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[MBTI General] NFP Under Stress

Santosha

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This thread is for a closer examination of how NFP's, act under stress. :steam::workout::doh::cry:

I've been delving a bit further into tertiary and inferior functions. I've tried to find practical examples of how the NFP use tertiary Si and Te. I read that when an Infp (not under stress) begins to develop tertiary Si, they will notice a draw to things like the arts, crafts, cooking, etc. An Enfp that begins to develop tertiary Te will become more interested in methods of organization, perhaps taking up a statistics class, etc.

But I am still terribley confused by the shadow functions. We all hear that the INFP will go drill sargeant style ESTJ in the grips of extreme stress, barking orders and lashing out at people (more personally than impersonally) and that the ENFP will take the negative ISTJ shadow, becoming quiet, nitpicky, and throwing out attack after attack more focused on the idea or behavior, but how do we tell the difference when an ENFP comes across as ESTJ.. which is said to occur when the ENFP's Te becomes more developed (or is trying to become more active) than the aux Fi. (The Te bitch slap: NE-TE)?

I am hoping that you NFP's are willing to share *practical* examples of how you behave under extreme stress. What soothes you? What gives you balance again? I fear that some may not feel comfortable with sharing this, as no one likes to fess up to their "Icky Side." Disclaimer: I am still unsure of my I/E pref.

When I am under extreme stress, I can get crazy ESTJ. I can also become crazy ISTJ. It depends on the what the situation warrants. I think I might be ENFP because when things get really stressful (as they have been lately) I can't sleep. My mind goes ape-shit over all the things I need to do. All my unfinished projects. Where is my direction? How do I decide what priorities have greater weight? Etc. THe only relief that I find is when I get out of my mind and start doing shit. This usually involves staying up late to clean, organize, do laundry, prepare for things I wont have time to do later in the week. I make charts and lists of how many hours I'm going to work, what my paychecks should be, what bills will be paid off, what days I will do certain chores, my goals, what days I plan to meet up with friends I've pushed off for too long, (Do I stick to these things, not always.) Sleep when I die becomes my motto.
 

Thalassa

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I go from being easy-going and/or playfully nudging people to being full-on evil school marm with a very sharp ruler.

I sometimes go into hiding and become anti-social if I'm stressed, or I cry.

I've also gone through periods of severe anxiety.
 

Rebe

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I am not under extreme stress now but I remember when I used to be extremely, extremely judgmental and critical of everything for a few weeks. Everyone around me was incompetent, illogical and stupid. And I'd be quite expressive about it. I was irritated beyond belief during interactions when my usual state would be bubbly and optimistic. This was during exams during college while some other things were going on. I was also quiet and glaring. I don't remember the specific details. I hated it when people did not behave properly, had no class and was oblivious to social expectations. I blew little things out of proportion. I don't know if I was more ESTJ or ISTJ. I know I definitely used blunt Te, not sure about Si and how it'd manifest in me in combination with Te though. I was argumentative over everything and demanded everyone to explain themselves properly. When I'm stressed, I become insensitive, blunt and irritated. It's either the ESTJ persona or the Fi-Si loop. ESTJ is more reactive and external and Fi-Si Loop is more depressive and internal.
 

tkae.

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I go from being easy-going and/or playfully nudging people to being full-on evil school marm with a very sharp ruler.

I sometimes go into hiding and become anti-social if I'm stressed, or I cry.

I've also gone through periods of severe anxiety.

This.

Which one depends on what's set me off, though 90% of the time it's the former more than the latter, since anxiety is reserved for when I have anxiety attacks (or panic attacks if I'm off my medication).

I have an angry mode, but it's not smarmy schoolteacher so much as sneering bastard.

I give people the finger, I mutter under my breath, and sometimes I actually make audible noises that sound something like "go to hell" or "fuck off".
 

Thalassa

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This.

Which one depends on what's set me off, though 90% of the time it's the former more than the latter, since anxiety is reserved for when I have anxiety attacks (or panic attacks if I'm off my medication).

I have an angry mode, but it's not smarmy schoolteacher so much as sneering bastard.

I give people the finger, I mutter under my breath, and sometimes I actually make audible noises that sound something like "go to hell" or "fuck off".

Nah I don't really act like a school marm. That was a joke on my name, and because school marms are stereotypically mean or harsh.

I'm more like how you described yourself when I'm angry, except more audibly offensive.
 

Anna intuitive

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Here's a recent example: I came back from pretty much three weeks away giving/attending workshops for work purposes, and my husband went into a long story about his health and his work, and I started shouting at him to get his life together and has he given up on life, and I am telling right now he has to go to the clinic on Tuesday (after the long weekend).

