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Thread: NF & Marriage

  1. #1
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Default NF & Marriage

    The following questions are meant to be fluff. I doubt I will find any pattern amongst the NF's and love with these questions (yet you never know!) Still, curious how you guys feeeel about the following:

    1) Do you see marriage as one of your life goals? (Distant or soon)

    2) Would you prefer to be proposed to, or propose?

    3) If you were planning a wedding, what kind of wedding would you want? Elopement? Big celebration? Small gathering with close friends and family?

    4) Would you be okay with your partner picking out the ring and surprising you? Or would you rather have some say in it?

    5) Would you marry someone you met in the last 2 yrs if "it felt right"?

    6) Do you think people should live together before marrying?

    7) Would you ever marry someone you had not slept with?

    8) Are you a skeptic or optomist of marriage? Do you think the odds are good of finding someone you want to marry?

    9) How would you feel about marrying someone that had been married before? Would you put up with X-wives or husband or children from a previous marriage?
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  2. #2
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    1) yes

    2) proposed to

    3) small gathering or elopement

    4) I would be happy if he picked it out.

    5) yes

    6) yes

    7) hell no

    8) meh...I dunno...I'm hopeful?

    9) ex-wife is okay, but I'd rather they didn't have children from a previous relationship

  3. #3
    Anew Leaf
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    1- yes, but only if I meet the right kind of person (ie marriage is something that I would want with someone special, not with just anyone); as soon as it felt right.
    2- I iz girl and I want to be proposed to (hopefully in an interesting way)
    3- ideally elope to Australia to get married during a solar eclipse, but most likely a small gathering of my loved ones. (I hate being stared at)
    4- I want the band and gem to form a comet.
    5- yes
    6- at my age, I don't think it would be a big of a deal as when I was in my early 20s
    7- maybe. I set up two friends on a date... 3 weeks later he proposed, and they had a 5 month engagement. They decided to wait because it was something special and everything was moving so damn fast anyways
    8- optimistic. My parents were in love for 39 years and were a good role model for me
    9- I am not sure I can say accurately. It would be much easier and preferable for the not to be... But my main goal is to find someone special... And everything else is just life that needs to be dealt with.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    1) Not consciously. I mean, yes, I want in a lasting relationship one day, and I would want to marry her one day probably, but the marriage itself is not a life goal, love is.

    2) I don't know. I mean, there is some social pressure in it because the man is usually supposed to be the one to ask, but I think it is both ok?

    3) From my perspective, it would be probably a small gathering with close friends and family (elopement would have its charm too). Of course she would have a voice too though ^^

    4) I would be ok with it I think. Actually I like the idea even.

    5) Hah, well, it seems a bit hard to imagine, because I don't think I would go very easily / quick into a relationship itself already, so 2 years seems a bit short. I am not sure on that question. Assuming it would "feel right"... who knows? Usually I would doubt it though.

    6) I guess it would be ideal, because you should be somewhat sure before a marriage that you want that marriage, and living together seems like a big step, and so if you didn't do it before marriage, you don't really know how you would get along with it.

    7) Didn't see that question coming... I myself am not a virgin because I want to wait until marriage, but because I am only willing to go into a relationship with a girl / woman I would really love. If I would find that relationship, I would probably want it already before marriage, but it would probably not be so important to me that I couldn't wait; after all I could wait all the years so far The only problem is the psychological aspect in it that I would wonder if she finds me attractive / loves me genuinely, and if it just her beliefs that make her wait or if she shouldn't love me so much that she at least is tempted to "just do it". It is a bit of a dilemma which I don't know how I would react in if it really happened. I wouldn't rule either of it out. But if I really loved her, from my perspective now I wouldn't rule it out.

