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  1. #1
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Default Advice regarding ENFJs from ENFJs

    As requested by Dali . Annnnnd GO!
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  2. #2
    Anew Leaf
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    Dear ENFJs, you guys and gals give the bestest hugs of all NF types. I loves how you get me to be Fe with you.

    Quesshun can I please haz moar?

    eyenfp

  3. #3
    Member Shaggy's Avatar
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    Do you, ENFJs, tend to emotionally vent to the ones closest to you? I have spent a lot of time listening to my wife unload a world of emotions on me cause of a series of events that occurred that day. While she is venting, she's constantly looking for a unspoken gesture and/or a response from me which usually leads to her feeling alone and disconnected from me. Most of the time my responses are driven by my Ni which is a timely process. By the time I do respond, she's on to completely different subject leaving a huge gap for miscommunication.

    If this is typical for ENFJs, any advice on how to approach this situation from my end without leaving me in the position of saying things which I feel indifferent about later on after my Ni has processed this information?

  4. #4
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Dear ENFJs, you guys and gals give the bestest hugs of all NF types. I loves how you get me to be Fe with you.

    Quesshun can I please haz moar?

    eyenfp
    Why yes

    Quote Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
    Do you, ENFJs, tend to emotionally vent to the ones closest to you? I have spent a lot of time listening to my wife unload a world of emotions on me cause of a series of events that occurred that day. While she is venting, she's constantly looking for a unspoken gesture and/or a response from me which usually leads to her feeling alone and disconnected from me. Most of the time my responses are driven by my Ni which is a timely process. By the time I do respond, she's on to completely different subject leaving a huge gap for miscommunication.

    If this is typical for ENFJs, any advice on how to approach this situation from my end without leaving me in the position of saying things which I feel indifferent about later on after my Ni has processed this information?
    Yes.
    What do you typically end up doing while she is venting? How does she react to when you respond to the previous subject? Have you told her it takes time for you to process?
    I would say a very big thing that ENFJs are looking for when we vent is someone to listen and understand. We want to feel that we aren't alone in our feelings, to feel related to. I know that I personally am not asking for advice most of the time, so you should be aware if your wife is seeking advice or just relatability. She may also tend to bounce it off of you so she can further assess it herself, but no ENFJ really wants to feel like the human we're bouncing thoughts off of is a brick wall.
    If you've not had a talk with her, I would suggest you do. Tell her that you are interested in hearing about these things, and do want to respond, but it takes you time to process. Ask her if she is seeking advice, or feels apt in her self-advice. Beyond this, try to relate to her and encourage her.

    Also, consider what she is venting to you about. Inquire about its effects on her specifically. Digging deeper might find you a better form of conversation and communication.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

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    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

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  5. #5
    Dali
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    As requested by Dali . Annnnnd GO!
    *hug*

    Are ENFJs generally very cautious about how they approach relationships? I mean, do you really take your time getting to know a person first and getting to be friends then take your time before making things official? How do you personally 'approach' relationships?

  6. #6
    Dali
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    And why is it that I feel like I'm dating an ENFJ and their friends?

  7. #7
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dali View Post
    Are ENFJs generally very cautious about how they approach relationships? I mean, do you really take your time getting to know a person first and getting to be friends then take your time before making things official? How do you personally 'approach' relationships?
    Quote Originally Posted by Dali View Post
    And why is it that I feel like I'm dating an ENFJ and their friends?
    I think ENFJs will be more cautious if they can't get a proper read-out on a person and their potential with said person. Otherwise, we become a bit 'balls to the wall' about people when we are aware of a lot of interest and a lot of potential. I've read of both sides though, where some will become quite shy at the prospect, yet others will become aggressively interested. Depends on the ENFJ, but I don't think it is difficult to determine which sort of ENFJ you've got on your hands.
    Personally, I am aggressive toward what I feel will or won't work. If I don't forsee it working, I'm very adamant about rejecting the prospect of trying. If I do forsee it working, I'm quick to jump on the bandwagon to see if it will.
    Edit: I'm not sure on the friendship meter. I've really only had one relationship where I was friends with him for a year prior. Being young and witnessing each other with other people may have had adverse effects on the relationship prior to it even starting, so I'm bad advice in that department.

    As per friends- you basically are .
    ENFJ social world is their world. We have people-information, and the largest source of our people-information is friendship. If your ENFJ is talking about their friends endlessly, it makes sense. If your ENFJ is making all of your one-on-one time into everyone time, then I'd be concerned.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  8. #8
    Dali
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    Thanks for the response, hun.

    When it comes to the friends thing, we've yet to spend an entire evening alone. It usually starts with dinner/movie/whatever and we then progress to a party/nightclub/wherever where they know half the crowd. I can be outgoing and whatnot (and I must admit, it's beautiful seeing how they work the room masterfully and are just wonderful to everybody) but... sometimes, I'd just like to spend the entire evening, just the two of us, you know? Ah well, compromise.

  9. #9
    Member Shaggy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    Yes.
    What do you typically end up doing while she is venting? How does she react to when you respond to the previous subject? Have you told her it takes time for you to process?
    I would say a very big thing that ENFJs are looking for when we vent is someone to listen and understand. We want to feel that we aren't alone in our feelings, to feel related to. I know that I personally am not asking for advice most of the time, so you should be aware if your wife is seeking advice or just relatability. She may also tend to bounce it off of you so she can further assess it herself, but no ENFJ really wants to feel like the human we're bouncing thoughts off of is a brick wall.
    If you've not had a talk with her, I would suggest you do. Tell her that you are interested in hearing about these things, and do want to respond, but it takes you time to process. Ask her if she is seeking advice, or feels apt in her self-advice. Beyond this, try to relate to her and encourage her.

    Also, consider what she is venting to you about. Inquire about its effects on her specifically. Digging deeper might find you a better form of conversation and communication.
    Usually when she is venting, she's cooking and I'm leaning back on the kitchen counter. I'll try to be more aware of my reactions or the lack of. I probably do come across as a brick wall. It happens right after getting home from work and our two and half year old is getting hungry and cranky and the dog's wound up from me just walking through the door. Needless to say, I'm trying to keep them two content cause she needs a break from them as well as listening to her cause any distractions wears greatly on her patients at this point. The days she needs to vent are days spent on the phone and/or computer dealing with social issues, family and/or friends. I get home and she is at her wits end with dealing with people, raising the child, and taking care of the dog. Everything she wanted to accomplish that day was left untouched, which adds to her frustration.

    She is a total sweet heart and will bend over backward for practically anybody. But at the end of the day, I'm spending my time, which is not a problem, taking care of the stuff that she would normally be doing during the day. ENFJs want to save the world from all that is "wrong", and will extend themselves to all who accept her help. Marrying one is joining the fight. Even if it is just listening to them vent and validating their feelings.

    Its just a juggling act between keeping the tension down from everyday life, giving my support, and retaining my feelings and opinions. Mirroring her emotions leads to me feeling lost and off-axis. I just need to let her know I need a minute or two to get things in place to offer my undivided attention.

    I love ENFJs. They make me feel alive. Thank you all.

  10. #10
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I've noticed a tendancy in ENFJs to micromanage when they are under stress. What is the best way to minimize this response or reduce their stress? (I think I usually do okay with the listening while the vent thing, trying to pick up slack when they are feeling overwhelmed etc).

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