[INFJ] Bebe Le Strange : How to Spot an INFJ

[Usehername]

I think a comfortable INF can extrovert pretty well without being an extrovert. If I'm comfortable, I'm fairly outgoing and chatty. I don't have the charisma of an extrovert, but the fact that I'm for real, I don't take life too seriously, and I treat everyone like my equal does shine through sometimes. Charisma is, in part, making people feel better when you are around than when you are not, so it's not a stretch for a caring person to have a kind of charisma of their own, even if they are introverted.

Edit: But you know, after I'm done chatting up the teachers and the cashiers, etc, I'm hiding in my room with a book.

Good point, Cafe.

I think people rely on comfortableness/abilities to extravert too much when deciding their I vs E type.

I'm at the point in my life now, after having spent a year traveling to a new place every single week, including in Africa, living in very unfamiliar homes (both culture-wise and literally not knowing the people) and all my life experience through joining new sports teams/clubs at school that I can extravert more naturally/comfortably than a lot of extraverts. I enjoy it. It does give me energy when I choose to do so.

Yet, my natural inclination is to stay at home and go on the internet/read/do my own thing for a week without even thinking to go out an socialize sometimes. I'm just most attracted to being alone (assuming I socialize enough to keep me mentally healthy). I resent people who try to make me socialize more than I feel like doing; I find my alone-time to be very valuable and am aware that at 21 years old, I won't always have this luxury to be so independent with my time, so I take it now (before I have a career/family, etc.)

 

[Kyrielle]

Until I finish reading the rest of this thread:

"You sound so innocent and sweet, but then sometimes you say things and it's like 'whoa, did she just say that?'" --after....well after every single time I've said something really disturbing and/or dirty without showing it phasing me in the slightest.

"That was random."

"Where do you think of that stuff?"

"You're crazy." / "You're so weird." At which point I grin because I agree. I am probably crazy and definitely weird.

"Stop complaining over things you cannot change." or "Just leave it. You can't change it." <--my hardest problem...I worry about things that already happened until I feel sick because I wish I could change them.

I've been told I'm laid back and I've been told I need to relax. I think I'm both at the exact same time at the exact same moment usually (I can't explain how that is, but it's true).

 

[Kiddo]

"That was random."

That is a really good one. I've heard that one probably more than all the others. Sharing your immediate thoughts with the world without prior introduction can lead to some awkward moments.

 

[Eileen]

One that I heard yesterday: "I love hearing you talk... you're so quiet most of the time, but when you have something to say, wow!"

 

[Eileen]

I've been told I'm laid back and I've been told I need to relax. I think I'm both at the exact same time at the exact same moment usually (I can't explain how that is, but it's true).

Yeah - I agree with this. There's almost always a duality like this for me. I can be very laid back and agreeable, but sometimes I feel a little tense about my agreeableness.

 

[cheap]

Also, is hiding your true self a trait of INFJs? I didn't think it was. I thought we usually confide in everyone as well. I was reading Alcea Rosea's experience with meeting an INFJ, and felt that in that respect that I was different from her friend. Her friend didn't want people to know her true self. Not me at all. Rather, I want everyone to know the real me, even though sometimes I can confide too much.

This is me online, where I'm comfortable to self-disclose much more. This one guy even told me once "I don't mind that you're self-absorbed" but all I wanted was to let him know clearly who he was dealing with. There's no point in hooking 'em in, even if that is more tactful, when they may end up not liking who I really am later on down the track (waste of time). But I see that as different to confiding in people.

So atypical profiency with another function determines how left of centre associated traits with that function are?

I do plan to pursue counselling because I don't want to extend myself into areas I won't do well/ be effective in. Then whenever someone asks my type I will be able to cheesy grin at them.

It's stressful to me to have people place all their negativity on your shoulders and expect good advice. I can't deal with that kind of stuff on a regular basis, but I do take concern with my closer friends when they are having problems.

If I were bombarded with too many people needing me then I suppose I would be sick of it too. But I've always had to be around too many overtly happy people, so THAT has become my source of irritable stress and depression. Because the person I've become has grown to embrace and sympathise with negative emotions, sad people inspire me.

Charisma and "outgoing" are not necessarily synonymous, though.

Yeah I agree with this.
One INFJ profile says we have a "personal charisma." Maybe not so much in the shadow of extroverts in real life, but y'all really come alive on these forums.

I guess it's both in varying proportions depending on the person/circumstances. But the thing is: while *we* may know that we don't truly care about someone, *they* don't. On the outside, it can basically look like we care about everyone.

...and I recall another one:
"You always look like you don't care about anything that's going on." --this is highly deceptive.

 

[ByMySword]

That is a really good one. I've heard that one probably more than all the others. Sharing your immediate thoughts with the world without prior introduction can lead to some awkward moments.

Yeah, same here. I'll just spout off something that was in my head as if everyone around me can hear my thoughts, so I assume that they know automatically what I'm talking about.

"What are you talking about? You're crazy." The crazy accusation only coming from people who know me well. lol

 

[ByMySword]

Yeah - I agree with this. There's almost always a duality like this for me. I can be very laid back and agreeable, but sometimes I feel a little tense about my agreeableness.

