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[MBTI General] Parental Influence of Personality

Crescent Fresh

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Just as mothers influence their son's general feelings toward women, fathers influence their daughter's general feelings about men.

If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she'll feel very good about herself in relation to men. But if the father is cold, critical or absent, the daughter will tend to feel she's not very lovable or attractive.


Now I wonder how much your parents have exerted their influence on you?
 

SilkRoad

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For myself, one thing I'd say was a definite family influence in MBTI terms - my mom is a probable INTJ, my brother a probable ISTJ, and my dad...well, he's an IxxJ. ;) I think he could be ISFJ, a rather "F" ISTJ, or possibly INFJ.

But...having a lot of "T" influence in my life, I think my mom and my brother definitely bruised my sensitive feelings more often than they realised. They knew I was sensitive, but I don't think they knew to what extent...(a theme which has continued with many people in my life!). Basically, I think partly because of that I was more of a "T" when I was younger. I don't have much doubt that I'm an INFJ but until my early twenties - when I got out on my own - I had a more intellectual and T approach to life, I'd say. More like an INTJ for sure.

No one in my family is as much of a people person as I am either, and I attach more importance to close friendships (not that they don't have some, but they are all people who reserve the vast majority of their devotion for their family. I split it between my family - that is, my parents and bro, as I'm single - and my friends.) I think I was also more like that until I got out on my own.

While I think too much went unsaid in my family and there was a lot of unspoken tension at times, I did have an extremely supportive upbringing and have never ever doubted my parents' support and love for me. I know that has made a big difference in my life.
 

Crescent Fresh

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While I think too much went unsaid in my family and there was a lot of unspoken tension at times, I did have an extremely supportive upbringing and have never ever douted my parents' support and love for me. I know that has made a big difference in my life.

Consider that as a blessing, as I would love to had a father-figure during my teenhood.

I also happened to think too much without expressing how I really felt as my mother is a Exxx. There's also the issue of guilt-tripping from time to time from her, though I truly realized it wasn't intended. Though you know how sometimes "too much information" (especially traumatic ones) often lead to mental sufferings. The biggest obstacle which I have in the absence of a father-figure during a critical period, in addition to being raised with an alcoholic abusive father--leads me to have a huge difficulty in trusting men in general.

I'm not blaming my parents for this, but it certainly has a huge psychological influence in my prospect of romance, love, and marriage, unfortunately.
 

SilkRoad

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There's also the issue of guilt-tripping from time to time from her, though I truly realized it wasn't intended.

Ooh, I actually TOTALLY relate to that, though my mom is definitely IxTJ and I'm pretty sure she's INTJ. Same sort of thing, though - she does do a good line in guilt tripping, and I don't think it's deliberately manipulative, but I know that's had some long term effect on me. I am far too open to being manipulated by people in that way.

I actually can't imagine having an abusive or absent father, although I wouldn't say we've been that close emotionally for most of our lives. But he's a very good man and a good father. So I feel for you. I definitely have some issues regarding men though. ;) I can't quite figure out where they came from...
 

Totenkindly

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...The biggest obstacle which I have in the absence of a father-figure during a critical period, in addition to being raised with an alcoholic abusive father--leads me to have a huge difficulty in trusting men in general.

My heart goes out to you. My alcoholic father was more passive/withdrawn, but the limited engagements we did have left me with an avoidance to Type A men that I didn't get over until a few years ago. My Fe mom delivered to me a distorted form of Fe which I couldn't help but absorb to some degree, yet had to work through to remove the distortion.

My parents still meant well, but it's funny how much each of them impacted/shaped me to reflect and/or complement them w/o trying. I just wish I had felt known and loved. That last bit still haunts me today.

EDIT: My parents did definitely impact my type expressions. My dad could not be reasoned with but I tried.... which meant I had to be very Te and provide concrete, literal proof for everything, since Ti or F or N had no sway with him. I persisted in that style of arguing/proof demands until a decade after I reached adulthood, and didn't really trust my intuition enough to make life decisions based on it. I wanted to be able to justify my choices explicitly.
 

prplchknz

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Part of me believes that it is a mother's job to guilt trip her children. I know mine does plenty. She's an F and my dad's a T, both have their strength's and weaknesses when it came to raising me and my brother. My dad is a respectable guy for the most part, so I realize that not all men are dicks. I don't hate men, and I don't know how much it had to do with my father or the other men in my family, I was lucky to grow in a family that wasn't abusive and functioned for the most part.
 

