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  1. #221
    Senior Member Hexis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    all i know is that i can't even read this thread without being terribly embarrassed and want to hide. i'm glad we love ourselves and all but damn really it's a lil too much for me.

    eta: so...i have a million posts in this thread already. i had forgotten...great...but the op is still embarrassing HEXIS!! anyway...whatever...i'm having no part in the ego stroking...got it.
    One I completely forgot this thread existed, and two...im not embarrassed in the least. Whats the problem?!
    SDMF

  2. #222
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hexis View Post
    One I completely forgot this thread existed, and two...im not embarrassed in the least. Whats the problem?!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #223
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    Whew - this is something that I've complained about for a while.
    Within two weeks of entering a relationship, they love me. They want to marry me. The world is indeed rainbows and unicorns.
    After a month or two my novelty wears off - and what they originally misconstrued as "love" reveals itself to be nothing more than their desire to not be alone or judged.
    Is this everyone that becomes involved with me? Not all - I would say about 8 out of 10.
    I'm currently in a functional, normally paced relationship with my INTJ mate. No random marriage proposals or talk of "forever".
    Man - it's so nice.

  4. #224
    Senior Member Vamp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hexis View Post
    So after converseing with another ENFP we both realise that other people tend to "fall in love" with us very quickly. Not saying that its "true" love their feeling but rather they grow very attached and think they fall in love, not sure rather or not its real. So it makes casual dateing very difficult, hell to tell the truth I havent casually dated since I was in middle school and of course that doenst count lol. So what im wondering is if this is a common thing for ENFPs like us and if your not an ENFP what is it like dateing us.

    I know we are pretty much the cupid of personality types and relationships, especially intimate ones, are our biggest concern. But I didnt realise how powerful of relationship masters we can be, even with out conscious thought we make others "fall in love" with us.

    So all thoughts appreciated.
    Most of my nastiest break ups romantic or platonic have come from me not knowing the other person liked me so seriously.
    George Bernard Shaw in cartoon form.

  5. #225
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    hah this is a crazy thread.

    admittedly, for all the inner people-understanding i usually have, i have complete crush blindness. i'm so shitty at gauging other people's feelings towards me.

    people also often think i like them more than i do not that i hate them or anything, i have a certain degree of love for everyone, but i'm not always as excited about being with them as they think i am.

  6. #226
    Senior Member boondocked's Avatar
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    I keep on wondering whether I don't take enough responsibility for the way men often feel about me. Though I don't mean to exactly, I do create emotionally heightened environments around myself and anyone near me (that's word for word what my ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend told me) often enough that I think I need to start taking some responsibility for the fallout.

    Even with a boyfriend who I've been with for a year, I still run into boy trouble. The guys always know that I'm with him (long suffering ISFJ, lurve him!) and love him, but these men still feel betrayed when I don't want anything more than we've got. Somewhere along the line, this MUST be my fault. And I've definitely received my fair share of criticism for it.

    In the past, I've always just ignored the criticism and sort of flipped my hair and said "It's natural for me to act the way I do. What do you want me to do, rein my natural personality in?" I'm starting to think, "Yeah, maybe." Just cause it's natural doesn't make it right. But how to rein it in??? Creating relationship is suuuch an elemental part of me!! Maybe I should just be friends with girls...

  7. #227
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    There are a million ways to interact Boodocked. Try to take yourself out of the equation when interacting with people. Don't ask "what do I feel like doing or saying or talking about or where do I feel like going".

    I've found that lately I'm a lot more calm in social settings. Less expressive. Because I don't need to express. I think ENFPs love attention, and we even come up with clever arguments to justify that nothing that we do is to get attention...but deep inside we know that sometimes it is...because we love some attention every now and then.

    If we forfeit attention completely, not care about being ignored....not care about EXTREME adrenaline-inducing experiences....just chill utterly and completely....it can be very cool...and it's less hard on other people.

    Not to say that when we are all zany other people don't love our company....but if we take ourselves completely out of the equation.....I dunno, there's just a "marinating" sort of pleasure that can be drawn from it. It's about not needing or wanting to stand out and being completely okay with it.

