[NF] NFJs- How strong is the urge for you?

[IZthe411]

I feel the 2 ESFJs at work will say something to you just for the sake of saying something to you...like ask pointless questions that they know the answer to.

I posted in another thread behaviors of the SFJs I work with- and wanted to see if it's something that is an ExFJ thing more so than SFJ. I know how much that connection is to them. Maybe it's the same with you. Let me know.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

Whenever I ask a question, there's a purpose behind it. I don't see the point of mentioning a question for nothing. If anything though, I'd end up asking a question to verify if my answer is correct or if there's a mutual agreement between my thoughts and someone else's. (i.e. mentally asking "Are my convictions true?") Or, there's the situation where I'd ask a rhetorical question to get someone to think.

 

[IZthe411]

Whenever I ask a question, there's a purpose behind it. I don't see the point of mentioning a question for nothing. If anything though, I'd end up asking a question to verify if my answer is correct or if there's a mutual agreement between my thoughts and someone else's. (i.e. mentally asking "Are my convictions true?") Or, there's the situation where I'd ask a rhetorical question to get someone to think.

I'm sure the purpose is there- for some kind of connection- if nothing else.

So are you saying that you ask the question to validate your perception (that something is wrong - for an example)? Because I'm asking in the case where the question asked isn't related to a discussion we're having- we may not have had any discussion. It feels like it's just asked to get me to say something, which makes them feel better.

 

[cascadeco]

I can't say that I do this regularly, as it doesn't sound super familiar, but I will say that I'm not the most comfortable person with Silence. So I may in the face of that ask a random question, or try to come up with something to ask. I won't ask something I already know, though. (I don't think?) But I don't think this is as related to anything to do with FJ, as it might be just social anxiety and my being kinda uncomfortable with lengthy silences in a conversation/interaction. Sometimes I let the Silence just sit there, and then remain uncomfortable myself (although if I know the person well, I'm ok with the silece), other times I feel the need to try to remove the silence by asking a question of the other person. It really depends.

 

[Fidelia]

I dunno, I might ask a question that I already know the answer to if I haven't gotten that information through the person so that it doesn't seem odd to them that I know when they didn't tell me. That's the main reason I can think of for doing something like that.

 

[skylights]

I feel the 2 ESFJs at work will say something to you just for the sake of saying something to you...like ask pointless questions that they know the answer to.

could you give an example?

curious cause i have a lot of EFJ friends and i don't really see this in them, but maybe i don't understand what you mean.

 

[SilkRoad]

I think I may do this more than I used to...because I live in England and have done so for six years, and the English do love their small talk.

 

[IZthe411]

I dunno, I might ask a question that I already know the answer to if I haven't gotten that information through the person so that it doesn't seem odd to them that I know when they didn't tell me. That's the main reason I can think of for doing something like that.

Yeah I can understand that. Or let's say they ask you a question based on a conversation they overheard you have- I was talking to someone within earshot, and they bring that up. It's obvious they overheard it, but they ask the question as if they don't know.

Maybe it's this one guy. He does it especially more than the other, but they both do it.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

I'm sure the purpose is there- for some kind of connection- if nothing else.

So are you saying that you ask the question to validate your perception (that something is wrong - for an example)? Because I'm asking in the case where the question asked isn't related to a discussion we're having- we may not have had any discussion. It feels like it's just asked to get me to say something, which makes them feel better.

Yeah, to validate my perception.

Sometimes I may ask a question that is unrelated directly to the conversation, but is an idea that I came up with spur of the moment. Or if I know that there's a moment of silence in the conversation, and it isn't going anywhere with the present topic, then I will shift gears, ask a question to get the conversation going in a direction where I feel like I can offer something deep and relevant to the table. Otherwise, I am more prone to sit and listen! LOL

 

[IZthe411]

Yeah, to validate my perception.

Sometimes I may ask a question that is unrelated directly to the conversation, but is an idea that I came up with spur of the moment. Or if I know that there's a moment of silence in the conversation, and it isn't going anywhere with the present topic, then I will shift gears, ask a question to get the conversation going in a direction where I feel like I can offer something deep and relevant to the table. Otherwise, I am more prone to sit and listen! LOL

That's where I have the problem. There's nothing deep coming out of it. It's just a way to get me to talk. I don't mind talking if it's going somewhere, but just to get me to say something to make you feel better about the silence is kind of creepy LOL. It sounds like you are trying to engage for the sake of connecting.

