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[MBTI General] Parental Influence of Personality

Totenkindly

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IMO, parents are the single biggest factor in a child's personality. Much moreso than genetics.

I disagree in that I think basic personality is inborn (which would kind of make THAT the biggest factor)... but then parents have the largest influence on how that personality manifests.

I was always "daddy's girl" growing up and he definitely did his best to sway me to the NT side of things. He taught me multiplication and division when I was in pre-school, and taught me about astronomy on clear summer nights with nothing more than a shoe box, flashlight, and tin foil with constallations poked in.

He sounds very cool.
 

Crescent Fresh

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My heart goes out to you. My alcoholic father was more passive/withdrawn, but the limited engagements we did have left me with an avoidance to Type A men that I didn't get over until a few years ago.

I wouldn't want to get into details of my Dad's abusive treatment to both of us. Yet I do share a few negative traits of his when I'm feeling unhealthy with traits like over-suspicious, jealousy, and short-tempered (which ironically in sync with a typical unhealthy INFJ traits). Due to my alocholic father, I even disciplined myself never to drink alone and minimize the chance of social drinking. The problem is that it seems very hard to separate drinking occasions in most forms of social gatherings. I suppose I've been missing out many opportunities to get to know people as a result from this.
 

Crescent Fresh

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Part of me believes that it is a mother's job to guilt trip her children.

I'm not sure if that's a mother's "nature," but it seems that it may scar those forever who are sensitive to being guilt-tripped. I wouldn't do it to my children, and I strongly suggest people shouldn't. This shouldn't be viewed as a way to build bridges (some parents mistakenly confused with motivating their children by opening up with 'too much' information), but a devastating mental trip for the young minds.
 

nolla

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Now I wonder how much your parents have exerted their influence on you?

Quite a lot. My father was a distant ISTJ, my mom an xNFJ.

The positive influence came from mom. I think the key was that she never thought that what I had to say could be dismissed because I was "just a child". I had all kinds of theories about the world, and she would take them seriously and give her opinion about them. We used to take the dog out in the forest and talk about all kinds of stuff, and nothing was disregarded without going through the idea. Actually, I don't think that anything was dropped at all. She was also able to see that I was different than most of the kids, so knowing that made it not such a big problem for me. I think that without her, I would not have come out as whole as I eventually came out. I would not have the same self-respect, and I would not trust my logic or intuition. She was like a kick-start for my life, since it was so obvious that the type of person I was was not a mistake since she also was an NF.

The influence from my father is quite a different story. In his eyes I was valued because of my success. This made me do well in school, I guess. But later, I came to see this as something quite repulsive. It doesn't go well with my values to imply that my worth has anything to do with traditional success. So, it might be that his influence actually pushed me away from the world he was trying to push me in. The last time he critiziced my doings he said I should see that in the business I should distance myself from my friends because they will be the ones I am competing against for jobs. And again, it made me go further from that world. It seems that the way he tried to have influence on me always backfired.
 

Betty Blue

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My father was always the rock in my family. My parents divorced when i was three but he fought for shared responsibility and we spent half the week at each house. He was always the together one, worked hard, took us on holidays made sure we had a good diet, clothed us, taught us so much and though he could be quite tough he did show us love too.
My mother on the other hand was great with emotional stuff but not so great with buying food, clothes, coming to school plays etc...as she seemed to be always going away-without us.
I have expect very high standard of parental responsibility where fathers are concerned (as i do mothers) and likewise i believe in fathers rights. I believe in equality, true feminism.
I'm not sure how much it has shaped my personality
 

Elfboy

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Mom: ESFJ
Dad: INFJ
Bro: ISTP
if anything, having 2 crazy FJ parents made me a little less F. while both of them have extremely strong Ti (both are PhD scientists), their extremely emotional responses to most things made me decide early in life that I was going to be a more rational and collected person
 

Elfboy

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My father was always the rock in my family. My parents divorced when i was three but he fought for shared responsibility and we spent half the week at each house. He was always the together one, worked hard, took us on holidays made sure we had a good diet, clothed us, taught us so much and though he could be quite tough he did show us love too.
My mother on the other hand was great with emotional stuff but not so great with buying food, clothes, coming to school plays etc...as she seemed to be always going away-without us.
I have expect very high standard of parental responsibility where fathers are concerned (as i do mothers) and likewise i believe in fathers rights. I believe in equality, true feminism.
I'm not sure how much it has shaped my personality

+7 :)
 

Totenkindly

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I wouldn't want to get into details of my Dad's abusive treatment to both of us. Yet I do share a few negative traits of his when I'm feeling unhealthy with traits like over-suspicious, jealousy, and short-tempered (which ironically in sync with a typical unhealthy INFJ traits). Due to my alocholic father, I even disciplined myself never to drink alone and minimize the chance of social drinking. The problem is that it seems very hard to separate drinking occasions in most forms of social gatherings. I suppose I've been missing out many opportunities to get to know people as a result from this.