    8) I think it depends totally on the couple, under what circumstances they chose that marriage and how they treat and feel each other. I think marriage can be something very good, but it can be also very bad, but I would like to individualize every case rather than generalize it, because it is an intimate thing. If I can find someone I want to marry, I don't know. I am still rather young, so I guess I have my chances, but on the other hand I am very late on the relationship thing in general; I am a very lonely person, and while I have not given up hope that it will be one time different, sometimes things look grim to me.

    9) Difficult question really. I guess you can answer that question only if you are really in such a situation, because feelings would just influence the whole decision making. My rationality says though I should stay away from a person who was already in a marriage. I don't think also I would want to go into a relationship with a person which has already children in general.

  5. #5
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    1) Do you see marriage as one of your life goals? (Distant or soon)

    Marriage as a life goal? Absolutely not. I get a strong negative feeling about this "life goal", like it's all one should ever strive for and nothing else. I cannot say that about marriage. But would I like to get married some day? Yes.

    2) Would you prefer to be proposed to, or propose?

    Of course I would love to have the knight in shining armour whisk me away and have the kind of romantic gesture and a proposal that would make the most prolific writers of romance novels blush in shame of their imagination and writing skills. But this is reality. I'd prefer to be proposed to but I don't think I'd have any problems with proposing myself.

    3) If you were planning a wedding, what kind of wedding would you want? Elopement? Big celebration? Small gathering with close friends and family?

    Me, him, the official doing the official stuff, beautiful setting. No parties, no people, just us, it's our day.

    4) Would you be okay with your partner picking out the ring and surprising you? Or would you rather have some say in it?

    I'd rather have some say in it. But I'd like to have a surprise as well. He could get creative and do something funny, like get some inexpensive materials and make the ring himself. And after that, we could go and pick a ring we both like and that would actually fit my finger. But I'm not really a fan of rings, so I'd most likely keep the DIY ring as a sentimental keepsake and go without a ring. It's the thought that matters most of all.

    5) Would you marry someone you met in the last 2 yrs if "it felt right"?

    Yes. I've always wondered about that. There are absolutely no guarantees. It doesn't matter how long you've known each other, things could still go either way. So, I think I'd rather take the plunge and do it.

    6) Do you think people should live together before marrying?

    I guess so, just to get used to each other's habits and arrangements. But considering Q5, I think I might feel the same way about this as well. It might not be smooth running from the start, but if you are willing to make things work, it doesn't really matter how long you've known each other or what kind of arrangements you've had before marriage.

    7) Would you ever marry someone you had not slept with?

    Hm, I guess not. Sex is such a huge part of a relationship, I don't think it could be equalled to knowing somebody for a long time or living together with them before marriage and trying to work things out with those. Sure, you can learn and all that, but if sex is not happening at all then it's really not happening at all, and being stuck in a relationship where sex is just not working out is...quite bad. I don't think I'd be willing to risk that and take the plunge in this case. But never say never.

    8) Are you a skeptic or optomist of marriage? Do you think the odds are good of finding someone you want to marry?

    I am optimistic about it. I've never felt a desperate need to be with somebody or to marry and have kids and stuff like that. I think that my odds of being happy in life, no matter what it includes, are just as good as anybody else's.

    9) How would you feel about marrying someone that had been married before? Would you put up with X-wives or husband or children from a previous marriage?

    Depends on the person. If it turns out that he's had dozens of children with multiple women, then I'd have serious questions about the sustainability of our marriage. If I wanted to be with that person, I don't really have choice but to put up with them, do I? I'd make efforts to organize our life in a way that everybody would at least have the chance to feel happy about things.

    Considering my age group, I don't think I'd be able to avoid men with previous baggage in the form of an ex-wife(wives) and kids. Unless I'd go with somebody several years younger than me.

  6. #6
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    1) Do you see marriage as one of your life goals? (Distant or soon)
    Not really. In many ways I've always had trouble wrapping my head around being with someone for life - not that I wouldn't commit myself completely once I took that step, but that I feel like it's almost inevitable with most people that over time divergence will happen. So marriage has historically always seemed kind of scary to me, rather than something I absolutely must have.

