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  1. #31
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    Would you rather want to be an INFJ, if chance allows?
    Nope. I am actually closest on the J/P scale.. But no. For some reason I tend to collect INFJs as friends.... And then lose them the fastest out of all the NFs. That I plus J can be a deadly combo.

  2. #32
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    if you never voice what's going on inside (plainly, clearly), then you'll probably never get any results that resemble what you're hoping for/wanting.
    you never voice these Fi desires and so the other person..........never knows what it is you wanted. Inevitably, this will cause feelings of hurt and neglect and "he just doesn't know me".
    Yeah, these can become issues. It is a question of balance. Obviously I can't be all shut up all the time. I do give hints, then even quite blunt hints, then I try to steer a related discussion to the subject that's bothering me, and then if all these more subtle ways fail, then I stop people with "There's something we need to discuss". I really wouldn't like it to go that far, because the issue usually isn't THAT big a deal. It's like, when you stop people to discuss about something, they expect it to be really serious.

    I don't really think that this is a problem with people who keep their ears open. I hardly ever request anything from people, so usually a small hint is enough. It does become a problem with a person who doesn't notice it or disregards it. Then I have to be more blunt. I also conform to the communication style of the person, so if someone is the type of a person who just asks other people for favours and assistance regularly, I don't feel discomfort in asking them something. This is a dynamic process here. If I see a person never gets any hints I will force myself to adapt to their style of communication.

    But, yeah, you are right that if someone is staying only in the don't ask don't tell kind of a communication, the results are less than optimal.

  3. #33
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    Along with those lines, too, I've had issues with INFP guys not just coming out and saying what they want. One was a friendship, where I kept just waiting for my friend to say exactly what I knew he was thinking... but he always reined it in. Always. he was always "nice" even when he didn't have to be. (And then I'd get tired of waiting, and blurt it out myself, and he'd burst out laughing.) It was so funny!

    The other was with the man I dated for some time. I had the issue where he wouldn't say exactly what he wanted/meant, so I would assume that he didn't want/need anything and then he was horribly hurt that I did not figure it out but didn't say anything until stress points later in the relationship. I also had situations where he would ask me in such roundabout ways that it still wasn't clear what he actually wanted, and all I wanted him to do was be bold and bluntly, directly, say it even if there was a risk I could be hurt or angry. The communication was more important to me.

    why, oh why?

    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Nope. I am actually closest on the J/P scale.. But no. For some reason I tend to collect INFJs as friends.... And then lose them the fastest out of all the NFs. That I plus J can be a deadly combo.
    That's interesting. Why do you think you lose them so quickly?

    (For me, my INFJ friends are the ones I stick with -- we seem to respect each other's space very well, but we immediately sync up whenever we come together.)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #34
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Wow, this is sounding much more like "ungoverned Ne thread" than "Fi thread."

    Is it easier for INFPs to drop straight into Ne mode?
    Why do you do that?






    like i'm one to talk
    I'm very new on what the functions are so here I am winging it with my Ne in overdrive. Ha!

    Ne for me is like a safe version of Fi. It showcases my personality while protecting me from actually getting hurt. Fi is like a fricking unicorn land where the unicorns horns are made of kool whip, their hooves are as sharp as pillows, and they can't neigh but only purr.

    Ne is also extraverted so it's the easiest way of dealing with other people too. It's typically kind of charming and quirky. It's also the most fun way of interacting with other Ns. I adore that N action where it's a back and forth of thoughts and ideas and made up stuff.

    So I use N because it's much much preferable to use that instead of Fi for interactions with others, and because quite frankly, it's the better received function of the two.

    The alternative for us to use is Fi, and like I mentioned, it's super unguarded and mushy. I'm sure there is someone who gets the functions better than I, but that's what can do now.

  5. #35
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Along with those lines, too, I've had issues with INFP guys not just coming out and saying what they want. One was a friendship, where I kept just waiting for my friend to say exactly what I knew he was thinking... but he always reined it in. Always. he was always "nice" even when he didn't have to be. (And then I'd get tired of waiting, and blurt it out myself, and he'd burst out laughing.) It was so funny!

    The other was with the man I dated for some time. I had the issue where he wouldn't say exactly what he wanted/meant, so I would assume that he didn't want/need anything and then he was horribly hurt that I did not figure it out but didn't say anything until stress points later in the relationship. I also had situations where he would ask me in such roundabout ways that it still wasn't clear what he actually wanted, and all I wanted him to do was be bold and bluntly, directly, say it even if there was a risk I could be hurt or angry. The communication was more important to me.

    why, oh why?



    That's interesting. Why do you think you lose them so quickly?

