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[INFP] Why do people Hate the idea of being INFP?

skylights

i love
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Does a content INFP who is sometimes happy and sometimes not so happy count? :)

haha! you make me look outside my bubbly ENFP box.

"content" is good. perhaps "fulfilled" or "self-actualizing" would work also.

an INFP who is manifesting their inner INFPness. :)

i have a silly little mantra which is that you should do whatever makes your heart sing. that doesn't mean you are happy or satisfied or even pleased, but if your heart is singing from time to time, then you are successful.

Rebe said:
We can't be a cute bunny all the time. I like the sharp contrast; it keeps people on their toes. I am pretty sure that's one of the best things about us though, really laid-back and silly one minute but rigorous and firm the next. I am sure my "moral senses" can be annoying, but it's a huge part of us. We usually explode for a bit and get over it, move on to something else and become silly again.

hehe, i like it too! it's a challenge... lord knows i'm always up for a challenge... but i think some people might not be so appreciative, lol.
 

Southern Kross

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The biggest thing is our sensitivity. It is frowned upon. I still have people wanting to "cure me". (if I haven't been cured by now, I think it's there to stay) For all that, I have proved time and time again, I'm much more resilent emotionally. I reset to optimistic/idealistic far quicker than most (I do wonder if this is actually a flaw of mine), but according to certain peeps I still need to harden up, even though that sensitivity is used to their advantage. Yes, certain aspects of my sensitivity are very advantageous for me. It's a double edge sword though, but I wouldn't give it up now.
Oh yes. People are still to this day, trying to 'cure me' of many aspects of my character. :doh:

The second major category in my mind is the general lack of "societal place/value" for our strongest skills. Sure being a great friend is a great thing, but how are you going to "sell" that, or "socially package/express" that, or use it to contribute to some companies bottom line??? Your personal life might be really great, and many people may really like and respect you, but professionally and "in societies eyes" I think its much harder to find outlets or expressions for that.
I think this is central. INFP skills aren't easily marketable or particularly practical.

I personally have discovered that I have certain skills that often people never knew they needed, let alone looked for. However when they actually pay attention and see these qualities in action, people are often astounded by them. I don't say this to show off; I think always think of these qualities as nothing special but it seems some think they are. The problem for me is often trying to convince others to give me a chance to prove my worth, in spite of the shitty first impression I seem to give.
 

William K

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And, honestly, I don't why girls wouldn't want to go out with INFP guy? Every girl should want one! (if the married guy was any thing to go by, he just seemed very caring and intimate with his wife. It was very subtle, but nice.)

Ahhh, the thing I missed most about TypoC... having my ego stroked! More, please! :D
 

Elfboy

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Ahhh, the thing I missed most about TypoC... having my ego stroked! More, please! :D

interesting, I miss having my ego challenged. :D
 

PeaceBaby

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One issue especially with the e4 INFPs is that we tend to want to live life according to our own terms, and doing that is much easier in the latter stages of life when we already have some stability in terms of a career and family. So it's sort of a chicken and egg problem. You can't be free to be INFP unless you have built a life by suppressing those INFP tendencies. Before I get jumped on, I'm not saying that INFPs have it harder than any other types. Just different challenges that society as a whole tend to misunderstand.

I agree that there is a conundrum there, especially when you are an INFP with Responsibilities or Expectations. These responsibilities could arise from a number of venues - personal values, family expectations, being a parent, being a spouse, the need to have financial security therefore a job, any job ... as a basic summary, being reliable when you are being counted upon. For me, it can feel challenging to reconcile all those areas of neediness with some of my own personal tendencies to be free of constraints, even good constraints. And, the reason why I run my own business is to get to that point where the financial aspects are not a constraint in and of themselves. I play by the rules of the world so that eventually I get to run my life according to more of my own. Sometimes I resent that, but in accepting it, I have more power over it.

@bold: I think yes, this is true to a point. I think an INFP does learn to be a chameleon (some more so than others depending on circumstance) and for a portion of my adult life I wondered if I was being untrue to myself being one, but now I think my ability to adapt is actually a terrific asset. I just need to remember to keep the parameters of my own identity clear at the same time. When I hit that sweet spot, it sure does feel great. When I was in my twenties, I was not as good at being assertive in that way.
 

