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  1. #11
    Señora Member Elfa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    I really don't see anything positive in comforting myself with the fact that so many people all over the world are is serious pain right now. I get the point, yeah, I should see that I am not the ONLY ONE suffering, but it just seems wrong to ease my pain with the fact that there is pain all over.
    The conforting thing in knowing that are people in pain too is remembering that you're not alone, many people suffer, just like you, they passed through it and you can pass through too. Your pain is normal and will have an end, like happens to everyone. It's different that saying to yourself "many people suffer more than me, so I have no right to think I'm suffering" - I don't know if that's your case, but it's something I used to do always, and now I'm trying to stop. The intention of this would be not feeling so isolated from the rest of humanity, it's ok to feel like you feel.


    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    I feel separate from the society even if I'm happy.
    I'm really sorry to hear that.

    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    What does that mean?
    It means that, when you're in emotional pain, you don't talk yourself down, you don't beat yourself up for the very things you have understand and warmth for others, you don't isolate yourself from your supporters nor ruminate over the thing that caused pain. Being loving would be warm and understanding toward your pain, rather than ignoring it or self-flagellating.

    Ok?

  2. #12
    Señora Member Elfa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    It's not to sell myself short, and it actually has an air of omnipotence in relation to other people and their emotions, but it does leave me deprived of the usual level of openness and coping mechanism that people are readily willing to use. Same token, I notice a lot of those people who have the openness aren't versed in the coping aspect, and end up having less compassion toward themselves in the end.
    I got the part of lack of coping and less compassion, but what kind of openness do your mean? Is it like being open to what oneself feels and talking about it?

  3. #13
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    Self-Kindness: 2.00
    Self-Judgment: 3.20
    Common Humanity: 2.00
    Isolation: 2.00
    Mindfulness: 4.00
    Over-Identification: 1.75
    Overall score: 3.18

  4. #14
    Member Ethelred the Unready's Avatar
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    Self-Kindness: 1.00
    Self-Judgment: 4.60
    Common Humanity: 1.00
    Isolation: 5.00
    Mindfulness: 1.00
    Over-Identification: 5.00
    Overall score: 1.07

    Sad, isn't it? I've never realised I'm so bad to myself...have to do some work and learn to accept myself...or something along those lines.
    We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull; some have weird names and all are different colours, but they all have to live in the same box.

  5. #15
    The Unwieldy Clawed One Falcarius's Avatar
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    Self-Kindness: 3.80
    Self-Judgment: 3.20
    Common Humanity: 3.50
    Isolation: 3.00
    Mindfulness: 4.00
    Over-Identification: 2.50
    Overall score: 3.43
    Quote Originally Posted by Thalassa View Post
    Oh our 3rd person reference to ourselves denotes nothing more than we realize we are epic characters on the forum.

    Narcissism, plain and simple.

  6. #16
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfa View Post
    The conforting thing in knowing that are people in pain too is remembering that you're not alone, many people suffer, just like you, they passed through it and you can pass through too. Your pain is normal and will have an end, like happens to everyone. It's different that saying to yourself "many people suffer more than me, so I have no right to think I'm suffering" - I don't know if that's your case, but it's something I used to do always, and now I'm trying to stop. The intention of this would be not feeling so isolated from the rest of humanity, it's ok to feel like you feel.
    Yeah, I wanted to bring this distinction up. It is a lot different to say "Pain is a part of life" on a general level, than start thinking about individuals in pain, and specific scenarios. It seems that from the questions in the quiz you could easily come to either of these ideas.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elfa View Post
    I'm really sorry to hear that.
    Don't be. It is a result of the choices I've made consciously. Thus I will take the responsibility of the consequences. And mind you, I didn't say I am disconnected from the individuals or from the nature. I see the society as something I wouldn't want too much to do with. Again, I was pointing out here, that the "disconnected with the world" is quite an ambiguous idea, and doesn't actually tell much about a person's happiness. I'm not unhappy being disconnected from the society, since most of it is an illusion trying to keep me inside a certain behavioral pattern. The real in the society are the individuals, and I'm not disconnected with them. Except in the case when they have related themselves with their social role so much that they can't be called individuals anymore.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elfa View Post
    It means that, when you're in emotional pain, you don't talk yourself down, you don't beat yourself up for the very things you have understand and warmth for others, you don't isolate yourself from your supporters nor ruminate over the thing that caused pain.
    Isn't this more like being open to other people's love?

