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[INFJ] Bebe Le Strange : How to Spot an INFJ

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ByMySword

Guest
I often have to tell people that just because I don't believe something I don't dislike anyone who does. For example, even though I am a vegetarian I don't care if anyone else eats meat. What would be the point in life if all we did was walk around and force our opinions on other people? In fact, I encourage people to eat meat if it makes them happy. It just doesn't make me happy.

Many times I've had people object to telling me things about their religion or the like. Then I use my INFJ charm on them by explaining that I'm not looking for an argument, I'm just curious. They always break. :devil:

I like to learn about different perspectives.
 

Wandering

Highly Hollow
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
873
MBTI Type
INFJ
Heh! I try to do the same thing as well... Equal exchanges. It's just so funny that some people don't realize what exactly they were asking of me until I start asking them for a fraction in return. Fair weather friends... no thank you... I guess that's when the shield starting coming up.
Same here. "Friends" who take advantage of my being so understanding, but who then refuse to understand me, are friends I can do without.

***

I know that I make a good counselor but I have no wish to be one for other people or as a career.
I did consider it as a career, several times in my life in fact. But always I come to the same conclusion: doing it for strangers and on an every-day basis would just be too much, I couldn't take it.

I think the key to an INFJs counselor abilities is our ability to understand even the darkest parts of our humanity. When I read things like "sociopathic behavior is usually caused by early childhood abuse or neglect", I understand on a deeper level than most. I can go beyond just thinking "oh, they don't have a conscience" and really put myself into their situation and understand their feelings and motives.
:yes:

Of course, with this ability I often fear that because I can do this I have the potential to be this way myself, often worrying that I am a potential child predator or rapist when I clearly know that I would never allow myself do those kind of things. Empathy comes with its price for me in that respect. Sometimes I can let who I am get confused with my ability to understand others.
Even more frustrating to me is when *other people* say that because I can understand bad people, I must be a bad person too, somewhere deep inside. That hurts :cry: and it makes me angry :steam: at the same time.

***

This is a bit off-topic,
No it's not, since it's a very INFJ thing :D

but I'm big on understanding. Not just myself, but people in general. That's why when I'm debating with someone, I'm really not concerned with winning. I know that neither of us is going to convince the other each is right. I'm more concerned with first understanding where the opposing side is coming from and then having them understand where I'm coming from. If I can do that and they can do that, then I'm perfectly fine with agreeing to disagree. It can be very frusterating, because many times other people don't try to understand at all. They go about it childishly by simply ignoring it or by "hitting below the belt" with an ad hominem argument and the like. That angers me beyond all belief!!!! :steam:
Yup. I totally understand and feel the same :nice:
 
B

ByMySword

Guest
Even more frustrating to me is when *other people* say that because I can understand bad people, I must be a bad person too, somewhere deep inside. That hurts :cry: and it makes me angry :steam: at the same time.

I ain't gonna lie, I'm not the greatest guy around, but I'm the best bad guy around, damnit!!!! lol

According to the Brotherhood, I'm "the most immoral INFJ" they've ever known.

But I'm probably the most moral out of all of them!!!! :yes:
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
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ISFP
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sp/sx
Also, is hiding your true self a trait of INFJs? I didn't think it was. I thought we usually confide in everyone as well. I was reading Alcea Rosea's experience with meeting an INFJ, and felt that in that respect that I was different from her friend. Her friend didn't want people to know her true self. Not me at all. Rather, I want everyone to know the real me, even though sometimes I can confide too much. Many times I bet I put people in the same position that I'm in when people confide in me. So I try to not to do that as much.
Do you think you might tends towards more extroversion? ENF's have the most intense charisma of all I think, so an XNFJ might be like you describe yourself.

