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Thread: When feelings get in the way of movies or music....

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Santosha's Avatar
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    Feb 2011
    6 sx
    iNfp Ni

    Default When feelings get in the way of movies or music....

    Seeking input from NF's, especially NFP's (Fi)

    I have been wondering if a personal (issue?) is at all type related...
    For the last few years, (26+ it seems) I've become quite sensitive to "dark" or "hurtful" movies and music. It sounds ridiculous, I know! From the time I was a young kid, to atleast 25 yrs, there wasn't a move out there that REALLY bothered me. Not on a deep level anyway. Infact, I was known to laugh through flicks like 'The Exorcist' or "Devils Rejects' etc. I also used to jam out to bands like NIN, Radiohead, Porishead, etc. But I've noticed a change as I've gotten older. I've found an *extreme* sensitivity to dark movies or at times.. depressing music.. to the extent that I will flat out refuse to watch or listen to some of it. Everyone that knows me thinks its crazy, because Its so different from how I used to be.. and I am at a loss for why this new found sensitivity has occured. It's not that I can't tolerate depth, or value a movie for knowledge/historical/artistic purposes.. but when I watch dark movies now, I just feel icky. Especially movies with scenes involving torture, rape, murder, senseless injury, emotional abuse, yada-yada. This creates somewhat of a conflict in my relationship, because my guy is very attracted to the darker or harsher aspects of life. We get into a movie fight atleast once a month. =/ Usually I leave him alone to watch the stuff he likes (Full Medal Jacket, Midnight Express) and I watch more upbeat movies.. comedy, romance, some drama, and occasinally horror (but only totally unrealistic horror- which I find funny at times.) Same thing goes for music.. he always wants to listen to dark or harsh music, and it just brings me down. For a long time now I have tried to balance this.. he gets his dark or sad movie, I get my fluffy comedy. He gets a radio head song, I get an Alexi Murdoch song =) The music isn't quite as bad as the movies. The discomfort seems to come from too much identification with what is going on. Not that its happened to me, but that I put myself in the charactors shoes soooo well, that it's not simply observing anymore. I FEEL it. At the same time, context seems to be make or break it for me. For instance, just today we watched that old movie 'Whats eating Gilbert Grape?' and my guy thought it was really fucked up. But it didn't bother me in the least. I mean, it was sad.. but it was an accurate potrayal of human experience.. and no one in the movie was out to really *hurt* anyone else. You've got the 500lb shut-in mom, the retarde brother, the angry younger sister, the over responsible older sister, etc.. I found all the charactors to be, if anything, comical in that 'this is real life' way. I purposely rented that move 'Precious' knowing that I would probably bawl all the way through it.. and ya it made me feel like 'WTF is wrong with the world!* but I also walked away feeling like a story like that deserved to be known.

    I'm just wondering if any of you NF's relate, at all, to this? Do you find yourself overly sensitive to movies or music?
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  2. #2
    No Array Thalassa's Avatar
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    May 2009
    6w7 sx
    SEE Fi

    Default, well I don't want to watch extreme horror torture porn all day long, but I don't see that as a weakness, I see it as sane. My mood is affected by music and film, at some times more than others, and I don't see it as a problem, usually. If I know I'm not in a mood to watch some heavy drama (like 'Precious') I just watch something else, and then come back and watch that movie when I'm in the right frame of mind for it.

    I love horror, though, I think stuff like the Exorcist and the Shining are beautiful films, and I tend to be kind of a horror snob in that I don't really like "torture porn"...both for the reasons you mentioned (I am sensitive to scenes of human or animal torture) ...and because shit like that often doesn't have enough of a plot to hold my attention.

    There are exceptions to my lack of interest in films with torture scenes, though, like the French film Martyrs...which was an excellent film, but I wouldn't sit around watching it all of the time because it's so "heavy."

    On the other hand, I can watch other things with a dark underlying vibe over and over again. I love the Russian film "4," I think I've seen it a good five times in the past few months. It's not horror, though.