    Quote Originally Posted by Elfa View Post
    Being loving would be warm and understanding toward your pain, rather than ignoring it or self-flagellating.
    I don't think love is the word for that... Forgiveness would be a lot better, since it requires seeing the truth and accepting it without encouraging it.

  7. #17
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfa View Post
    I got the part of lack of coping and less compassion, but what kind of openness do your mean? Is it like being open to what oneself feels and talking about it?
    Mm Emotional openness, yes. I can talk about the subjects that bother me or upset me, but it's near-impossible for me to become emotional about them in the presence of others. While this can cause an ability to damage control myself, rather than needing outside damage control, it can also force me to appear as the pillar to others.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ethelred the Unready View Post
    Sad, isn't it? I've never realised I'm so bad to myself...have to do some work and learn to accept myself...or something along those lines.
    This is exactly why I liked this test. Though I know I'm pretty good to me, the questions made me think about it a bit more and have some revelations.
    Also-
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

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    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  8. #18
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I think I'm partly bad to myself because of believing some things to be true, by a certain common standard (or, "standards"). That sounds pretty non-Fi, doesn't it? I really shouldn't care..

    I'm not sure how to put it.. I just feel like the weight I throw on myself sometimes isn't even my own. Shoulds and should nots pertaining to class, masculinity, achievement, good looks... to name a few. I'm not even sure it's an MBTI related thing either. I can even go on a site like this and find dozens, if not hundreds, of NFs promoting the same things I want to get away from elsewhere. I especially have compassion for others who've been hurt by it too. If there's one thing I can be proud of, I was the kid who didn't mind being friends with the other kid who had burn scars. I'm proud that when people tried to ditch a person behind, I blew up on them. Yet, when I think about it alone, I realize where I fail too.. I reminisce on all of the people and situations that have insulted me over the years - and take a bit of it to heart. Sometimes rejection hurts, y'know. I think that maybe I'm just a loser, who's poorly adapted to the ways of the world. I can't seem to play the game well, and no matter how much I fight it, nothing changes either.

  9. #19
    Señora Member Elfa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Yeah, I wanted to bring this distinction up. It is a lot different to say "Pain is a part of life" on a general level, than start thinking about individuals in pain, and specific scenarios. It seems that from the questions in the quiz you could easily come to either of these ideas.
    Oh, ok. That may lead to some confusion.

    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Don't be. It is a result of the choices I've made consciously. Thus I will take the responsibility of the consequences. And mind you, I didn't say I am disconnected from the individuals or from the nature. I see the society as something I wouldn't want too much to do with. Again, I was pointing out here, that the "disconnected with the world" is quite an ambiguous idea, and doesn't actually tell much about a person's happiness. I'm not unhappy being disconnected from the society, since most of it is an illusion trying to keep me inside a certain behavioral pattern. The real in the society are the individuals, and I'm not disconnected with them. Except in the case when they have related themselves with their social role so much that they can't be called individuals anymore.
    Being disconnected really doesn't tell much about someone's happiness, but I find sad the idea of feeling completely alone. Feeling isolation may not be the great reason for someone feeling bad, but certainly isn't something that makes one happy. If the real in society are the people, so feeling isolated from society isn't feeling isolated from people? If you don't feel disconected from the people, I guess it's good...

    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Isn't this more like being open to other people's love?
    Isn't allowing yourself to be open to other people's love an act of love towards yourself?

    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    I don't think love is the word for that... Forgiveness would be a lot better, since it requires seeing the truth and accepting it without encouraging it.
    Isn't forgiveness and act of love?

  10. #20
    Señora Member Elfa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    Mm Emotional openness, yes. I can talk about the subjects that bother me or upset me, but it's near-impossible for me to become emotional about them in the presence of others. While this can cause an ability to damage control myself, rather than needing outside damage control, it can also force me to appear as the pillar to others.
    I see... I don't know if acting like you do is a MBTI type thing, but I know an ENFJ who acts something like that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    This is exactly why I liked this test. Though I know I'm pretty good to me, the questions made me think about it a bit more and have some revelations.
    Also-
    I'm really glad that the test made you and some people think. It made me think myself too.

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