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  1. #411
    Member CreativeCait's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever_Jung View Post
    That is such an INTP answer

    I am kind of high maintenance, but I try really hard to disguise how needy I am.
    Hmmm....interesting....by not voicing them, but hinting at them/hoping they are met/trying to be unaffected?? Just curious because I've never considered this before...

    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    I think there was a thread about this somewhere. Can't remember what I said though.

    It really depends how the term is defined. In its standard use, probably not. I don't know, I feel like I'd need to ask my husband his opinion. Ok I'm intrigued now, going to ask. (I am anticipating a drawn out process to get a serious answer...) To Be Continued.

    EDIT:
    So I asked.
    He says, 'What? No, you're not.'
    "Are you sure?" I ask. "Not even a little bit?"
    He shrugs. "I don't think so."
    "How about emotionally? I can be moody."
    Another shrug. "I don't mind."

    So according to my wonderfully verbose INTP, I'm not.
    Oh, my bad. I will look up that thread

    Ha ha ha about your hubby's response!! I always thought high maintenance was about how much time and money you spent on your looks and how expensively you want your partner to treat you, but now I'm considering it in terms of emotional investment, investment of time etc...

    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    People seem to actively want to be around me when I'm like this, talk to me.

    Previously I could only do this sort of thing if it was just one or two people that I knew well. I also always used to be ultra sensitive to people's reaction when I brought up topics I was interested, if I sensed a hint of disinterest or something I would just clam up. So that's also something I've been working on, just letting myself be intense and enthusiastic about it.

    Many people seem to just get caught up, eyes bright with shared interest.

    I also think being like this helps people not to be intimidated... before, even when I thought I was hiding my intensity I probably didn't do as good a job as I imagined. The things I like to talk about, most the people I know probably associate with 'intellectualness'. I get the idea they can feel out of their depth, but if I open up myself to let them see my enthusiasm and don't worry about appearing silly and ridiculous, it seems to put them at ease.
    Hmmm....I think there is quite a lot of truth to this - thanks so much for sharing, it has given me a lot to think about and reconsider.Especially when I was younger, I think I could be quite intimidating in this way...*ponder*

    I can so relate to the clamming up at sensing disinterest. Even if it's before they've really heard enough to become interested I will terminate the conversation if I sense this. Hmmmm.....is it because I'm so horrified at the thought that I might be boring someone that I prefer not to say anything at all???? *ponder*

    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    The red hair?

    Lots of people have gushed on saying they love it. I think in a way it's made me more approachable. And there is something incredibly maliciously fun watching people try to squirm out of an opinion when they don't like it.
    Most the SJs I know haven't liked it (A few exceptions of course. ESTJ sister was shocked but likes it. ISFJ brother likes it, but I don't know if I could do anything he wouldn't like... he's a darling like that.)

    More than anything it's made me want to do something even more shocking next... people's reactions are so fascinating.

    (Oh yea, and my INTP was the one did the deed. He wasn't impressed when I handed him the box of dye )
    Ha ha ha, I very much enjoyed hearing about the INTP and SJ reactions,
    I guess it's an instant conversation starter that you can carry around with you wherever you go!
    Yes, people's reactions to something 'outlandish' are half the fun of it. I had the same experience when I permanently dyed my hair green on-purpose. I think on the whole the T's assumed it was a mistake, the F's loved it and the SJs found it irritating...

  2. #412
    actinomycetes raindancing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CreativeCait View Post
    Ha ha ha about your hubby's response!! I always thought high maintenance was about how much time and money you spent on your looks and how expensively you want your partner to treat you, but now I'm considering it in terms of emotional investment, investment of time etc...
    Yea I've always applied it to myself in the emotional sense, since I know I don't fit the standard ideas of high maintenance. I think more than anything, I'm high maintenance for me


    I can so relate to the clamming up at sensing disinterest. Even if it's before they've really heard enough to become interested I will terminate the conversation if I sense this. Hmmmm.....is it because I'm so horrified at the thought that I might be boring someone that I prefer not to say anything at all???? *ponder*
    Yep exactly. It's kind of silly when you think about it. And if they're not interested... so what? Why is it such a BIG DEAL?

