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Thread: NF & Marriage

  1. #11
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Thanks for responces so far! I just find it interesting to see how different NF's view the whole ordeal.
    I'm going to answer my own questions now, haha.

    1) Do you see marriage as one of your life goals? (Distant or soon)
    By life goal I wasn't referring to life purpose, I just meant something that deep down you always knew you'd want, eventually. I did NOT think marriage was a life goal for me for my late teens and most of my twenties. Infact, I was strongly opposed to it for some time (for me.) I saw marriage as confining and outdated. THe concept of waking up to the same face forever was terrifying. It probably had alot to do with the grass is greener bit. But in the last few years, seeing enough married couples, I began to realize that marriage was not the end, and that it has alot of benefits. I now consider it a life goal.

    2) Would you prefer to be proposed to, or propose?
    I would prefer to be proposed to, and in some unique way too.

    3) If you were planning a wedding, what kind of wedding would you want? Elopement? Big celebration? Small gathering with close friends and family?
    I used to think that if I ever did tie the knot I'd rather elope or go small, but the more I think of it, the more I feel like getting my ass into an alter will be quite extraordinary, and should maybe be celebrated with a huge party. I think I would go large but informal.

    4) Would you be okay with your partner picking out the ring and surprising you? Or would you rather have some say in it? I'd be okay with it ONLY if he has some kind of insight on what I like. Surprises are cool, but I'll give up the surprise to not have to sport a ring on my hand that I hate for the rest of days.

    5) Would you marry someone you met in the last 2 yrs if "it felt right"?
    Probably not. Because I've had a few LT relations, I think the first two years are often fluff. Things are still pretty exciting, both parties usually putting their best foot forward, and I find that the real meat of the relation comes out after this stage. I want to know how things are going to be when the cards are down, when one of us is depressed or loses a job or gains 20lbs. When you can handle those aspects well, then marriage is probably a good choice.

    6) Do you think people should live together before marrying?
    Absolutely, for me. I've often said that you don't reallyknow someone until you've lived with them.

    7) Would you ever marry someone you had not slept with?
    No way Jose, this is too important to leave to chance.

    8) Are you a skeptic or optimist of marriage? Do you think the odds are good of finding someone you want to marry?
    I think I am a realist. I have seen alot of people rush in and lose. But I am an optimist in the sense that the more you know yourself and the other person, the better odds you have. Part of the reason I'm a fan of waiting. I was a completely different person at 21, and then at 25, etc. I am optimisitc about my odds to find the right person.

    9) How would you feel about marrying someone that had been married before? Would you put up with X-wives or husband or children from a previous marriage?
    I would really, really prefer that someone didn't have that previous stuff going on. I would want the experience to be just as new and exciting for both of us. I might be okay with it but ONLY if they were very civil to eachother, and had completely resolved all visitation, childsupport, etc.
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  2. #12
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    I answered the questions but I don't think I am really the target demographic here.

    1) Do you see marriage as one of your life goals? (Distant or soon) I am married now so not really a goal.

    2) Would you prefer to be proposed to, or propose? Doesn't really matter either way. My wife and I kind of proposed to each other.

    3) If you were planning a wedding, what kind of wedding would you want? Elopement? Big celebration? Small gathering with close friends and family? Elope to a Caribbean resort.

    4) Would you be okay with your partner picking out the ring and surprising you? Or would you rather have some say in it? Don't really care.

    5) Would you marry someone you met in the last 2 yrs if "it felt right"? Sure, assuming some world where I am not already married.

    6) Do you think people should live together before marrying? If they want to.

    7) Would you ever marry someone you had not slept with? I did.

    8) Are you a skeptic or optomist of marriage? Do you think the odds are good of finding someone you want to marry? 100% odds.

    9) How would you feel about marrying someone that had been married before? Would you put up with X-wives or husband or children from a previous marriage? Could be awkward I guess. I don't know.

  3. #13
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    i consider myself an optimist/realist about marriage. i would very much like to get married at some point, but i am patiently waiting for the right person before pushing into anything. i know i've already met someone i would marry - and someone who wants to marry me - the problem is finding mutual desire, lol! i suspect i will end up being proposed to, though it could be fun to propose. i just happen to move emotionally quickly in relationships, so letting them propose is a way of not rushing things.

    that's one reason i'm optimistic about marriage - i tend to form very close emotional bonds with people and strive to maintain them. the prospect of a permanent relationship is one that makes me feel warm and fuzzy. i also am happy to have them choose the ring... as long as it's something i like! i tend to think i would not consider marrying anyone who did not understand my "style". i would like a big celebration - not necessarily in terms of people, but fancy decoration, excellent food, beautiful atmosphere, etc. i love love love planning and it's a great excuse to have a party.

    i definitely would not marry someone i met within 2 years. i like to know people fairly well before i even enter any kind of proper relationship with them, much less marriage. maybe we could get engaged a couple more years down the road, but i think i'd want to know someone for at least a good 4 years before we even get engaged. because, really, what's the rush? if we love each other that much we should just be properly happy together regardless. (however - i think this mindset is a cop-out.) also, i think people should definitely live together, but sleeping together isn't as big of a deal. sex is more like a sport - easier to improve at together - than daily routines.

    an ex and kids isn't really ideal, but if it happens, it happens. i'm more down with step-kids than with an ex. exes... ugh. i've had several good friends with parents who went through divorce while we were growing up and i know that shit ain't always pretty. but if you fall in love with someone, what can you do

  4. #14
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    1) Do you see marriage as one of your life goals? (Distant or soon) -- Not at all.. I've said before that marriage is an absolutely scary concept for me.. and that agreeing to such a thing would be the greatest act I could do for someone I was in love with.. It is about as far on my list as "retiring" is for teenagers.