Wow, totally me. The duality in myself can get very stressing. Its like I'm two different people battling over control of myself. And it really depends on mood, too.

I wonder if I'm bipolar?

 

[nemo]

I know of one person in real life who was tested as an INFJ, and I suspect I may know another.

They are both -very- weird, let me tell ya.

Both have the quasi-mystic voodoo witchcraft "spirit healer" aura about them, although they apply it in different ways: one is sort of a wannabe psychologist/mythologist, the other fancies himself as a political/human-rights revolutionary, not unlike that kid from The Boondocks. Both are men.

... That's about the only contribution I can make, haha. Just my perceptions of them.

 

[wedekit]

If I were bombarded with too many people needing me then I suppose I would be sick of it too. But I've always had to be around too many overtly happy people, so THAT has become my source of irritable stress and depression. Because the person I've become has grown to embrace and sympathise with negative emotions, sad people inspire me.

Actually, I also find inspiration in the negative emotions and experiences of others. I don't feel happy when someone is going through something negative, but I do feel a surge of happiness when I see someone persevere through negative situations with grace. I prefer sad movies over comedies. Having sad moments in life is simply just a part of life (an equally important as happy moments in my opinion), and I find beauty in the way people can live through those moments and still manage to smile.

All of this is probably why The Hours is my favorite movie.

 

[Pseudonym_Alpha]

These are the ones I get most often:

" you just seem to be in your own world " - All the time! Then again,
most people relate that to my geekiness

" you seem like such a cool person, but no one knows you " - Happens occasionally, usually at parties. Because I'm the big "I" at parties, very quiet.

" you woo with words/you just listed exactly what i like about myself " (Ni+Fe) ? - People comment on my usage of "not so common" grammar. I.e words that I use instead of what a normal person would say. I get that A LOT!

" why are you the only one that gets me ? " - This happens just as frequently as the fore-mentioned. Possibly because we pay more attention to people(?), I honestly don't know

" you don't have a soul, do you even have emotions ? "[/I] LOL (Ti)? -
probably because we shield emotions moreso than other people(Although some INTP's can really give us a run for our money!)

 

[batumi]

"HOW did you know that about me???"

 

[batumi]

"You care too much about the world"


"You are so easy to talk to/be with."

 

[Thursday]

" Why are you so quiet all of a sudden ? "

 

[vince]

"you take everything personally" (as if there actually exists something impersonal about 2 bodies talking to one another in a space.)

All the other comments ring true for me too. I've had people tell me how, when & why they were raped in the first 30 minutes of meeting me.

Anyway, I'm happy being an INFJ.

 

[Sniffles]

ROTFL! I love this thread. Almost all the statements made would apply to me.

Has anybody been told(most likely by NTs) that while you're rhetorical skills are impressive, your thinking-logic is rather medicore?

 

[Flush]

"I don't know why I just told you all of my insecurities" - I had a guitar teacher just unload all of his concerns on me about teaching kids how to play, trying to make it in the music industry, and just playing guitar in general (he mentioned pretty much every technical deficiency he had - it was interesting). I feel INFP's probably experience this a lot too - is this correct?

Very correct.

I've got most of the comments from the first post, even though I'm an INFP.
This is another one that I like:
I'm in a group of 3-4 people talking about someone, for example the new, mystical guy that just started in our class. I listen to what the others say for a while. Then I start talking and they all listen until I'm done. Then someone says:
"Do you know him?"

 

[wedekit]

Very correct.

I've got most of the comments from the first post, even though I'm an INFP.
This is another one that I like:
I'm in a group of 3-4 people talking about someone, for example the new, mystical guy that just started in our class. I listen to what the others say for a while. Then I start talking and they all listen until I'm done. Then someone says:
"Do you know him?"

Hahaha, yeah. I've had many similar experiences.

 

[*poke*]

I have amusing (although somewhat intimidating) like experiences; part of walking the line between E/I is that others' impressions of me are determined in a highly situation way. For example: everyone is sitting there talking, while I listen - but then I see an opportunity for involvement and BAM!, this dynamic personality hits them like a ton of bricks . Everyone is amazed that I just pulled that off, it's like it completely changes my role within the group

 

[exhaust_it]

Agreed.

These comments mostly hit the nail on the head, but I don't think anyone has EVER asked me whether I "even have emotions/a soul!"

They usually say "You are so perceptive/insightful," and those I am emotionally intimate with comment that I should share more of myself more frequently. In classes, I will speak up when I am passionate or informed about a point of discussion, and yet, when I do, I am always surprised to see that people's heads raise and turn as they are actually listening and surprised by what I contribute.

I get praised for my good listening skills more than anything, and it's natural for me to learn someone's intimate "life story"-type experiences during a first meeting. I could also write a book about them later...

I have an excellent memory about people's "life stories" and personalities and constantly discover people's secrets without trying.

I am considering becoming a spy--on the good side

& I keep all these secrets--my own, my friend's, perfect strangers'--bottled up inside me... do other INFJs feel drained by carrying so much of someone else around inside of them all the time?

OH, and EVERY guy I've ever been interested in or involved with has asked, "What are you thinking??" Hahaha.