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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by mparente View Post
    Aelan, another interpretation is that the ENFP is just appreciating the feeling or affirmation from others more and you might be prone to interpret this as a loss of affection for you, even if it isn't. In other words, you might see the affirmation the F exchanges in to be an apple with only so many bites, whereas for the F, it's an all-you-can-eat buffet.
    Laser INTJ insight. *curtseys*

    Perhaps. But it was more that for e.g. if someone walks into the room who is special to me, my eyes will light up. But for some ENFPs (not all), the sense is that, their eyes light up no matter whom walks into the room. So it isn't so much the loss of affection. It is that, if everyone is special to them, who really is special? So from that perspective, it is hard to tell what is important/whom do they value to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nameless View Post
    I don't agree with that at all. I am hugely picky with my friends and relationships, and won't just love whoever gives me the most affirmation. If there isn't enough affirmation, however, then I tend to feel uncomfortable and won't be myself and hate that and the friendship or relationship won't work out.

    So the affirmation is needed at a certain point in time, but does not necessarily mean the person is attractive to me at all just because they like me and are giving it.

    Also, I feel like a lot of people think of the affirmation that we need as hyper puppy dog style, "Oh, Mr. ENFP, you're wonderful" kind of affirmation, but it can be way more subtle than that. If I can see in your eyes that you are interested in what I'm saying, for example, when I talk to you, then that's enough for me.
    So if I tell you you're wonderful, you'd not believe me?

    Seriously, coming from a T perspective there, that need for affirmation could get a bit grating, as expression via actions is not a strong suit for most Ts I think - it tends to be learnt over time. So the T is there lalala-ing along thinking the relationship is strong, when *pooof* The F goes, "I don't feel that you love me". Both sides need each other as a form of grounding. While to the T, it is like, "She/he has so many friends, she/he doesn't need me around at this time, I can go do my own thing"..

    Re: The person giving affirmation though, would tend to fall more easily than the one receiving, methinks? It is sort of the creation of a dependent and you may chaff at the bonds, but after a while, you realise you miss it if it isn't there. Hard to explain. I've had an ISFJ get under my skin in that way.

    CC, yes, good to read your post there. Sounds like you're clear what you have to offer and what you want, so stick to it.

  2. #22
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Everyone is not special to the ENFP.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    Default http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP_rel.html

    "Relationship" section of the ENFP type description... agree, disagree?


    Most ENFPs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationships issues:

    * Good communication skills
    * Very perceptive about people's thought and motives
    * Motivational, inspirational; bring out the best in others
    * Warmly affectionate and affirming
    * Fun to be with - lively sense of humor, dramatic, energetic, optimistic
    * Strive for "win-win" situations
    * Driven to meet other's needs
    * Usually loyal and dedicated

    Most ENFPs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to relationship issues:

    * Tendency to be smothering
    * Their enthusiasm may lead them to be unrealistic
    * Uninterested in dealing with "mundane" matters such as cleaning, paying bills, etc.
    * Hold onto bad relationships long after they've turned bad
    * Extreme dislike of conflict
    * Extreme dislike of criticism
    * Don't pay attention to their own needs
    * Constant quest for the perfect relationship may make them change relationships frequently
    * May become bored easily
    * Have difficulty scolding or punishing others

    "ENFPs make warm, considerate, passionate partners who are generally willing, eager, and able to do whatever it takes to make The Relationship a positive place to be. They are enthusiastic, idealistic, focused on other people's feelings, and very flexible. These attributes combine to make them especially interested in positive personal relationships, and also makes them very able to promote strong relationships in fun and creative ways. ENFPs take their commitments very seriously, and are generally deeply loyal and faithful to their partners.

    There are a couple of difficult relationship areas for the ENFP. The first problem is that many ENFPs have a problem leaving bad relationships. They tend to internalize any problems and take them on their own shoulders, believing that the success or failure of the relationship is their own responsibility. As perfectionists, they don't like to admit defeat, and will stick with bad situations long after they should have left. When they do leave the relationship, they will believe that the failure was their fault, and that there was surely something they could have done to save the relationship.

    On the entirely other end of the spectrum, many ENFPs have a difficult time staying focused and following things through to completion. If they have not focused on their ability to follow through, they may have problems staying in dedicated, monogamous relationships. They are so in tune with all of the exciting possibilities of what could be, that they will always fantasize about a greener pasture out there somewhere. If they are not paired with a partner who enjoys new experiences, or who shares their idealistic enthusiasm, the ENFP may become bored. The ENFP who is bored and who is not focused will be very unhappy, and will eventually "leave" the relationship if the problem is not addressed.

    Since relationships are central to the ENFP's life, they will be very "hands on" and involved with their intimate relationships. They may be in the habit of constantly asking their partner how they're doing, what they're feeling, etc. This behavior may be a bit smothering, but it also supports a strong awareness of the health (or illness) of the relationship.