    2) Would you prefer to be proposed to, or propose? -- I'd prefer being proposed to, after we've extensively talked about things like "when we're to be married", if we're capable of affording it, etc. I don't want to be engaged for 30 years. It'd be a planned thing for me, not at all a surprise. I'd prefer to surprise others with such a thing.

    3) If you were planning a wedding, what kind of wedding would you want? Elopement? Big celebration? Small gathering with close friends and family? -- I think a nice, beautiful ceremony, but close-knit.. Family there, and my friends. I wouldn't do anything big, but I think small and sophisticated would be best.

    4) Would you be okay with your partner picking out the ring and surprising you? Or would you rather have some say in it? -- I'd definitely need to pick out the ring. Poor thing. I sure hope the guy I end up with doesn't like to plan a lot of things for me. I've thought about it before, the ring thing.. I'd be scared to have a ring that was too expensive. I tend to lose jewelry way easy. The more I wear it, the more risk there is. I almost never wear jewelry I love. I'd be more likely to tattoo a ring on or something, and have one to wear for special occasions.

    5) Would you marry someone you met in the last 2 yrs if "it felt right"? -- Not at all. No matter how right it felt. But I would probably move in with them or something.

    6) Do you think people should live together before marrying? -- There are debates both ways for this.. but I think it's smarter to 'trap them' before living together. :3 Arguments get heated when you live together. Best to have them in a position where you HAVE to work it out.

    7) Would you ever marry someone you had not slept with? -- Probably not.

    8) Are you a skeptic or optomist of marriage? Do you think the odds are good of finding someone you want to marry? -- I think they're decent.. I don't know if I will find someone I want to marry, but I know the odds are out there. I'm an optimist.. I think marriages are a great thing. I just think they're not for everyone.. I think people make it a bigger priority than it ought to be.

    9) How would you feel about marrying someone that had been married before? Would you put up with X-wives or husband or children from a previous marriage? -- I wouldn't mind this, depending on the circumstances surrounding the divorce. children would be a bit messy.. but I think I'd figure out a way if I loved them.
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  5. #15
    Senior Member tkae.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    The following questions are meant to be fluff. I doubt I will find any pattern amongst the NF's and love with these questions (yet you never know!) Still, curious how you guys feeeel about the following:

    1) Do you see marriage as one of your life goals? (Distant or soon)
    It's not really a "goal".

    I mean, I'll always feel a little let-down if I never find anyone, but it's not a critical factor of success or failure in my life.

    2) Would you prefer to be proposed to, or propose?
    Proposed to

    3) If you were planning a wedding, what kind of wedding would you want? Elopement? Big celebration? Small gathering with close friends and family?
    It'd be up to them. I lean towards wanting something small, something that's romantic though, so not in anyone's living room or anything, but still something small.

    4) Would you be okay with your partner picking out the ring and surprising you? Or would you rather have some say in it?
    I'd think it was romantic if my partner did it without me knowing. I mean, unless it was absolutely awful, I'd probably love it (if that makes sense lol).

    5) Would you marry someone you met in the last 2 yrs if "it felt right"?
    Yeah, probably.
    6) Do you think people should live together before marrying?
    I don't think they should "live together", but I think they should be familiar enough with each other that they know they can stand to spend weeks on end together.

    7) Would you ever marry someone you had not slept with?

    8) Are you a skeptic or optomist of marriage? Do you think the odds are good of finding someone you want to marry?
    Eh... is there a plankton category?

    I pretty much just float. If it happens, it happens. If not, that's cool too. I'd be thrilled to have someone close enough that I could depend on them and love them and be swept off my feet by them, but I'm not planning my life around it or anything.

    9) How would you feel about marrying someone that had been married before? Would you put up with X-wives or husband or children from a previous marriage?
    Depends on the other peoples' attitude, really. If they have an obnoxious ex, then I'd have an extreme intolerance for their ex. Children I'm more sympathetic with. If they don't want me around, then no, I wouldn't marry them. If they were even reluctant about it, I'd probably duck out.

    Unless they kids absolutely want me around, I'd rather just not be there. It's not fair to the kids. If I were in their position, I'd be miserable, so I'm not gonna put them through the very thing that worried me
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  6. #16
    Senior Member Chiharu's Avatar
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    1) I have mixed feelings about marriage. I don't really have any desire to get married, yet I can't see myself at say, 40, and not married. So I guess I'd say as a more distant life goal.

    2) I think I'd have to be proposed to. I either wouldn't think of it, or I'd always be wondering if they ever would have proposed to me, if I'd surprised them so much they'd said yes and then couldn't find a way out of it...

    3) A smallish ceremony of close friends and family. Maybe 30 guests tops.

    4) I'd rather be surprised, but I know that if they bought me something that showed no understanding of my taste I'd be really disappointed inside.

    5) Not anyone I know now, but in theory, yes. I'd want a longish engagement though.

    6) Huh. In theory, I like the idea of it being a surprise, but I think yes, you should. The experience is necessary to decide if you could really live with that person for the rest of your life... I mean, what if they eat SPAM out of the can with their toes or something every night before they go to bed... Marriage to them? I think not.

    7) I'd definitely consider it. Perhaps.

    8) A little of both. I'm sure if I was in a relationship with a person I wanted to marry (odds are pretty damn good on that count) that I'd be very optimistic, but I'm somewhat skeptical about marriage in general.

    9) I probably wouldn't marry someone who'd been married before (and not widowed). I would consider it if I really loved them... but I probably wouldn't. I'm not even certain I want kids, but I definitely don't want to raise someone else's. And an Ex with a say in parenting would probably send me into outer limits. I'd probably only do it if the Ex-couple had divorced because the made better friends and they had one or two very young children. Or if they had gotten married while drunk, tried to make it work, failed, and had no children.

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