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[ENFP] ENFPs, love, obsession, or myth???

Cality

New member
Joined
Mar 2, 2008
Messages
208
MBTI Type
ENFP
lol...sounds like you had a bad experience with an ENFP? ;)

So im curious.....plz tell me more about how evil they are? seriously.

Doesn't sound ENFP... But basically a usual manipulator. I was dating a ENTJ who was the same way to me and he was the manipulator.. I am using my skills to feel what people feels to a good purpose : understanding them and helping them out if needed.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
Hey Sexist, thanks for the fuller explanation.

And don't take this as an attack, b/c it's not, just wanted to make the observation that you seem to be responsible for attracting and choosing women you don't want.

RE: You like attention, you give back attention and spend time with women indiscriminately, you keep choosing venues where you yourself say you don't meet 'quality women'. I think it's safe to say in this case that you 1) limiting your pool by the places you choose and 2) attracting people with the energy you put out, which in this case is alpha-male who likes ego stroking at kegger like parties?

A lot of guys (and women) avoid those kind of parties altogether for meeting dates. No clubs, no bars. Or rather more high-brow or self-selecting places like jazz clubs, lounges, etc. You can also meet women at book and movie clubs, museums, bookstores, etc. I actually really enjoy conferences, symposiums, etc. and have met people that way 'cause I'm a nerd like that. Aren't there women gun enthusiasts in gun clubs?

First, I disagree that the women you meet aren't smart (heck, maybe I'd agree if I met them but just playing devil's advocate). I'd guess they are young in their life stage and outlook in life and not intellectually or philosophically inclined, but that's not necessarily 'not smart'.

And I also disagree you can't figure some things out from first meeting. You can ask strategic questions and get a feel for a person's inclinations, politics, etc.

I don't think I've ever gotten a number (platonically or otherwise) from someone that I later regretted or deemed to be 'not smart', immature, or shallow. *knock on wood*

So in conclusion, some suggestions for helping your dating life:

1) Choose venues wisely for meeting women
2) Use your ENFP'ness man to get a feel for women before getting the digits
3) Put out more thoughtful/intellectual and less 'party' energy if you are looking for a thoughtful/intellectual and less of a party girl (laws of attraction)

But...since it looks like you're trying to get back with your ex, these may be moot points. ;)

Good luck, either way.
 

shen

New member
Joined
Sep 27, 2007
Messages
129
MBTI Type
ENFP
dating an enfp is like dating ruprecht, then after a while you come to realize your actually dating laurence jamieson, a classy dirty rotten scoundrel:devil:
 
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WillMagic

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
7
MBTI Type
INTP
TRUE! I dont want to sound pretentious, but YES many people fall in love with me. I just want to know them as a person, but they end up falling in love with me, without me doing anything to bait them.
You know its frustrating!! This is especially true, if its a male friend whom you like, but they want it to go beyond friendship and that ruins things. I mean cant we know a person at a human level?? Why does romance have to come into it.
Im seriously tired of people falling in love with me. I mean give me a challenge plz!! Let me make the first move or show interest in you, why do you have to fall on me! arghhh.
I also had stalkers stalking me to international countries! Holidaying where i holiday etc....so yes its not a good feeling. Plus its not a good feeling rejecting the other person too. So its not an easy life.

( I sound so arrogant, but what i mean to say is its frustrating when ppl throw themselves at you and think you feel the same way about them as they do about you- not knowing there are levels of intimacy with an ENFP).

It took me a while to figure this out about my ENFP friend. She was giving off what I thought were mixed signals - not coming on to me, we'd have a conversation and she'd behave like she was totally fascinated with me. Then she'd go off and do the same with every other guy in sight.

It's irritating though. I'm into her, but she likes me just fine in the friend zone, so every time we hang out (which there isn't a way around - we're functionally co-workers) I have to focus on the fact that she's not into me, she's just enfp.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
^^ Ha, and hence the continuing ENFP 'is she into me?' confusion continues!

Regardless of types involved, there is a simple solution, and that is to ask the person out. ;)
 

elfinchilde

a white iris
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
1,465
MBTI Type
type
Ha, man up? I cant seem to "man down"! Its like every chance I get to test the alpha male theory I do, and then things tend to happen that I dont exactly regret but due to have definitely grown a reputation for. This isnt even a "possible" thing, its definite. If I go to a party or a social gathering of any sort im just compelled to challenge others territory and to see how far i can assert my authority. This I think Is why I attract females on such a regular basis, I just cant help but feel superior around other men (other than Brothers of course). This like I said tends to get me into a lot of trouble and its very hard to seek out a serious relationship when im known for doing this.

I wish they had like testosterone donations that you could go in for and get paid for it.

