[INFJ] Bebe Le Strange : How to Spot an INFJ

[Wandering]

I normally go for the "fake sleep" approach. People think I'm sleeping so they don't interrupt. It's like meditation. I "wake up" feeling like a new person.

I do that all the time. With headphones and music on, it's even better. I would DIE inside if I didn't do it.

Me, I try to focus all of my "imaginating" into things to put into a novel I wish to write.

Brother of mine !

Sometimes I have "AHA!" moments and other times I'm in an imaginating writer's block.

I rarely get imaginating writer's block. I usually get lazy block (I can't be bothered to put down into words what I'm imaginating), distraction block (my mind won't focus on what I want to be writing today), or overwhelm block (I'm trying to keep too many things neatly aligned in my mind instead of just putting them down on paper).

I typically find a new interest and get obsessive about it, so I try to at least limit myself to things that will be productive. They always seem to get in the way of my school work no matter what, though.

Does that sound familiar or what ?

Using the MBTI to characterize characters in writing has been an ongoing obsession for me as of late.

Wanna swap character typings ?

I just love making connections with two very unlike things and making it work brilliantly.

I wish I could draw; I could make some beautiful artsy things.

I used to be able to draw a bit I'm working on getting it back.

Sometimes I really wonder how I could ever be in a relationship with someone. I rarely do anything tangible these days.

Yeah I *am* in a relationship, and this is the main source of tension between us

 

[cheap]

"You just keep getting weirder, don't you?" (then the ENTP stops replying to my myspace comments.) We were actually kidding around with a T vs F convo; "You don't make sense" is another one. I pointed out that his haircut was very sharp and robotic, and that he also probably has a usb willy. My ENFJ friend made me realise that was quite a tactless thing to say to a random,
"You're very out there online, but in real life..."

"Sooo, this is awkward." "I'm bored." (walks off)
"Are you okay?" to my normal facial expression.
Oh and this one is my favourite:
"Emo!"

"I don't even know why I'm telling you this." - Has only happened once though.
"Stop overcomplicating things."

"Gosh, you don't know anything!"
I have a scarce variety of interests and never seem to have the headspace for anything else.

As for positive ones...only those who really know me realise (and compliment accordingly) what makes me tick.

 

[Alchemist]

"I like whatever gets us to think beyond the box, where people can function better because they are not afraid to say things they really feel. I have a lot of imagination and by and large can amuse myself. I love independent projects and reading and writing. I do my best thinking alone, and I like getting out in nature, being alone to go inside and center myself. I have always been drawn to the spiritual. Everywhere, I see life in symbols. Symbols give me focus. Sometimes the connections and perceptions in my mind are so abstract there are no words to explain. A lot of times I just know something and can’t explain it—a premonition that’s hard to articulate. If it’s strong I usually say something or explore where it’s coming from, but I will keep it to myself if people don’t seem to understand. Informed decisions require lots of information and looking at a situation from as many different points of view as possible. I find it amusing, the absurdity in everyday situations."

I love symbols, connections, and metaphors. It's just so fun to be able to take something that seems menial and dull and make something brilliant out of it by making an analogy, a comparison, or what have you. With this skill, you can do anything. One of my mottos is "everything is connected to everything". It's such a pleasurable thing to exercise.

A great side effect, if applied correctly, is wit. It's like social Aikido- you can, with a simple roll of your lateral thinking wrist, flip someone's perspective in a joking manner. Sometimes I call it a journalist's wit, but it might apply to all people who love writing or making connections.

There's something curious about the way I operate though. I've become more social these past few years. I initiate conversations without thinking if I'm at a large social gathering. However, I see it as a way to practise my own philosophy and thought forms. Of course, I don't analyse whilst talking- that just gets in the way of being able to connect and vibe with people. Instead, after I'm home and done with it all, I compile all the data and see how it measures up. The more social I become, the more time I take to introspect. I expect that my type will gradually change as I learn new things.

Not to completely derail from the OP, the only comment that's stood out for me is from my flatmate:

"I don't think I've ever met anyone with a personality quite like yours."

-A

 

[nightning]

I just want to open up the doors here to get us all talking about how INFJ's think, what makes them happy, what makes them sad, what makes them feel appreciated, how to give them the space they need and when to give them support, ect.

This thread lacks discussion on the INFJ thinking process. I just want to understand and get to know you guys!

Much like alchemist, my thinking style is very inwardly reflective. There's a sense of detachment in my thinking, the way I describe things. A lot of metaphors and symbolism. Actually the metaphors aren't simply given to describe how I see something. Rather it is how I see it... The metaphorical thing becomes the stand in. What I observed in the outside world is translated into symbols... converted into objects which can be manipulated in the mind. That is I use the metaphor as a model in order to understand how the actual thing works.