    I don't want to force anyone to be ungenuine, it's so incredibly painful to see someone feign interest. At a surface level, it seems like I'm thinking about the other person, not wanting to discommode them. But really, as with every damned thing, it's all about me. I would rather, a million times, not talk about it than have someone pretend to be interested. You know what's the worst? When I only realize they were pretending afterward. Cue a melting death of horror and mortification and never ever ever wanting to see that person again.



    Yes, people's reactions to something 'outlandish' are half the fun of it. I had the same experience when I permanently dyed my hair green on-purpose. I think on the whole the T's assumed it was a mistake, the F's loved it and the SJs found it irritating...
    Green! Did it come out ok or did you just dye over it eventually? I thought about that color, but I wasn't sure how it would be faded out on my blond hair.
    “Can a man of perception respect himself at all?”
    ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

  3. #413
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
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    How do you guys feel about orange marmalade? I rather like Mackays Dundee orange marmalade. Most others are too sweet for my taste.
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

  4. #414
    actinomycetes raindancing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SD45T-2 View Post
    How do you guys feel about orange marmalade? I rather like Mackays Dundee orange marmalade. Most others are too sweet for my taste.
    I love marmalade, orange included.
    I don't know about that brand; don't live in the US. And I don't buy it often enough to have a favorite brand here. But I read the ingredients and get the one with the least sugar (cause I don't like it too sweet), the highest percentage of fruit, and no weird stuff in it. Ones with some grapefruit are pretty yummy.
    “Can a man of perception respect himself at all?”
    ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

  5. #415
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    I love marmalade, orange included.
    I don't know about that brand; don't live in the US. And I don't buy it often enough to have a favorite brand here. But I read the ingredients and get the one with the least sugar (cause I don't like it too sweet), the highest percentage of fruit, and no weird stuff in it. Ones with some grapefruit are pretty yummy.
    I've had lime and three fruit (orange, lime, grapefruit) marmalades. The Cost Plus World Market here in town carries a variety of Mackays marmalades and preserves. The real deal: http://www.dundeemarmalade.com/index.html
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

  6. #416
    Member CreativeCait's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    Yea I've always applied it to myself in the emotional sense, since I know I don't fit the standard ideas of high maintenance. I think more than anything, I'm high maintenance for me
    Haahaha so true!

    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    I don't want to force anyone to be ungenuine, it's so incredibly painful to see someone feign interest. At a surface level, it seems like I'm thinking about the other person, not wanting to discommode them. But really, as with every damned thing, it's all about me. I would rather, a million times, not talk about it than have someone pretend to be interested.
    I agree! And yes, I'm realising more and more how somethings I do and react to are more about myself, than being thoughtful of the other person. On one level I am focusing on them. But I feel like the things I do and say contain a number of different levels of meaning and purpose within each thing. Some of those layers are about other people, some are about me. Mostly I am unaware of the layers. It's confusing to interpret and explain to others.

    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    Green! Did it come out ok or did you just dye over it eventually? I thought about that color, but I wasn't sure how it would be faded out on my blond hair.
    I had died it blond first. The green washed out mostly, except for a horrid tint that I kept for way too long! Eventually I cut it really short until that hair grew out. It would probably ruin your blond hair :p

  7. #417
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I apologize in advance that all my threads and posts ultimately talk about the same issues, so I'll try to go for advice for specific incidents this time

    So, I've been with my INFP boyfriend for 3 and a half years now, most of the time long-distance. He is a PhD student who is severely depressed about his studies and tends to use his visits to Bangkok (where I live) as an escape.

    Way before we even got into a relationship I told him I was unwilling to relocate, because I want to be around my parents and take care of them when they are old -- normal Chinese family stuff, and that he should really think about it. He simply jumped into it and said he would move to Bangkok and try to find a job here.

    The first few times he was in Bangkok there were a lot of problems with the culture difference. He did not understand why I could not spend the night at his place, why I was not comfortable with PDA, why I had to spend time with my family sometimes, and so on. Right now things have gotten better, and he at least accepts how things are.

