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  1. #1
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    Default Confused over ENFJ Affection plz HELP!

    Hi Guys,

    I've read alot of ENFJ threads that address how one knows if an ENFJ likes them romantically, and I'm kind of confused. Many posters said things to the effect of "if an ENFJ likes you they will most likely become uncharacteristically tongue-tied or quiet , and perhaps even avoid the object of their affection, for fear of saying something to make the love interest not like them." I also read comments to the effect of "if an ENFJ is interested in you, you've never been more sure of anything in your life!" So I"m confused. Isn't that contradictory? or is it to mean that if an ENFJ is flirting with other people in front of you and avoiding you, you can most certainly be sure that they're interested in you?
    j/k but really--what is it? thanks!

  2. #2
    Senior Member knight's Avatar
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    it sounds like
    they might be more willing to open up to a stranger then someone they care about more cause there is not as much value placed on the relationship then that of the one they are interested in.


    it sound like if they are in a relationship with someone already, they may go out of their way to avoid the person they maybe attracted to and might feign dislike or no interest in them. might act super hyper critical (i dont know about his one)

  3. #3
    Senior Member Soar337's Avatar
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    OOOOH I UNDERSTAND NOW! :'D
    <3

  4. #4
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    I dunno I guess it depends on the specific person of interest? I actually pursued my INFP ex boyfriend . I was at a DnB Club just hanging out in the lounge area and saw him on the other side of the room....I was immediately attracted to him! He looked alone and a little bummed out so I went over to start a conversation (turns out the girl he went with dissed him and he was left alone in a place he was uncomfortable with, the place was not his scene at all), I complimented him on his dreadlocks so we mainly talked about that (I actually wanted to get some locks at the time). Then we parted ways....but then before the night was over I thought to myself, dangit I gotta get his number!!! I like him!!! So I ran around the club looking for him, I guess he was looking for me too. <3 Anyway I found him and got his digits, we went out on a few dates and ended staying together for 4 years . I was very up front with him, maybe it was his vibe...who knows.
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  5. #5
    Senior Member knight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    I dunno I guess it depends on the specific person of interest? I actually pursued my INFP ex boyfriend . I was at a DnB Club just hanging out in the lounge area and saw him on the other side of the room....I was immediately attracted to him! He looked alone and a little bummed out so I went over to start a conversation (turns out the girl he went with dissed him and he was left alone in a place he was uncomfortable with, the place was not his scene at all), I complimented him on his dreadlocks so we mainly talked about that (I actually wanted to get some locks at the time). Then we parted ways....but the before the night was over I thought to myself, dangit I gotta get his number!!! I like him!!! So I ran around the club looking for him, I guess he was looking for me too. <3 Anyway I found him and got his digits, we went out on a few dates and ended staying together for 4 years . I was very up front with him, maybe it was his vibe...who knows.
    your gonna feel what i theorize and project you to feel enfj! :P


    where are all the enfj`s anyway?

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by knight View Post
    your gonna feel what i theorize and project you to feel enfj! :P


    where are all the enfj`s anyway?
    lol You will do as I say....ENFJ POWER! Bam! Just kidding .
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by paddington bear View Post
    Hi Guys,

    I've read alot of ENFJ threads that address how one knows if an ENFJ likes them romantically, and I'm kind of confused. Many posters said things to the effect of "if an ENFJ likes you they will most likely become uncharacteristically tongue-tied or quiet , and perhaps even avoid the object of their affection, for fear of saying something to make the love interest not like them." I also read comments to the effect of "if an ENFJ is interested in you, you've never been more sure of anything in your life!" So I"m confused. Isn't that contradictory? or is it to mean that if an ENFJ is flirting with other people in front of you and avoiding you, you can most certainly be sure that they're interested in you?
    j/k but really--what is it? thanks!
    Oh no... do we really mess with people or something or is that just how it sounds? ...
    I think its impossible to apply an if then kinda statement here bc for myself, everything depends on the situation. Meaning, how I have approached someone I've liked in the past depends on where I am, whats appropriate for the setting, how I feel about myself & where I perceive I am in my personal growth, how I think the other person will compliment me and I him. So for example, if I found someone I was attracted to but had felt depressed for a while or something I might try going to the gym or start some exciting new goal to get me feeling happy about life again. i think that for myself, as an ENFJ, its my worst nightmare to not have anything to offer, reciprocity wise in relationships so I grade myself fairly harshly in this area and if things arent just right I might be stand offish at first until I feel the top of my game. There are other times when I am completely comfortable and approach people from the beginning, although if so then people might get screwed a little bc if I am pursuing you I might be too "stealth" and encourage and find out all the crap about a person real fast and they let their guard down- but if I am observing from afar, I am most likely seeing the positive and plotting how to act and am planning long-term. Of course the option where the person lets their guard down could work just fine too if the person is healthy.

    Its also dangerous if I plot from afar bc I'm good at figuring out how to get what I want and can easily disullusion myself without realizing it and might idealize someone and not see their flaws and then once I'm planning long-term and sweeping them off their feet (haha as much as a chick can, yanno.....) and this can go bad too, if things go bad bc of my lack of grip on reality.

  8. #8
    Senior Member knight's Avatar
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    awe

  9. #9
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post
    Oh no... do we really mess with people or something or is that just how it sounds? ...
    I think its impossible to apply an if then kinda statement here bc for myself, everything depends on the situation. Meaning, how I have approached someone I've liked in the past depends on where I am, whats appropriate for the setting, how I feel about myself & where I perceive I am in my personal growth, how I think the other person will compliment me and I him. So for example, if I found someone I was attracted to but had felt depressed for a while or something I might try going to the gym or start some exciting new goal to get me feeling happy about life again. i think that for myself, as an ENFJ, its my worst nightmare to not have anything to offer, reciprocity wise in relationships so I grade myself fairly harshly in this area and if things arent just right I might be stand offish at first until I feel the top of my game. There are other times when I am completely comfortable and approach people from the beginning, although if so then people might get screwed a little bc if I am pursuing you I might be too "stealth" and encourage and find out all the crap about a person real fast and they let their guard down- but if I am observing from afar, I am most likely seeing the positive and plotting how to act and am planning long-term. Of course the option where the person lets their guard down could work just fine too if the person is healthy.

    Its also dangerous if I plot from afar bc I'm good at figuring out how to get what I want and can easily disullusion myself without realizing it and might idealize someone and not see their flaws and then once I'm planning long-term and sweeping them off their feet (haha as much as a chick can, yanno.....) and this can go bad too, if things go bad bc of my lack of grip on reality.
    This is why ENFJs scare the crap out of me.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    This is why ENFJs scare the crap out of me.
    lolz

    I find this all too true as well unfortunately, "Its also dangerous if I plot from afar bc I'm good at figuring out how to get what I want and can easily disullusion myself without realizing it and might idealize someone and not see their flaws and then once I'm planning long-term and sweeping them off their feet (haha as much as a chick can, yanno.....) and this can go bad too, if things go bad bc of my lack of grip on reality."

    The good news is the people I like usually are quality and help me realize this and ground me. It is still shocking how much I do this in retrospect, and how jarring and suddenly it can flip or end with an AHA! and boom the next day be different.

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