    BUT I've always been driven towards long term relationships and finding someone I really love - and really building upon that relationship. So I am definitely open to marriage with the right guy - the guy I want in my life for the long haul.

    2) Would you prefer to be proposed to, or propose?
    Proposed to.

    3) If you were planning a wedding, what kind of wedding would you want? Elopement? Big celebration? Small gathering with close friends and family?
    As I grow older, any sort of formal ceremony is starting to seem sillier to me; plus I really don't like the idea of being the 'star'/focus of attention for an entire day. eek! haha.

    But, I do think a small gathering of close friends and family would still be nice (and on my side at least, that would probably only amount to about 20 total people!), or else elopement.

    4) Would you be okay with your partner picking out the ring and surprising you? Or would you rather have some say in it?
    I think so. The partner I would be with would know me and would have good taste anyway , so yeah, I think I'd like the surprise.

    5) Would you marry someone you met in the last 2 yrs if "it felt right"?
    Sure - 2 years of getting to know someone is long enough imo to know whether or not I REALLY see myself being with them for life. In fact, I've always tended to end relationships fairly early on (within first 6 months) if I know I don't see them in the long run; just cut my losses (and theirs) early on. So anyone who hit the 1 or 2 year mark would be a pretty good match. And if I were still with them at that point, it would mean I really love and value them and want them in my life.

    6) Do you think people should live together before marrying?
    I waffle on this. I think it would add additional knowledge/insight into the other person - in everyday matters - earlier on, prior to making the commitment, so it seems to make more sense to me -- rather than being blindsided by a lot of that and having a higher-stress first year of marriage. On the other hand, it could also just make things uber-comfortable so that marriage never happens, and it's not like you can't glean a lot of that knowledge by simply dating and spending half your time at the other persons' place.

    For me personally, I lean towards living together only once engaged, or else after marrying.

    7) Would you ever marry someone you had not slept with?
    Definitely not.

    8) Are you a skeptic or optomist of marriage? Do you think the odds are good of finding someone you want to marry?
    I think the odds are good of finding someone to marry, yes. Despite how few and far between those guys are. But the ones I DO find - yes, absolutely. Are the odds good of it lasting a lifetime? I cannot say. Like I said above, I would go into it for a lifetime. But I wouldn't stay in it if 20 years down the line one or both of us was miserable and wasting away, and something or other was insurmountable (and believe me, I'd put my all into it prior to ending - it's not like I'd take that lightly). Who can say what all will happen over a span of decades?

    9) How would you feel about marrying someone that had been married before? Would you put up with X-wives or husband or children from a previous marriage?
    I think I'd be fine with people who have married before; I mean, I have dated divorcees. I wouldn't have a high level of toleration of exes who were still actively on the scene, though (i.e. boundaries aren't established/maintained) and I am not enthused about step kids. (and while in dating modes in the past, wouldn't pursue any guys who had kids. Nothing against them, I just don't want the added complexities in my relationship)
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  7. #7
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    1) i think it's so very sweet yes...love the image of two old people laughing and talking with each other like best friends...still in love...god...it's just beautiful. my great grand parents were this way.. together for like 80 years...and the way they looked at each other...

    2) proposed to

    3) small with friends and family...on the beach

    4) i'd prefer that he know what i like and surprise me with it

    5) yes...i have to be really really sure tho...i think i might want to do premarital counseling even

    6) yes absolutely

    7) absolutely not

    8) delusional optimist...as always

    9) yeah for sure...you gotta love the whole person and accept the life experiences they have had up to this point
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    -Jim Morrison

  8. #8
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    1) Do you see marriage as one of your life goals? A more distant life goal, but not absolutely necessary for my happiness

    2) Would you prefer to be proposed to, or propose? Despite aggressively taking control of other forms of romancing, I'd prefer to be proposed to. However, I'm easy to please.