    His visits last for 1-3 months each time. This is his fourth visit, and most of the time he still feels like a stranger in a strange land, because he has nothing to do during the day and just waits for me to get off work. I don't think this is healthy. I suggested signing up for classes -- maybe a language course so he can at least order food by himself. He said it would be too stressful. I suggested volunteering to teach English -- so at least he would be able to meet other teachers and maybe be friends with them. He said it was too stressful. I suggested maybe looking for a part-time job. No, too stressful. Or maybe scoping out the job market to see what is out there before he finishes his PhD so it would give him some idea (and a direction) on how to prepare himself. Nope.

    Currently he spends most of his time alone surfing the internet, wandering around malls, going to the movies, watching TV. He is also depressed most of the time and stresses out about how much he hates his PhD and how he has no future and how he messed up his life and now everything sucks. He gets really happy when I show up and we go to dinner or hang out or play video games, but sinks back into depression and despair when he is alone.

    Last night I had a breakdown because he was hating everything so much I felt like no matter what I did I could not make him happy. And he said he felt bad because it was like I "didn't like the way he acted" and that I "expected him to act a certain way" and was "trying to control" him.

    In a way, yes, he was right. I would like him to be able to at least try to be happy and try to work for the future and not having to call me at work and say, hey, I called this delivery place and they didn't understand me, can you call them and help me order my food, or being all dark and moody and keep asking me to take days off work to be with him and to get off work early. I would also appreciate less talk of suicide, where everything goes "The internet doesn't work. My life sucks and I want to die", "This place is freaking hot. I want to be home so bad. I messed up and I'm going down", "Everything's a scam. I hate life".

    I also told him that I felt like he expected me to fix everything, and he said he never had that intention and seemed appalled by the idea. But what am I to do when he calls me with a problem? Say "good luck with that" and leave him to it? Sometimes it is a very simple thing, like the TV doesn't work, and I asked him if he tried looking behind the TV if the cables were connected -- and that fixed the problem in 10 seconds.

    To be honest, I think I might have encouraged this problem, because the first time he was here I tried to get him settled and make him comfortable and I basically did everything for him. I know he's been going through a tough time so I am trying to be emotionally supportive -- but by doing this I might have been encouraging his dependence on me.

    He also seems clueless about how the world works -- like how you have to work hard for the life you want, and if you choose a major that limits future work to only academic work, networking is very important so you just can't reject people and not go to social events.

    I think the main problem is he is in flight mode. He just wants to escape, to keep his eyes closed until everything is ok, and to do whatever is 'easy' and hope that everything will turn out fine (while actually feeling extremely stressed about the situation). I asked multiple times if he wanted to see a therapist (because being a university student he had free access to counselors), and he said they would not be able to help him.

    I've tried 'suggesting' things, and he is receptive and says "That's a good idea." but then does nothing.

    A stronger 'nudge' then he says I don't like the way he is and am 'scolding' him.

    How do I get the message across that if you want your life to work, make it work, and, yes, it is going to be difficult. I'm here to support you but I can't do everything. Please at least try.

    He is INFP 9w1 sp/sx if that makes a difference.

    Thanks in advance.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  8. #418
    Senor Membrae Eugene Watson VIII's Avatar
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    why is he depressed about his studies? I think the first problem is that. it seems he's bringing his worries over seas if he is overreacting to the TV and such. if he has to escape overseas then that's a sure sign that that's his problem.
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  9. #419
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by minutegovt View Post
    why is he depressed about his studies? I think the first problem is that. it seems he's bringing his worries over seas if he is overreacting to the TV and such. if he has to escape overseas then that's a sure sign that that's his problem.
    He is depressed because he feels that it's all for nothing. The job prospect for his field is terrible, and he is going into a lot of debt. He also feels that his supervisor is stealing his ideas and publishing them, but the person is a well-respected name in the field, so he is kinda disillusioned about the whole field and actually wants nothing to do with it anymore.

    P.S. it's not really like he is fleeing to a foreign country. We met abroad during our MAs before he got into his PhD program so these visits were planned. I just wish he would be able to enjoy his vacation in a calm, healthy manner without the need to go to the extreme and flee everything
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  10. #420
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valiant View Post


    My only question to you INFPs is... How come you are so damn adorable?
    OMG THIS PENGUIN IS SO CUTE!!!

    I have a shirt with this picture on it!

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