Elfboy

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I don't see how anyone who wasn't a complete ignoramous could not like an INFP. everything they say and do is so beautiful and poetic and they're so pure. they're so mysterious sometimes that they almost seem like they're straight out of a fairytale. haterz gon' hate, but I love my INFPs :hug::hug::hug:
 

Fluffywolf

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It is natural for a person to love their own type.

I love being an INTP and don't want to be any other type. INTP is who I am.

I don't want to be an INFP, because I want to be me.

If an ESFJ says he doesn't want to be an INFP because he things being an INFP sucks, he probably also doesn't want to be any of the other types apart from ESFJ, because he thinks they all suck.

So as to answer the OP. People hate the idea of being INFP because they hate the idea of being anything but themselves.
 

stalemate

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You eat grandma's?
apostropheposter.jpg
 

Rasofy

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Oh, INFPs are great.
I really really really (emphasis) can't relate to their decision making process but all the ones I met were fun, smart and kind .
And their Fi dom faces are so adorable that it makes me wanna hug them. :hug:
 

Stanton Moore

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Yeah, I agree with a lot of what's been said. I will add that, for the INFP male, things get better as you go through life, in pretty much all ways.
About INFP profiles: Don't take them to heart. They are somewhat accurate in the broad strokes, but they are wildly off in the particulars. don't treat them like an identity, because they are not. You are you, no matter what.
I have learned that 'sensitivity' is considered a bad word in our culture. I prefer to say that i'm perceptive. I perceive things about people and the world, and some of those things have an emotional component. Through the kind words of others, I've come to see this as a positive force in my life and the lives of others.
Am I emotional? Yes. More than others? In a way. I'm more in touch with my emotions in some ways, and I won't apologize for that. Now I consider it a gift, one that brings with it a sensitivity to aesthetics and music, and an ability to see patterns that others may not see. On the other hand, I've suppressed bad experiences, just like anyone would.
So don't get hung up on what the label means. It's not telling of anything that matters in the world. You can figure out who you are without it.
 

Thalassa

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I don't see how anyone who wasn't a complete ignoramous could not like an INFP. everything they say and do is so beautiful and poetic and they're so pure. they're so mysterious sometimes that they almost seem like they're straight out of a fairytale. haterz gon' hate, but I love my INFPs :hug::hug::hug:

Are you clinically insane? EVERYTHING THEY SAY AND DO IS BEAUTIFUL AND POETIC?

They're just people bro. They take shits and get in cranky moods. Settle down.
 

Santosha

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Don't listen Elfboy! You just keep on feeding the INFP's ego.. we do still shit, but it smells like rose pedals =D
 

KDude

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Are you clinically insane? EVERYTHING THEY SAY AND DO IS BEAUTIFUL AND POETIC?

They're just people bro. They take shits and get in cranky moods. Settle down.

Yeah, but we make taking a shit and being cranky look beautiful and poetic too. :coffee:

Drunk_girl_on_toilet.jpg
 

luminous beam

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I've never had a problem with being an INFP. I figured this out many years ago and I actually kind of always liked the descriptions of an INFP. I was even forgiving and accepting of the INFP weaknesses and bad qualities we are said to have. However, I'm not sure that most people see me as INFP and, I have met a few that in my opinion, probably give other INFPs a bad name. I think those are the ones that bask in their own insecurities and wallow in sadness and feed into delusions.
 

OrangeAppled

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The second major category in my mind is the general lack of "societal place/value" for our strongest skills. Sure being a great friend is a great thing, but how are you going to "sell" that, or "socially package/express" that, or use it to contribute to some companies bottom line??? Your personal life might be really great, and many people may really like and respect you, but professionally and "in societies eyes" I think its much harder to find outlets or expressions for that. For example, our computer programmer INFP's get paid to [I assume] do computer programming, not to motivationally inspire their coworkers. Personally, I get paid to run research machines, not to "express my feelings." I'm sure that non-T non-NT non-TJ workplaces are more "personable" and "interactive", but these general factors still apply there too I'm sure. Make no bones about it, business is a TJ [arguably ESTJ] environment, and virtually every job out there is, in some way shape or form, "business."

