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  1. #121
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    If she's anything like me, very. I don't initiate at first (and at second & third), but I will respond.
    The first date went very well i think. She was very clear about wanting to take her time and not rush but also very clear in saying that she wanted to see me again.



    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Yes. If I don't like someone, then I will just tell them, usually sooner than later. Even my bouts with pity-dating were short; never past 2 dates. You should note that she is slowly warming up over time & see a difference with how she is with you compared to others. Nuances can be key. If she takes forever to call/email you back, then it may be because she is lost in some daydream world.
    She did also say that she would tell someone straight away if she was not interested...but that she was interested. She said she wants to take her time to get to know me...does that sound about right?




    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I personally don't need a LOT of time, but it depends on what you mean by a lot. I suppose I'd expect no more than a week or two to go by before seeing someone again. I'd be up for seeing them much sooner though, especially if the first date went well. I do like a little notice so I can look my best, but I'm very spontaneous & flexible like your average P. If you want to see her again, just ask her. You can actually be really direct with INFPs; at least with me, I don't get hints. It also allows me to be direct in response, which can drag out how I really feel if I am being a coward.
    Yeah this is what i'm not really sure about. The logistics are a bit difficult. She is living in Devon atm (about 130 miles away) and i know she dosn't have a lot of cash for travelling about. I met her two weeks ago and it seems like the second date (it seems it to me) might not be for another couple of weeks. Add to that that i can't travel to her and only have every other weekend free (but still have a large dog so can't go out of town for a night), plus she has to stay with a friend when she comes to London.
    So it's all a bit tricky.


    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Being introverts, we sometimes do prefer more space between interactions with people. You're more likely to get frequent interactions if they are kept brief, but long interactions may be spaced out more (just to preserve our sanity).
    Just after we first met she sent me several texts (basically saying she really liked me, wanted to see me again etc) and infact wanted to meet me the next day befor she took her train back home but i couldn't. She seems very spaced now, which is cool i'm just not really sure if this is going anywhere.



    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    It just appears so. I admit I seem fickle, but it's more about me being moody. A Fi type's moodiness can be very detached from what is going on around them.
    However, if it seems like it's outright mind games, then that's lame & shouldn't be tolerated. INFPs aren't angels; they can pull stupid antics also, so don't let one sideswipe you.
    I didn't feel like that, but now i am wondering if i am just an egg in her basket as she seems to have cooled....taking longer to reply to texts a bit airy fairy when trying to make a plan. This is what i'm not really sure about. When i met her it was pretty electric although there was not even a kiss i did pick up on some strong vibes. I'm just not sure if i should persue it or leave it. What do you think now theres a little more info on the table?
    And thank you, it's appreciated.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  2. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by GemPOPGem View Post
    I have a question lady INFP's...
    so it's about a girl...it's always a girl *sigh*
    This patience thing...how patient do i have to be with an infp (romantically)?
    I met a lovely infp girl, she's just a bit umm... slow to respond...is this normal?
    Do you girls needs lots of time to plan meeting someone for the second time? And do you blow hot and cold or does it just appear so?
    Thanks
    I think it's pretty normal for us to blow a bit hot and cold. It's like we start blowing hot because we are all Fi -spazzy inside... and then suddenly we realize OMG this is happening! gah! And we close down because we don't know what to do.

    Our natural defenses are Ne - which can be both warm and cold depending on how it's being used... and perhaps just a crinkle of Te somewhere in bits and pieces.

    Part of it is this natural INFP tendency to start building dream castles in the sky with our beloved*:

    "You can paint the turrets!!!" We triumphantly sing to you in the depths of our mind.

    Meanwhile, back in Reality.... You're sitting there looking at the dessert menu and saying, hmm, want to share some pie?

    *I can't tell you at what point you become our beloved because, if I tell you, THEY WILL KILL ME.

  3. #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by GemPOPGem View Post
    The first date went very well i think. She was very clear about wanting to take her time and not rush but also very clear in saying that she wanted to see me again.





    She did also say that she would tell someone straight away if she was not interested...but that she was interested. She said she wants to take her time to get to know me...does that sound about right?






    Yeah this is what i'm not really sure about. The logistics are a bit difficult. She is living in Devon atm (about 130 miles away) and i know she dosn't have a lot of cash for travelling about. I met her two weeks ago and it seems like the second date (it seems it to me) might not be for another couple of weeks. Add to that that i can't travel to her and only have every other weekend free (but still have a large dog so can't go out of town for a night), plus she has to stay with a friend when she comes to London.
    So it's all a bit tricky.




    Just after we first met she sent me several texts (basically saying she really liked me, wanted to see me again etc) and infact wanted to meet me the next day befor she took her train back home but i couldn't. She seems very spaced now, which is cool i'm just not really sure if this is going anywhere.





    I didn't feel like that, but now i am wondering if i am just an egg in her basket as she seems to have cooled....taking longer to reply to texts a bit airy fairy when trying to make a plan. This is what i'm not really sure about. When i met her it was pretty electric although there was not even a kiss i did pick up on some strong vibes. I'm just not sure if i should persue it or leave it. What do you think now theres a little more info on the table?
    And thank you, it's appreciated.

    I feel like you are describing me when I was 18-24.

    I think INFPs have a bad tendency to being in love with the idea of being in love.

    Fi is a wonderful, vague, and ambiguous tool isn't it? It's kind of designed to be that way.... but it sucks for everyone involved when it's on high speed.

