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[ENFP] ENFPs, love, obsession, or myth???

LostInNerSpace

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Joined
Jan 25, 2008
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1,027
MBTI Type
INTP
So after converseing with another ENFP we both realise that other people tend to "fall in love" with us very quickly. Not saying that its "true" love their feeling but rather they grow very attached and think they fall in love, not sure rather or not its real. So it makes casual dateing very difficult, hell to tell the truth I havent casually dated since I was in middle school and of course that doenst count lol. So what im wondering is if this is a common thing for ENFPs like us and if your not an ENFP what is it like dateing us.

I know we are pretty much the cupid of personality types and relationships, especially intimate ones, are our biggest concern. But I didnt realise how powerful of relationship masters we can be, even with out conscious thought we make others "fall in love" with us.

So all thoughts appreciated.

Oddly enough I enounter this problem myself. Women seem to fall in love with me. But not immediately, always after having known me for some period of time. At first a woman might look at me funny, possibly thinking I'm strange or a little weird, because I am. Often I'll start to suspect a women likes me when I see her turning and walking in the opposite direction or otherwise trying to avoid me. That sounds counterintuitive but it does seems to be a marker of interest. Sometimes I'll think a woman dosen't like me at all, only to discover later that she actually did like me. I have no idea what I'm doing to make that happen, and I am completely unable to capitalize on it. It doesn't help that it is often women who are already involved in relationships.
 

theshadow

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Sep 15, 2007
Messages
123
MBTI Type
enfj
My friend's GF is an ENFP and she is real cool, very friendly, out going, fun and lovable. She is real cool as a friend but if I had, had the chance to date her I wouldn't she is better as friend IMO, but I would like to meet more ENFPs though.:yes:

this is my experience. I LOVE my enfp "girlfriend" but im not going to change that freindship status. Ever

on a side note. I have "god forbid" on more than ooo say MOST occasion come across interested when I am in fact just enjoying myself. hahah actually if im starting a convo with some new girl the first thing. ill say is "sometimes it really depends on the vibes the person gives me" is look im a terrible flirt. dont assume it means anything. :doh:
 

Mikesen

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Mar 23, 2008
Messages
27
Oddly enough I enounter this problem myself. Women seem to fall in love with me. But not immediately, always after having known me for some period of time. At first a woman might look at me funny, possibly thinking I'm strange or a little weird, because I am. Often I'll start to suspect a women likes me when I see her turning and walking in the opposite direction or otherwise trying to avoid me. That sounds counterintuitive but it does seems to be a marker of interest. Sometimes I'll think a woman dosen't like me at all, only to discover later that she actually did like me. I have no idea what I'm doing to make that happen, and I am completely unable to capitalize on it. It doesn't help that it is often women who are already involved in relationships.

That is exactly the problem I am always running into. They are ALWAYS involved with someone else. And I guess because I'm an NF I always have trouble bringing myself to try and get involved with the girl in spite of the fact shes in a relationship. I think this is why I so firmly hold to my anti-monogamy pledge. If I think the girl I'm dating has feelings for another guy who am I to stop it? We're young and still trying to find true love, so if she's better off with another guy, I break it off as easily as can be.

But as for everyone falling in love with ENFP's, I can understand. My last relationship was with an SJ. Hardcore SJ. I'd probably place her as an ISFJ. The problem is I can't deal with the boringness of an S. I had to break it off, and felt guilty doing it. She was heartbroken apparently. I don't really see her that often, but get along kind of well when I do. This is something I've been curious about lately though. I almost exclusively subscribe to Keirsey theory. How many of you prefer old school MBTI? As I understand it old school MBTI suggests NF's dating SJ's. I personally can't imagine myself dating anyone who wasn't an N to an extreme. Whenever I test I get 100% abstract.
 

nemo

Active member
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Jan 21, 2008
Messages
445
Enneagram
<3
But as for everyone falling in love with ENFP's, I can understand. My last relationship was with an SJ. Hardcore SJ. I'd probably place her as an ISFJ. The problem is I can't deal with the boringness of an S. I had to break it off, and felt guilty doing it. She was heartbroken apparently. I don't really see her that often, but get along kind of well when I do. This is something I've been curious about lately though. I almost exclusively subscribe to Keirsey theory. How many of you prefer old school MBTI? As I understand it old school MBTI suggests NF's dating SJ's. I personally can't imagine myself dating anyone who wasn't an N to an extreme. Whenever I test I get 100% abstract.

