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  1. #141
    Senior Member Cality's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly View Post
    lol...sounds like you had a bad experience with an ENFP?

    So im curious.....plz tell me more about how evil they are? seriously.
    Doesn't sound ENFP... But basically a usual manipulator. I was dating a ENTJ who was the same way to me and he was the manipulator.. I am using my skills to feel what people feels to a good purpose : understanding them and helping them out if needed.

  2. #142
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Hey Sexist, thanks for the fuller explanation.

    And don't take this as an attack, b/c it's not, just wanted to make the observation that you seem to be responsible for attracting and choosing women you don't want.

    RE: You like attention, you give back attention and spend time with women indiscriminately, you keep choosing venues where you yourself say you don't meet 'quality women'. I think it's safe to say in this case that you 1) limiting your pool by the places you choose and 2) attracting people with the energy you put out, which in this case is alpha-male who likes ego stroking at kegger like parties?

    A lot of guys (and women) avoid those kind of parties altogether for meeting dates. No clubs, no bars. Or rather more high-brow or self-selecting places like jazz clubs, lounges, etc. You can also meet women at book and movie clubs, museums, bookstores, etc. I actually really enjoy conferences, symposiums, etc. and have met people that way 'cause I'm a nerd like that. Aren't there women gun enthusiasts in gun clubs?

    First, I disagree that the women you meet aren't smart (heck, maybe I'd agree if I met them but just playing devil's advocate). I'd guess they are young in their life stage and outlook in life and not intellectually or philosophically inclined, but that's not necessarily 'not smart'.

    And I also disagree you can't figure some things out from first meeting. You can ask strategic questions and get a feel for a person's inclinations, politics, etc.

    I don't think I've ever gotten a number (platonically or otherwise) from someone that I later regretted or deemed to be 'not smart', immature, or shallow. *knock on wood*

    So in conclusion, some suggestions for helping your dating life:

    1) Choose venues wisely for meeting women
    2) Use your ENFP'ness man to get a feel for women before getting the digits
    3) Put out more thoughtful/intellectual and less 'party' energy if you are looking for a thoughtful/intellectual and less of a party girl (laws of attraction)

    But...since it looks like you're trying to get back with your ex, these may be moot points.

    Good luck, either way.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  3. #143
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    dating an enfp is like dating ruprecht, then after a while you come to realize your actually dating laurence jamieson, a classy dirty rotten scoundrel
    Last edited by shen; 05-04-2008 at 04:38 PM. Reason: spelling

  4. #144
    Junior Member WillMagic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly View Post
    TRUE! I dont want to sound pretentious, but YES many people fall in love with me. I just want to know them as a person, but they end up falling in love with me, without me doing anything to bait them.
    You know its frustrating!! This is especially true, if its a male friend whom you like, but they want it to go beyond friendship and that ruins things. I mean cant we know a person at a human level?? Why does romance have to come into it.
    Im seriously tired of people falling in love with me. I mean give me a challenge plz!! Let me make the first move or show interest in you, why do you have to fall on me! arghhh.
    I also had stalkers stalking me to international countries! Holidaying where i holiday etc....so yes its not a good feeling. Plus its not a good feeling rejecting the other person too. So its not an easy life.

    ( I sound so arrogant, but what i mean to say is its frustrating when ppl throw themselves at you and think you feel the same way about them as they do about you- not knowing there are levels of intimacy with an ENFP).
    It took me a while to figure this out about my ENFP friend. She was giving off what I thought were mixed signals - not coming on to me, we'd have a conversation and she'd behave like she was totally fascinated with me. Then she'd go off and do the same with every other guy in sight.

    It's irritating though. I'm into her, but she likes me just fine in the friend zone, so every time we hang out (which there isn't a way around - we're functionally co-workers) I have to focus on the fact that she's not into me, she's just enfp.

  5. #145
    Senior Member Cality's Avatar
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    how can you be so sure, she is not into you?

  6. #146
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    ^^ Ha, and hence the continuing ENFP 'is she into me?' confusion continues!

    Regardless of types involved, there is a simple solution, and that is to ask the person out.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  7. #147
    a white iris elfinchilde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sexist View Post
    Ha, man up? I cant seem to "man down"! Its like every chance I get to test the alpha male theory I do, and then things tend to happen that I dont exactly regret but due to have definitely grown a reputation for. This isnt even a "possible" thing, its definite. If I go to a party or a social gathering of any sort im just compelled to challenge others territory and to see how far i can assert my authority. This I think Is why I attract females on such a regular basis, I just cant help but feel superior around other men (other than Brothers of course). This like I said tends to get me into a lot of trouble and its very hard to seek out a serious relationship when im known for doing this.