  8. #228
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    Quote Originally Posted by boondocked View Post
    I keep on wondering whether I don't take enough responsibility for the way men often feel about me. Though I don't mean to exactly, I do create emotionally heightened environments around myself and anyone near me (that's word for word what my ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend told me) often enough that I think I need to start taking some responsibility for the fallout.

    Even with a boyfriend who I've been with for a year, I still run into boy trouble. The guys always know that I'm with him (long suffering ISFJ, lurve him!) and love him, but these men still feel betrayed when I don't want anything more than we've got. Somewhere along the line, this MUST be my fault. And I've definitely received my fair share of criticism for it.

    In the past, I've always just ignored the criticism and sort of flipped my hair and said "It's natural for me to act the way I do. What do you want me to do, rein my natural personality in?" I'm starting to think, "Yeah, maybe." Just cause it's natural doesn't make it right. But how to rein it in??? Creating relationship is suuuch an elemental part of me!! Maybe I should just be friends with girls...
    I've read enough posts here by ENFPs (and I recently met one and have probably known others that haven't declared themselves as such) that I think I have a feel for what you mean. I'm also a more extroverted "I", though a definite introvert. As a result, I understand what you mean about attracting the kind of attention and desire from men that you don't want. I can see from the EFNP I recently met that it's natural for him to make a connection. I'm not attracted to him and so I just take it for what it is: a man being who he is (he told me he's an ENFP). I light up around ENFPs because they're easy to talk to, enthusiastic, and open. They open me up, but it doesn't always mean I'm attracted or interested in something deeper. I think it's difficult for ENFPs to rein in their desire to create relationship. I think that desire is wonderful and creates connections with people that might not otherwise occur. There's nothing wrong with wanting to connect. I also love that. But, I feel I do more naturally what Moiety says: I take myself out of the equation most of the time because I don't have the energy to do otherwise and I prefer it that way. It's much more difficult for an ENFP to do that. I think I've read here in another post that the problem is that most people don't expect to be paid attention to or listened to. So when an INF or ENF does that, they interpret it as something deeper than it is. I've withdrawn myself from certain conversations and become more restrained because I feel some men get the wrong idea. As somone advised me, people can take care of their own feelings. I don't have to do that for them or believe I'm the sole cause of their distress. If someone is becoming interested and I don't intend them to, as I said I tend to become quiet and not say anything too personal while still letting them know that I like them and their company.

  9. #229
    Senior Member boondocked's Avatar
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    Those are some solid comments, Lauren and Moiety. I suspect that it's all part and parcel of the ENFP growth arc (and the arc of any E, maybe?) to gain the ability to consciously take ourselves out of the picture and pull away a little, when necessary. Probably part of it is being more conscious of what we're doing. I know that I def don't take a step back, mid-conversation to evaluate whether I think the person I'm talking to is getting romantically entangled. I could though. And it's really starting to seem as if I should.

    And I think you're right, Lauren. One of the romantic things we naturally do as NFPs is train a laser focus on other people. My Dad says it makes him feel like he's being studied under a microscope, but everyone else seems to love it. Sometimes I've kinda got to roll my eyes when ENFPs and ENFP lovers talk about our spectacular, bewitching charm. Yeah, we're charming and all, but that isn't what people are primarily responding to. They are responding to us responding to them!

  10. #230
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    That laser focus, so true. I love to listen and connect with others because at the heart of things, for me, is what is happening in the moment. Some of those moments will stay with me forever as the most real, honest alchemy with another human being I'll ever know. I'll only know that if I take the risk to open up or to simply listen and be present. It may sound, I don't know, calculating to some...but it's not at all that way. I've had experiences, some passing, with people I like very much and feel very connected to, and whom I rarely see, and in one case, a man I know I'll never see again. It's all transient anyway, this life. We really don't hold anything, even those we love, for long, if ever. I mean we can hold them and love them with all our heart, but that's all.

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