Lady_X

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my mother is an infj and my father was an enfp...i definitely think they influenced my personality in a huge way. they are/were extremely loving and accepting parents. i think i define love the way they showed me and it's difficult for me to feel it from people with a different definition or expression.
 

Santosha

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My father is an I/E STJ. The ENFP-ESTJ dynamic was a CRAZY thing growing up, thats for sure!

But I can say this.. he has totally 100% influenced me in partner picking (in a good way.) Probably the biggest thing is loyalty. He is the most loyal person I've ever known. I am strongly attracted to people that 1) Are direct with their thoughts and feelings 2) Will always be there for you, and 3) Are VERY resourceful and capeable of overcoming obstacles.
 

Thalassa

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My most consistent parental/guardian figure was an retired-career-military ISTJ, and I think I developed my Te and Si because of him (and because of his ESTJ wife after my grandmother passed away)...I know I've adopted his no nonsense, "does this work?" cut the bullshit attitude, and my love of history and politics began with him (though he was an old-fashioned Republican) which has caused more than one person to guess that I was ISTJ, to say I was an unhealthy ESTJ, or to joke that I must be an ISTJ. It's clearly affected my personality...in a bad way, too, though...it's given me a very rebellious attitude toward structure and schedules, I mean to the point of running like hell, and having issues with authority.

I also think my ESTJ step-grandmother instilled "female strength" into me, which is cool, despite all of her flaws.

But yeah, I think this is why as an ENFP some people say my posts come across as Si/Te-ish, and some people who rely too much on Keirsey interaction styles think I am exhbiting "J" traits....which is ironically hilarious since I score so high on P in the dichotomy tests that more than one has indicated that my overall "P-ness" is actually stronger than my ENF.
 

Stanton Moore

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IMO, parents are the single biggest factor in a child's personality. Much moreso than genetics.
 

Thalassa

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Oh...in terms of men I think it's made me attracted to a lot of introverts, and I seem to show a preference for SFJs and NTJs. It's not always a good thing, because it means in some cases I am attracted to a man who is "cold" or "distant."
 

Thalassa

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IMO, parents are the single biggest factor in a child's personality. Much moreso than genetics.

I dunno...my mom is ESFP, and I suspect my father may have been an unhealthy ExTP, and in many ways I'm very like my mom, though she's not the one who consistently raised me.
 

prplchknz

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I dunno...my mom is ESFP, and I suspect my father may have been an unhealthy ExTP, and in many ways I'm very like my mom, though she's not the one who consistently raised me.

yeah my dad was around, but he really didn't raise me or my brother he never doled out any discipline, that was what my mom did, and she was around more than him, but I ended up more like my dad, than I did my mom. Actually I ended up almost exactly like my grandma who I saw twice a year at most.
 
A

Anew Leaf

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My mom was an ENFP and my dad is an INTP. I am an only child.

I was always "daddy's girl" growing up and he definitely did his best to sway me to the NT side of things. He taught me multiplication and division when I was in pre-school, and taught me about astronomy on clear summer nights with nothing more than a shoe box, flashlight, and tin foil with constallations poked in.

He is definitely the reason why all of the men I have dated have been NT's. ;)

My mom and had a more volatile relationship - but we were still very close. There is nothing quite like having an NF mom to always back you up, no matter what dumb thing you have just done. :) She has definitely influenced me to be kind to others, to remember the "little details" of friends' lives, and to be generous. I miss her.

She is definitely why I think it is best for me to date a T instead of an F. ;) I need balance!
 

Stanton Moore

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I dunno...my mom is ESFP, and I suspect my father may have been an unhealthy ExTP, and in many ways I'm very like my mom, though she's not the one who consistently raised me.

I meant care givers, rather than just parents. Does that clarify?
 

Thalassa

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yeah my dad was around, but he really didn't raise me or my brother he never doled out any discipline, that was what my mom did, and she was around more than him, but I ended up more like my dad, than I did my mom. Actually I ended up almost exactly like my grandma who I saw twice a year at most.

