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[ENFP] ENFPs, love, obsession, or myth???

Butterfly

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The thing about ENFPs that cracks me up is how they try to CONTROL you by being nice. Sure, they are popular and innocently looking to any stranger. They may be accepting of a person's authentic self. They may even give anyone free rides. However, all this is a front they use to exploit people to the wiles of their self centered influence. Yeah, those free rides they give you aren't actually "free". Like the ENTPs who have the best bullshitting skills, ENFPs have a less exact, but equally dangerous power to get what they want through calculating people's emotions. Well, that's quite an overstatment, but is it? How do I know this? I'm an ENTJ with a close ENFP friend and I think that's good perspective there.

As an ENTJ whose suppose to have supreme "leadership" skills, the ENFP would be equal in a certain way. While the ENTJ's leadership is built on securing the future for everyone, the ENFP's leadership is built on something unknown, probably sinister. With their popularity and cult leader likeness, they will manipulate people towards their desires. This is comparable to the ESFP who wants everyone to like them and directly dominates any special event. The ENFP is much more discreet and furtive. This is more dangerous than the ENTJ's direct seizure for control IMO. Think about Lex and Lionel Luther. Lionel Luther was a dangerous man, but Lex was even more so. Why? Lex was much more secretive and did not give warnings before he attacked.

Disclaimer: This only applies to bad enfps. bad=almost all

lol...sounds like you had a bad experience with an ENFP? ;)

So im curious.....plz tell me more about how evil they are? seriously.
 

Electric

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lol...sounds like you had a bad experience with an ENFP? ;)

So im curious.....plz tell me more about how evil they are? seriously.

Meh, I was playing devil's advocate in this ENFP worship thread. I actually get along fine with my ENFP friend who I mentioned in an earlier post. I'm not saying that ENFPs are truly evil, but just playing on the thought of their dark side which is hilarious IMO. Especially with my friend, she playfully backstabs me sometimes to try to anger me. I'm not sure if this a universal ENFP trait thing, but this is a tool she uses to build intimacy.

Since the ENFP's dual partner is the ISTP, I would think this backstabbing quality is a natural relationship dynamic. The ISTP who can get unjustifiably furious sometimes realizes who he loves the most after he finishes his anger tantrum. After all, people tend to value someone for their positives after they have taken an absolutely negative perspective on their mate. This is what the dual ENFP provides in massive quantities for the ISTP.

;)
 

thirtyshackles

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XXXX
I treat any friend I'm attracted to as a .5-lover, so yes, I know, it's all my fault. But I can't help it! I've been called spoiled, but I really do require a significant level of intimacy with anyone who desires my friendship. I dunno why. I'm scared, I guess - scared of being alone. Yeah, people fall for me, but it usually doesn't mean anything. I just exhibit the qualities they'd like in someone else, and after awhile, they find that someone. That's the way it goes. I always end up feeling like a substitute. Again, my fault for being a Jill-of-all-trades/chameleon, empathetic and willing to take in strays, but for once I'd like to feel wanted for what I am (even though ENFPs are basically born with identity disorders) instead of "the one that got away" or an illusory time machine! I swear people see the ghosts of their mistakes and losses in me. And of course, time and time again, I put myself in that situation because I'm emotionally needy. :doh:

Well, I've weaved a depressing maelstrom and am going to go cry now. *sulks away*
 

Butterfly

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Meh, I was playing devil's advocate in this ENFP worship thread. I actually get along fine with my ENFP friend who I mentioned in an earlier post. I'm not saying that ENFPs are truly evil, but just playing on the thought of their dark side which is hilarious IMO. Especially with my friend, she playfully backstabs me sometimes to try to anger me. I'm not sure if this a universal ENFP trait thing, but this is a tool she uses to build intimacy.

Since the ENFP's dual partner is the ISTP, I would think this backstabbing quality is a natural relationship dynamic. The ISTP who can get unjustifiably furious sometimes realizes who he loves the most after he finishes his anger tantrum. After all, people tend to value someone for their positives after they have taken an absolutely negative perspective on their mate. This is what the dual ENFP provides in massive quantities for the ISTP.

