for the sake of connecting.

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