Yes, the business world does not seem made for INFPs. Even if we can succeed in it (and I think that's very possible), we're often not happy in it.

This reminds me of some conversations I had w/my mom. When I was younger I always wanted to be some kind of visual artist, but I was always looking to see how I could translate that into a paying job (graphic design? architecture?). I'd note that art is not valued because it doesn't contribute to any need. Well, my ISFJ mom would say that it contributes something very important, very much needed in the world (enriching the human experience, highlighting truth, etc), but I meant the bottom line, pragmatic needs that generate income. People value many INFP associated strengths, but they don't assign monetary value to it. Frankly, I don't think you can. I think in some way, people do recognize that it corrupts the value to view it in monetary terms. I mean, they just see you as a sell-out if they have to pay you for something that should be "above" a service transaction.

But, I don't want to hear that when I need to pay my rent & eat :D.

To further expand Scott's point about coolness and societal value of skills, how do you define a person who is a "successful" INFP? Who are the role models and did they succeed because of their INFPness or because they conformed to the norm despite their INFPness?

When it comes to famous INFPs, I tend to identify success in terms of artistic success. The problem is, this does not necessarily mean personal success, or happiness. Often these people were/are a disaster on a personal level. I think Van Gogh was INFP. His art is a success now, but even if his art was a success when he was alive, would he have reached personal success? I just don't think his mindset was stable enough. He was fundamentally unhappy with life, and no amount of artistic success would've changed that; it went beyond his art. So identifying successful INFPs in terms of happiness is a lot harder. They're probably less conspicuous.

And don't even get me started on how celebrities are not role models....If you're looking for happy, stable people, then you should not look to most famous people, IMO.

One issue especially with the e4 INFPs is that we tend to want to live life according to our own terms, and doing that is much easier in the latter stages of life when we already have some stability in terms of a career and family. So it's sort of a chicken and egg problem. You can't be free to be INFP unless you have built a life by suppressing those INFP tendencies. Before I get jumped on, I'm not saying that INFPs have it harder than any other types. Just different challenges that society as a whole tend to misunderstand.

Maybe I'm being idealistic (what are the odds of that?), but I'd like to see it as not so much compromising oneself, but expanding what your ideals mean in reality. I think a stable, productive INFP sees many ways to reach a core ideal, and so they are less restricted, making so-called "compromises" a non-threat to their identity. Instead, these "compromises" just become different avenues than you previously thought you could take to reach your ideals. The ideals are less narrow, less rigid, more adaptable, which makes them easier to fulfill in reality.

Also, what seems like whining and self-hating in a forum like this can actually be an INFP's way of just expressing himself/herself given the anonymity of the Internet.

It's hard to get across to others why INFPs vent a lot online....90% of the time we're listening to other people vent in person. I'm a listener, a "healer", not a whiner.

Yeah, but we make taking a shit and being cranky look beautiful and poetic too. :coffee:

I know this is humorous, but relating this idea to William's above, I think this is a conflict some INFPs may experience (especially e4s): Does being "successful" mean being a successful artist (not even literally an artist) or being happy?

Is it better to live poetically, but be miserable, than to be happy, but not live very poetically? Of course, a person can do both, but it's harder to find examples of these INFPs, because IRL we don't come across each other that much. Looking at famous people doesn't help; they seem to usually be the former kind.
 

Chiharu

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I don't know actually. When I think of an INFP, I think i would like them a lot. They SOUND like wonderful people. Then I meet a few. And I hate them after like one conversation. AND I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!! For me, maybe it's because we're so similar... yet I don't hate ENFPS when I meet them. Huh.

Maybe it's because INFPs don't come off as all that warm/genuine/fun in person? Like, "I love you I love I love I love you... I'M IN MY EMO CORNER GO AWAY!!! RAWR!!!" At least, that's what I got out of interactions... :shrug:
 
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