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  1. #181
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    For me, it happens mostly with people that are inbetween friendship and stranger. They've met me, they apparently like me or find me semi-entertaining but they don't bother to look beyond that. My friends meanwhile, have known me for years and know there's more to me.
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  2. #182
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Definitely. If they're someone who I've known for a while, then I wouldn't mind if the relationship rockets off.

    If they're a stranger, then I'm a bit more cautious, because with me, trust is earned. So if we have a relationship that's already based on a 'friendship,' it only serves as a 'catalyst' for what's already there. I'm in it for the long-haul.

    If I don't know them as well and they fall too quickly, I think, "If they fall this quickly, then this must be their usual behavior. If they can easily ignite, then their passion can just as easily dissipate FAST."

    I guess when it comes to dating, I prefer the friends first approach. I'd rather know that the person is with me 'for me.' Rather than having something artificial/short-lived, I'm in it for something 'real' and 'deep.' That's the more serious side of me most people don't get.

  3. #183
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hexis View Post
    So after converseing with another ENFP we both realise that other people tend to "fall in love" with us very quickly.

    I know we are pretty much the cupid of personality types and relationships, especially intimate ones, are our biggest concern. But I didnt realise how powerful of relationship masters we can be, even with out conscious thought we make others "fall in love" with us.

    So all thoughts appreciated.
    Oh heck no!

    I think more often it's that ENFPs fall hard for those who don't reciprocate or are well matched.

    This may be a case of how we never like who likes us and vice versa.

    That would be a case of the energy or image we give off versus what we ourselves think we want.

    I also think it's very irresponsible to not realize we are causing people to fall for us when we have no intention of reciprocating. You have to be careful and responsible with people's feelings and expectations.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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  4. #184
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Oh wait --

    So I have the flip problem -- I give off the impression that I don't have enough time or focus for just 1 person. That I have a lot of people I'm always in different stages of involvement with. That I'm a "popular" or "busy" girl.

    I *WANT* people to know that I have a lot going on in my life and while I may want to be with them and care for them, I'm not desperate and I *will* leave your ass if you don't come correct. In my experience, most people up to their early 30s are commitment phobes, aren't totally honest with themselves, and freak out easily when it comes to intimacy (not sex, intimacy).

    I still freak out myself and always give the impression that I like you less or am less committed than I really am, because I don't want to be the one falling hard!

    Truly though, I want people to know that I care about them enough to help them become an independent, confident, secure person. I think it's kinda sick to want to make someone dependent on you emotionally or otherwise because you're afraid of losing them. That's not love, that's fear and selfishness. And it's really fine line and hard to struggle with that happy medium of needing someone and wanting what's best for them.

    For myself, I need to know the other person truly wants to be with me, not that they need a companion (any companion) or are afraid to be alone i.e. "think they are in love with" me.

    My first girlfriend fell in love with me and after 3 years of ignoring her, STILL is in love with me HARD. I do NOT want that. I do NOT want people hanging onto me for dear life after I let them go. I do NOT want people trying to drag me down into dysfunctional hell. No thanks.

    So yeah, I consciously took a very different route perhaps from other ENFPs on this site.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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  5. #185
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    nah...i don't want people to fall for me that i'm not interested in either. i have had to deal with that from guy friends and it's the worst. you do have to be careful with what you say...i'm naturally complimentary and i try to watch it around people that i know like me...and i would say that i think i may fall easily or quickly but not very often at all...but i've very rarely been single so that may be why.

  6. #186
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    +1 Erina... I think you have to be so careful around peple who like you but who you don't like back. It's cruel to be any other way. A situation like this happened to me quite recently and I had to be a little mean in the short term to be kind in the long run... I hated having to be distant in the friendship, it really hurt me to be that way, but I knew it was for the best... Do i fall hard?? not sure... I am a bit complex when it comes to relationships.. In a way I fall hard for everyone around me.. I know you'll know what I mean
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  7. #187
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Oh heck no!

    I think more often it's that ENFPs fall hard for those who don't reciprocate or are well matched.

    This may be a case of how we never like who likes us and vice versa.

    That would be a case of the energy or image we give off versus what we ourselves think we want.
    Spot on.

  8. #188
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    ErinAvery,

    SO TRUE. That's my problem!! I treat guys as though they're my girlfriends. I mean, I never really understood *why* it's important to treat the 'opposite' sex any different, because that's just me- I treat everyone equally, until they cross that line- then I back off.

    I feel guilty when I treat a person differently, but sometimes, I really need to just simmer it down (then it feels like active discrimination- which makes me feel like complete shit), but I don't see the point in leading someone on for the wrong reasons, so I guess it's a necessary evil. lol

    Also- I'm not one to like those who I can't have. I hate that philosophy "people like what they can't have." I like what I can have- it's worth my time/investment, b/c those special moments are the moments to savor- not worth spending on something I have to *earn* affection from. That's just me. No offense to anyone.

    (Sorry Hexis, for turning this into an ENFP "Sex In the City Discussion"! -- The Estrogen.. hahah)

  9. #189
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I had an issue when I was 21 when I hadn't realized that everyone thinks I'm flirting when I'm being nice. I was newly married and was working at kfc for the summer between college.

    One guy came in and I was nice and smiley like always. When he left someone said "you were flirting with him" and I told them I was just being nice. Within a half hour he called KFC up and asked me on a date. I told him I was married but forgot the wedding ring. I still think he thought I was just making it up.

    I had no idea he would think I was flirting. I was just being nice.

  10. #190
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I had an issue when I was 21 when I hadn't realized that everyone thinks I'm flirting when I'm being nice. I was newly married and was working at kfc for the summer between college.

    One guy came in and I was nice and smiley like always. When he left someone said "you were flirting with him" and I told them I was just being nice. Within a half hour he called KFC up and asked me on a date. I told him I was married but forgot the wedding ring. I still think he thought I was just making it up.

    I had no idea he would think I was flirting. I was just being nice.
    Yeah, that's really common for ENFPs specifically. An ENFP who's really flirting is probably actually making out with you.

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