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  1. #131
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nomoreshallwepart View Post
    Do you guys see INFJs as ideal partner or are there co-dependent tendencies?

    In light of other questions, do you guys put friends above your partner much?
    Take heart, my gf is an ENFJ and she has been the best partner I ever had, sure we have our clashes here and there but we learn from each other and we add to each other. Whereas I can be reserved and moody and deep, I anchor her, she relies on my intensity and quiet strength, whereas she can be flirty, social, and forgetful, she pulls me out of my internal world and forces me to FEEL things, I rely on her energy and grace to make me a better person and to attach to the world around me. My Fe is generally dead as it is, and hers is in hyperdrive... we mend each others wounds, its like a symphony.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  2. #132
    Dali
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    I've had my ups and downs with my ENFJ, a bit of it documented here, but I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else right now. It's going great.

    I do have a couple of questions though:

    1. Many a time, my ENFJ has brought up this issue of them feeling that I'm not 'open enough' and how it sometimes comes off as though I'm 'hiding something'. We've had one or two (or three) fights over that. We've had instances where they've met an old flame or found out some detail from my past or something I had recently undertaken and we had a tiff over that because they had not heard of it before and they didn't like how it 'came as a surprise'.

    I'm confused; I've been more exposed and more vulnerable with them than I have with anyone.. How can I be more open? What things should I be more open about? Should I talk about my workday every day and stuff like that? Are there different Fi/Fe understandings of what openness constitutes?

    2. My ENFJ has this pal Q who is just... evil. He's a close pal and a work colleague of theirs and my ENFJ really likes him and holds him in very high esteem. I really don't know why; something seemed off to me about him from the day I met him but I've kept my opinion to myself and have been polite for my S/O's sake. He's told my ENFJ, offhandedly, fabrications about me that have caused ENFJ & I to fall out twice in the time we've been together but each time we've managed to smooth things over. I'm at the end of my tether when it comes to Q. I can't imagine what his motivations are (all my s/o's other close pals really, really like me and they've told me as much) but it frustrates me how an interloper could create that much drama. What should I do about Q? Should I confront him myself? Really not my style but, if it has to come to that.... (p.s. Q is also ENFJ, FWIW)

    3. Sometimes, during private moments, my s/o talks about their love for me with such intensity that they start crying... I'm left speechless and just silently hold them. I become emotional myself, experiencing the intensity of my feelings on the inside though I'm pretty sure that, on the outside, I look blank. That's how I am but... I feel like it's not enough, like I should be more verbally demonstrative. What are your love languages as an ENFJ? (I never realised until now how different Dom-Fi and Dom-Fe were. I mean, I've known they were different but I never realised till I started dating my s/o just how different they were)

  3. #133
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dali View Post
    I've had my ups and downs with my ENFJ, a bit of it documented here, but I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else right now. It's going great.
    That's great, I am so happy for you !

    1. Many a time, my ENFJ has brought up this issue of them feeling that I'm not 'open enough' and how it sometimes comes off as though I'm 'hiding something'. We've had one or two (or three) fights over that. We've had instances where they've met an old flame or found out some detail from my past or something I had recently undertaken and we had a tiff over that because they had not heard of it before and they didn't like how it 'came as a surprise'. I'm confused; I've been more exposed and more vulnerable with them than I have with anyone.. How can I be more open?

    What things should I be more open about? Should I talk about my workday every day and stuff like that? Are there different Fi/Fe understandings of what openness constitutes?
    It's silly that she would get mad at you for that, I don't know what else to say. Maybe next time she gets mad at you for that, tell her that the fling with so and so was insignificant so you didn't think it was even worth it to bring up, or you forgot about it . Be sure to apologize and and say it sweetly lol!!!

    You guys are a partnership so just keep that in mind , if anything new that is significant happens in your life your ENFJ would love to hear about it and wants to support you! <3

    2. My ENFJ has this pal Q who is just... evil. He's a close pal and a work colleague of theirs and my ENFJ really likes him and holds him in very high esteem. I really don't know why; something seemed off to me about him from the day I met him but I've kept my opinion to myself and have been polite for my S/O's sake. He's told my ENFJ, offhandedly, fabrications about me that have caused ENFJ & I to fall out twice in the time we've been together but each time we've managed to smooth things over. I'm at the end of my tether when it comes to Q. I can't imagine what his motivations are (all my s/o's other close pals really, really like me and they've told me as much) but it frustrates me how an interloper could create that much drama. What should I do about Q? Should I confront him myself? Really not my style but, if it has to come to that.... (p.s. Q is also ENFJ, FWIW)
    I have dealt with this with my boyfriend. I had a really good friend who was like a home girl to me! Anyway, he was really annoyed by our relationship. At first I was against dropping a some one I thought of as a friend, but later I found out that "my friend" actually had feelings for me. I do have other guy friends that my man is okay with (its not like he is super jealous all the time)...it was just that one dude that weirded him out.

    My SO has friends of the opposite sex too and I don't mind them at all, BUT there was one that rubbed me the wrong way. Guess what - I let him know how strongly I felt about the whole thing. I asked him if he could change his phone number and cease all contact....and he did ! Your lady should put herself in your shoes...how would she feel if some chick from work (that she had a weird feeling about) was close with you and causing problems between the two of you? I bet she wouldn't like it!