What was going on behind that was that I felt very anxious about him - well - I felt I can't do without him, or don't want to, I don't want him to die. We are getting to that age now, so it's not totally unrealistic. And second, I was feeling guilty, and saying to myself, what kind of a wife am I not to see that my husband gets his life together, and to take care of his health.

I was also trying to get him to wake up and do something about his situation.

So this shouting bossy behaviour really was unlike me. Maybe quite ESTJ?

And after thinking it through I just went back to my usual calm friendly listening mode.

I decided it's not my job to keep him alive, and I started to accept that how he is is how he is.

But that was me under a particular kind of stress.
 

Santosha

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Here's a recent example: I came back from pretty much three weeks away giving/attending workshops for work purposes, and my husband went into a long story about his health and his work, and I started shouting at him to get his life together and has he given up on life, and I am telling right now he has to go to the clinic on Tuesday (after the long weekend).

What was going on behind that was that I felt very anxious about him - well - I felt I can't do without him, or don't want to, I don't want him to die. We are getting to that age now, so it's not totally unrealistic. And second, I was feeling guilty, and saying to myself, what kind of a wife am I not to see that my husband gets his life together, and to take care of his health.

I was also trying to get him to wake up and do something about his situation.

So this shouting bossy behaviour really was unlike me. Maybe quite ESTJ?

And after thinking it through I just went back to my usual calm friendly listening mode.

I decided it's not my job to keep him alive, and I started to accept that how he is is how he is.

But that was me under a particular kind of stress.

Thanks for this info. This does sound like ESTJ shadow, depending on how you were attacking though. I'm sorry about your husband. Worry over health and loss has to be one of the hardest. I hope things work out for you and him. Sending NF loves :hug:
 

Santosha

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I'm going to bring something up here that I have not seen frequently mentioned in other inferior function writings. Jung claimed that beyond severe stress activating the inferior function.. another way that it can be activated is through the use of mind altering drugs. He said that the inferior function was really meant to remain unconscious, it was myers that focused on being able to develop each of the functions. I wonder if anyone has noticed their inferior at work with any mind altering agents? Its a bit funny to consider.. as I can't recall any LSD trips that turned me into an ESTJ or ISTJ, hahahaha. Actually, now i think about it.. I believe there might have been a pattern of ISTJ defenses kicking in when mind altering agents scared or confused me. Hmmmm. Too bad I won't touch those things with a 10 ft pole any longer... =)
 

CrystalViolet

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I get a bit shouty. Think Drill Sargent. I'll bark orders, get real mean, and a little insulting. All those horrible things I've been thinking and not telling you will be thrown at you all at once. And I will bring up ever transgession you ever commited. I will make you cry if I possibly can. I have to be pretty overwhelmed to get there, it tends to end relationships though.
The worst thing is I won't even mean half of it.
 

prplchknz

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I give up shut down unable to function on daily tasks nothing gets done I feel guilty so even less gets done I don't eat I cry (I usually don't cry) I feel like a failure.
 
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I'm going to bring something up here that I have not seen frequently mentioned in other inferior function writings. Jung claimed that beyond severe stress activating the inferior function.. another way that it can be activated is through the use of mind altering drugs. He said that the inferior function was really meant to remain unconscious, it was myers that focused on being able to develop each of the functions. I wonder if anyone has noticed their inferior at work with any mind altering agents? Its a bit funny to consider.. as I can't recall any LSD trips that turned me into an ESTJ or ISTJ, hahahaha. Actually, now i think about it.. I believe there might have been a pattern of ISTJ defenses kicking in when mind altering agents scared or confused me. Hmmmm. Too bad I won't touch those things with a 10 ft pole any longer... =)

tis true about the LSD bit. I feel I can step into my Si/Te self when required without any drugs now...
 

Stanton Moore

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I tend to handle stress quietly. I simply put off my real gut reactions until the situation has settles down. I believe this is called post truamatic stress reaction.

Also, the whole thing about INFPs turning into ESTJs when under stress is bullshit. My ENTJ sister barks orders and is mean-spirited when under stress, so what is she turning into? an ISFP? I don't think so. I like some of what Jung wrote, but this theory is largely false.
 

PeaceBaby

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I guess I am wondering if you mean acute or chronic stress. I see them as different entities.