Say I have balloon representing a person. I play with it in my mind... puzzle out the different aspect of the balloon. The surface of the balloon is what the outside observer sees. It's shiny... and if the balloon is transparent... you'll see that it's clear inside... looks "empty". But it really isn't empty. It's filled with air. The concept of air inside the balloon is related back to the person. The outside reflects the inside...

We can take it one step further and fill the balloon with different substances... A helium balloon... compare that to a water balloon. The image in my mind of the two are very different. One floats... one when drops breaks. So substance matters. Same goes for what's inside a person.

I believe this is something many INFJs do... using metaphor to the full extent of the word. For one thing to become another... Such that whatever changes down to the metaphorical object, the same occurs for the actual one. A mathematical transform... then evaluate the transformed data... then transform the results back into the original form. This happens back and forth pretty much automatically.

 

[Wandering]

I believe this is something many INFJs do... using metaphor to the full extent of the word. For one thing to become another... Such that whatever changes down to the metaphorical object, the same occurs for the actual one. A mathematical transform... then evaluate the transformed data... then transform the results back into the original form. This happens back and forth pretty much automatically.

Absolutely true of me

 

[wedekit]

Oh yes, the metaphor. I find that often there is no other way for me to explain and idea without using a metaphor.

You guys are awesome. ::high five:: I like hearing from other INFJs and realizing that I am not a spazz... or at least I'm not the only spazz out there.

 

[GZA]

This has been a very insightful thread!

 

[PuddleRiver]

you do that too ?
woah!
i do that all the freakin' time

except i really go half-sleep
and i don't think, but hear
clearing your mind is trippy

I call it my time out of mind.

 

[alcea rosea]

Most of the descriptions here fit well to the INFJ's I know in real life.
Here are some parts of what I wrote about meeting INFJ's in my old blog (which doesn't exist anymore)

I met this INFJ at work. She didn't strike to me as interesting or deep person when I first met her. She seemed just ok. That would have been the end of that story if I didn't have a habit of talking to people a lot, talking to everybody a lot,. So, I kept on going to her room at work to talk about things a few times a week or something like that. I talked to her about lots of things and even weird ones. After some time of our conversations, she started to like me or to think that I'm worth of knowing. (She made that decision).

So, from that moment on, she started to open up to me and I was totally amazed what I saw. She was awesome personality, really deep and really interesting. In fact, she is one of the most interesting people I have ever met. This INFJ had the most astonishing insights of people. She would have been excellent therapist. She saw to the core of people and she was really good in seeing people’s problems deep inside. She really used lots of Ni and it was really great to get to hear her thoughts. She was also intelligent but preferred that people didn't see that. She wanted to keep herself protected so only few knew what she really was like. It's really amazing experience to get to know as fascinating person as her. I really rate her high and appreciate her as a friend.

One of the learning’s of me meeting her was that it is always worth of looking forward behind first impression. Sometimes first impressions are right about people and sometimes they are not. So, totally amazing to find such a person underneath! Based on that experience, I value INFJ's extremely high!

 

[ByMySword]

There are a couple of traits that INFJs have that I don't, I've noticed. While I'm good at being a type of "counselor", I usually don't like to be. Of course, it seems that people are just drawn to me when they have a problem. Don't know what it is that makes them want to confide in me. Now if I really care about that person, then I listen with all out intensity. But if its something that I can't relate to, then its hard for me to care. Of course maybe the caring part isn't the main trait, but rather the ability to seem to care and be able to see into people's problems. If thats the case, then assume the above paragraph null and void. lol

Also, is hiding your true self a trait of INFJs? I didn't think it was. I thought we usually confide in everyone as well. I was reading Alcea Rosea's experience with meeting an INFJ, and felt that in that respect that I was different from her friend. Her friend didn't want people to know her true self. Not me at all. Rather, I want everyone to know the real me, even though sometimes I can confide too much. Many times I bet I put people in the same position that I'm in when people confide in me. So I try to not to do that as much.

 

[ByMySword]

Yeah, I would say that is the most prominent feature of some INFJs (maybe all). Me, I try to focus all of my "imaginating" into things to put into a novel I wish to write. Sometimes I have "AHA!" moments and other times I'm in an imaginating writer's block. I typically find a new interest and get obsessive about it, so I try to at least limit myself to things that will be productive. They always seem to get in the way of my school work no matter what, though. Using the MBTI to characterize characters in writing has been an ongoing obsession for me as of late. I just love making connections with two very unlike things and making it work brilliantly. I wish I could draw; I could make some beautiful artsy things.

And I was told that being obsessive about my interests was caused by my OCD. I too have the "AHA!" moments AND the imaginating writer's block, so to speak. And always, the thing I'm into most gets in the way of everything else, school included.