    3. Sometimes, during private moments, my s/o talks about their love for me with such intensity that they start crying... I'm left speechless and just silently hold them. I become emotional myself, experiencing the intensity of my feelings on the inside though I'm pretty sure that, on the outside, I look blank. That's how I am but... I feel like it's not enough, like I should be more verbally demonstrative. What are your love languages as an ENFJ? (I never realised until now how different Dom-Fi and Dom-Fe were. I mean, I've known they were different but I never realised till I started dating my s/o just how different they were)
    The way that I receive love is by Words of Affirmation and Quality Time <3. Maybe you two should take the 5 Love Languages test together, it might be a fun exercise <3! http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-...ove-languages/.

    I had my boyfriend take the test and found out that his style of giving love is by Acts of Service! His way of receiving love is through Words of Affirmation. Now I understand why he used to get upset when I didn't praise enough him for cleaning! I get it now so I make sure to give him super warm praise. I didn't realize he was doing those things for me lol!

    Definitions of the 5 languages of love from the website posted above :

    *
    Words of Affirmation

    Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
    *
    Quality Time

    In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
    *
    Receiving Gifts

    Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
    *
    Acts of Service

    Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
    *
    Physical Touch

    This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  4. #134
    Member nomoreshallwepart's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Take heart, my gf is an ENFJ and she has been the best partner I ever had, sure we have our clashes here and there but we learn from each other and we add to each other. Whereas I can be reserved and moody and deep, I anchor her, she relies on my intensity and quiet strength, whereas she can be flirty, social, and forgetful, she pulls me out of my internal world and forces me to FEEL things, I rely on her energy and grace to make me a better person and to attach to the world around me. My Fe is generally dead as it is, and hers is in hyperdrive... we mend each others wounds, its like a symphony.
    That's a lovely thing to hear.

  5. #135
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dali View Post
    I've had my ups and downs with my ENFJ, a bit of it documented here, but I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else right now. It's going great.

    I do have a couple of questions though:

    1. Many a time, my ENFJ has brought up this issue of them feeling that I'm not 'open enough' and how it sometimes comes off as though I'm 'hiding something'. We've had one or two (or three) fights over that. We've had instances where they've met an old flame or found out some detail from my past or something I had recently undertaken and we had a tiff over that because they had not heard of it before and they didn't like how it 'came as a surprise'.

    I'm confused; I've been more exposed and more vulnerable with them than I have with anyone.. How can I be more open? What things should I be more open about? Should I talk about my workday every day and stuff like that? Are there different Fi/Fe understandings of what openness constitutes?

    2. My ENFJ has this pal Q who is just... evil. He's a close pal and a work colleague of theirs and my ENFJ really likes him and holds him in very high esteem. I really don't know why; something seemed off to me about him from the day I met him but I've kept my opinion to myself and have been polite for my S/O's sake. He's told my ENFJ, offhandedly, fabrications about me that have caused ENFJ & I to fall out twice in the time we've been together but each time we've managed to smooth things over. I'm at the end of my tether when it comes to Q. I can't imagine what his motivations are (all my s/o's other close pals really, really like me and they've told me as much) but it frustrates me how an interloper could create that much drama. What should I do about Q? Should I confront him myself? Really not my style but, if it has to come to that.... (p.s. Q is also ENFJ, FWIW)

    3. Sometimes, during private moments, my s/o talks about their love for me with such intensity that they start crying... I'm left speechless and just silently hold them. I become emotional myself, experiencing the intensity of my feelings on the inside though I'm pretty sure that, on the outside, I look blank. That's how I am but... I feel like it's not enough, like I should be more verbally demonstrative. What are your love languages as an ENFJ? (I never realised until now how different Dom-Fi and Dom-Fe were. I mean, I've known they were different but I never realised till I started dating my s/o just how different they were)
    In regards to the evil Q - the only time this happened to us involved a guy who had feelings for the guy I was dating. It took him a long time to figure out what was going on because of course he just thought the guy thought of him as a friend.

  6. #136
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    How different are you from ESFJs?

    I find ESFJs are no fun and in experience have not wanted to be around them. Repellantly so for some reason
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

  7. #137
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    That doesn't answer my question.
    Oh, its
    You
    ....

  8. #138
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Honestly, ENFJ's are some of the best people. Such big hearts.

  9. #139
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    How different are you from ESFJs?
    I wouldn't say I know a ton about them, but I do think our motivations come across as very similar, even though they feel miles apart to us. Both being Fe dom can make us both the sort that wants to help and instruct the betterment of others, but I find that the ESFJ way is more related to the social norms and traditional way of doing things, opposed to really assessing the individual and the social norms equally. When I've heard of people's interactions with ESFJs (or witnessed them) they tend to have very generic expectations. A sort of "Do this because this is normal" opposed to a "Do this because this best suits you"
    Both can be overbearing in ways or feel domineering, depending on the ESFJ/ENFJ pushing it, but to me it feels like they are doing it wrong.

    I call them the steamrollers. Even though ENFJs have the potential to emotional steamroll, I don't think we are typically inherent steamrollers. The lack of Ni might not do them any favors in regard to knowing when not to steamroll.
    Can others always see the differences? Maybe not offhand, but I'd say the sensing vs intuitive can make a world of difference in relatability. However, maybe ESFJs are cooler to other sensing types like I feel ENFJs are probably cooler to other intuitive types.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
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    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

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  10. #140
    Senior Member Adasta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    My Fe is generally dead as it is
    What's Fe?

    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

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