I identified with her friend - very much so. Some INFJs can disappear into the woodwork when needed. I was never pursued socially and mostly felt isolated, even though someone might occasionally call me charming. I've had people tell me they didn't think I was anything special when they first met me and was later surprised by some trait. I confide more online than irl. People more often confide in me than i do in them. I mostly just sit quietly and that is the result.
 
B

ByMySword

Guest
Do you think you might tends towards more extroversion? ENF's have the most intense charisma of all I think, so an XNFJ might be like you describe yourself.

I identified with her friend - very much so. Some INFJs can disappear into the woodwork when needed. I was never pursued socially and mostly felt isolated, even though someone might occasionally call me charming. I've had people tell me they didn't think I was anything special when they first met me and was later surprised by some trait. I confide more online than irl. People more often confide in me than i do in them. I mostly just sit quietly and that is the result.

You're not the first one to say that. But no, I feel that INFJ fits me the best. And I don't think that having intense charisma qualifies someone as an E. I'm an outgoing person, sure, but that doesn't make one an E. Its many factors. Being an I doesn't simply mean that you keep to yourself. It also has to do with the way a person gains energy. My friend Meta thinks I am just an outgoing introvert.

Edit: Oh, and back to something that was said earlier, I totally caught myself walking into people's problems tonight at work. Caught myself and backed off. lol
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
3,960
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ENTJ
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8w9
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sp/sx
@ ByMySword

Consider T Vs. F
Impersonal Vs. Personable

My father(ENTP) says I'm more outgoing than him

Just a thought though
he also says i'm more logical
which is also correct
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
2,790
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OMNi
You're not the first one to say that. But no, I feel that INFJ fits me the best. And I don't think that having intense charisma qualifies someone as an E. I'm an outgoing person, sure, but that doesn't make one an E. Its many factors. Being an I doesn't simply mean that you keep to yourself. It also has to do with the way a person gains energy. My friend Meta thinks I am just an outgoing introvert.

You do remind me a lot of one of my ENFJ friends. Also you seem a little atypical for an INFJ. I've yet to meet an INFJ who is "charismatic". We tend to be cold or controlled in our exterior, and very quiet until we get to know who we are dealing with. Even the picture you have in your profile seems unusual for an INFJ. How many INFJs on this site actually post their real picture?
 

Metamorphosis

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Joined
May 9, 2007
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You do remind me a lot of one of my ENFJ friends. Also you seem a little atypical for an INFJ. I've yet to meet an INFJ who is "charismatic". We tend to be cold or controlled in our exterior, and very quiet until we get to know who we are dealing with. Even the picture you have in your profile seems unusual for an INFJ. How many INFJs on this site actually post their real picture?

Charisma and "outgoing" are not necessarily synonymous, though. If you've seen the hazy/party picture of me flipping off the camera you would never guess I was an INTJ, either. Pictures aren't always good indicators. And he is much more expressive on here than he generally is, irl.
 
B

ByMySword

Guest
You do remind me a lot of one of my ENFJ friends. Also you seem a little atypical for an INFJ. I've yet to meet an INFJ who is "charismatic". We tend to be cold or controlled in our exterior, and very quiet until we get to know who we are dealing with. Even the picture you have in your profile seems unusual for an INFJ. How many INFJs on this site actually post their real picture?

Well, to those I don't know, I exhibit all of those traits. I have to feel comfortable to show the real me. A forum is comfortable for me, so I can express myself more freely. Same goes with my friends and family. They see the me that no one else sees. Consider yourself fortunate that you see it.

J/K. :D

And I am a little atypical. ;)
 

Kiddo

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Charisma and "outgoing" are not necessarily synonymous, though. If you've seen the hazy/party picture of me flipping off the camera you would never guess I was an INTJ, either. Pictures aren't always good indicators. And he is much more expressive on here than he generally is, irl.

Actually, I find INTJs love to post pictures of themselves. Also, here is a quote from the ENFJ profile.

ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.
 

