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  1. #251
    Señora Member Elfa's Avatar
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    1) Are you easily guilt-tripped?
    Yes. By anyone who tries to, I guess... .-.

    2) What do you sometimes envy in INFJs (or FJs in general)?
    They are so expressive, they speak a lot (that would stop with the "oh, you're so quiet! say something! blablablah!"), they are very warm and make people feel confortable. I like that.

    3) Do you have a strong negative reaction to people who express emotions they're not really feeling ("phonies")?
    I don't know how it is to express an emotion you are not feeling... I think people are usually genuine around here... Or maybe I just believe in anyone... I'm starting to think I'm maybe too naive somethimes... But maybe that's more like a grown up stuff, at work, when people have their issues with power - and since my life is all just school/college, family and friends, I don't see people being fake, and I don't see much reason for someone to be fake there. I don't know... Yeah, I self-doubt a lot, and I think that facilitates the guilt-tripping. And I'm very sleepy right now, so I'm in a bad mood and things look bad to me at this moment.

    4) Is it hard for you to "cut off contact" with people?
    It depends a lot... The closer you are, harder for me is to cut off contact. But it's never impossible to cut contact, people change over time...

    5) Do you usually need a strong case to sever bonds with people, or do you mostly go with your gut?
    I didn't get the question. Lol. xD

  2. #252
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    1) Are you easily guilt-tripped?
    Generally, no. I really like the word "no", and I make good use of it. Guilt is not an emotion I feel a lot either. My own sense of wrong/right wins out over someone else trying to impose theirs on me.

    The only time in my history I've found it hard to say no is with dating. I've pity-dated a bit in the past. Funny how in every other situation I found it easy to say no. Now, I no longer pity-date because I realized it's not doing anyone a favor.

    2) What do you sometimes envy in INFJs (or FJs in general)?
    I envy the relative social ease FJs seem to have. Even a shy, reserved INFJ seems to have a better grasp of social protocol than I have. From my perspective, it gives them a leg up on communication also. I can articulate ideas & feelings well, but if people want more breezy, casual talk, then I'm tongue-tied. FJs seem to adapt better.

    I like some of the other answers here also, regarding expressing affection & warmth, and how it seems to come easier to FJs. I envy that too. I'm no good at any of that...

    3) Do you have a strong negative reaction to people who express emotions they're not really feeling ("phonies")?
    More like mild annoyance. It's really hard to get a strong negative reaction out of me, outside of directly violating something important to me. If it's just some behavior unrelated to me, then I'll pretty easily ignore it & avoid the person in the future.

    4) Is it hard for you to "cut off contact" with people?
    It's hard for me to stay in contact with people. I'm known for disappearing from my social sphere for months on end. If I actively wish to not be in contact with someone, then it's very easy for me to do so. It's something of my default mode to NOT be in contact with people.

    5) Do you usually need a strong case to sever bonds with people, or do you mostly go with your gut?
    I always make a case to myself. I don't like to act rashly on emotion. That's probably what led to pity-dating in the past (I'd make a case for the guy; argue his imaginary value against my gut instinct, which said "no, you will never be attracted to him" or "no, he's a creep, run!"). Now, I give more credit to my gut instinct (which I realize is an emotional reaction signaling a need to evaluate something), but I still reason on why I feel that way. I NEED to make sense of things, and so my feelings always get analyzed & intellectualized, & in the end, supported by reason. Also, the more serious the matter, the more I will need to make sense of it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Oakysage View Post
    I am quite curious as to the way the INFPs likes to project themselves when they suddenly feel emotionally hurt. Is it different from person to person?
    Everyone (regardless of type), at times, will project onto other people when hurt. Please clarify what you mean.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #253
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    Moar quessiunz!

    1) Are you easily guilt-tripped?
    Probably I feel guilty already. It's like there is a well of sorrow that I walk around, and the right kick will dunk me in it. Sometimes I dunk myself.


    2) What do you sometimes envy in INFJs (or FJs in general)?
    Not sure.

    3) Do you have a strong negative reaction to people who express emotions they're not really feeling ("phonies")?
    Note to sales people---> Stay away.


    4) Is it hard for you to "cut off contact" with people?
    Yes. Major life events really make me sad. Leaving the high school friends made me into a sobbing fit. Having college friends get married and the relationship changes caused major depression. For years after I called. I've been cut off, but sometimes I'd have over $200 long distance charges per month. He asked me if I couldn't make new friends



    5) Do you usually need a strong case to sever bonds with people, or do you mostly go with your gut?
    It depends. It's difficult to get "in", but if you are "in", then it's hard to let you go. I'm very loyal to "therapy level" friends. However, if the relationship is too costly, then I'll sever it. Other relationships, I sever or drop back to lower levels of trust easily. You have to burn me. I would necessarily end it, but I will put you back on a lower level of disclosure.

    I had a friend who was at "therapy level", but he started dating a crack whore, and it created too many problems. I changed my phone numbers.