It's totally weird because my mom will laugh and tell me I'm acting like my grandfather (who was very loving and loyal, in his awkward quiet (over)protector-provider-buying gifts-but-not-mushy-at-all-can-say-very-blunt-things sort of way) ...but the truth is, sometimes when I talk to my mom, it's just so COMFORTABLE. It's almost like talking to myself sometimes. She just "gets" me...the problem is, though, since our flaws are similar we can clash, and I think with her being an Se dom rather than an Ne dom she's more prone to talking/noise/overt rambunctiousness that I have to get space from.
 

cascadeco

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Although I was never close to either of my parents, in terms of 'bonding' or really having any sort of vulnerable/in-depth conversation, they both provided an extremely stable and safe/dependable environment growing up, of which I feel immensely fortunate.

My father is an ISFJ, and although while growing up he annoyed me greatly (poor dad), I now consider him to be a really, really awesome person. Good heart, and I think it is he who inculcated me with a strong sense of personal accountability/responsibility, and pretty much owning everything I did and telling me I had the strength to push through whatever was hard for me. There were times I wished he would let me crumble, but in retrospect I am glad he did not.

I guess same with my mother, in some ways. They weren't parents who would take over my more difficult tasks that I didn't want to do, they made me do it. lol. I don't think there were THAT many occasions when this was relevant, but one example that comes to mind is when I was a junior in high school, and after 10+ years of taking piano lessons, and never really wanting to take them the entire time, my mom finally let me quit, but made me call my piano teacher (who adored me) and tell her myself. This may not seem like that big of a deal, but having to call this poor older retired music teacher who would have loved to see me major in music, and tell her that I was quitting, was like the worst thing ever, but I didit... I don't think it's that uncommon for a large number of parents to ... kind of coddle their children and do the difficult people-oriented tasks for their kids, or try to prevent the kids from feeling their mistakes (take ownership away from the kids)... which in the end just postpones the kid from actually having to deal with that stuff on their own when they ARE on their own. Don't get me wrong, as a parent it's gotta be hard to watch your kid have to own their mistakes/choices, but... for me I am thankful that my parents did.

Oh, also, just all of the practical things like staying out of debt and knowing basic cooking skills and car maintenance stuff (some of these things I tend to disregard, as I simply don't care, but stuff like Money Management... oh yeah, I am SO glad I had the parents I did w/ regards to that, as I have learned from them and that's important to me too. But I suppose that ties to the responsibility bit as well).

(Mom is an ISTJ and Dad is an ISFJ)
 

Thalassa

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I meant care givers, rather than just parents. Does that clarify?

Oh yes, I understand...and my point was I think I inherited through genetics strong, basic personality traits of my ESFP mother and ExTP father, but developed my lesser functions and other skills (and perhaps over-relying on my tertiary Te at times) because of my grandparents raising me.
 

Chiharu

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My Mom is an ISFJ, my father who I no longer speak to is a vindictive/unhealthy xSTP, and I think it definitely had a big impact on me. My mom is pretty wonderful, and she really worked to ground me in common sense, which isn't always naturally there for me. My older brother is a huge part of my life but hard for me to type... maybe ISFP or INTP.

Despite my father, who wasn't around that much anyway, I have a loving family base in my mother and brother. However, being the only strong N in a family of Ss is tough. As far as my taste in men, being around two SPs has made a good sense of humor a must for me, though my taste is slightly off from my family's. However, seeing my mother and brother at their worst has pretty much ruled out all SJs and most SPs out for me. I love them, but I can't take it. I have this horrid fascination with STPs, but I'm not sure I could ever trust them =(

For better or worst, our family plays a huge role in our expression of type.:shrug:
 

Crescent Fresh

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Ooh, I actually TOTALLY relate to that, though my mom is definitely IxTJ and I'm pretty sure she's INTJ. Same sort of thing, though - she does do a good line in guilt tripping, and I don't think it's deliberately manipulative, but I know that's had some long term effect on me. I am far too open to being manipulated by people in that way.

The problem with my Mom's guilt-tripping is that she didn't repeat any past (tragic) episodes which I'm aware of, but all of these information are completely new to me. She didn't do it on purpose to make me feel bad as she's just trying to share bits of her life with me, though she never knows how much it has affected me, nor I felt I'm entitled to stop her as I do feel sorry for her.

I know it's quite complicated and unfair, but it's just the way it is.
 
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