Billy: Thank you for your input - I appreciate it. Your thoughts gave me a different perspective to look at the situation from.
I don't feel so hurt anymore as I've come to accept that she meant well and that there isn't much I can do about this situation. I don't blame her for anything, just myself for allowing myself to feel this way (as I've mentioned in my first post).
Hey, that's great. I'm in my early twenties, and the longest friendship I'm holding onto is more than 12 years long.And I dont know about the rest of you, but I have had friends for 7 years, hell longer then 7 years and my relationships are NEVER beholden to requirements. Anyone who requires a certain level of attention/homage from me is quickly removed from my life. I have my own life to live and its hard enough as it is without people worrying about being my "favorite" or "bff" I tell everyone the same and I wish everyone else would do the same...
Requirements? It's not that I think she HAS to give me something I like/show me more appreciation than others in order for us to remain friends. I, however, do wish my friends would understand what makes me tick and what doesn't. I don't think that's unreasonable, though I suppose it's somewhat idealistic of me to expect that.
It's not so much that I'm upset I'm not her "favorite" or "bff" - if anything, I'm the one who typically refuses to label any of my friends my "best friend." Everyone has something unique to offer, and I'm certainly not capable of putting my friends (as opposed to acquaintances) in a hierarchy. In this case, I felt... well, misunderstood. I'm lost as to what connection she saw between me and the gift that supposedly reflects my personality.
1st bolded: To me, the LACK of this is what the ENFJ's gift seems to reflect. It's shows no understanding, no connection.1. Friendship is either true or fickle.
Based on commonalities which transcend time and distance or its merely a convenience. I have 1000s of "friends" not a single "best friend" I dont believe in it. My closest friends, for example my ENFJ pal, met on the bus in elementary school, we come and go out of each others lives, but when we are around do try to meet up every week or every other week to stay current. but there is no requirement for this. Sometimes we will go a month or two, but when we get together we never miss a beat, we go right back to where we had been. I have other friends I see more often, whom I would not mind losing at all, why? Because our relationships aren't based on meaningful connection and commonalities like my friend Dan and I, but we work near one and other and or with each other and its efficient and convenient. These people come and go without thought to the future, if they come around again I welcome them back again. I wish MORE people would view friendships this way. It seems the most mature, and friendships with requirements of time and sacrifice? I dunno to me its just bunk.
2nd bolded: I guess this is where we differ in perspective. I don't bother keeping people who aren't consistently going to be in my life around; people don't have to be physically with me, but ideally we would contact each other on a fairly regular basis via email etc. Sure, there can be breaks, but if those breaks are too long, I don't see the point in investing in the relationship. Better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away. A nearby neighbor is more readily available to help you out in crisis. In that sense, to me, people who are with me at this moment matter the most (of course there are exceptions).
Yeah, I agree with you that the ENFJ has nothing to apologize for - as I've mentioned already in two other posts I've made in this thread. I'm still not sure where I stand with her at the moment, and it looks like I won't be able to talk to her till late May since both of us are going to be excruciatingly busy till then.I dont think this specific ENFJ has anything to apologize for, you issues exist outside of her, that you feel some type of way is on you and not on her. I dont agree with anyone who tells you that she has been a bad friend given the data you have provided.
At this point, I've decided that I'm not going to bother questioning her about our relationship. Not because I've deemed her a lost case, but because I don't see a point in doing so. If I do choose to let her slide through, it would be better to do so while I can genuinely wish her well.