    (For me, my INFJ friends are the ones I stick with -- we seem to respect each other's space very well, but we immediately sync up whenever we come together.)
    Maybe is a bit of the adage, familiarity breeds contempt? They are so similar and yet different in a key way. I find them to be a bit overbearing after awhile. With me going, why does it matter if we do this? Gah!

    My ENFJ friends (had few of these) last longer because they tend to help break me out of my shell and give me some good structure. All that Fe makes me more comfy to be a bit Fi with them.

    Most of my friends have been NFPs. Just the way it's happened. . And two of the three were in college (INFJ) and so we just kinda moved apart. The last I had a big blowup with due to some drama she was causing in our bible study group. (making mix CDs for the ENFJs husband, and calling him all the time.... And crying to me that the ENFJ was mean to her.... When all the ENFJ Said was, uh... Why are you calling my husband so much?). I take her as an INFJ sampling error.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Is this thread billed for work or play?
    Or do INFPs prefer play over work?
    I work hard at playing.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Along with those lines, too, I've had issues with INFP guys not just coming out and saying what they want. One was a friendship, where I kept just waiting for my friend to say exactly what I knew he was thinking... but he always reined it in. Always. he was always "nice" even when he didn't have to be. (And then I'd get tired of waiting, and blurt it out myself, and he'd burst out laughing.) It was so funny!

    The other was with the man I dated for some time. I had the issue where he wouldn't say exactly what he wanted/meant, so I would assume that he didn't want/need anything and then he was horribly hurt that I did not figure it out but didn't say anything until stress points later in the relationship. I also had situations where he would ask me in such roundabout ways that it still wasn't clear what he actually wanted, and all I wanted him to do was be bold and bluntly, directly, say it even if there was a risk I could be hurt or angry. The communication was more important to me.
    It seems to me like there is this conscious effort I have to make to be blunt even in the case where I know (with 100% certainty) that the other person will not take it too badly. I think I am finally getting better at this. I don't know if it is just about being a Fi dom, or is it about some trust issues in general. Probably both. Anyways, there are few types of people who I've been "practicing" this with lately. One is the type of a person who gets angry real fast and then calms down fast too, the other is the type of a person who can be very very brutal with words, so I don't bother to think about my word choices either. It seems like it is easier for me to do this with people who are more extreme with their output and expressions. I guess that's because I can see it so clearly where the line of hurting their feelings go.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    I'm very new on what the functions are so here I am winging it with my Ne in overdrive. Ha!

    Ne for me is like a safe version of Fi. It showcases my personality while protecting me from actually getting hurt. Fi is like a fricking unicorn land where the unicorns horns are made of kool whip, their hooves are as sharp as pillows, and they can't neigh but only purr.

    Ne is also extraverted so it's the easiest way of dealing with other people too. It's typically kind of charming and quirky. It's also the most fun way of interacting with other Ns. I adore that N action where it's a back and forth of thoughts and ideas and made up stuff.

    So I use N because it's much much preferable to use that instead of Fi for interactions with others, and because quite frankly, it's the better received function of the two.

    The alternative for us to use is Fi, and like I mentioned, it's super unguarded and mushy. I'm sure there is someone who gets the functions better than I, but that's what can do now.
    I actually follow a lot of that (it parallels my experience with TiNe), except that I consider Ti to be the cold, unyielding, dangerous function. Ti cannot be negotiated with, it has no interest in compromise. Its only choice is to speak or not speak, but it cannot change the words that come out of its mouth just to cushion a blow. It can only speak what it sees to be true. Otherwise it would be like saying 2+5 = 9, and it would rather not compromise itself by speaking if told it cannot say the truth.

    I use Ne naturally to cushion Ti truth ... expressing it more flexible ways, as pokes, jabs, jests, insinuations, allusions, etc. Ne is the explorer that asks "what if?" and "why not?" and then relays the info back to Ti.

    I find [INFJs] them to be a bit overbearing after awhile.
    What, do you mean judgmental, self-controlled, intense, rigid, or what exactly?

    Most of my friends have been NFPs. Just the way it's happened. . And two of the three were in college (INFJ) and so we just kinda moved apart. The last I had a big blowup with due to some drama she was causing in our bible study group. (making mix CDs for the ENFJs husband, and calling him all the time.... And crying to me that the ENFJ was mean to her.... When all the ENFJ Said was, uh... Why are you calling my husband so much?). I take her as an INFJ sampling error.
    Lol. Sounds like the INFJ had her integrity challenged and did not like that. ENFJ was acting fully within her rights as the man's wife to challenge a situation that she thought was inappropriate -- that's what EFJ does. (An ESFJ would likely do the same thing.) IFJ might be more inclined to make sure she was "doing the right thing" and wanting to key off information, and then feeling blindsided/misjudged when she was just doing her job, in her opinion. IFJs seem to brood when misjudged, they hold themselves to high standards but might not articulate what the standard is as well as EFJ.