    I think that feeling of "identification" comes from Fi, honestly. And it's why I specifically don't like torture porn, but can watch other types of horror that is more psychological or supernatural with no problems at all.

    I'm actually more disturbed by extremely gritty, sad, realistic dramas than I am by most horror movies.
    "Sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul." - Edward Abbey

    SEE-Fi /Gamma

  3. #3
    Senior Member Array animenagai's Avatar
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    Aug 2008


    I dodge the dark themes because I really connect with something like that. I can't just watch something and laugh about how fucked up it is. I don't really go watch horrors or tragedies intentionally as a result. However, if I walk into a cinema etc. not knowing that it's a full blown emotional roller coaster and it ends up doing things to me, I actually quite like it. Maybe not in the same way I would enjoy an afternoon of Monty Python, but I appreciate the fact that it can move me. It takes skill to do that. Some of my favorite songs for example are powerful, emotional things. I also enjoy a good chick flick that makes me cry. In short, I understand where you're coming from but I don't avoid these themes like the plague or anything.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  4. #4
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    Aug 2009


    The last movie that screwed my mind was Black Swan.

    Yes, I'm sensitive to music, too. More upbeat music for me, or those that allows you to chill. My younger sister likes this new single by Eminem...forgot the title... I have to escape from it by putting on my headphones and blast the uppity-uppy-up music.

  5. #5


    I love the dark stuff. I watch pretty much any decent war movie that comes out. I recently watched a bunch of old zombie flicks, everything from tongue-in-cheek movies like Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland to darker fare like 28 Days After, 28 Weeks After, Planet Terror/Grindhouse, and the Resident Evil series. I enjoyed the Saw movies until the premise got old. And so on.

    Ideally, I prefer a little class or smartness with the ultraviolence, as in movies like Pulp Fiction, A Clockwork Orange, or Platoon. Those kinds of movies are pretty much my all-time favorites. But I don't mind checking out the kind of movies I listed in the first paragraph if they have gotten middling or better reviews from the critics and audiences. In the case of the gory stuff I'm 100 percent aware throughout the viewing that it's just a silly movie, and I watch it to admire the craft and the imagination--some of them are thoughtfully done.

  6. #6
    Let me count the ways Array HelenOfTroy's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    7W6 sp/sx


    I can't watch psych thrillers or supernatural films. Even "IT" scared me.
    I avoid t.v for two (main) reasons, firstly the advertising and secondly because i become absorbed in what ever is on, i get sucked in.
    I do react emotionally to films and music. I avoid depressing music esp things like death/doom metal because well they make me feel almost suicidal.
    I sometimes love watching a good tradegy esp if i think i need a good cry. Gone with the wind works everytime and is one of my all time favourites.
    I can't watch films with rape scenes because i find them too offensive and i had to turn off city of god the first time i watched it because it felt too brutal.
    Anyway i'm rambling.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  7. #7
    Lay the coin on my tongue Array SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    6w5 sp/sx


    Sometimes I love watching sad films, but they're more likely to be epic/tragic. I don't go there with horror films. I also know that there are times when it's better for me to not watch really sad films.

    One way I relate to your post is regarding sad music. I used to love sad music, beautiful and sad. I don't really do "beautiful and sad" any more, or if I do, it has to be loud at the same time... I attribute that to having my heart broken several years ago. It seemed as though after that, I put the sad, wistful ballads and that sort of thing in a box and I've never really taken them out again. My tastes just seem to be getting louder and louder and more metal-y. It's not as though I didn't get over that person years ago, but I think generally that type of music reminds me of feelings that I would rather forget. I actually tend to get either irritated or bored by sad, quiet, soft music (although I would exempt classical music from that description). Sometimes I wonder if it's healthy, because I'm pretty sure I did put some stuff in a box, emotionally/mentally.
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


  8. #8
    Senior Member Array flameskull95's Avatar
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    Jun 2009


    I'm a INFP - The sociopath

    I think I'm either a 4w5, 4w3, 6w5 or 9w1. Most possibly 4w5.

    Feeling FiNe

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