User Tag List

First 344243444546 Last

Results 431 to 440 of 529

  1. #431
    Senior Member tkae.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    762

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Do you believe that some elements of yourself should remain secret from everyone?

    If so, how do you reconcile that belief with the expectations inherent in a serious, committed, romantic relationship?
    I think of it in terms of Tiers.

    By and large, I put myself out there at the start. I don't have much of a problem with who I am, I don't really feel a need to be anything different than who I am, and so I'm not really embarrassed about it or anything. But at the same time, there's some things that are too painful or too embarrassing that have happened to me and influenced the way I am, and those are things that I don't share until someone gets through the relevant walls.

    Think of it in terms of Constantinople's walls from Byzantium:

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...inople_eng.png

    They had an intricate series of walls that were almost completely impenetrable. You had to break down one series only to get to the next, and they were multiple layers of walls thick. Someone has to work their way through them by gaining my trust. I, and it's an INFP tendency, move slow in relationships mostly because the person has to work their way through one wall to get to one thing, but not bump against another wall in the process.

    It's not that I think something should remain secret, it's just that it's something painful to me that I don't want everyone knowing about.

    That's especially true with people I don't know that well. The outer layers of average friendship are pretty easy to get into, but I don't walk around talking about myself to people who I don't know.

    Does any of that answer your question?
    "Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away." -Ekaku Hakuin
    http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b1...psdunkqmep.png
    5w4 . IEI . Chaotic Good
    Right-Libertarian Minarchist

  2. #432
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,450

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tkae. View Post
    I think of it in terms of Tiers.

    By and large, I put myself out there at the start. I don't have much of a problem with who I am, I don't really feel a need to be anything different than who I am, and so I'm not really embarrassed about it or anything. But at the same time, there's some things that are too painful or too embarrassing that have happened to me and influenced the way I am, and those are things that I don't share until someone gets through the relevant walls.

    Think of it in terms of Constantinople's walls from Byzantium:

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...inople_eng.png

    They had an intricate series of walls that were almost completely impenetrable. You had to break down one series only to get to the next, and they were multiple layers of walls thick. Someone has to work their way through them by gaining my trust. I, and it's an INFP tendency, move slow in relationships mostly because the person has to work their way through one wall to get to one thing, but not bump against another wall in the process.

    It's not that I think something should remain secret, it's just that it's something painful to me that I don't want everyone knowing about.

    That's especially true with people I don't know that well. The outer layers of average friendship are pretty easy to get into, but I don't walk around talking about myself to people who I don't know.

    Does any of that answer your question?
    Thanks for this; It really rings true for me, as well, and I've used similar metaphors to your Tier metaphor to describe my own attitude towards -- what would you call it? Intimacy?

    So you did mostly answer my first question, but your post stopped short of answering my second question. In light of INFPs being fairly private people -- who I thought took pride in part of themselves being pure and secret, though your post makes me think I could be wrong regarding that -- how exactly do INFPs deal with intimacy in romantic relationships? Do they still keep some parts of themselves hidden from their spouse?
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  3. #433
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 so/sp
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Do you believe that some elements of yourself should remain secret from everyone?
    Not sure about "should", but I think it can be acceptable. Sometimes you can keep things back that aren't necessarily secrets but aren't productive or kind to share. Total truthfulness isn't always an ideal approach. For example, if you lashed out at your SO or friend every time they irritate or anger you, you would end up with way too much unnecessary conflict (and over stupid things). Of course ignoring problems and sources of contention isn't wise; but if you're just in a bad mood, is it important to express that and create conflict simply to "be true to yourself"? I don't think so. I often reference this saying: "honesty is more important than truthfulness".

    If so, how do you reconcile that belief with the expectations inherent in a serious, committed, romantic relationship?
    I think you can reveal the nature of your soul (ugh, for the lack of a better word) without voicing every detail about yourself. As long as you aren't dishonest and deceitful to your partner, and you aren't concealling something defining, it's acceptable to keep a little mystery. Of course, I do think it is important to share and reveal a lot about yourself for a relationship to really work in the long-term. If you jealously guard too much about yourself, it can stifle intimacy and the chance of forming a real connection.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  4. #434
    Senior Member tkae.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    762

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Thanks for this; It really rings true for me, as well, and I've used similar metaphors to your Tier metaphor to describe my own attitude towards -- what would you call it? Intimacy?

    So you did mostly answer my first question, but your post stopped short of answering my second question. In light of INFPs being fairly private people -- who I thought took pride in part of themselves being pure and secret, though your post makes me think I could be wrong regarding that -- how exactly do INFPs deal with intimacy in romantic relationships? Do they still keep some parts of themselves hidden from their spouse?
    It's a bit of a chicken/egg scenario, but usually a person either 1.) doesn't become a candidate for a truly intimate relationship unless they've made it past the walls or 2.) doesn't make it past the walls until they're candidates for a truly intimate relationship.

