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Thread: ISTP needs help

  1. #31
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    lol

  2. #32
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nameless View Post
    you could try this another way. hang out with him a lot, then go party with him. when you've both had a little to drink, you'll both realize just how much you want each other and then you'll hop on, realizing religion doesn't matter.

    seriously, though, CC is right (as usual it seems about these kinds of things) and he is a big boy. if he says to go hang out with him, then go for it, he asked for it. he probably values your friendship enough ( and I can see why if you get along as well as you claim) to put the feelings he has for you aside and just enjoy hanging out with you.

    but don't be surprised if he tries to charm you into changing your mind

    (i was looking for an angel face but didn't find it, and just found that one, which is the COOLEST THING EVER!!!)

    Great post!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    Hah! That's so funny, Nameless, because that's what his roommate, my friend, sd:"when you've both had a little to drink, you'll both realize just how much you want each other and then you'll hop on."

    And then you'll hop on, lol!!!!!!!!!!!
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

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  3. #33
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    That is the coolest thing ever. LOL. I'm glad I got to know you guys. Be aware that I may be coming back to bug you here in NF land.

  4. #34
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    I just don't want to be like my dad (who hurt my mom)--that's been one of the driving forces in my life. That's why I'm pretty hesitant.

    Um, I'd say we hurt each other in my only relationship. I shouldn't have stayed with my boyfriend, but I was young. I met him when I was 15 and stayed with him for 5 years. ISTPs are loyal. We were both immature and wanted to be in a relationship.We were looking at it through rose-colored glasses. We tried to ignore what wasn't working. I finally started to break it off with him b/c he disrespected women so deeply, and I hated that.It was hard for me b/c I felt a misplaced sense of loyalty. He freaked and said he'd change and didn't want to lose me. He proposed to me three days later, and, even though I didn't want to get married 'till I was like 30 or even older, I sd 'yes.' I felt like saying 'yes' was somehow tied up with forgiving him and accepting him. That was a mistake. I went against what was best for both of us b/c I was going along with what he wanted. I was very young relationship-wise at 19. I didn't love him enough.That was wrong of me. I am very ashamed of it. When he sd he'd change, I thought "maybe we can have what I thought was 'meant to be.'" I didn't have good examples of what good relationships were like. Oh, we're not still together btw. He left me 14 months ago.
    sounds like the religion thing is really just an excuse then. you're not over your last relationship.

    the thing is, you're gonna have to be willing to put yourself out there again at some point. obviously you don't want to just go through life without trying again with another guy. if you stay in this mindset, you'll be able to find flaws in EVERY guy you meet.

    either
    a) you just need some more time to get over your last bf, and you're not ready for a relationship
    b) you are ready for one, but you're scared

    in case a, here's what i see happening. you want this new dude, but you don't. you hang with him, you get comfortable, you let your guard down, you send signals, he sends signals back, you freak. repeat. add drinks/time = you hook up. it's nice, but you freak again. you stay in a weird limbo period until someone gets hurt enough to put a stop to things, taking the friendship away too.

    case b: you hang, you get comfortable, he pushes you a bit, you give in, it's nice, you freak, he convinces you it's fine, you freak a little more and make excuses like religion, he pushes back, you fall into a relationship, and you're happy.

    sorry i'm kind of a pessimist... (but i've been in both scenarios)

  5. #35
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    sounds like the religion thing is really just an excuse then. (I stand strongly by my conclusion that it wouldn't work. My original post was asking for ways not to hurt him while we're friends. You remind me so much of my INFJ friend. She's great.) you're not over your last relationship.(I'm new to the relationship game, but I'm confident I'm over that dude. We were not exceptionally compatible. What's to get over? When he left me, he stopped treating me badly. I felt worse about our relationship dissolving b/c I felt it was disloyal than about missing him personally.)

    the thing is, you're gonna have to be willing to put yourself out there again at some point. (It's insightful of you to notice that I'm wary.I agree. You are absolutely right that I'll have to put myself out there) obviously you don't want to just go through life without trying again with another guy. if you stay in this mindset, you'll be able to find flaws in EVERY guy you meet.(I was just hoping to find differences we could both live with)

    either
    a) you just need some more time to get over your last bf, and you're not ready for a relationship (I'm definitely over him. I don't know how long 'till I'll be ready to be in a relationship. I know some ISTPs don't get serious about them until much later in life, and I want to be serious, but I can't help thinking it'd be great to be with an actually nice guy now.)
    b) you are ready for one, but you're scared (I'm certainly scared, but I don't know if I'm ready.)

    in case a, here's what i see happening. you want this new dude, but you don't. you hang with him, you get comfortable, you let your guard down, you send signals, he sends signals back, you freak. repeat. add drinks/time = you hook up. it's nice, but you freak again. you stay in a weird limbo period until someone gets hurt enough to put a stop to things, taking the friendship away too. (That would be crappy.That's why I decided to just be friends with him.)

