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  1. #71
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    Is it common for ENFJ women to read romance novels by the truck load? For those of you who do, what do you enjoy about them?

    Also, did you feel an affinity towards cats?

  2. #72
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    I read romance novels when I was very young and now do not care for them. Maybe when I am an old lady I will read them again. They mess up reality and make me ungrateful so I am not a fan. Not a pet person here because you have to actually be home to feed cats/dogs and I am in graduate school and have the busy ENFJ life living in a downtown area. If any pet probably someone else's cat so they can care for it and I can just enjoy it.

    Priori your sweet relationship posts in the other NF threads are enough of a romance novel anyway ;-)

  3. #73
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    Heather,

    Thank you for the reply. My favorite ENFJ doesn't really have time for pets much either, but she keeps a stuffed cat on her bed named 'Mr. perfect' and she likes calendars with pictures of cats, has cat stickers on her note books, her computer desktop has cute kittens and her favorite pen is a purple hello kitty pen.

    Concerning romance novels, if I understand you correctly, you are saying that you don't read romance novels because you don't enjoy them but because they cause you to have unrealistic expectations of a relationship? It wasn’t the story it’s self, but the negative affect it had on your real life relationships that cause you not to be a fan of them? I have to say that is a very honest self assessment and a very mature decision on your part.

    I hope I’m not being too nosey, but I’m inquisitive by nature so may I ask how exactly the romance novels made you ungrateful? When you did read them, what did you enjoy about them?

  4. #74
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    Priori your sweet relationship posts in the other NF threads are enough of a romance novel anyway ;-)

  5. #75
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Priori View Post
    Heather,

    Thank you for the reply. My favorite ENFJ doesn't really have time for pets much either, but she keeps a stuffed cat on her bed named 'Mr. perfect' and she likes to calendars with pictures of cats, has cat stickers on her note books, her computer desktop is cute kittens and her favorite pen is a purple hello kitty pen.

    Concerning romance novels, if I understand you correctly, you are saying that you don't read romance novels because you don't enjoy them but because they cause you to have unrealistic expectations of a relationship? It wasn’t the story it’s self, but the negative affect it had on your real life relationships that cause you not to be a fan of them? I have to say that is a very honest self assessment and a very mature decision on your part.

    I hope I’m not being too nosey, but I’m inquisitive by nature so may I ask how exactly the romance novels made you ungrateful? When you did read them, what did you enjoy about them?
    rofl that the stuffed cat is named Mr. Perfect! That is the healthy and clever way to channel wanting perfection, etc. I like lolcats a lot on I can has cheeseburger so I can say that they get my warm inner fuzzy side. Also pets are too needy and that bothers me at this stage in life. People in more settled stages may disagree (I am 27.5).
    With romance novels I get too involved in them and I don't like how I start thinking. It is obvious when I am reading them that I want what is going on (the romantic behaviors from a man) but I can't divorce myself from the fake taste of it, the unrealistic parts. Yeah in real life a guy I am dating may have had the patience to try and take me shopping (which I am not a girl who wants the guy to come) or changes my oil and wants to help me with my car and I miss it. I miss the love speak and then don't appreciate what I have and I already have a minor problem with looking for Mr. Perfect. So yeah I don't like the negative effects of romantic American ideals because I do know myself in that area.
    I call it expectation hangovers fwiw. When I feel hungover from not getting what "I expect" (stupid romantic novel behavior or other models of relationships I have seen)

  6. #76
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    Thank you for sharing this. It would have been terribly fascinating to know my ENFJ when she was your age, she’s 39 and I’m 27, but our relationship might have taken a different tone and I’m happy with things the way they are currently (mostly).

    She once told me that she'd never been really in love, even though I know she has loved men and loves me. But I believe she has an idealized vision of what it will feel like if she were to ever meet her true soul mate.

    Because of our age difference and other factors that I won't get into she considers sex with me to be a guilty pleasure, and that I'm not (or shouldn't be if she were a good girl) a runner up for the soul mate category. I'm fairly certain that more than once that I've hit a a few of the checks marks on her emotional list that would put me in the running and she freaked out on me.

  7. #77
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    okay you have to explain what you think you would say to this idealization. You have the knowledge and perspective and I actually want to know since I do the same thing! I have loved people but never been in love as well and I see it partly for this reason. I always just thought that love didn't come in the form I was looking for, which might be saying something very similar but in those cases I had what I would describe as intense caring, not in love. I did not fall in love since I couldn't see the soulmate which is the internal permission for that. And in my life the emotional checklist is a top priority (right up there with mental) so that does mess with the head if the boxes are being checked.

  8. #78
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dali View Post
    *hug*

    Are ENFJs generally very cautious about how they approach relationships? I mean, do you really take your time getting to know a person first and getting to be friends then take your time before making things official? How do you personally 'approach' relationships?
    I'm more cautious than a cat on a hot roof. I can joke around and be pleasing/funny in a casual scenario, but when it comes down to brass tacks, I'm plated in Kevlar and blast shields. I'm not extroverted enough to protect myself, and not introverted enough to let the shock waves pass around me. I have to really trust you. REALLY trust you.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #79
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juice View Post
    Uhhhh, actually, no, I'm not. Sensitive would probably be the last word anyone would ever use to describe me. I really think I need to create a new dichotomy to separate HOOD enfjs... from REGULAR enfjs.
    *nods* Being physically and emotionally knocked around has altered me permanently, I think. I was just thinking about my old 'hood yesterday and it made me feel like stone. I found a great deal there to be defensive of and to be humiliated about.

    It's important to overlay an Enneagram type with the four-letter typing. It explains an extra dimension that gets lost in translation.

    Everyday on this forum I learn more and more of how much I deviate from the norm. It's the reason I never answer questions regarding enfjs anymore. I just don't operate like any of the others do.
    You don't deviate - you just emit a different color. You're in soldier mode. One day, it won't be this way, and you'll be able to show more of your colors in a safe place.

    I'm eNFJ, but I relate to Gary Oldman's internalized intensity and creepiness. (lol)
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  10. #80
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    I run into a mindmate so rarely that I throw caution to the wind physically, however once I do that I immediately have this " I don't know the person" backlash. To me I can't tell them intimate things, bring them into my social life, let them be friends with my friends, etc. that is where I have to seriously trust them. A mindmate just knocks me over and I practically run at the guy and pounce the hell out of em. Perhaps I haven't been thrown around in life enough but I have no fear of failure and take the mindset of failing flagrantly in life as a positive thing that has been a strength in my career, risks in friendships, but only with that specific mindmate in serious relation sense (total maybe 2 people ever).

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