I think there's almost more danger from rejection of behavior from a bad parent that in itself is an extreme, than just emulating the original bad behavior. To avoid being like the parent, one can just go to lengths that are in themselves destructive. Maintaining balance can be very very difficult.
 

Crescent Fresh

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I think there's almost more danger from rejection of behavior from a bad parent that in itself is an extreme, than just emulating the original bad behavior. To avoid being like the parent, one can just go to lengths that are in themselves destructive. Maintaining balance can be very very difficult.

Exactly.

I've always liked music (classical). Unforunately, I have decided to bury my passion deep inside me because my Dad was a musician back then. The more I found there are similar interests between us, the harder and further I tried to break it. I am unsure if it has to do with being the only child, but I definitely don't want to have any resemblence of his interests. Now that I've grown much older, I started to regret it, a lot.
 

Crescent Fresh

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Mom: ESFJ
Dad: INFJ

Did you get them to take the typology test? Or is this based on your accessment?

I would like to find out about my parents' type as well, though I am in no where to master my skill to determine their typology as I'm fairly new to this.

Though I would really want to find out more about them, if possible.
 

mochajava

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my mother is an infj and my father was an enfp...i definitely think they influenced my personality in a huge way. they are/were extremely loving and accepting parents. i think i define love the way they showed me and it's difficult for me to feel it from people with a different definition or expression.

Can I ask how they showed/defined it?
 

Lady_X

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My father is an I/E STJ. The ENFP-ESTJ dynamic was a CRAZY thing growing up, thats for sure!

But I can say this.. he has totally 100% influenced me in partner picking (in a good way.) Probably the biggest thing is loyalty. He is the most loyal person I've ever known. I am strongly attracted to people that 1) Are direct with their thoughts and feelings 2) Will always be there for you, and 3) Are VERY resourceful and capeable of overcoming obstacles.

oooh tell me more...what was your enfp mom like
 

Betty Blue

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My father was always the rock in my family. My parents divorced when i was three but he fought for shared responsibility and we spent half the week at each house. He was always the together one, worked hard, took us on holidays made sure we had a good diet, clothed us, taught us so much and though he could be quite tough he did show us love too.
My mother on the other hand was great with emotional stuff but not so great with buying food, clothes, coming to school plays etc...as she seemed to be always going away-without us.
I have expect very high standard of parental responsibility where fathers are concerned (as i do mothers) and likewise i believe in fathers rights. I believe in equality, true feminism.
I'm not sure how much it has shaped my personality

I forgot to say, my father is an ENTP my mother is an EXFP and my bro is an ENFP (we all grew up in the same house/s). I do also have an INTP sister and i suspect another ENFP brother (not certain about him though) who i did spend a lot of time with but did not live with.
AND I LOVE THEM ALL!
 

Quay

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Lady X, that is so cool. My husband and I hope to be like your parents, and we are the same types as they are (we think).

My father is ESTJ and my mom ISFJ.

I showed my father the ESTJ profile, and he says, "Oh yeah, that made me take this test at work and that's what it said. I don't think this is true." ..all with a smirk on his face that showed he agreed with the profile. anyway.

My mother is a dutiful introvert. She bends way over backwards for people despite not having much for herself. We haven't done the test, but I am almost positive she's ISFJ. Reading that description is like watching my mother for 24 hours.

I think I got J from both my parents. Both very clean and orderly with routine to their days, even if they don't have anything to do. I remember my father ran down a list for me of how he was going to "relax". That was funny.

Introversion I'm sure is from my mother. I remember being young and not hearing much of her voice, but feeling her presence. My younger sister and I just followed her lead. We hardly ever acted out in public, and she took us everywhere with her.

