[ENFJ] Advice regarding ENFJs from ENFJs

[Phoenix]

I made this a few days ago ... The thing other people have to realize about ENFJ's that even though we may be smiling and laughing with others, we may not be truly happy - but just wearing a mask - so that we can continue to give and give and never stop.

My advice to ENFJ's who do this --- it's not always a good thing and actually detrimental to the relationship in the long term. People get so used to the mask we wear that when we finally decide that enough's enough, they realize that they never really knew us.

I guess it's OK to show the true depth of our emotions sometimes and just allow others to come to terms with our feelings over time.

 

[Neutralpov]

Dear ENFJs,

What is endearing to you? I thought I knew, once upon a time, but now I'm not sure I do.

It can't all be security and 5-year plans...can it?

Why not look at a way to remove the root cause of insecurity??

 

[Adasta]

Why not look at a way to remove the root cause of insecurity??

Well I'm not exactly sure what ENFJ insecurity truly is.

 

[Neutralpov]

Well I'm not exactly sure what ENFJ insecurity truly is.

who says it is in the ENFJ?

 

[Adasta]

 

[MacGuffin]

...begin talking like Yoda?

 

[Domino]

I'll cut you.

 

[MacGuffin]

I'll cut you.

Not very Yoda-like.

 

[Domino]

Not very Yoda-like.

NERD.

 

[MacGuffin]

Takes one to know one!

 

[Domino]

That's not true. At all.

I'LL CUT YOU!!

 

[MacGuffin]

Nerdfight!

 

[Domino]

*disdain*

 

[Malkavia]

Been best friends with an ENFJ for a few years now.

He is currently abroad in a developing country for a year. He's having a hard time with community and we don't get to talk a lot (technology there and busyness are problems for him).

Whats the best I can support him and let him know that despite not seeing him for a year I'm still here for him?

 

[Glycerine]

Just text and call every once in awhile just to see how he's doing.

 

[Neutralpov]

You might need to ask the enfj what they want. I don't do long distance (no matter how much I like the person) and I would rather take that time to get out and meet local community abroad honestly rather than maintain the friendship at home. Possibly giving him advice on finding good community there. That is one area I am not very feelerish.

 

[Adasta]

When you feel confused/apprehensive about life, what makes you feel happier/more secure?

I would imagine it's too simplistic just to say "order" or "routine". I also assume that this would cause a sort of Fe/Se loop, or elimination of the auxiliary function. How would this manifest itself? Being led by Fe, would it result in thinking "The external situation is wrong/inbalanced" and then be augmented by Se saying something like "What you need is ACTION. Let's radically change the situation since this is clearly the problem!"

I realise that is, in reality, about 4 questions.

 

[sciski]

When you feel confused/apprehensive about life, what makes you feel happier/more secure?

Not an ENFJ, but this solves everything: a cup of tea and good sit down, preferably with a calm and quiet friend.


It works because:
1. Sensual pleasure--heat, taste, aroma, hopefully a soft chair and good air to breathe. This gets you out of your frazzled head and back into your body, where things are actually kind of okay at the moment (if you can afford to have a sit down and a cup of tea, things are all right). It puts things back in perspective.
2. Time expansion--it gets you to slow right down so that you can think about things while being mildly distracted by the tea so that you are not uberfocusing on the problem, and thus give Ni a chance to say its thing.
3. Cups of tea are just very nice.

 

[Unkindloving]

Just text and call every once in awhile just to see how he's doing.

+1

It's those little things that can give us comfort, especially when we're finally able to check back in on our home life. Haha can be like a warm embrace without actually being around each other

When you feel confused/apprehensive about life, what makes you feel happier/more secure?

I would imagine it's too simplistic just to say "order" or "routine". I also assume that this would cause a sort of Fe/Se loop, or elimination of the auxiliary function. How would this manifest itself? Being led by Fe, would it result in thinking "The external situation is wrong/inbalanced" and then be augmented by Se saying something like "What you need is ACTION. Let's radically change the situation since this is clearly the problem!"

I realise that is, in reality, about 4 questions.

For me, order and routine help, but they may just keep me neutral depending on what they involve. I need to be around people at that point. The basis of the socializing depends though. There are times when I need to escape the routine and order, and just re-energize with an external activity and a postiive group of people. Other times I need to flesh it out with another person that I trust to listen and somewhat understand where I'm coming from, even if I don't necessarily require advising.
I think the hardest part here is that ENFJ tends to feel like their own pillar, so when we're confused and apprehensive it's difficult for us to turn elsewhere. Also, our self-preservation techniques are often pretty shoddy. When I need to sort the actual order and routine in my life out, I really need to detach from the shinies that social endeavors bring to the table, because I can get sucked into them and forget about me.
Difficult creatures? You damn right.

I can't really answer function questions directly. They aren't my style.

Not an ENFJ, but this solves everything: a cup of tea and good sit down, preferably with a calm and quiet friend.

When I'm losing my ground, I like to have someone that will listen, possibly throw some mellow advice, and a good atmosphere.

 

[Phoenix]

There are many times when I allow my emotions to fester to the point of complete internal crippling, but I do let them out when it gets really bad. However, one of the things I struggle with the most is that when I do, the day after is usually spent in almost a catatonic state.

The emotional release [could be physical, or emotional] leaves me almost feeling a little empty and unable to function properly for a day afterwards.

Sometimes it's the same with dreams. I have some dreams that I can't stop thinking about for a day.

So I was wondering if anyone has experienced something similar in their lives --- a complete sense of calm and peace after an extensive emotional release --- however, that feeling is never really permanent. Have you been able to make that feeling last longer than a week, or two weeks. Because for me, even after a release, I feel the intensity start building up immediately after. It becomes very complex and difficult to manage - and becomes an emotional drain on my friendships and family relationships.

I need advice on how to stop repressing my emotions and seek avenues for regular release without constantly relying on others.

How long does the emotional calm last for you?