    3) If you were planning a wedding, what kind of wedding would you want? Elopement? Big celebration? Small gathering with close friends and family? Moderately-sized wedding. Close friends and family. I'd be more concerned about getting my distant, close friends out for it than having a hoard of random family members/acquaintances.

    4) Would you be okay with your partner picking out the ring and surprising you? Or would you rather have some say in it? Depends on the partner lol. If I trust their taste and understanding of what I like (or if I wouldn't care in the slightest), then I'd gladly let it be a surprise.

    5) Would you marry someone you met in the last 2 yrs if "it felt right"? No.

    6) Do you think people should live together before marrying? Yes, most definitely. You need a sense of yourself and the other person- and the whole of the both of you.

    7) Would you ever marry someone you had not slept with? Probably not.

    8) Are you a skeptic or optomist of marriage? Do you think the odds are good of finding someone you want to marry? If it is in just finding someone I'd want to marry- the odds are ridiculously good. If it is in finding someone it would actually work with- the odds are very iffy. I would say that in regard to anyone though. I already know the choices I'd make and who they would involve 'in a perfect world'. Realist? lol

    9) How would you feel about marrying someone that had been married before? Would you put up with X-wives or husband or children from a previous marriage? I wouldn't fault someone for previously being married. However, I wouldn't want to deal with children. They aren't part of my plan.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    The following questions are meant to be fluff. I doubt I will find any pattern amongst the NF's and love with these questions (yet you never know!) Still, curious how you guys feeeel about the following:

    1) Do you see marriage as one of your life goals? (Distant or soon)

    2) Would you prefer to be proposed to, or propose?

    3) If you were planning a wedding, what kind of wedding would you want? Elopement? Big celebration? Small gathering with close friends and family?

    4) Would you be okay with your partner picking out the ring and surprising you? Or would you rather have some say in it?

    5) Would you marry someone you met in the last 2 yrs if "it felt right"?

    6) Do you think people should live together before marrying?

    7) Would you ever marry someone you had not slept with?

    8) Are you a skeptic or optomist of marriage? Do you think the odds are good of finding someone you want to marry?

    9) How would you feel about marrying someone that had been married before? Would you put up with X-wives or husband or children from a previous marriage?
    no
    neither
    judge in court the end
    i don't care
    fuck no
    if i've known them 2 years yes
    good idea
    neither, it's not for me, but it is for others
    not still hung up on their ex i don't see i problem,
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  10. #10
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    1) Do you see marriage as one of your life goals? (Distant or soon)
    Yes, it definitely was a goal before I got married. Now, the goal part has morphed into sustaining the marriage (Not that it's hard, usually. But it does take work).

    2) Would you prefer to be proposed to, or propose?
    Be proposed to.

    3) If you were planning a wedding, what kind of wedding would you want? Elopement? Big celebration? Small gathering with close friends and family?
    Ours was small, and I liked that a lot. It took place in my parents' backyard with about 50 guests, and then we had a dinner and reception at an Irish pub, with about 60 people.

    4) Would you be okay with your partner picking out the ring and surprising you? Or would you rather have some say in it?
    I told my spouse what kind of ring I wanted. I had a very particular design that I liked, and honestly I'd never seen any other wedding/engagement rings that I really liked at all. So this was the only choice, really. My wedding band looks almost exactly the same as the engagement ring, except without the diamond and it is slightly wider. Husband's wedding band has the same pattern but it is much wider and two-tone.

    5) Would you marry someone you met in the last 2 yrs if "it felt right"?
    Yes.

    6) Do you think people should live together before marrying?
    I think it's a personal choice, but for me it was a good idea.

    7) Would you ever marry someone you had not slept with?
    Potentially, yeah.

    8) Are you a skeptic or optomist of marriage?
    Optimist

    9) How would you feel about marrying someone that had been married before? Would you put up with X-wives or husband or children from a previous marriage?
    I'd rather not, and luckily I don't have to.
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