;)

Hey relax...i was only pulling ur leg ;) Or as u say "playing my dark side" :devil:
But yeh i get ya....strong emotions are a way for ENFPs to get close to someone.
Thanks for feedback though :)
 

Battle

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Apr 24, 2008
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People seem to think that being an ENFP is all about this :happy:

But it is more like this,

...:17425:

......:BangHead:

...............:17425:

:BangHead:

................:17425:

.......:BangHead:

...:17425:

Im a month late on this but i just wanted to say im glad im not the only one who feels like this... ahaha
 

illume

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I treat any friend I'm attracted to as a .5-lover, so yes, I know, it's all my fault. But I can't help it! I've been called spoiled, but I really do require a significant level of intimacy with anyone who desires my friendship. I dunno why. I'm scared, I guess - scared of being alone. Yeah, people fall for me, but it usually doesn't mean anything. I just exhibit the qualities they'd like in someone else, and after awhile, they find that someone. That's the way it goes. I always end up feeling like a substitute. Again, my fault for being a Jill-of-all-trades/chameleon, empathetic and willing to take in strays, but for once I'd like to feel wanted for what I am (even though ENFPs are basically born with identity disorders) instead of "the one that got away" or an illusory time machine! I swear people see the ghosts of their mistakes and losses in me. And of course, time and time again, I put myself in that situation because I'm emotionally needy. :doh:

Well, I've weaved a depressing maelstrom and am going to go cry now. *sulks away*

Hon, do I ever know how you feel!! I can honestly say I have never been loved in my entire life for who I was, only for what someone else wanted me to be. I have literally been filling in the blanks for someone else, and it has never been right. A human crossword puzzle. Only I don't think there are any right answers..... It is really pathetic when I stop and think about it. You can come over and bawl your eyes out with me anytime.:cry:
 

Battle

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damn and all this time i just thought i needed to "man up"... hrmph
 

SillySapienne

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Im a month late on this but i just wanted to say im glad im not the only one who feels like this... ahaha
Much love for my ENFPeeps!!! Welcome!

Nice username by the way. Life can be just that, a never ending battle.

I treat any friend I'm attracted to as a .5-lover, so yes, I know, it's all my fault. But I can't help it! I've been called spoiled, but I really do require a significant level of intimacy with anyone who desires my friendship. I dunno why.
I seek intimacy in all of my relationships, both platonic and romantic. Heck, I even seek intimacy in casual impromptu relationships, and in fact I think it is safe to say that I seek intimacy, period.

I want to get to know people as authentically as I possibly can. And I think this is a salient feature of us ENFPs in general, no?

So yeah, craving/seeking/needing intimacy is *not* a bad thing, on the contrary, it's actually a beautiful thing. In fact, I think this drive in us acts as a contributing factor to our popularity. People feel close to us because they feel/know they can confide in us.

Yeah, people fall for me, but it usually doesn't mean anything. I just exhibit the qualities they'd like in someone else, and after awhile, they find that someone. That's the way it goes. I always end up feeling like a substitute.
My guess is that you don't really value, and or love yourself and to validate this belief, you subconsciously seek out people who don't/won't value you, which will then lead you to feel justified in feeling unworthy of being loved.

Ultimately, you must learn to love and value yourself. After all, you will be living with yourself till the day you die, and because love feels better than hate, appreciation feels better than neglect, and joy feels better than pain, by loving, appreciating, and enjoying yourself you'll ensure a much more desirable living arrangement! :)

I put myself in that situation because I'm emotionally needy. :doh:
You can't rely on others to be the makers or breakers of your happiness. Self-reliance is a beautiful thing. It is empowering, and is perhaps the most profitable investment you'll ever make.

I'm scared, I guess - scared of being
alone.
You are alone. But you needn't be lonely. There is much love and comfort to be found both in solitude as well as in honest company.

Know yourself, accept yourself, love yourself!

:yes:

I can honestly say I have never been loved in my entire life for who I was, only for what someone else wanted me to be.
This is awful, see above suggestions. :hug:
 

Hexis

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damn and all this time i just thought i needed to "man up"... hrmph

Ha, man up? I cant seem to "man down"! Its like every chance I get to test the alpha male theory I do, and then things tend to happen that I dont exactly regret but due to have definitely grown a reputation for. This isnt even a "possible" thing, its definite. If I go to a party or a social gathering of any sort im just compelled to challenge others territory and to see how far i can assert my authority. This I think Is why I attract females on such a regular basis, I just cant help but feel superior around other men (other than Brothers of course). This like I said tends to get me into a lot of trouble and its very hard to seek out a serious relationship when im known for doing this.

I wish they had like testosterone donations that you could go in for and get paid for it.
 