Well I of course enjoy the attention of all women, I do have an ego the needs a good stroke once in a while. And so the problem is that after atracting such women I let it carry on for too long until it goes too far. By this point ive usually had more than just a "few" beers. If it goes as far as a relationship though, its not until after do I ever realise how immature, unintelligent and/or just stupid they are. I would love to be with a women who can be on equal footing with me, just the problem is meeting them.

But like I said most of the places I go are just your everday partys and keggers so the girls I meet there are attractive but not smart. And intelligence isnt something that you can really find out about a person in one (drunken) night. And I know it almost always turns out the same way but I cant help but attracting (or rather trying to) any and/or all other women I meet. Its like its hard wired into me to find the best possible mate or something. Ive tryed not doing it before, but it never works I always seem to forget and fall back into over confident "alpha male".

Just some questions for you to answer to, yourself. Czecze has made some very astute observations and advice already, so i'll avoid repeating them as far as possible.

1) Look at the bolded. Step into the other's shoes: From a woman's perspective, would she want to select you for a serious relationship?

2) You seem to view women only as the possessions of men, rather than individuals in their own right? :huh: either that, or you tend to prefer attached women for flings. Gotta realise that no independent or intelligent woman will ever want to be seen as a mere possession.

3) Parties may not be the best place to meet intelligent women/ those on an equal footing. For one thing, if the aim of the party is to have fun, you can surely expect that most would leave their thinking caps back home. And if all the parties are just drugs/cigarettes/booze/making out, after a while, most women who've past that stage of mindless partying would be avoiding them, or attending them less frequently. Quite simply, it's a life stage you've past. Time to grow up.

4) Perhaps you're not quite ready to grow up yet. If your ex-gf is into school and all that, that's her way of holding you at arm's length already.

Sometimes, love is not enough to sustain a relationship. You can love each other very deeply, to the level of the soul, even, yet not be together.

"Cedit amor rebus", Hexis. Love yields to circumstance.

If your aim is for a serious relationship, then examine yourself seriously. It's pointless saying that "it's definite (you'd go further than you want, yet don't regret it.)" Which intelligent woman would settle for something 'serious' like this, a man who cannot and will not control his own impulses? Forgive, but this just sounds like backhanded self-praise.

note: i'm speaking from a pure NT analytical perspective, and not bothering to censor my words. So if some of it sounds harsh, my apologies. :hug:
 

phoenix13

New member
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
1,293
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
You know, I don't think there's any good way to tell whether or not an ENFP's into you...
I remember having the hots for this dude and consciously deciding to flirt with him. As I was flirting, I realized that I was behaving the same way I always do... it was then that I realized why most of my guy friends have asked me out at one point or another.:doh:
Damn... life is so hard...:violin:
 

Butterfly

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Joined
Mar 5, 2008
Messages
201
MBTI Type
ENFP
Doesn't sound ENFP... But basically a usual manipulator. I was dating a ENTJ who was the same way to me and he was the manipulator.. I am using my skills to feel what people feels to a good purpose : understanding them and helping them out if needed.
Yeah I hear ya! Its just some Enfps gone wrong, thats all.

dating an enfp is like dating ruprecht, then after a while you come to realize your actually dating laurence jamieson, a classy dirty rotten scoundrel:devil:

:rofl1: hehe way funny man.

It took me a while to figure this out about my ENFP friend. She was giving off what I thought were mixed signals - not coming on to me, we'd have a conversation and she'd behave like she was totally fascinated with me. Then she'd go off and do the same with every other guy in sight.

It's irritating though. I'm into her, but she likes me just fine in the friend zone, so every time we hang out (which there isn't a way around - we're functionally co-workers) I have to focus on the fact that she's not into me, she's just enfp.
Hey dont get me wrong, she may be totally into you! who knows.
The thing even if she doesnt see you as a b/f, she will still love you and be fascinated by you. Theres nothing wrong with being fascinated by another human being :)

You know, I don't think there's any good way to tell whether or not an ENFP's into you...

Damn... life is so hard...:violin:

LOL, true. You know whats funny, sometimes even an ENFP doesnt know if she/he is into the other person!! lol
Its the P and N- open to possibilities curse that makes us so unsure about the other person most of the time.
sighhhh, like you said, life is hard :D
 

Clentizene

New member
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
11
MBTI Type
enfp
Seems as though after reading these replies that the female enfp has the greater option in relationship possibility vs the male. As I continue to conspire with my best friend, intj, on how to get women constantly with a consistent failed outcome. hahaahah
 

entropie

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*signed*but your hahaahah was pretty rude xD
 

DeVie

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Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
9
MBTI Type
INFP
I don't have much time to read through every single reply in this thread so far so I'll just state my own experiences with my ENFP.