  4. #254
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Dear infps,

    do you tend to tell your nights dream to your partner in the morning ?
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  5. #255
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Everyone (regardless of type), at times, will project onto other people when hurt. Please clarify what you mean.
    A misunderstanding. I do not mean projection bias. I talk about the way an INFP displays himself once he/she is feeling emotionally discontent. How do they act?

  6. #256
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oakysage View Post
    I had asked this question before but got no response. I suppose I'll ask it again in different words...

    I am quite curious as to the way the INFPs likes to project themselves when they suddenly feel emotionally hurt. Is it different from person to person?
    A misunderstanding. I do not mean projection bias. I talk about the way an INFP displays himself once he/she is feeling emotionally discontent. How do they act?
    I think this is very much dependent on a number of factors and probably is more of an individual thing.

    Personally, if it is a sudden, brutal hurt I tend to totally shut down, possibly even walk out; I want to escape the conflict and collect myself. I find such circumstances so psychically overwhelming I can't even think straight and go into deer-in-the-headlights mode. I especially don't like to show how I'm feeling in such moments, so crying is a big no-no, however much it hurts - I have learned this the hard way by age 13. Overall, I suppose to others I appear deathly silent, incredulous and grim.

    If it is a case of someone prodding and prodding me, over and over I may snap and aggressively defend myself - much to most people's surprise. I usually keep my temper (with everyone except immediate family), unless they press my buttons enough. Admittedly, as I get older, I am less inclined to take this sort of crap lying down.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  7. #257
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I think this is very much dependent on a number of factors and probably is more of an individual thing.

    Personally, if it is a sudden, brutal hurt I tend to totally shut down, possibly even walk out; I want to escape the conflict and collect myself. I find such circumstances so psychically overwhelming I can't even think straight and go into deer-in-the-headlights mode. I especially don't like to show how I'm feeling in such moments, so crying is a big no-no, however much it hurts - I have learned this the hard way by age 13. Overall, I suppose to others I appear deathly silent, incredulous and grim.

    If it is a case of someone prodding and prodding me, over and over I may snap and aggressively defend myself - much to most people's surprise. I usually keep my temper (with everyone except immediate family), unless they press my buttons enough. Admittedly, as I get older, I am less inclined to take this sort of crap lying down.
    Hmm, I see. Yes, I had thought the general INFP would do similar. The whole leave the conflict situation immediately and compression of emotions. I had known a few who would do this and generally the INFPs don't often show their inner feelings upon things in the outside world.

  8. #258
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oakysage View Post
    A misunderstanding. I do not mean projection bias. I talk about the way an INFP displays himself once he/she is feeling emotionally discontent. How do they act?
    Thanks for clarifying!

    I will think on this and respond later.

  9. #259
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    I have a question about INFPs. Specifically, I'm having some trouble finding common ground with my INFP BFF right now which makes me very sad and maybe you guys can help me understand how to interact with her better.

    The Sitch:

    1. Basically, my INFP has married a guy that is a total goober. Seriously. He doesn't make her happy. And, I've been told by a mutual friend that once, when very drunk, she admitted to this mutual friend that she knows she made a mistake.
    2. As time has passed, I've been having a more and more difficult time tolerating this guy. He treats her poorly. He has treated me poorly. He has told her that her friends are not welcome in their home during weeknights... which makes me feel unwelcome in their home at any time.
    3. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I had to say something about it to her. I used "I" statements and kept my comments limited to the problems I was having with him, but she and I both understood the implications even if I was trying very hard not to not get into the morass of making comments about her marriage.
    4. She has obviously dropped back a bit since this conversation. I'm her BFF and in her inner circle. Frankly this has caused me a lot of pain and I don't know exactly what to do about it without driving her away more.
    5. My read on the situation is that as her marriage seems to be getting worse and worse, she seems to be projecting her vision that the marriage is a good and happy one more and more.


    My question is about #5. It seems to me that INFPs have very strong visions about themselves... like who they are and what they want and their place in the world. <- This is a wonderful thing, but how does an INFP handle things when one's vision about oneself/ one's life doesn't match up with the facts.

    In the case of my INFP friend, it seems that she is clinging onto her vision tooth and nail. She refuses to give it up even in light of obvious problems. She works very hard to protect her vision. She distances herself from things that might contradict her vision of herself as a happily married woman... such as her own private self-talk (in other words, think no bad thoughts), such as overlooking/rationalizing blatantly goober behaviors by her husband, such as distancing herself from her friends that have seen behind the curtain and know there are problems regardless of her public presentation that all is well.

    I've noticed in other areas of her life that she needs alone time to regroup and massage her vision for herself. But I've never seen her dig her heels in like this before. It's her life and I'm totally willing to accept that she wants to make her marriage work right now, but it feels to me that now that she's identified me as potentially hostile to her vision of herself as a happily married woman, she's going to push me back a bit.

    Does this behavior ring true to any INFPs? If so what can I do to be supportive of her, true to myself, and not drive her away?

    Your comments are greatly appreciated.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  10. #260
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Dear INFPs: Have you ever done something very, very petty? If so, what do you feel about it - shame, regret, anger?

    Pandas!


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