I dated an ISFJ too in what was probably my first big relationship, and I had to leave it for the same reasons. It was ridiculous: here was this girl, in her mid-twenties (older women <3) who had worked at the same job for 10 years, despite earning a college degree and having ample opportunities to move on. Of course, me and my disdain for living on the same continent for more than 3 years was equally unreasonable, but alas...

I use Keirsey way more than MBTT just because it was what I was introduced to first, and I find it easier to use because it's more observational. All the Ti, Fe, Si stuff can get a bit "iffy" to me at times.

I think Keirsey recommends NT-NF and SP-SJ pairings. My own personal experience is that there's a bias towards NT-NF relationships (I seem to know a statistically unreasonable number of lovey-dovy NT-NFs), but not much else.
 

Mikesen

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Mar 23, 2008
Messages
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I dated an ISFJ too in what was probably my first big relationship, and I had to leave it for the same reasons. It was ridiculous: here was this girl, in her mid-twenties (older women <3) who had worked at the same job for 10 years, despite earning a college degree and having ample opportunities to move on. Of course, me and my disdain for living on the same continent for more than 3 years was equally unreasonable, but alas...

I use Keirsey way more than MBTT just because it was what I was introduced to first, and I find it easier to use because it's more observational. All the Ti, Fe, Si stuff can get a bit "iffy" to me at times.

I think Keirsey recommends NT-NF and SP-SJ pairings. My own personal experience is that there's a bias towards NT-NF relationships (I seem to know a statistically unreasonable number of lovey-dovy NT-NFs), but not much else.

I can understand NT-NF relationships as being easy fits, but for some reason I desperately want to try an NF-NF relationship. Being all alone in my area is killing me. I keep falling in love with girls through myspace and feel too fake for it. I'm moving up to Tallahassee to start at FSU in about a month. I'm really hoping I can find a girl to quench this insatiable thirst for contact up there.
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
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Mar 14, 2008
Messages
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sp/sx
"Normal" people are boring.

Crazy people think normal people are insane
*whispers*
because they are

* Rubs Grape Jelly on head and dances to Rod Stewart's " Do you think i'm Sexy " *
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
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Jan 14, 2008
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It was an expression of how reading your post made me feel!!!

^__^
 

SillySapienne

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Okay, the first expression is of me, donning two monocles, checking your post out, and the other post is of the wavy whale who enjoys positive vibes.

That's all :D
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
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Mar 14, 2008
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sp/sx
A friend of a friend is someone i suspect to be an ENFP
we are the only NF's in the bunch
and everyone think's she's crazy because of well, NF
<i can explain if need be>
but then again, Joan of Arc was crazy(NF)
and i remember her(the girl) yelling
" why is Avery the only one who gets me ? "

if she only knew
 

Thursday

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sp/sx
Controlling is certainly not a ENFPach trait!

true
but each type can be said to approach or do something from a certain slant

ie controlling by being nice
or being bossy
passive aggressive
blah blah blah

 

alcea rosea

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Nov 11, 2007
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true
but each type can be said to approach or do something from a certain slant

ie controlling by being nice
or being bossy
passive aggressive
blah blah blah


I disagree. Controlling is not a ENFP thing. If you see being nice as controlling then how people should be to you?
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
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I disagree. Controlling is not a ENFP thing. If you see being nice as controlling then how people should be to you?

that sounds somewhat biased
any type is capable of anything,
lets not stereoTYPE

and being nice is not a marker for being controlling
thats not what i meant
 

alcea rosea

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and being nice is not a marker for being controlling
thats not what i meant

Ok, I understand. :)

I do think it's a bit wrong gone ENFP who wishes to control, a bit too overpowering Te maybe?
 
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