    Anyway, tangent from INFP, so...!
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #39
    Anew Leaf
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    To INTPness: (on my iPad so quoting large walls of text kinda suck)

    First, you are lucky VERY lucky that Jennifer thoughtfully provided you with some much needed sacrificial photos.

    Second, here I go and please be nice. I will do mah best and hopefully make sense.

    Several reasons. Have you ever just been super overwhelmed by an emotion or two or the hundred? Even if it only lasts for a few minutes... If you have then think of having that feeling where you can't control it, you can't contain it, and you have no Ti to fall back to to make the emotional animal behave.

    Growing up, for myself, I think I was very Fi a lot. It caused me an enormous amount of pain to show my little feelings on my sleeve. At school I got teased because I was smart. I cried. I got laughed at. I got teased for being good at art. I cried. I got laughed at. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the cause and effects here... So what option did I have? I shut it down, became quiet, and tried not to make any waves. At home when I told my dad what happened he gave me the "life isn't fair speech.". To a little INFP this is like being told Santa, the easter bunny, and the oort cloud don't exist. All in one moment.

    In my teenage years we lived in Singapore and that helped give me a fresh start and I started using my Ne more (not that this was conscious at all) and I discovered that with Ne I was funny, fun, and people liked me. Who knew?!

    Onward to college I had my first actual boyfriend with an INTJ. I was so excited and emotional and yay! Too much so, so that he decided it was not what he wanted. And he broke up with me on my birthday and spent 3 hours telling me what a horrible person I was and how interesting he found my pain. So another lesson learned: keep the Fi at bay when in a relationship because it sucks when you don't.

    Luckily my next few relationships were much better and I did learn how to let the guy know what I was feeling without making it into too much of a big deal.

    With my dad, I have been able to show my Fi before because my mom was there to help guide him. Without her he is adrift with zero knowledge of how to speak to me and so he says so many things that hurt me because I am not prepared for it. We are both kind of struggling to redefine the relationship now that is a line instead of a triangle.

    Does any of this make sense?

    For last night I couldn't speak what I was feeling because it was too much. And speaking a little bit about it is like letting a crack form in a dam... It all has to come out right then and there. And I hate being out of control feeling as if I am some kind of raving lunatic. For one, I know that if I get questioned I won't be able to explain myself, and two, I am quite frankly afraid I am going to say something horrible and unforgivable. I don't want that! So for me, I find it easier to have my emo meltdown alone if needed... Some time to cool down and be analytical again, so that I can then come to someone and say... Look, you really hurt my feelings because of x y z. And we can go from there.

    Gifts and not asking.... Guilty as charged.

    I think its because I love surprises.... And i love feeling like someone really gets me. Part of this is because my mom spoiled me with her ENFPity with an incredible knack of gift giving. Everyone always felt soo special with her gifts. it's hard to top that with a, I asked and I got, kind of thing.

    If it's a small gift then I won't have a problem with asking. If it's something like a car, no way I would ask. It makes me look greedy and materialistic and I should buy that for myself to be independent. (any large ticket item)

    And a tiny part of it is in love surprises because they come out of the blue (duh) and don't require me to be anxious or anticipating it. (I also have a secret horror of getting a gift I hate and not being able to hide it.)

    Ok, god that was a ramble. I hope I make sense. If you question something go ahead ^_^. I put my Fi away so it's ok.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Ti cannot be negotiated with, it has no interest in compromise. Its only choice is to speak or not speak, but it cannot change the words that come out of its mouth just to cushion a blow. It can only speak what it sees to be true. Otherwise it would be like saying 2+5 = 9, and it would rather not compromise itself by speaking if told it cannot say the truth.

    I use Ne naturally to cushion Ti truth ... expressing it more flexible ways, as pokes, jabs, jests, insinuations, allusions, etc. Ne is the explorer that asks "what if?" and "why not?" and then relays the info back to Ti.
    Yeah, I relate to this quite a bit. I think Ti and Fi are similar in some regards - they are both introverted functions that are quite comfortable in remaining silent - they don't "have to" speak out. But, they are both very intense and there's a LOT going on under the surface in regards to how strongly they think/feel about an issue. For instance, when people say "Yeah, 2+5=9!" Ti gets kind of pissy. Cuz it's not true. It's an outright lie. Ti has sort of "been violated". Similar with Fi, I believe - when something dear to them has been "violated", when that line has been crossed, Fi isn't a happy camper.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

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