I'm not sure how intuition and feeling develop... but I think a lot of my driven emotional states came from watching my parents fight and argue, get back together (I will always remember my mom serving my dad lemonade and wiping the sweat from his face with a towel after a gardening session), and then finally the divorce after many attempts. It had a very profound effect on my state of being.
 

Lady_X

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Can I ask how they showed/defined it?

my mother was/is just very supportive and encouraging. she values a persons character above all else and constantly taught us the right thing to do and the right way to treat people...fe at it's best imo.
my father was also very supportive and encouraging and he valued quality of life and experience...a curiosity and excitement about life. he was that person that would always stop whatever he was doing to listen to his kids...he had all the time in the world for you and whatever it was if it was important to you...he empathetically experienced it with you...he was playful and light hearted but deep, compassionate and intellectual...actually they both were/are...they were always the people i had the most interesting philosophical discussions with...

i'm rambling...i guess they showed me that love means being there for each other completely in heart and mind...with genuine interest and concern and enjoying each others company to the fullest while completely accepting and appreciating them exactly as they are.

so i guess...when i don't feel completely accepted and appreciated as i am...or the things i value are not valued by them...it just doesn't feel like love to me....probably typical of most tho i'd assume.
 

yenom

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My mother has the biggest impact on my personality in a negitive way.
Much of the pain in my childhood was given by my mother.
She never showed much love to me. She had a hard time controlling her anger, and gives cutting criticisms to me. Even as a kid, I was always yelled, being cursed, and shouted at. It made me guard my feelings carefully and not very open emotionally to people unless I really trust them.


My reaction to my mother is to weave T shell around myself, telling myself that I wouldn't let anyone injure me like my mother. and I will always have to remain strong and independent because I couldn't let myself depend on other people given that they may take advantage of my vulnerability.

My father was distant and aloof, and my mom and father was divorced very soon after I was born. So I had very little exposure to my father.
 

Betty Blue

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My mother has the biggest impact on my personality in a negitive way.
Much of the pain in my childhood was given by my mother.
She never showed much love to me. She had a hard time controlling her anger, and gives cutting criticisms to me. Even as a kid, I was always yelled, being cursed, and shouted at. It made me guard my feelings carefully and not very open emotionally to people unless I really trust them.


My reaction to my mother is to weave T shell around myself, telling myself that I wouldn't let anyone injure me like my mother. and I will always have to remain strong and independent because I couldn't let myself depend on other people given that they may take advantage of my vulnerability.

My father was distant and aloof, and my mom and father was divorced very soon after I was born. So I had very little exposure to my father.

Thats really fucking tough. I'm sorry you grew up in an unloving environment. Theres plenty of people with a whole lot of love to give though (i'm sure you know this):hug:
 

Stanton Moore

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My mother has the biggest impact on my personality in a negitive way.
Much of the pain in my childhood was given by my mother.
She never showed much love to me. She had a hard time controlling her anger, and gives cutting criticisms to me. Even as a kid, I was always yelled, being cursed, and shouted at. It made me guard my feelings carefully and not very open emotionally to people unless I really trust them.


My reaction to my mother is to weave T shell around myself, telling myself that I wouldn't let anyone injure me like my mother. and I will always have to remain strong and independent because I couldn't let myself depend on other people given that they may take advantage of my vulnerability.

My father was distant and aloof, and my mom and father was divorced very soon after I was born. So I had very little exposure to my father.

I grew up under similar circumstances. My father was either happy, or silent, and he was silent a lot. I think now that he had a bad case of PTSD. Mom was always in a tizzy about what mood dad was inwhen he came home from work. I remember thinking, at around age 9, that dad's emotions are more important to mom than the kids'. that was a shocking, and troubling revelation to have at that age.
 

Faine

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I really want to contribute to this thread but I'm not sure I could put my family into words.
Still, it is interesting lurking. Thank you to everyone who is sharing.
 

mrcockburn

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I'm ExTx. (will update stats)

The old lady's a hysterical xSFJ, father's a passive INFP, but I was solely raised by an xNTJ. Likely a socially anxious ENTJ, if those exist.

Lots of J influence in my life, he was one strict ****er. I absolutely *dreaded* my grade reports coming in the mail, to the point I tried to hide out at my friend's house when I knew I was getting a 2.5 gpa one quarter when I was 13. But yet the stereotypical abstract/visionary N. Thank god he wasn't an ESTJ, I have no Si, and one of us would've been dead by now.
 
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