    Romantically, The ENFP is creative, perfectionistic, playful and affectionate. Their rich fantasy world makes them fun and creative lovers, who usually have new ideas up their sleeves. They whole-heartedly embrace the opportunity for closeness with their mates, believing romantic intimacy to be a positive, fun way to express how much you love each other.

    The ENFP needs to be given positive assurance and affirmation. More than one ENFP has been known to "go fishing" for compliments. They like to hear from their significant others that they are loved and valued, and are willing and eager to return the favor. They enjoy lavishing love and affection on their mates, and are creative and energetic in their efforts to please. The ENFP gets a lot of their personal satisfaction from observing the happiness of others, and so is generally determined to please and serve their partners.

    A problem area for ENFPs in relationships is their dislike of conflict and sensitivity to criticism. They are perfectionists who believe that any form of criticism is a stab at their character, which is very difficult for them to take. Conflict situations are sources of extreme stress to the ENFP. They have a tendency to brush issues under the rug rather than confront them head-on, if there is likely to be a conflict. They are also prone to "give in" easily in conflict situations, just to end the conflict. They might agree to something which goes against their values just to end the uncomfortable situation. In such cases, the problem is extended and will return at a later time. The ENFP needs to realize that conflict situations are not the end of the world. They are entirely normal, and can be quite helpful for the growth of a relationship. They also need to work on taking criticism for what it is, rather than blowing up any negative comment into an indictment against their entire character.

    Generally, the ENFP is a warm and affirming creature who is very interested and able to have an intense, meaningful, close relationship with their mate."

  4. #24
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    ^yes, more or less

    *minus the smothering, I have never been accused of that, if anything I don't smother enough.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

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  5. #25
    Senior Member Hexis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    ^yes, more or less

    *minus the smothering, I have never been accused of that, if anything I don't smother enough.
    I would say the same about myself, the whole being able to read into your feelings crap lets me know way ahead if im being too smothering. But everything else on that is me to a "T". Especially the holding on to bad relationship thing, ive been working on that...
    SDMF

  6. #26
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hexis View Post
    Especially the holding on to bad relationship thing, ive been working on that...
    Don't get me started brother, .
    Last edited by SillySapienne; 03-25-2008 at 08:12 AM. Reason: I'm retarded
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  7. #27
    Senior Member Nameless's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aelan View Post
    Laser INTJ insight. *curtseys*

    Perhaps. But it was more that for e.g. if someone walks into the room who is special to me, my eyes will light up. But for some ENFPs (not all), the sense is that, their eyes light up no matter whom walks into the room. So it isn't so much the loss of affection. It is that, if everyone is special to them, who really is special? So from that perspective, it is hard to tell what is important/whom do they value to me.



    So if I tell you you're wonderful, you'd not believe me?

    Seriously, coming from a T perspective there, that need for affirmation could get a bit grating, as expression via actions is not a strong suit for most Ts I think - it tends to be learnt over time. So the T is there lalala-ing along thinking the relationship is strong, when *pooof* The F goes, "I don't feel that you love me". Both sides need each other as a form of grounding. While to the T, it is like, "She/he has so many friends, she/he doesn't need me around at this time, I can go do my own thing"..


    Re: The person giving affirmation though, would tend to fall more easily than the one receiving, methinks? It is sort of the creation of a dependent and you may chaff at the bonds, but after a while, you realise you miss it if it isn't there. Hard to explain. I've had an ISFJ get under my skin in that way.

    CC, yes, good to read your post there. Sounds like you're clear what you have to offer and what you want, so stick to it.
    I'd believe you if you meant it . And I would be able to tell. Not online though, lol, like what was posted earlier...

    I know what you mean about F's feeling like they aren't loved by you. I had a professor that I really respected who was an INTJ and it bugged me because I didn't think he liked me or my work all that much when I had a ton of interaction with him, loved his class, and put a lot of effort into it. I eventually had to learn how to adjust my "affirmation scale" to pick up on the signals he was sending and realize that he did, in fact, think highly of me (done mostly by comparing his interactions with me to those with some of my peers). So, just like you are learning expression via actions, I am learning to accept that not everyone is as outwardly demonstrative with their expression and to pick up on that.

  8. #28
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    ^ Yup

    That's why I am sorta obsessed with "cold" people.

    It is much more difficult to read their emotions, so I find detecting and translating the emotional nuances they *do* project, highly challenging, and hence rewarding.


    *But this could be, because my father was cold as ice.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  9. #29
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    People puzzles, yay!!!
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  10. #30
    ~dangerous curves ahead~
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    ** related to this: How do ENFPs see people then? e.g. ENTPs have always been accused of seeing people as audiences only. Good, bad or potential. How about for ENFPs - it could help explain Hexis' first question as to why people fall for you.

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