    So it can either be that she isn't interested in you.... or her Fi is in high gear and she's trying to play cool and sedate while hiding her more tender emotions. They tend to look the same to the outsider... unbeknownst to us... who think, they know! they know I love them! yay!

  4. #124
    Senior Member SRT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GemPOPGem View Post
    Just after we first met she sent me several texts (basically saying she really liked me, wanted to see me again etc) and infact wanted to meet me the next day befor she took her train back home but i couldn't. She seems very spaced now, which is cool i'm just not really sure if this is going anywhere.
    Nooo! Pursue! Pursue! Pursue! She wanted to see you the next day, I mean, that seems so obvious how into you she was. I think she's distant now because you turned her down (not your fault) and that made her "gunshy" about initiating or settling anything. Y'know, keep an eye out for other signs that she's stringing you along or isn't interested in you, but anything that seems like she's shy is probably just her being shy.

    Go for it.

  5. #125
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Note that sometimes this avoidance can be pretty destructive; there was an incident in our relationship where I ended up being horribly, horribly hurt (which doesn't happen to me often) because the INFP had "vagafied" the request due to his discomfort/unwillingness to put himself out there, and I wasn't sure what I was agreeing to when I said yes. The misinformation it creates has the potential for being destructive, if one is not careful.
    Yeah, we know this is making things difficult and I think most would totally acknowledge its our own fault. Just know its not meant as a personal offence; often we're just stuck in the habit of total self-reliance, and its not easy to switch this instinct off.

    That makes sense. It makes me want to ask more questions about this idealism that finds itself so dissatisfied all the time, but I'm not sure what to ask. Again, it seems like a big difference between the INTP and INFP is detached structure vs personal ethics -- both are rational frameworks, but the INTP seems to try to dampen out internal valuing ("What is true regardless of how I feel about it?") whereas the INFP seems to focus on it ("What resonates most with me personally?"). as William mentioned, this means in a practical sense that Ti logic can usually be derived to the same conclusion in independent parallel thinking, whereas Fi logic really depends on the person evaluating things and might not often mirror anyone else with an Fi perspective.
    Yes it is related to this.

    To put it plainly: we simply care too much. Other types are more dismissive or philosophical about the unpleasant aspects of life, but we can't let it go - it wounds us more easily, more frequently and more deeply. After a while we get used to it and we learn to bear a lot more than most people can. Cynicism can be a real coping strategy. I naturally respond to my own idealism with a counterargument of sorts. I tend to mentally slap down every hopeful thought or feeling with a brutal dose of harsh reality. The reasoning being, if I learn to live with the worst case scenario (eg. "I can't trust anyone enough to be totally open") it means I'm not going to be disappointed or hurt (or that others won't be hurt, which can be just as painful to me). So we don't ask for the red sports car, even when we want it, because we tell ourselves a thousand reasons why it would be a bad idea; and in the end its just easier to go without. So you see, its never simply about the car and whether we want it or not. Additionally, sometimes there can be a foolish hope in our heads that someone will understand this and will magically fulfill that idealistic dream and solve all the problems surrounding it - and this is where we can inadvertently put pressure on our SO to be psychic. Of course ironically, all this can end up getting everyone more hurt, such as in your situation.

    It sounds crazy, I know but this is the stuff that goes round and round our heads all day long.

    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    An INFP becomes "More intense. I tend to lash out at people with great anger. I am blaming and accusatory. I get vicious 'Ben Hur'-type images with a lot of violent action. I feel cold, intolerant, uncaring, rigid, straitjacketed, focused.." "I snap at people and don't care about their reactions to this. I criticize people, especially about their incompetence. I generalize this to thinking that the whole world is incompetent and has screwed up values, and I stop caring about my own values," explained another INFP.
    Oh dear, this is scary. It reminds me of my teenage years.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  6. #126
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by knight View Post
    I think the INFP would surround themselves brutally strong mislead henchmen and the henchmen would feel nurtured in some way
    thinking harmony from buffy
    Oh dear. That just makes me laugh.
    it's like Dr. Evil but in reverse.

    And... "I know we should be moving on to some stronger, more ambitious supervillain, if we want to get ahead... but Dr. CreamyPuff just makes me feel so good inside when I'm with him. Even when we fail with the plan and I feel guilty about the mistakes we made, he's always there with a kind word and a shot of encouragement."
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #127
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    I heard INFPs are really good at detecting lies, is that true?

    I'd like to make use of the opportunity to clarify that when i keep a blank face hearing something that bothers you, it doesn't mean that I don't care, ok?

  8. #128
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    I heard INFPs are really good at detecting lies, is that true?

    I'd like to make use of the opportunity to clarify that when i keep a blank face hearing something that bothers you, it doesn't mean that I don't care, ok?
    Lie to my face, and find out.

    S'ok.

  9. #129
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    ^LOL.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    I heard INFPs are really good at detecting lies, is that true?

    I'd like to make use of the opportunity to clarify that when i keep a blank face hearing something that bothers you, it doesn't mean that I don't care, ok?
    Yes. I am very good at detecting when people are trying to BS me. My problem has been that I used to not have confidence in this ability so if they would lie again and say no! I am not lying! I would believe them instead of saying, yeah right jerkface.

    Now, I have gotten over that particular stumbling block.

    And, it's good to know that about your blank face. It can be very alarming for our Fi to get a blank, unreadable, wall at times!

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