 

[nightning]

There are a couple of traits that INFJs have that I don't, I've noticed. While I'm good at being a type of "counselor", I usually don't like to be. Of course, it seems that people are just drawn to me when they have a problem. Don't know what it is that makes them want to confide in me. Now if I really care about that person, then I listen with all out intensity. But if its something that I can't relate to, then its hard for me to care. Of course maybe the caring part isn't the main trait, but rather the ability to seem to care and be able to see into people's problems. If thats the case, then assume the above paragraph null and void. lol

*shrugs* I think it's good to keep in mind that traits are only general tendencies... you can't expect every single INFJ to act in the same way. It's in our nature (INFJs) to consider ourselves as "unique".

About the counselor thing... well it's either that people with problems are drawn to us, or that we're drawn to those problems. Hard to see which is correct when you're the participant... it always looks as if the other person is coming at you doesn't it?

Also, is hiding your true self a trait of INFJs? I didn't think it was. I thought we usually confide in everyone as well. I was reading Alcea Rosea's experience with meeting an INFJ, and felt that in that respect that I was different from her friend. Her friend didn't want people to know her true self. Not me at all. Rather, I want everyone to know the real me, even though sometimes I can confide too much. Many times I bet I put people in the same position that I'm in when people confide in me. So I try to not to do that as much.

Hiding... when I was young... as in very young, a few years old... I wasn't shy at all.... I'm who I am and I show that to everybody. Then throughout highschool etc the smoke and mirror came. Increase in distance between myself and others. I shared a lot less... because most people either don't understand... or more likely they didn't want to spend the time to understand. So over time I don't bother anymore. It's only now that I see perhaps it's not that people wouldn't understand me... it's just darn difficult with the way I phrase things... too convoluted and not enough substance. Obviously they don't have my memories to make the connections that are seem so blatantly obvious to me. No wonder they couldn't comprehend. So now I try to open up more to people to explain things more clearly.

I've heard the same experience happened to a few other INFJs here on the forum... Perhaps you were so blessed with linguistic abilities that people understand you readily.

 

[Wandering]

Of course maybe the caring part isn't the main trait, but rather the ability to seem to care and be able to see into people's problems.

I guess it's both in varying proportions depending on the person/circumstances. But the thing is: while *we* may know that we don't truly care about someone, *they* don't. On the outside, it can basically look like we care about everyone.

Also, is hiding your true self a trait of INFJs? I didn't think it was. I thought we usually confide in everyone as well.

I think we do both at the same time. INFJs can be extremely - even shockingly at times - open, sharing about anything about our lives, and yet at the same time there can be things that we just somehow don't get around to sharing - for years, even with our closest friends.

And always, the thing I'm into most gets in the way of everything else, school included.

If you ask me, it's everything else that's getting in the way of what truly matters

 

[ByMySword]

*shrugs* I think it's good to keep in mind that traits are only general tendencies... you can't expect every single INFJ to act in the same way. It's in our nature (INFJs) to consider ourselves as "unique".

Yeah, I know. I meant it in general. And yes, I do consider myself unique. Probably explains the big ego.

About the counselor thing... well it's either that people with problems are drawn to us, or that we're drawn to those problems. Hard to see which is correct when you're the participant... it always looks as if the other person is coming at you doesn't it?

Yeah, it does seem like they come to you, but I know that I've walked right into people telling me about their problems without me even knowing it. I realize it now, but at the time I didn't.

Hiding... when I was young... as in very young, a few years old... I wasn't shy at all.... I'm who I am and I show that to everybody. Then throughout highschool etc the smoke and mirror came. Increase in distance between myself and others. I shared a lot less... because most people either don't understand... or more likely they didn't want to spend the time to understand. So over time I don't bother anymore. It's only now that I see perhaps it's not that people wouldn't understand me... it's just darn difficult with the way I phrase things... too convoluted and not enough substance. Obviously they don't have my memories to make the connections that are seem so blatantly obvious to me. No wonder they couldn't comprehend. So now I try to open up more to people to explain things more clearly.

I've heard the same experience happened to a few other INFJs here on the forum... Perhaps you were so blessed with linguistic abilities that people understand you readily.

When I was young I wasn't shy at all, but as I got older, I learned to prepare my defenses. I was a lot more conscious about being open with people, but because I was immature, I was fooled many times by people who seemed to be my true friends and ended up not being one. Over the years this has happened several times and I've still found myself in the cross-fire even as recent as a couple of years ago. But I'm a lot more wary than I was. And I think now, after my last trial, I've finally come into my own.

Concerning people being annoyed.....fuck 'em. I know that they'd want me to listen to them, and I would, of course. So by God they better put in their weight understanding me. lol. I never ask anymore of people than what I give them.

 

[cafe]

Also, is hiding your true self a trait of INFJs? I didn't think it was. I thought we usually confide in everyone as well. I was reading Alcea Rosea's experience with meeting an INFJ, and felt that in that respect that I was different from her friend. Her friend didn't want people to know her true self. Not me at all. Rather, I want everyone to know the real me, even though sometimes I can confide too much. Many times I bet I put people in the same position that I'm in when people confide in me. So I try to not to do that as much.