SillySapienne

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damn and all this time i just thought i needed to "man up"... hrmph
I don't get it, please explain.

Ha, man up? I cant seem to "man down"! Its like every chance I get to test the alpha male theory I do, and then things tend to happen that I dont exactly regret but due to have definitely grown a reputation for. This isnt even a "possible" thing, its definite. If I go to a party or a social gathering of any sort im just compelled to challenge others territory and to see how far i can assert my authority. This I think Is why I attract females on such a regular basis, I just cant help but feel superior around other men (other than Brothers of course). This like I said tends to get me into a lot of trouble and its very hard to seek out a serious relationship when im known for doing this.

I wish they had like testosterone donations that you could go in for and get paid for it.
:rolli:
 

Hexis

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I don't get it, please explain.


:rolli:

lol I knew this is the response id get, thanks for confirming it CC.

But on a serious note, this has become a problem for me cause the females i attract are all of the weak willed sort (this tends to be equal to their intelligence unfortunately) who are easily attracted to such things and cant see through such obvious facades.

Long time no see CC :hi:
 

SillySapienne

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lol I knew this is the response id get, thanks for confirming it CC.

But on a serious note, this has become a problem for me cause the females i attract are all of the weak willed sort (this tends to be equal to their intelligence unfortunately) who are easily attracted to such things and cant see through such obvious facades.

Long time no see CC :hi:
Hiya Sexist. :bye:

I can only imagine just how attractive a male ENFP would be to the ladies. ;)

A confident guy who's not afraid to be an individual or to tell it like it is. A guy who's sensitive, yet strong-willed, discerning, yet nonjudgmental, caring, yet carefree, socially adept, yet anti-"society"... Wait, can I have one please? :D

I think the charismatic ENFP persona that comes with the personality works both for, and against us. People tend to receive us well because of it, and to forgive us of our eccentricities , well because we're just that cute!! ;) And people tend to look up to us for some reason though I suspect this is due to their seeing in us something they see, or wish to see in themselves. Long story short, people tend to like and respect us, and sometimes this like and respect can take a more aggressive form, that of full-blown admiration. Be weary of hardcore admirers, they're creeepy!!!

What sucks about being well-received and generally perceived as being popular, is that people tend to regard us as being "normal" "happy" "simple" and "shiny". On the contrary, we actually are quite crazy, :yes: (if only they knew), complex, and yes, "deep". As silly as we may be at times, we are actually quite serious and pensive human beings. We take life seriously, and we care deeply. We might be popular, but that is irrelevant, because what we really desire and care about is finding and fostering intimacy.

Quality, not quantity, and quality people are hard to find.

Sexist, I assure you that there are confident and intelligent women out there, who can engage you at your level and even challenge you if need be, they just happen to be a bit rare and less readily seen.

Boy oh boy, this was a bit of a rant, my apologies. :D
 

CzeCze

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stupid server is so slow again...:harumph:

I can't even cycle through the last N pages to read, but just to comment on Sexist's quandary -- what kind of women do you pursue?

It's not just about who's coming to you after all, right?

Also, when you say you go 'alpha male' that is also a classic ploy (directly or not) of getting women.

Are you sure that on some level you do NOT prefer dating women who don't challenge you and let you be the alpha male, confirm that you are the smarter, etc. ?

I don't think this is necessarily reflect of type either, because ENFP is not necessarily like this.

I have seen this played out by men though, who continually date women who are not equals -- either always younger, less experienced, less intellectual, less learned, less worldly etc.

This is actually why not dating men is a huge source of relief for me, I could only imagine the stress and drama that would come about from trying. I have been told by a self-professed alpha-male that I'm the kind of woman 'lesser men fear' (hahahhhaah)

And I actually think there are a number of women who have their act together and are strong and want to be equals with their partner, hell the women I went to school with were nothing if not uppity...I mean self-assured and driven -- but you factor out sexual orientation and factor in age -- and they are probably more in the age ranges above you Sexist. Or just not hanging out in the places you normally attract girls.
 

betterthandead

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ENFPs are a good substitute for my pet Australian Cattle Dog. That's a good thing because my dog is much more important than anyone except maybe my parents.

As much as you ENFPs are attractive, you got this incredible paranoid and jealous streak despite your misinterpreted flirtatious behavior. I've heard of stories of a really nice looking ENFP driving her car and waiting all night to see why her boyfriend was "busy" , He was busy alright, staying home and studying. I've met other ENFPs. When we say or do the wrong things, I find that we will "correct" each other. I get really happy when I actually meet an ENFP though, I have no idea why.
 

