I forgot to address this earlier because I had a time crunch.Along with those lines, too, I've had issues with INFP guys not just coming out and saying what they want. One was a friendship, where I kept just waiting for my friend to say exactly what I knew he was thinking... but he always reined it in. Always. he was always "nice" even when he didn't have to be. (And then I'd get tired of waiting, and blurt it out myself, and he'd burst out laughing.) It was so funny!
The other was with the man I dated for some time. I had the issue where he wouldn't say exactly what he wanted/meant, so I would assume that he didn't want/need anything and then he was horribly hurt that I did not figure it out but didn't say anything until stress points later in the relationship. I also had situations where he would ask me in such roundabout ways that it still wasn't clear what he actually wanted, and all I wanted him to do was be bold and bluntly, directly, say it even if there was a risk I could be hurt or angry. The communication was more important to me.
For me... this is how I view it. Everyone has that gooey secret mush center where their soul is. (Well, perhaps not NTJs.... ) For most types, I think they have natural defenses in place. Maybe it's a Ti or Te function that can deflect hurt away, etc. Maybe it's something else.
For INFP's our strongest function is Fi and that is directly connected/melded with our tender little soul. You prod it, you are prodding our innermost being. We can assemble a decent defense of Ne - but most SOs will figure out pretty quickly that the Ne is merely the crunchy candy coating that is housing what is actually going on. And this, I am sure, can be very frustrating. However, when we expose our Fi... even if it's something as simple as "Hey, I would love it if you bought me a pony." There is a chance you will say no, or not now, or how about an iguana. We interpret this response as a a rejection of ourselves because our Fi = ourselves. Logically, this makes no sense. The concept of a pony does not equal how I feel about you. But to us we feel rejected therefore we are rejected.
Our last function developed is the Ti and it is so far removed and away that it doesn't really do much of anything for us most of our lives. So we are this little marshmallow that gets thwacked around by the world.
Now, I have realized in the past couple of years a few truths. One is, No I really am not equipped to deal with this world the way that it is. And Two, I can't let that be an excuse. If I am weak and having an issue with something, I need to figure out a creative solution to this problem instead of running from it. I have had to consciously work on my Fi and Ti. I've talked to a couple of other NFs about this in private but I will just toss this out here. I've been using this book, The Feeling Good Handbook, to give myself tools in how to deal with issues. The book cover is possibly the most over the top cover ever, but it actually works.
Case in point - my NF style meltdown last night. A few years ago, I would have sobbed all night, yelled sarcasticly at my dad, and felt like absolute crap for weeks afterward. I still had a bit of a meltdown - but I was able to express some of it to my dad, a lot on this forum, and the rest to my friends today. I feel better, in control, and not angry anymore or super upset. I am still upset, but it isn't controlling me or my day, etc. I have plans to see my Dad on Friday so that we can talk about this. I have already formulated much of what I want to say to him, and I know that we will be able to get through this rough patch and move on.
For me this is huge.
Too long: didn't read?
INFP's = bunny rabbit. Our only natural defense that God gave us is the ability to run away.
Bolded 2: I find INFJs to be a bit more controlling and rigid on things. I think that in my relationships with them I feel like we are so similar, yay! And then the smaller differences creep in and it's where the heck did this come from? This could be a bit of a sampling error as well since most of them I knew when we were much younger - like 18-23ish.... but I had 2 of them send me emails explaining how mad they were at me, and what I did wrong... when I had no clue. However, it doesn't mean that if I encounter a future INFJ that I will assume that about them.
INFJ/ENFJ Issues: Actually the problem ended up being that the INFJ LIKED the ENFJs husband and was hitting on him. And then pretended she wasnt when confronted. (It was a bit obvious.... and the husband was very uncomfortable by her attentions). Too much drama llama. This was the second time she had been inappropriate towards a husband in the group. She also was the one who kept faking suicide attempts - pretty much every 4 months, like clockwork, we would be called from the hospital because she ate 2 pills and called 911. I really hope she got the counselling she needed, but I just couldn't deal with it anymore.