It's a trait, or I should probably say skill, I could definitely see cultivating if I wasn't in a position to live a pretty sheltered life. My inner self isn't particularly fit for public consumption and my relaxed persona has a tendency to attract parasites. Creating a neutral, boring, public persona would be a logical survival skill.

 

[ByMySword]

I guess it's both in varying proportions depending on the person/circumstances. But the thing is: while *we* may know that we don't truly care about someone, *they* don't. On the outside, it can basically look like we care about everyone.

Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. I don't know if you've seen Nemo's motivitional poster for us on the Picture Death Thread, but we came up with the quote: "Terrorists Who Care".

Maybe our quote should be: "You Only Think We Care"

I think we do both at the same time. INFJs can be extremely - even shockingly at times - open, sharing about anything about our lives, and yet at the same time there can be things that we just somehow don't get around to sharing - for years, even with our closest friends.

I still say things sometimes that my friends claim they didn't know. I'm always so surprised.

If you ask me, it's everything else that's getting in the way of what truly matters

Well, that's Gospel, plain and simple.

 

[nightning]

Concerning people being annoyed.....fuck 'em. I know that they'd want me to listen to them, and I would, of course. So by God they better put in their weight understanding me. lol. I never ask anymore of people than what I give them.

Heh! I try to do the same thing as well... Equal exchanges. It's just so funny that some people don't realize what exactly they were asking of me until I start asking them for a fraction in return. Fair weather friends... no thank you... I guess that's when the shield starting coming up.

Creating a neutral, boring, public persona would be a logical survival skill.

Nicely put cafe... a survival skill. Too bad we need it to survive... because it prevents you from doing a lot of things too.

 

[wedekit]

I know that I make a good counselor but I have no wish to be one for other people or as a career. It's stressful to me to have people place all their negativity on your shoulders and expect good advice. I can't deal with that kind of stuff on a regular basis, but I do take concern with my closer friends when they are having problems.

I think the key to an INFJs counselor abilities is our ability to understand even the darkest parts of our humanity. When I read things like "sociopathic behavior is usually caused by early childhood abuse or neglect", I understand on a deeper level than most. I can go beyond just thinking "oh, they don't have a conscience" and really put myself into their situation and understand their feelings and motives. I really don't know how to explain it beyond that. Of course, with this ability I often fear that because I can do this I have the potential to be this way myself, often worrying that I am a potential child predator or rapist when I clearly know that I would never allow myself do those kind of things. Empathy comes with its price for me in that respect. Sometimes I can let who I am get confused with my ability to understand others.

 

[ByMySword]

I think the key to an INFJs counselor abilities is our ability to understand even the darkest parts of our humanity. When I read things like "sociopathic behavior is usually caused by early childhood abuse or neglect", I understand on a deeper level than most. I can go beyond just thinking "oh, they don't have a conscience" and really put myself into their situation and understand their feelings and motives. I really don't know how to explain it beyond that.

You don't have to. I understand completely. I was explaining to Elfinchilde in my blog about being a movie-buff and being able to emotionally connect to the characters I'm watching. Same goes with friends. I can put myself in their shoes and really see how it feels to walk in them. Sometimes, even if I've never had the same experiences as they have.

This is a bit off-topic, but I'm big on understanding. Not just myself, but people in general. That's why when I'm debating with someone, I'm really not concerned with winning. I know that neither of us is going to convince the other each is right. I'm more concerned with first understanding where the opposing side is coming from and then having them understand where I'm coming from. If I can do that and they can do that, then I'm perfectly fine with agreeing to disagree. It can be very frusterating, because many times other people don't try to understand at all. They go about it childishly by simply ignoring it or by "hitting below the belt" with an ad hominem argument and the like. That angers me beyond all belief!!!! :steam:

 

[wedekit]

Yeah, I had a teacher argue with us with the use of a few articles that said that these days college students never argue their opinions or beliefs with teachers anymore. He says we've all adopted this "they have their mind made up so there is no point" ideology. I agree that we do and I don't think it is a bad ideology, but I wanted to argue that I was perfectly willing (and always have been) to listen to the other persons view and understand it fully. For example, I love learning about other people's religions though they are not in concordance with mine simply because I like to understand people in that way.

I often have to tell people that just because I don't believe something I don't dislike anyone who does. For example, even though I am a vegetarian I don't care if anyone else eats meat. What would be the point in life if all we did was walk around and force our opinions on other people? In fact, I encourage people to eat meat if it makes them happy. It just doesn't make me happy.

But yeah, I agree; I am big on understanding people as well. I also expect people to try and understand my beliefs if they are preaching to me their's. If they don't I find it infuriating as well.