Metamorphosis

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But in the end it all comes down to functions. What's important isn't I and N and F and J. It's the introverted or extroverted nature of the functions and how they interact.
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
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And I am a little atypical. ;)

Quite. Ultimately, you are the only person who can determine what your type is. From what you display here, I am inclined to believe you are an ENFJ.

But in the end it all comes down to functions. What's important isn't I and N and F and J. It's the introverted or extroverted nature of the functions and how they interact.

Same functions, different order.

INFJ - Ni, Fe, Ti, Se
ENFJ - Fe, Ni, Se, Ti

So it is perfectly percievable that an ENFJ could believe they are an INFJ, especially if they are male and don't want to demonstrate a dominant Feeling function.
 
B

ByMySword

Guest
Quite. Ultimately, you are the only person who can determine what your type is. From what you display here, I am inclined to believe you are an ENFJ.

Like I said, I'm like this here because I'm comfortable. If I met you on the street, I probably wouldn't be this way. Of course, I can be more outgoing to strangers, but it doesn't come naturally. This is something I've forced myself to do over time. By making myself go against my nature, I've somewhat conquered it. I can appear an extrovert, but it isn't natural by far. I just adopt the "fuck it" attitude. lol

Everything I've ever read on INFJs fits me to a T. lol. There are some aspects of ENFJs that fit me, but not as much. I would say that by nature, I'm an INFJ. Even though I'm an atypical one. I think my extraversion is more learned behavior. If you had met me in high school, you wouldn't have even known I was there. My first love kind of changed that. In order to win her, I made myself become more extraverted. When I realized that I made more friends that way and got more positive attention, I adopted it as part of my arsenal. But I'm still an introvert at heart.

I found this helpful:

Extraversion and introversion - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
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I would say that if you have developed to the point that extroversion is your main preference then you are no longer an INFJ. Who said you are stuck in one type for your entire life? Maybe you were an INFJ, and events in your life have changed how you fundamentally think and now you are an ENFJ.

But since you are insistent that you are an introvert, I'll leave it be.
 

alcea rosea

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Nov 11, 2007
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Also, is hiding your true self a trait of INFJs? I didn't think it was. I thought we usually confide in everyone as well. I was reading Alcea Rosea's experience with meeting an INFJ, and felt that in that respect that I was different from her friend. Her friend didn't want people to know her true self. Not me at all. Rather, I want everyone to know the real me, even though sometimes I can confide too much. Many times I bet I put people in the same position that I'm in when people confide in me. So I try to not to do that as much.

Hiding the true self might not be INFJ trait. Maybe this friend of mine had some bad experiences in her life and that why she preferred to hide herself and show her true self only to few people. Or maybe she just enjoyed to see people trying to figure her out. Who knows?
 
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ByMySword

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I would say that if you have developed to the point that extroversion is your main preference then you are no longer an INFJ. Who said you are stuck in one type for your entire life? Maybe you were an INFJ, and events in your life have changed how you fundamentally think and now you are an ENFJ.

I never said that it was my main preference. I just said I can act extroverted if I feel it would help me. And usually I have to have a friend there to help me feel more comfortable. As much as I can convince someone, its still painfully uncomfortable for me to be that way. But sometimes it is necessary. And since I broke up with the girlfriend 3 yrs ago, I've gradually grown more introverted again. No need to impress her anymore anyway. But the extroversion tool is still there for me to use at my disposal. So I'm still an INFJ.

Actually, now that I think about it, it could be that I adopt my shadow type in order to be extraverted. Of course, I'm still learning about those, so I don't know.

But even so, I don't think I have to be shy in order to be an Introvert. I can be charismatic and still have the values of an introvert, which is the real way you can tell an introvert.
 

Kiddo

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As much as I can convince someone, its still painfully uncomfortable for me to be that way.

Uncomfortable? In what way?

Actually, now that I think about it, it could be that I adopt my shadow type in order to be extroverted. Of course, I'm still learning about those, so I don't know.