    I wish they had like testosterone donations that you could go in for and get paid for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sexist View Post
    Well I of course enjoy the attention of all women, I do have an ego the needs a good stroke once in a while. And so the problem is that after atracting such women I let it carry on for too long until it goes too far. By this point ive usually had more than just a "few" beers. If it goes as far as a relationship though, its not until after do I ever realise how immature, unintelligent and/or just stupid they are. I would love to be with a women who can be on equal footing with me, just the problem is meeting them.

    But like I said most of the places I go are just your everday partys and keggers so the girls I meet there are attractive but not smart. And intelligence isnt something that you can really find out about a person in one (drunken) night. And I know it almost always turns out the same way but I cant help but attracting (or rather trying to) any and/or all other women I meet. Its like its hard wired into me to find the best possible mate or something. Ive tryed not doing it before, but it never works I always seem to forget and fall back into over confident "alpha male".
    Just some questions for you to answer to, yourself. Czecze has made some very astute observations and advice already, so i'll avoid repeating them as far as possible.

    1) Look at the bolded. Step into the other's shoes: From a woman's perspective, would she want to select you for a serious relationship?

    2) You seem to view women only as the possessions of men, rather than individuals in their own right? either that, or you tend to prefer attached women for flings. Gotta realise that no independent or intelligent woman will ever want to be seen as a mere possession.

    3) Parties may not be the best place to meet intelligent women/ those on an equal footing. For one thing, if the aim of the party is to have fun, you can surely expect that most would leave their thinking caps back home. And if all the parties are just drugs/cigarettes/booze/making out, after a while, most women who've past that stage of mindless partying would be avoiding them, or attending them less frequently. Quite simply, it's a life stage you've past. Time to grow up.

    4) Perhaps you're not quite ready to grow up yet. If your ex-gf is into school and all that, that's her way of holding you at arm's length already.

    Sometimes, love is not enough to sustain a relationship. You can love each other very deeply, to the level of the soul, even, yet not be together.

    "Cedit amor rebus", Hexis. Love yields to circumstance.

    If your aim is for a serious relationship, then examine yourself seriously. It's pointless saying that "it's definite (you'd go further than you want, yet don't regret it.)" Which intelligent woman would settle for something 'serious' like this, a man who cannot and will not control his own impulses? Forgive, but this just sounds like backhanded self-praise.

    note: i'm speaking from a pure NT analytical perspective, and not bothering to censor my words. So if some of it sounds harsh, my apologies.
    You gave me hyacinths first a year ago;
    They called me the hyacinth girl.
    Yet when we came back, late, from the Hyacinth garden,
    Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not
    Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither
    Living nor dead, and I knew nothing,
    Looking into the heart of light, the silence.

    --T.S Eliot, The Wasteland

  8. #148
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    You know, I don't think there's any good way to tell whether or not an ENFP's into you...
    I remember having the hots for this dude and consciously deciding to flirt with him. As I was flirting, I realized that I was behaving the same way I always do... it was then that I realized why most of my guy friends have asked me out at one point or another.
    Damn... life is so hard...

  9. #149
    Senior Member Butterfly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cality View Post
    Doesn't sound ENFP... But basically a usual manipulator. I was dating a ENTJ who was the same way to me and he was the manipulator.. I am using my skills to feel what people feels to a good purpose : understanding them and helping them out if needed.
    Yeah I hear ya! Its just some Enfps gone wrong, thats all.

    Quote Originally Posted by shen View Post
    dating an enfp is like dating ruprecht, then after a while you come to realize your actually dating laurence jamieson, a classy dirty rotten scoundrel
    hehe way funny man.

    Quote Originally Posted by WillMagic View Post
    It took me a while to figure this out about my ENFP friend. She was giving off what I thought were mixed signals - not coming on to me, we'd have a conversation and she'd behave like she was totally fascinated with me. Then she'd go off and do the same with every other guy in sight.

    It's irritating though. I'm into her, but she likes me just fine in the friend zone, so every time we hang out (which there isn't a way around - we're functionally co-workers) I have to focus on the fact that she's not into me, she's just enfp.
    Hey dont get me wrong, she may be totally into you! who knows.
    The thing even if she doesnt see you as a b/f, she will still love you and be fascinated by you. Theres nothing wrong with being fascinated by another human being

    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    You know, I don't think there's any good way to tell whether or not an ENFP's into you...

    Damn... life is so hard...
    LOL, true. You know whats funny, sometimes even an ENFP doesnt know if she/he is into the other person!! lol
    Its the P and N- open to possibilities curse that makes us so unsure about the other person most of the time.
    sighhhh, like you said, life is hard

  10. #150
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    Seems as though after reading these replies that the female enfp has the greater option in relationship possibility vs the male. As I continue to conspire with my best friend, intj, on how to get women constantly with a consistent failed outcome. hahaahah

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