I have known my ENFP boyfriend for six years and we've dated for four. In the beginning, he had much trouble admitting that he loved me in great fear of rejection. (It took him years.) In the beginning it was very much puppy love. We were only 12-14 and are both idealists so we had many dreams/goals for the future and left barely any room for reality. As the relationship grew and as we grew, he began to develop a curiosity for other girls. This began his "grass is always greener on the other side syndrome". He left me for a girl who took a liking to him almost immediately. They jumped into a relationship together while knowing nothing past skin deep about each other. He realized he wasn't connecting with this girl and that it was a mistake to have left me, but had MUCH trouble leaving this girl in fear of hurting her and disappointing her. He does not like disappointment and cannot stand when someone is disappointed in him. This has happened three times to our relationship.

He is very much a people person and always has his eye out for the genuine. He loves making people laugh, and admittedly he is very charming. Many a times has he had female friends "fall in love" with him. Sometimes he gives them a "sorry, the feeling is not mutual" and sometimes he'll give into it for his need of attention/need for something new.

He's presently trying to conquer his fear of being alone so he does not have to depend on anyone for happiness. He cannot bear to be alone and is not very comfortable with his self. I'm not sure if this is an ENFP trait, but this and his ADHD is a major problem in his life.

Being with him while he has these problems is rough, but we hang in there and I know he is trying. We're both learning that we must be more realistic. We both are also very lazy and procrastinate to no end. Certainly, we have things we must fix. We connect on an amazing level, however, and I really enjoy when things are going great with us. He is understanding, though sometimes he can be blinded by anger.

I've probably said a little too much. I'm not really comfortable giving out so much information, but if it helps to understand ENFP's a little more, I'll answer any questions.
 
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entropie

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Are your certain it is YOUR eNFp ? xD
 

entropie

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just be there for him, when the world moves faster than he can perceive and show him how many things are out there in this flawed imperfect world. And he will be forever yours
 

DeVie

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Jun 6, 2008
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9
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INFP
just be there for him, when the world moves faster than he can perceive and show him how many things are out there in this flawed imperfect world. And he will be forever yours

:) Thank you, I'll try my best.
 

Venom

Babylon Candle
Joined
Feb 10, 2008
Messages
2,126
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
im going to resurect an old thread...



i actually find thats it more likely to make us friend material.

i get a lot of, "ya he's really fun and crazy....but like i dont feel like he's bf material....it would be like dating a child...fun, but id still have to 'take care of him' "

no ones ever said that word for word, :D ....but paraphrased its pretty close.

like today...i was completely caught being stupid. and she likes me enough to not mind basically carrying me through the moment. her life would be easier without me...but im guessing not as funny. but theres a differnce between willing to carry me through my own stupidity and actaully LOVING me. even when im being funny, i can just sense that sometimes being incapable of regular J stuff isnt all that RELATIONSHIP attractive to girls...
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
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xNFP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Hmm....

I tend to fall in love rather quickly, too, when I fall in love. And, yes, people tend to "fall in love" with me rather quickly, too - even stodgy, tough types. I do not think this is falling in love, but I think it is rather a fascination - an inherent desire to be what one isn't. Perhaps?

Since I exhibit a warmness around me most of the time, people feel comfortable. They tell me things, personal things, things they have never told anyone before (IRL, I mean). I am also silly and crazy and unconventional - what most would call "weird." Being an extrovert in a society that favors introverts is always fun!!!! I think we have about as many problems as introverts in America, for other reasons.

Anyway, Ne is kicking in and I am getting off track. I have not had that many relationships - only about four. Each time, the people fell for me almost immediately. However, it was not through any active soliciting on my part. I guess you could say it just "happened." Normally, I act through intuition and feeling, not through any conscious effort to GET someone. Actually, when I met my husband, dating and meeting someone was the farthest thing from my mind, which is probably the reason why it worked so well. Both parties can be natural. :party2:
 

01011010

New member
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Jun 22, 2008
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3,916
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INxJ
I know what you mean about F's feeling like they aren't loved by you. I had a professor that I really respected who was an INTJ and it bugged me because I didn't think he liked me or my work all that much when I had a ton of interaction with him, loved his class, and put a lot of effort into it. I eventually had to learn how to adjust my "affirmation scale" to pick up on the signals he was sending and realize that he did, in fact, think highly of me (done mostly by comparing his interactions with me to those with some of my peers). So, just like you are learning expression via actions, I am learning to accept that not everyone is as outwardly demonstrative with their expression and to pick up on that.

I'm glad you get it. I just recently learned some of the people I talk to on a regular basis at school, actually thought I didn't like them, due to lack of demonstration. It really blew my mind. I assumed just talking to them would show I had interest in them and what they're doing.

Anyway, I like ENFPs very much. They actually understand what I have say.
 

527468

deleted
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
1,945
I think ENFPs and ENTPs are the most eccentric of all types, where INTJ and INFJ come in second. Eccentricity and Idiosyncrasy are written all over Ne.
 
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