In acute stress I disconnect from emotions by necessity. Things need to get done, and I need to keep it together, so it's like a switch is flipped (not consciously) that places me into a calm and collected focus. Depending on the circumstance, I might feel scared and shocked, and may need a minute for adrenalin to ease off, but I need to act, so I address those feelings as best as I can in the moment (getting a hug wherever I can, eating chocolate, talking to family or friends) but for the most part, how I feel must take a back seat. It's been after the acute situation when I experience the fall-out, because those emotions do not vanish, they are merely banished for a while, and when granted reprieve from exile, they percolate to the surface of my life in a concentrated way. This can manifest as insomnia, anxiety, other physical symptoms such as heart palpitations and panic attacks. I have gotten better at working through this rush of emotional and physical fall-out because I now know it will come, and therefore I can do things like walking, zone-out daydreaming, healthy eating, physical pampering and healthy self-talk to help myself cope with that de-stressing period.

In a state of minor acute stress, I might add a snippy comment here or there, but for me to "blow up" and spew emotions all over the place, barking orders... very atypical. So while I don't identify with the drill sergeant, I can identify with someone who is coordinating action and making sure that what needs to get done gets done.

Chronic stress is somewhat different. The first sign for me of things piling up is a bit more crankiness, body tension and restless sleeping, which can turn to insomnia if I continue to try to ignore stuff piling up on me. My remedy here is to write in an effort to unwind all the strands of what's happening in my life contributing to this state, and then put a plan into effect to address those issues as best as I can. Sometimes there is nothing that can be done about one issue or another, and in those cases, I continue to write in an effort to fully explore the emotionality behind where I am and how I feel. If I try to cram my emotions down, they will work harder and harder to get my attention until they cannot be ignored. They refuse to be ignored. The only way out of that is through.


While I do not feel like I am an ESTJ in these situations, I do identify with finding comfort in Si and recognizing a strong need to take action which I will presumably call Te. Ne - Te at times like this for me is in a hyper-focussed state to try to solve each problem to help enable the body and mind to return to a steady-state of functioning. I try to process the emotions myself without any kind of "lashing out" - which I might add, when an ESTJ is angry, even though it may feel intense it's generally not personal at all as opposed to when a tert or inferior Te user is angry, it is almost always very personally delivered indeed.
 

Chiharu

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I withdraw, get really irritable or melancholy. I feel overwhelmingly guillty, deficient.

To calm down I make lists. If it's really really really bad I do physical things like cleaning. Particularly scrubbing.
 

chickpea

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i either isolate myself and wallow in self pity, or turn into a crazy, vindictive bitch. all depends on the source of the stress.
 

luminous beam

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If I'm extremely stressed/exhausted/angry the ESTJ shadow self comes out and it ain't pretty. Think "Drag Me To Hell..." lol Okay, maybe not that bad, but pointing in that direction.
 

Lady_X

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i clean and organize...i start freaking out about clutter. i want everything in it's place or thrown out....super severe desire to take an eraser to my life and start over.
 

OrangeAppled

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One of two things happens:

I become overwhelmed & shut down, withdraw, lay in bed for days, escape into daydream, just completely letting any responsibilities go. At the same time, a part of me is beating myself up for not doing what I know I need to do.

Or I go into panic mode, become critical of everything, and try to pare things down to the essentials, which can be rash & destructive, as I describe below.

One thing that almost always happens: I stress eat. I normally eat pretty healthy, but I'll crave & eat a lot of junk, as it's comforting.

super severe desire to take an eraser to my life and start over.

I can relate to this. The desire to make things organized (literally & not so literally) in my life can become destructive. I will throw both physical things out when I am in one of these cleaning rampages, and I'll metaphorically throw out aspects in my life that seem too complicated or not essential. I guess the idea is to de-clutter, simplify, so I can deal with everything & not be so stressed. The problem is my judgment becomes so critical that I will toss things out which later I regret, because they actually had some significance. It feels easier to destroy stuff or get rid of it & start over than to try & improve what already exists, and the panic moves me to do what gives instant gratification in the form of stress-relief.
 

Synapse

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How do I deal with stress, why glad you asked, like Russian roulette. :D
 

Seymour

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I react much like PeaceBaby describes. Under acute stress I put my emotions aside, am generally calm, collected and purposeful until there is time to do emotional processing and freak out after the fact.

Under chronic stress, I get grumpy and tend to withdraw from other aspects of life in order to conserve and focus my energy. Eventually I have to stop and picked up the dropped strands of my life, even if the stress is ongoing.

I wouldn't say I feel particularly ESTJ-like at any point. I do sometimes use being in an irritated or frustrated state to do cleaning or culling of clutter, since it goes more quickly when I'm in a more draconian mood. Sometimes that very much a conscious choice to put my frustrated energy to good use.
 
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