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Thread: ISTP needs help

  1. #1
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    Question ISTP needs help

    I'm a new ISTP member and would like advice from NFs, ENFPs, or those with knowledge about them. It's about an ENFP I know and how to be a good friend to him. Basically, we are attracted to each other but I've decided not to pursue a relationship b/c of significantly differing spiritual beliefs. The ENFP sd:"I would really like to be with you," during a deep conversation one night, and I replied honestly:"I would like to be with you, too," but I later said in that conversation that I didn't think I could ever be with someone who had spiritual beliefs like the ENFP has. It just won't work for me.The ENFP has repeatedly replied that I should keep coming over and hanging out when I ask if it makes it hard on the ENFP. It's hard for me to not to adore the ENFP. What can I do? What would make it easier for you guys? My sister says he'll like to just experience me as a friend. Is this cruel of me to hang out? How do I deal with liking him?

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    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    What are his spiritual beliefs?

    And no, there is nothing wrong, or cruel with you hanging out with him.

    *Also, I have only been in a relationship of significance with an ISTP, and a fellow atheist. For me, I don't think I would be able to romantically jive with a guy who was a believer.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

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    His beliefs:He's an atheist. He doesn't seem to hate being around theists. He actually told me all the girls he's been in relationships with had different beliefs than him, and it wasn't a problem.He said he supported them in their beliefs. I know I don't want to be in a relationship with somebody who doesn't share my beliefs in that, and I won't put him into one of those "If you change your beliefs, I'll be with you" things.


    And no, there is nothing wrong, or cruel with you hanging out with him.
    Whew! I really don't want to hurt him. I really appreciate your talking w/me about it b/c I want to protect him from getting hurt.

    Also, I am worried that (because I like him so much) that I will accidentally find myself flirting with him in the future. Any advice on how to deal with my feelings?

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    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Honestly, it has been my experience/observation that men have very little concern about sharing the same spiritual/religious beliefs with their partners.

    Growing up, a lot of parents, including my own, consisted of fathers who were not religious/believers, and mothers who were.

    If you don't mind my asking, what are your beliefs?
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

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    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    Also, I am worried that (because I like him so much) that I will accidentally find myself flirting with him in the future. Any advice on how to deal with my feelings?
    why, if you like him so much, would you forgo something that could be amazing just because your beliefs don't exactly match? he's not intolerant of your beliefs, so why are you so intolerant of his?

    my opinion is that you WILL flirt with him, and you WILL hurt him. you can't turn off your feelings.

    maybe it's worth examining why you're so threatened by the concept of a relationship with him.

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    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dissonance View Post
    my opinion is that you WILL flirt with him, and you WILL hurt him.
    A bit harsh, no?
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

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    Can anyone see all of my post? It only shows in part on my screen. Here it is:

    I'll just copy what I put as my welcome questionnaire answer:What religion are you? What religion is your family?

    I believe there

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    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    ^huh? confused.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

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    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    A bit harsh, no?
    heh yeah. i've been watching too much house recently

    seriously, though, if you really like someone, it's impossible to act "normal" around them. and when they like you back...well, they'll keep wondering what's stopping something from happening.

    i don't know if i really believe that the difference in spiritual beliefs is really the only reason nanashi doesn't want to be with this dude.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Nameless's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dissonance View Post
    why, if you like him so much, would you forgo something that could be amazing just because your beliefs don't exactly match? he's not intolerant of your beliefs, so why are you so intolerant of his?

    my opinion is that you WILL flirt with him, and you WILL hurt him. you can't turn off your feelings.

    maybe it's worth examining why you're so threatened by the concept of a relationship with him.

    I agree with both CC and dissonance. If he is tolerant enough of your religion to want to be friends and more with you, he will always be respectful of it and will never attack it, so what's the big deal?

    Also I think you will flirt with and hurt him on some level. He may say he just wants to hang out with you as friends, but something always lingers.

    I think the best thing to do if you really want to be friends with him and not hurt him is to wait until he finds another girl to be interested in, then you can hang out with him all day long and it won't hurt his feelings. If the thought of another girl with him bothers you though, then you should get over the religion thing and try him out.

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