    Either way, it's not really something that needs to be "reconciled". It works out pretty well as far as I'm concerned. It might not be the case with all INFPs, but I'd guess that how it is for most. When we let someone into our souls that deep, I pretty much see them as a soul mate. They'll have permanently impacted my entire reality. So in that regard, I really don't need to reconcile it because the relationship becomes intimate at the same time I feel comfortable enough sharing all of my deep, personal stuff.
    "Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away." -Ekaku Hakuin
    http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b1...psdunkqmep.png
    5w4 . IEI . Chaotic Good
    Right-Libertarian Minarchist

  5. #435
    011235813
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    So you did mostly answer my first question, but your post stopped short of answering my second question. In light of INFPs being fairly private people -- who I thought took pride in part of themselves being pure and secret, though your post makes me think I could be wrong regarding that -- how exactly do INFPs deal with intimacy in romantic relationships? Do they still keep some parts of themselves hidden from their spouse?
    The question wasn't addressed to me, but I value intimacy with my significant other highly enough that I'm prepared to let down my barriers and walls and let him in, even though vulnerability frightens me. I wouldn't say the process is complete but I certainly share parts of myself with him that I'm actively ashamed of.

    I think much of this also has to do with enneagram and instinctual variants. For example, I think sp-doms might be less inclined to open up to others, 4s are more likely to have things they want to express than 9s, etc.

  6. #436
    Gone Aesthete's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    1w2 sp/sx
    Posts
    385

    Default

    How do I explain to an INFP that they've misunderstood my intentions?
    Great men are like eagles, and build their nest on some lofty solitude.

    Schopenhauer

  7. #437
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    11

    Default

    How do I nudge my INFP man in a way in the best way? I am being very patient in our growing relationship but always am looking for new ways to bond/grow. Sharing my vulnerabilities? Cuddling? Reaching out more?

  8. #438
    Insert witty line here... Ponyboy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Posts
    398

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Aesthete View Post
    How do I explain to an INFP that they've misunderstood my intentions?
    Tell him/her your intentions. We're INFP's for goodness sake....we overblow everything!! Communication is best

    Quote Originally Posted by girlinthePNW View Post
    How do I nudge my INFP man in a way in the best way? I am being very patient in our growing relationship but always am looking for new ways to bond/grow. Sharing my vulnerabilities? Cuddling? Reaching out more?
    I'd bet he's already bonded with you. For us (generally speaking of course), its not about what you do, its who you do it with. He's spending his time with you...you already have his heart. You may have to be the "life of the party" in the relationship but that's because you are the party in his life, whoever/whatever else is around is irrelevant. Good Luck (INFP's can be a strange breed! )
    I'm never wrong, I'm just sometimes less right

  9. #439
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,880

    Default

    Do you ever get scared or back away when you someone has told you that they care about you?

  10. #440
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 so/sp
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Aesthete View Post
    How do I explain to an INFP that they've misunderstood my intentions?
    Be sensitive but direct.

    Te clarity is appreciated if the situation is getting confused. I dislike when people go around in circles and try to hint at things, especially if I've misunderstood something. Do be kind about it if it's something that might hurt his or her feelings, but don't draw it out (unless they seek to continue the conversation). If someone is trying to let me down nicely, the over explaining, apologising and excessive pity can be unbearable.

    Quote Originally Posted by girlinthePNW View Post
    How do I nudge my INFP man in a way in the best way? I am being very patient in our growing relationship but always am looking for new ways to bond/grow. Sharing my vulnerabilities? Cuddling? Reaching out more?
    These might work but personally I prefer to bond in less structured ways - to let it unfold naturally. Although there are ways of encouraging it. You could try engaging his Ne more. We enjoy novelty and new ideas, so you could try taking up new activities or hobbies you can share and enjoy together. I find that I bond well with people when we're experiencing something interesting, new or different together. Maybe have a day every week that you do a set activity you take up or a day where you just do something or go somewhere out of the ordinary. This could be: spending the day in a town/place you've never really stopped in (ie. act like a tourist in your own area); going hiking or mountain biking; going for a picnic; going to a play; going to see live music or comedy; taking dance or art classes; joining a book club; doing a pub quiz etc. It's really up to you and what appeals to you both. Even if it's something a bit silly and crazy it can be something to laugh about afterwards. If he's pretty quiet and a bit of a homebody, you could try something else at home that suits him better (but even homebodies can be simply waiting for the opportunity to go out and do something). Maybe you could just suggest the concept and let him come up with the ideas. It can mean a lot to me to have someone eager to share in my interests. I also have this whole list of things I've entertained the thought of doing but never have, and having a person keen to do them with me would be a thrill.

    Anyway, it's just a thought.

    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    Do you ever get scared or back away when you someone has told you that they care about you?
    No - well, not really. If it's out of the blue and a little too intense all at once, I might be wanting to back away. But I have the E4 thing of never really believing people like or appreciate me. So when people I like and/or respect do, it's comforting and makes me feel a bit more relaxed around them (ie. it's safe to seek them out more and be more open). I remember well the times people have done this to me in the past and how great it felt. Sometimes it wasn't said outright (ie. not literally saying "I care about you"), but in other ways that make it pretty clear cut - however the effect was just the same; perhaps even better.

    I suppose if it's someone I don't really like or respect it could get awkward, though.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

Similar Threads

  1. [INFP] An INFP's Dilemma or Just Mine?
    By Meursault in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 51
    Last Post: 05-23-2016, 03:30 PM
  2. Ask an INFP!
    By amandamh in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-23-2015, 02:38 PM
  3. [INFP] Ask an INFP
    By taylord in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 99
    Last Post: 03-06-2015, 12:56 PM
  4. Ask an INFP and receive the ideal answer
    By PeaceBaby in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 92
    Last Post: 06-15-2009, 03:15 PM
  5. [INFP] Completing the Square: How to Spot an INFP
    By GZA in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 12-01-2008, 01:35 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO