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  1. #1
    Vulnerability Eilonwy's Avatar
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    Default INfJ questions about ENFPs

    One of my best friends since junior high school is an ENFP. She recently told someone that she and I are like Yin and Yang. Personally, I had never thought about our friendship that way, since I was focusing only our similarities, and was wondering if that is a common perception of ENFPs about their friendships with INFJs? Complementary but opposite?

    Also, with this friend and another who is also ENFP, I've noticed that they will start updating me about personal things going on in their lives and I have no idea what they are talking about. It's as if they think they have already told me all the background info, when we haven't talked about it at all. I was wondering if this is common and what's the best way to tell them that I'm clueless? Should I interrupt or let them finish before I tell them? I know that I sometimes forget who I've told what to, and that I assume that I've told certain things to those I'm closest to, so I kind of see it as a compliment that they think they've already confided in me, even when they haven't.
    Johari / Nohari

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    reminder to self: "That YOU that you are so proud of is a story woven together by your interpreter module to account for as much of your behavior as it can incorporate, and it denies or rationalizes the rest." "Who's in Charge? Free Will and the Science of the Brain" by Michael S. Gazzaniga

  2. #2
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    I understand what your ENFP friend is expressing when she uses the phrase 'yin yang' to describe her relationship with INFJs. I am sitting here wondering if the word 'opposite' is a bit strong...as I often feel extraordinarily (fundamentally) similiar to INFJs. But maybe not. Complementary is a good word.

    What I usually experience with the INFJs in my life is a sense of being 'understood' or 'gotten' without having to explain myself to death. And a sense of operating as a unit...(which is a feeling that is often missing from other relationships in my life). I have this feeling that 'we pick up where the other leaves off'. My weaknesses are the INFJs strengths and vice versa. So there is a 'yin yang' type energy present that provides me with a sense of wholeness or completeness which I really appreciate. I am just sorta 'thinking out loud' here...and when I do I run the risk of sounding super ridiculous...but there is definitely something to be had with regards to this notion of ENFP/INFJ yin yang.

    Speaking of 'thinking out loud'...ENFPs often do that with the people in their lives they feel safe with. In other words, you will often find us rambling on and on about something...having unknowingly left out a large part of background info or this or that...
    It is completely okay to say...'hey wait what?' We will appreciate it...as it will help us organize our thoughts better. And we get to do more of what we like to do...talk! LOL. (oh I often feel bad for my friends that have to listen to me go on and on LOL).
    Last edited by Starry; 05-20-2011 at 11:52 PM. Reason: weirding out on how often I used the word often

  3. #3
    Vulnerability Eilonwy's Avatar
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    Thanks, StarryKnights! Your reply helped clarify things for me. I'll now focus on complementary instead of opposite as far as yin and yang go. And it's good to know that I can say "I'm not sure what you're talking about" without hurting any feelings. Now if I can just figure out how to get it out of my mouth at the time its happening and not five hours later when I've finally figured out what I want to say and it's too late!

    I don't mind listening to my friends go on and on, since I go on and on myself! This post doesn't reflect that, but it's true!
    Johari / Nohari

    “That we are capable only of being what we are remains our unforgivable sin.” ― Gene Wolfe

    reminder to self: "That YOU that you are so proud of is a story woven together by your interpreter module to account for as much of your behavior as it can incorporate, and it denies or rationalizes the rest." "Who's in Charge? Free Will and the Science of the Brain" by Michael S. Gazzaniga

  4. #4
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    I agree with you, I truly see our combination as Yin-and-Yang.

    For the most part, I've learned the most about my own flaws more than any other types through interaction with ENFPs. The only problem is that, the more conflicts we had, I rather took it as a constructive experience and learned to develop myself more and feeling appreciated of sharing their brutally blunt perspective (during heated argument, of course). I know it does take a lot of courage for ENFPs to release their inner-voice as they're supremely good at concealing any negative judgements of others.

    The sad part is, the more conflicts we had, we both get to know each other better, but with a huge price to pay though. For me, it seems ENFPs will mostly distance themselves as they extremely dislike conflicts and criticisms. Though INFJs also feel this way but wouldn't distance themselves if they found the conflicts itself can bring benefits to further their personal development.

  5. #5
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eilonwy View Post
    Thanks, StarryKnights! Your reply helped clarify things for me. I'll now focus on complementary instead of opposite as far as yin and yang go. And it's good to know that I can say "I'm not sure what you're talking about" without hurting any feelings. Now if I can just figure out how to get it out of my mouth at the time its happening and not five hours later when I've finally figured out what I want to say and it's too late!
    LOL @ bolded. Oh man do I hate how often it happens that way.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  6. #6
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    I agree with you, I truly see our combination as Yin-and-Yang.

    For the most part, I've learned the most about my own flaws more than any other types through interaction with ENFPs. The only problem is that, the more conflicts we had, I rather took it as a constructive experience and learned to develop myself more and feeling appreciated of sharing their brutally blunt perspective (during heated argument, of course). I know it does take a lot of courage for ENFPs to release their inner-voice as they're supremely good at concealing any negative judgements of others.

    The sad part is, the more conflicts we had, we both get to know each other better, but with a huge price to pay though. For me, it seems ENFPs will mostly distance themselves as they extremely dislike conflicts and criticisms. Though INFJs also feel this way but wouldn't distance themselves if they found the conflicts itself can bring benefits to further their personal development.
    Crescent...I forget...was your relationship with this ENFP a romantic one?

    I think this combination works beautifully when it comes to friendship. I think this combination can turn a little 'epic' when romance comes into play. Not that it has to be that way at all. But as it is so often the case...romance can bring up all kinds of insecurities and fears... and when this happens...yin-yang can quickly turn into push-pull.

    Do you think this was what was happening in your relationship?

  7. #7
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    LOL @ bolded. Oh man do I hate how often it happens that way.
    Slow pokes. OMG I'M TOTALLY KIDDING.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    Crescent...I forget...was your relationship with this ENFP a romantic one?

    I think this combination works beautifully when it comes to friendship. I think this combination can turn a little 'epic' when romance comes into play.
    ?
    Is Epic bad? ;D

  9. #9
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reverie View Post
    Is Epic bad? ;D
    Epic is my middle name! LOL.

  10. #10
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    I love epic so.. I wonder if I should get some capes and swords, cause then I could resolve conflicts with my enfp husband in the right proper way. "Who forgot to pay the electricity bill?!? Ok. See you at the field at dawn! " Why not? The one who loses is the one who's crappy at all that boring stuff. Haha!

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