SillySapienne

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ENFPs are a good substitute for my pet Australian Cattle Dog. That's a good thing because my dog is much more important than anyone except maybe my parents.

As much as you ENFPs are attractive, you got this incredible paranoid and jealous streak despite your misinterpreted flirtatious behavior. I've heard of stories of a really nice looking ENFP driving her car and waiting all night to see why her boyfriend was "busy" , He was busy alright, staying home and studying. I've met other ENFPs. When we say or do the wrong things, I find that we will "correct" each other. I get really happy when I actually meet an ENFP though, I have no idea why.
ENFPs ~ Australian Cattle Dog

*priceless*

Dogs are awesome, so we'll take that as a compliment. :yes:

When I am romantically involved with someone, I admittedly do experience fleeting moments of intense bursts of jealousy. It's irrational and pathetic, but sometimes, I just can't help it. :blush:

We are intense creatures, and when that intensity is filtered through a negative emotion, scary ugliness ensues.

Whatever, no one's perfect.

:)
 

Hexis

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Well I of course enjoy the attention of all women, I do have an ego the needs a good stroke once in a while. And so the problem is that after atracting such women I let it carry on for too long until it goes too far. By this point ive usually had more than just a "few" beers. If it goes as far as a relationship though, its not until after do I ever realise how immature, unintelligent and/or just stupid they are. I would love to be with a women who can be on equal footing with me, just the problem is meeting them.

But like I said most of the places I go are just your everday partys and keggers so the girls I meet there are attractive but not smart. And intelligence isnt something that you can really find out about a person in one (drunken) night. And I know it almost always turns out the same way but I cant help but attracting (or rather trying to) any and/or all other women I meet. Its like its hard wired into me to find the best possible mate or something. Ive tryed not doing it before, but it never works I always seem to forget and fall back into over confident "alpha male".

And yes of course the whole "alpha male" thing is about attracting chicks, its the nature of testosterone to do so and thus assert your dominance of the local vicinity. (which not saying do so thus asserts said authority, just its sub-consciously how men think)
 

Hexis

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ENFPs are a good substitute for my pet Australian Cattle Dog. That's a good thing because my dog is much more important than anyone except maybe my parents.

As much as you ENFPs are attractive, you got this incredible paranoid and jealous streak despite your misinterpreted flirtatious behavior. I've heard of stories of a really nice looking ENFP driving her car and waiting all night to see why her boyfriend was "busy" , He was busy alright, staying home and studying. I've met other ENFPs. When we say or do the wrong things, I find that we will "correct" each other. I get really happy when I actually meet an ENFP though, I have no idea why.

Not sure how to take the cattle dog thing, but uh...thanks...I guess.

And yeah I know exactly how that is, im currently trying to get back with my ex cause we still love each other. But she is in school and (not like me) takes profesional things like that very seriously. So even though she supposedly still loves me and wants to be back with me. She has turned down every single one of my offers to meet up and hang out. Each time with some excuse dealing with school. Now in my oponion, school cant take up every second of your (was about to go off on a cussing rant and decided not to)...day. So of course I get suspicous, paranoid and jealous of anything that might be takeing so much of her time. When in the back of my mind im telling myself its perfectly normal. "This is their big test week and all, so of course its fine for her to be completely devoted to her school work and studying and what not." But yet I still cant seem to "almost" flip out about it.

We ENFP's over analyze the hell out of everything! And sometimes I hate it, cause it causes me to go into little paranoid episodes like now.
 

Cality

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Nah, u probly ment "fenetic." Happens to me, too.

I love it so much when you write it "fenetikly" because for a non-native english speaking person, it makes it so easier to get the spelling of words...
 

Cality

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People seem to think that being an ENFP is all about this :happy:

But it is more like this,

...:17425:

......:BangHead:

...............:17425:

:BangHead:

................:17425:

.......:BangHead:

...:17425:

That's where I feel like an ENTP maybe rather... I am not :BangHead: at all. Rather :huh: or :sleeping: or :hug: or :thinking: or :glasses: and of course :party2: :party:
 

Cality

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( I sound so arrogant, but what i mean to say is its frustrating when ppl throw themselves at you and think you feel the same way about them as they do about you- not knowing there are levels of intimacy with an ENFP).

Yeah...
 
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