Convert to an ESTP eh? I think that is only typical when under stress, otherwise it requires a large amount of energy.

I can be charismatic and still have the values of an introvert, which is the real way you can tell an introvert.

What are the values of an introvert vs. an extrovert? :huh:
 
B

ByMySword

Guest
Uncomfortable? In what way?

Well, ok. Like right now I'm comfortable. Don't know why I'm comfortable on a forum. But in rl, when I'm assuming the role of an extrovert, it just doesn't feel natural. I don't know how to explain it. I make myself "feel" like I would if I was immediately comfortable. Its a mental thing. Now there is a bright side to this. If I'm talking to this person for an extended period of time, then I will hopefully gradually become comfortable. Then I become more myself. Its funny, even though I'm acting like an extrovert, I'm still hiding my true self. Hmmm. I just realized that. Go figure. Once I become comfortable, then I begin to show the real me.


Convert to an ESTP eh? I think that is only typical when under stress, otherwise it requires a large amount of energy.

Stress, huh? Yep, then that would explain it. Social interactions are very stressful for me in rl.

What are the values of an introvert vs. an extrovert? :huh:

An introverted person is likely to enjoy time spent alone and find less reward in time spent with large groups of people (although they tend to enjoy interactions with close friends, and are in many cases married). They prefer to concentrate on a single activity at a time and like to observe situations before they participate.

Introversion is not the same as shyness, though introverts may also be shy. Introverts choose solitary over social activities by preference, whereas shy people avoid social encounters out of fear.

An introvert is energized when alone. Introverts tend to "fade" when with people and can easily become overstimulated with too many others around. Introverts tend to think before speaking.

An extravert is energized when around other people. Extraverts tend to "fade" when alone and can easily become bored without other people around. Extraverts tend to think as they speak. When given the chance, an extravert will talk with someone else rather than sit alone and think.
 

Shinzon

New member
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Oct 29, 2007
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INFJ
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4w5
I would say that if you have developed to the point that extroversion is your main preference then you are no longer an INFJ.

I was under the impression that your type preference never changes, just your reaction to stimuli which is equal parts learned behavior and type. An INFJ doesn't become a extrovert just by developing a outgoing interaction style, no more than an F becomes a T if forced to work in a field for which hard logic is required; you just become more comfortable using your less dominant functions. Look at all those male INFJs who have claimed to favor their thinking ability and shunned their use of Fe. Are these guys INTJs because they've spent their life focusing on their T because of social pressures?

For what its worth, I identify with most of what ByMySword is saying. I too have been often mistaken as an extrovert because I have such a gregarious speaking style. Since my early teens I have spent a lot of time developing this and I probably learned most of it from my ENFP best friend because I was quite reserved until I started hanging out with her. When I speak, I speak with a learned enthusiasm because I've witnessed it work so well for her so many times. It's just hard getting me to say more than a few words to anyone other than my close friends and interacting with people as a whole is extremely draining for me, especially strangers. This fake extroversion may also be a factor of my youth (and it looks like BMS is pretty close to my age).

The strength of each cognitive process is not set in stone, just which one is running the show; the hierarchical order. You may think I'm an ENFJ after you get a couple of drinks in me and I'm talking my best friends ear off, but appearances can be deceiving depending on circumstance.
 

cafe

Well-known member
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Apr 19, 2007
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9,827
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9w1
I think a comfortable INF can extrovert pretty well without being an extrovert. If I'm comfortable, I'm fairly outgoing and chatty. I don't have the charisma of an extrovert, but the fact that I'm for real, I don't take life too seriously, and I treat everyone like my equal does shine through sometimes. Charisma is, in part, making people feel better when you are around than when you are not, so it's not a stretch for a caring person to have a kind of charisma of their own, even if they are introverted.

Edit: But you know, after I'm done chatting up the teachers and the cashiers, etc, I'm hiding in my room with a book. ;)
 
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