    case b: you hang, you get comfortable, he pushes you a bit, you give in, it's nice, you freak, he convinces you it's fine, you freak a little more and make excuses like religion, he pushes back, you fall into a relationship, and you're happy.Is there any chance we could just hang without one of us or both of us pushing for a romance?

    sorry i'm kind of a pessimist... I can be one, too.(but i've been in both scenarios) (I'm sorry)

  6. #36
    Senior Member Nameless's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    sounds like the religion thing is really just an excuse then. (I stand strongly by my conclusion that it wouldn't work. My original post was asking for ways not to hurt him while we're friends. You remind me so much of my INFJ friend. She's great.) you're not over your last relationship.(I'm new to the relationship game, but I'm confident I'm over that dude. We were not exceptionally compatible. What's to get over? When he left me, he stopped treating me badly. I felt worse about our relationship dissolving b/c I felt it was disloyal than about missing him personally.)

    the thing is, you're gonna have to be willing to put yourself out there again at some point. (It's insightful of you to notice that I'm wary.I agree. You are absolutely right that I'll have to put myself out there) obviously you don't want to just go through life without trying again with another guy. if you stay in this mindset, you'll be able to find flaws in EVERY guy you meet.(I was just hoping to find differences we could both live with)

    either
    a) you just need some more time to get over your last bf, and you're not ready for a relationship (I'm definitely over him. I don't know how long 'till I'll be ready to be in a relationship. I know some ISTPs don't get serious about them until much later in life, and I want to be serious, but I can't help thinking it'd be great to be with an actually nice guy now.)
    b) you are ready for one, but you're scared (I'm certainly scared, but I don't know if I'm ready.)

    in case a, here's what i see happening. you want this new dude, but you don't. you hang with him, you get comfortable, you let your guard down, you send signals, he sends signals back, you freak. repeat. add drinks/time = you hook up. it's nice, but you freak again. you stay in a weird limbo period until someone gets hurt enough to put a stop to things, taking the friendship away too. (That would be crappy.That's why I decided to just be friends with him.)

    case b: you hang, you get comfortable, he pushes you a bit, you give in, it's nice, you freak, he convinces you it's fine, you freak a little more and make excuses like religion, he pushes back, you fall into a relationship, and you're happy.Is there any chance we could just hang without one of us or both of us pushing for a romance?

    sorry i'm kind of a pessimist... I can be one, too.(but i've been in both scenarios) (I'm sorry)
    eventually there is, but I think for a while at least one of you would push for it. I think there was a thread about this a little while ago...how guys and girls can never really just be friends

  7. #37
    Senior Member Nameless's Avatar
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    whoa, that was bigger than I thought...

  8. #38
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    Is there any chance we could just hang without one of us or both of us pushing for a romance?
    i doubt it. i mean, maybe you guys won't be consciously pushing, but the tension will be there. and it won't go away unless something drastically changes.

    it's not gonna be a friendship like the rest of your friendships, that's for sure.


    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    (but i've been in both scenarios) (I'm sorry)
    sure you're an ISTP? lol, jk.

  9. #39
    The Destroyer Colors's Avatar
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    I agree somewhat with dissonance. It sounds like you're afraid of it not working out with the ENFP- because of your previous relationship and your father- but you're young! You've been in one relationship! No two people are 100% similar- and in this case, you've decided that it's the theist/atheist thing. You're going to have to get back on the horse sometime.

    It's one thing to forego getting into a thing with the ENFP because you're not ready, or you're just into him as a friend. But not wanting to become your father? The way you don't become your father is by trying and working through problems that will come up in relationships in a healthy way, not by avoiding them altogether!

    If you decide to not start anything, I guess your best bet would be to stay away a little until the moment passes (but I am not stellar at this sort of thing).

  10. #40
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    it seems like youre overanalyzing the situation and creating problems that havent actually embodied themself in some way.

    from my experience, when it comes to two people of different beliefs getting along, the delimiting factor is often the more religious of the two... teaching others what they consider to be the truth is a foundation element of many religions, while the same isnt true of atheism or agnosticism (past simply wanting to convince others that youre right)

    you need to consider a few things... first off, if difference in beliefs is going to ever be an issue, it is probably going to be due to you (for the above reasons)

    secondly, you should consider how important it really is to have the same beliefs as someone. in my opinion, allowing one's interpretations of the metaphysical to affect the physical is moronic. it's one thing to conclude something where you really cant, its entirely worse to actually let that affect how you act in the real, tangible world. that is just my viewpoint on it... i really do think it is stupid to not do something that makes you happy due to considerations of that which can have no tangible consequence.

    past that, youre out of luck. you cant have your cake and eat it too.

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