 

[Hate]

I feel the 2 ESFJs at work will say something to you just for the sake of saying something to you...like ask pointless questions that they know the answer to.

I posted in another thread behaviors of the SFJs I work with- and wanted to see if it's something that is an ExFJ thing more so than SFJ. I know how much that connection is to them. Maybe it's the same with you. Let me know.

I know exactly what you mean by this, my mom's ENFJ and she does this ALL the time, it's actually one of the reasons I have a hard time communicating with her. Because a lot of times it comes across as fake. I never do this because I know how annoying it can be.

 

[Viridian]

Could you elaborate on what kinds of questions they ask, IZ? That could help...

 

[Neutralpov]

guilty. means I like you sometimes

 

[OrangeAppled]

I've noticed this most with extreme Es, mainly ESxx types, but sometimes ENxx types. I think it's because they are uncomfortable with silence & need interaction.

 

[Onceajoan]

This is not me AT ALL. I do not talk just for the sake of talking or to hear my own voice. I like to think before I speak. I like the idea of being thoughtful- although I'm not always successful in doing so. Those who say something to just say something, I find, are often uncomfortable in their own skin and uncomfortable with silence.

 

[IZthe411]

I know exactly what you mean by this, my mom's ENFJ and she does this ALL the time, it's actually one of the reasons I have a hard time communicating with her. Because a lot of times it comes across as fake. I never do this because I know how annoying it can be.

Actually, learning type differences has helped me to not see sincere Fe attempts as fake. So that's not the problem, at least for me. It's definitely annoying, though, And sometimes I'm visibly annoyed by their sincere attempts. One time we were at a restaurant, and it was a down day for me, so I wasn't my usual joking self. the 27 y/o kept asking me 'Are you okay', how's your sandwich? So in comes 2 black chicks. (I had made a joke coming in to the restaurant that I didn't feel comfortable- because I was the only one with a tie. I was the only black person in there as well, but I played it off the tie/digress) So the 27 y/o says, in an attempt to make me laugh "Man it just got dark in here". It was bad. I don't usually get offended, but I got offended. He was trying to get a laugh outta me the same way ENFJ and I joke (ENFJ's from India), but it was just WRONG. I actually had to pull him to the side to let him know he has to stop trying so hard with me. No need to be my cheerleader.

 

[IZthe411]

guilty. means I like you sometimes

Yeah he definitely likes me.I like him too. He just tries to hard to be what he thinks I respond best to, based of his perception.

 

[IZthe411]

I've noticed this most with extreme Es, mainly ESxx types, but sometimes ENxx types. I think it's because they are uncomfortable with silence & need interaction.

This is not me AT ALL. I do not talk just for the sake of talking or to hear my own voice. I like to think before I speak. I like the idea of being thoughtful- although I'm not always successful in doing so. Those who say something to just say something, I find, are often uncomfortable in their own skin and uncomfortable with silence.

Yes. That's definitely part of it as well. I know ESFJs who don't feel the need to be this way.

 

[IZthe411]

Could you elaborate on what kinds of questions they ask, IZ? That could help...

It's hard to put specifics on it. They're everyday, obvious questions that if I, as a see first, speak later type, notice it as obvious and say nothing about it. In fact, sometimes I don't even answer the question he asks, instead just switching the subject, or asking him a question, and he doesn't even come back to the original question.

 

[Viridian]

It's hard to put specifics on it. They're everyday, obvious questions that if I, as a see first, speak later type, notice it as obvious and say nothing about it. In fact, sometimes I don't even answer the question he asks, instead just switching the subject, or asking him a question, and he doesn't even come back to the original question.

Being someone who lives with an ESFJ, I kind of get what you're getting at... Stuff like, "Jim's a nice guy, huh?", "The weather's been sunny, hasn't it?", "I think we're the most important people in her life, don't you?". Mind you, these are the coherent ones - tertiary Ne has a way of making you go ...